Insider or Outsider?

[Ropebunny]

That I’ve been sitting on replying to this for over a week now probably means that I fall, at least at this time group, as an outsider. I remember a time (some time ago) when I felt differently, when I was also very different, as was the world (and also the BDSM world). I was kinky - that I knew - but I had little to no understanding of how to successfully make that a functional and healthy part of my life, instead of the perverse yet fantastical depths my unfulfilled desires would sink to. I needed help.

I got it here. I read about all the ways people fit BDSM into their lives and realised no one gives a shit what I do as long as I don’t shove it in their face. That (thank you to Stellas essay and many other philosophical conversations) the labels don’t really matter, that we shift and grow over time and that I could open every door and try what was inside - without shame - if I so chose. Those lessons are also useful absolutely everywhere, and are an indelible gift this place has given me that I will always be grateful for. As life got busier and more rich as a result of these lessons I drifted away from the board but I lurk at times when I need to, when I need the presence of a community that gets this part of me. Whether this is still the group where those sorts of realisations are facilitated, I don’t know. I certainly hope so, because there are a lot of lost people out there needing a space to grow.

What I’ve also learnt since that time, about groups and inclusion is that it takes vulnerability, introspection and commitment. If one of those three is missing you will only ever achieve a limited level of group functioning. That’s not to say that this is bad, or wrong - only that certain needs and emotions can’t be adequately expressed or worked through. A certain level of detachment is present between members which impedes on levels of communication. Levels of functionality fluctuate over time but often closely mirrors both the expertise and engagement levels of the participants. Belonging is something that requires regular, genuine and emotional involvement and in the chaos of modern life where time, money and a clear head are precious few commodities we all have less to give. I can’t ask anyone to give what I cannnot, and at the moment I’m too weak to give more of myself away. The best I can do is pop in every now and then for an epic, emotional blurt. It’s where I am right now and I’m making peace with that.

So yeah, some shit to think about. Every person that comes to this board has a relationship with the board itself and the people here. Sit with it and see what it means to you. Make a change if it feels right. That’s all we can do.

 

[Ashesh9]

Mostly I Write Spanking Poems Both Erotic/audio As Well As Illustrated. I Also Peep Into Amateur Pics Secshun' Of Bulletin As Well As Bdsm Chatter From Time To Time . Sometimes I Leave A Comment

 

[obelus825]

My account was only activated today, so very much an outsider, though I hope that is a temporary state.

 

[obelus825]

Welcome.

Much obliged.

 

[PrettyLilPussy19]

I do. I daresay PLP does. I’m surprised cookie does not.

I would need a definition. I wouldn't label myself that way really. I don't know any insider knowledge. I don't know most of the people who post. I don't have an expert knowledge of bdsm.

All I have is a curious mind and an enjoyment of making welcoming spaces.

I really don't think on this board there are really any inside groups anymore. It's just a group of people with open minds, un dramatic ways, and an appreciation of similar things.

 

[Acktion]

I think it’s because you’re a draw. You make this place more active. Lit, as a whole, a better place.

Not to mention she is absolutely adorable the way she blushes and gets all squirmy when someone gives her a compliment that is just plain truth.

But, that may just be the Sadist in me talking.

 

[PrettyLilPussy19]

Alright alright, everyone calm down.

Here's a question.

Do you want to be an insider??

 

[ToPleaseHim]

I think it’s because you’re a draw. You make this place more active. Lit, as a whole, a better place.

Fata is spot on with regards to PLP. She’s not alone in this, but she is definitely one who makes Lit a better place.

 

[Acktion]

Alright alright, everyone calm down.

Here's a question.

Do you want to be an insider??

Well, you are.

Any road, as to your question, abso-fuckin'-lutely not!

Alright, so I know I've perhaps got a little bit of a skewed perspective. For me who self-identifies as "something-other-than-submissive," I feel a keen sense of responsibility. It's more than just play for me. It is... has been, quite literally... experiencing someone putting their very life in my hands. And as... whatever on the capitalized side of the slash, it was just never in the cards for me to feel like anything could be anything other than my fault.

So, when it comes to these boards... I can only address anything from the perspective of someone on the capitalized side of the slash-mark.

(And before Honey gets her knickers in a twist again, I would just reiterate my explanation that I am not always the same thing for every submissive that comes down the pike. Any more than they have all been the same. So, I stand by my assertion that, while I'm not always This, it has historically been Some Label.)

And that kind of dovetails with that sense of responsibility that I feel as the Dominant partner of the relationships I've been in. Because, looked at in a certain light, responding to a question someone asks is entering into a Dominant relationship of a sort, for the duration of the answer. I am, basically, presenting myself as An Authority on this, that, or the other thing. And I feel, very poignantly (depending on the topic), that I may be once more taking someone's life in my hands, whether literally or figuratively.

And I've learned the hard way to be very, very, very careful just what I present and what I present as. (Not to mention, to whom.)

***shrug***

Oh, there was a time when I wasn't as careful as I should have been (in retrospect) in my hunger for human interaction. And a desire to be viewed as "A Cool Kid" and one in the know.

And my inbox blew the fuck up with Insta-subs in a frenzy resembling piranha. Not, I admit, that I discouraged them, locked in my own Dom-frenzy as they would come, cum, and go.

These days, I've got myself under control again. (And all the submissive I have any desire to try to handle before my inbox explodes once more.)

I've got a few (a very few) that I give a fuck about and will check up on to see how they are doing (as friends). And even that is extremely rare it will be via PM rather than just scanning their posts to make sure they aren't nose deep in some shit.

And sometimes in my lurking (and yes Fara, I do lurk far more than I post by a large margin), I will see something that I just can't quite seem to keep my fingers braided. But, just have to answer.

But, I've never been the kind to need or want a wide circle of friends (except for the aforementioned Dom-frenzy when I lost my ever-lovin' mind). The way I figure it, the more I have, the less time I get to spend with the important ones. And the more likely the important ones will not understand they are important and begin drifting away.

I have sort of the inverse problem from Mark Twain. I have a tendency to worry about and try to take care of people who haven't made me their priority too easily. And the only way I know to control that is to limit the number of people I allow to move from the "acquaintance" circle to "friend," much less any deeper.

And in the obverse of Fara (and I'm still chuckling about "Fata" and her response), I neither need nor want to know what is going on for the overwhelming majority of people beyond their public posts. 'Cause if I knew, I might be moved to try to do somethin' about it. And if I get too busy tryin' to do somethin' about too many people's issues, then I might not be available to tend to the issues of Me and Mine.

Last, but definitely not least, while I was growing up, my little sister was a popular girl. Cheerleader. Beauty Queen. Model. You get the idea. Social butterfly extraordinaire. (Still is actually.) And her social calendar wore me flat the fuck out.

I mean, seriously, would five fucking minutes without the phone or doorbell ringing have been too damn much to ask?!

And that is what "insider" smells like to me. Too many people, too much responsibility, and not enough time.

No thanks. Hard pass. I'll just stick to being the somewhat goofy fringe dweller who pops my head up when I feel like it and otherwise slips right on out the backdoor while the gaggle is pressing their noses (or some part of their anatomy) against the front.

 

[Acktion]

Oh, and for the record, I also don't see how in the Seven Hells cookiecat could be anything other than an insider. I mean, come on. If you aren't sitting at the cookie table, how can you even remotely think you've "made it?" If that isn't a right of passage, to have the wise kitten brushing the cookie crumbs from her whiskers to settle your ass down, then it by golly gosh oughta be.

So there.

 

[midwestyankee]

So I guess this raises the question: does anyone consider themself an insider?

Not any longer though there was a time when I existed in an outer ring of the inner circle, if that makes any sense. Now I'm more like the guy who lives down the road from Ted Kazinski's cabin who wanders into town every few weeks for vittles and a bath at the saloon.

 

[Wild_Honey_66]

I feel like a retired insider. I'm cool with that.

 

[Wild_Honey_66]

Fata is spot on with regards to PLP. She’s not alone in this, but she is definitely one who makes Lit a better place.

I didn't realize Fata and PLP were acquainted.

 

[midwestyankee]

Fata is getting Fata.

If you know what I’m sayin’.

I'm part way to putting on my COVID 19, how about you? I'm thinking. I assume the food scientists are right when they say that much of the flavor in our food comes from fat. Seems logical then that to cut down on the fat in my pizza ration I'll just have to sacrifice the flavor. I might need to switch to NY style pizza to shave some calories from my intake.

 

[seela]

I'm part way to putting on my COVID 19, how about you? I'm thinking. I assume the food scientists are right when they say that much of the flavor in our food comes from fat. Seems logical then that to cut down on the fat in my pizza ration I'll just have to sacrifice the flavor. I might need to switch to NY style pizza to shave some calories from my intake.

Please, don't start another pizza war! I don't think the board can survive it. The herd is thin now. (not enough deep dish?)

Signed,
Lover of all pizza

 

[Acktion]

****ears perk up****

Did someone say pizza?

 

[midwestyankee]

You say this, seela, and just look what Ack posts!!!

Fie!!!

And your point is?

 

[PrettyLilPussy19]

<<< is having pineapple on pizza tonight

 

[ErosMyMuse]

<<< is having pineapple on pizza tonight

PLP ...you read my mind!
Piinneeaappllee_on_ppiiizzzaaa!!!

 

[PrettyLilPussy19]

PLP ...you read my mind!
Piinneeaappllee_on_ppiiizzzaaa!!!

It's so yum!!

 

[ToPleaseHim]

You just called me FAT!

Oof! My phone still defaults to GB, lol. Fata is a lovely person, and I usually catch it when my phone autocorrects your name to hers.

 

[Wild_Honey_66]

Oof! My phone still defaults to GB, lol. Fata is a lovely person, and I usually catch it when my phone autocorrects your name to hers.

She is.

It's a complement, Fara!

 

[ErosMyMuse]

It's so yum!!

MMmmm... I got mine, PLP. Did you get sum too???

 

[midwestyankee]

You like pineapple on pizza?

Yes, ever since 1974 when I had it for the first time.

 

[ToPleaseHim]

It's so yum!!

Yes, ever since 1974 when I had it for the first time.

Pineapple on pizza is delicious! I never understand all of the hate.