Online Domination/submission

[Hickinurpoll]

What do you BDSM fans think about this type of "play"? When there is no physical contact ie spanking or sex, the connection is purely mental. In my opinion, it takes a more intense effort for a submissive to follow the instructions of a distant dominant than to hold himself/herself in position while the dominant applies the whip or clamps etc.

People with Distant dominant has own set goal capacity and winning minded.

 

[supercollider00]

Thanks for creating this thread. At one point I tried a BDSM relationship online, only I don't think I built up a lot of trust with that person in order to develop it further. Trust is extremely important, especially if it's online. It takes awhile before you find the person you feel comfortable with and can open up too about things. I've had a few Dom's who demanded things from me right off from the start and it scared me off because I barely knew them. Within almost minutes of meeting me, they demanded things of me and expected me to follow there orders. Guess it works for everything different, I just know I need to feel comfortable with that person. That's important to me. If I don't feel completely comfortable with them, I will end up getting scared off. This is just my experience though and I think everyone's is different.

This is my experience as well as a sub. If someone tries to dom me right off the bat, it makes me very skeptical. We wouldn't do that in person, why should it be acceptable online? Comfort and trust are so incredibly important in a D/s dynamic. Also, if you get to know the person much better I would think it's much easier to challenge them and press their buttons in an erotic way. Additionally, the psychological aspect of D/s, especially online, is of utmost importance to me. That can't be forced, it takes time.

 

[Brutal_One]

This is my experience as well as a sub. If someone tries to dom me right off the bat, it makes me very skeptical. We wouldn't do that in person, why should it be acceptable online? Comfort and trust are so incredibly important in a D/s dynamic. Also, if you get to know the person much better I would think it's much easier to challenge them and press their buttons in an erotic way. Additionally, the psychological aspect of D/s, especially online, is of utmost importance to me. That can't be forced, it takes time.

It’s nice to hear this from a sub’s perspective and totally agree. It’s unusual though maybe if the potential sub imitated the first contact e.g. with a pm and the Dom can from the outset make it clear from his perspective that he can try and help develop a deeper understanding of what the sub’s motivation is before assuming that it’s game on. It should really take a decent few ‘feelers’ from both sides to discover that they are on the same page and it’s not just a fantasy thing that probably a decent well written story provides potentially. I guess if it fizzles after a very short time at least one party and probably the initial contact initiator did not really understand what they were asking for. At the very beginning making it clear that communication, honesty and respect should be clear between both parties. Any 3 breaks in these for whatever reason can kill it. That I guess and the fourth one fear. (As a reason but not something you would expect to have to discuss in the very early stages as the first 3 cover it.

 

[cookiecat]

I've gotta agree with Cookiecat. I found myself widowed after nearly 30 years with the same man, and we'd had a very active sex life up until about 4 hours before his death. Suddenly I found myself 3 months widowed, and along with the expected tears, fears and being broke, this was longer than I'd gone without sex since I was 18. I mean I played with myself and that relieved a bit of the stress and tension but not enough.

Something no one talks about on "widow/widower" sites is missing the sex. Missing the person, the hugs, their voice, yes. Missing the sex, no. Social media was also unknown to me. So, I got into Facebook and eventually a BDSM site but at 18 months widowed, while I'd had a few online relationships that lasted months, and it was better than playing alone (for the most part),
Virtual just wasn't enough. And while talk of actually meeting up had occurred in my online relationships, none of it ever came to fruition.

Finally, after I was left feeling somewhat abandoned by my new online Dom, I accepted the offer of dinner date with a man I met online. Now, he wasn't from a BDSM site and we'd never played or even discussed sex. Long story short, the night ended in me narrowly escaping being raped. And yet I still wanted, needed real sex, just with someone of MY choosing, WITH MY CONSENT.

Shortly thereafter I met a Dom online and we started talking. And flirting. And sharing. It wasn't more than a month before I found myself driving the 5 hours it would take to reach him. In the weeks before, during our talks, I discovered we had much the same ideas about sex, he was widowed just weeks before me and along with being intelligent, he had good taste in music. But to be honest, it was mostly the sex. I decided that I wanted him and online was NOT enough. So I asked him what he'd do if I showed up on his doorstep and I REALLY liked his answer. I told him I was, in fact coming to him, to be fucked, to be used however he wanted, and I did just that. And it was a mindblowing few days where expectations that had built up online were not only met, but surpassed. Sexually satiated for the first time in over a year and a half, a strange thing happened, I fell in love.

To get back on topic, I've made the five hour drive many times now as we are nearing the 1 year mark in our relationship. And while we play virtually most every day and he's quite adept at making me cum and cum hard, online. I find the virtual sex is like bread and water. It keeps me going until the next time I feel his hands upon my flesh, the breath of his voice causing my skin to pebble in goosebumps. I have found, that for me, online just isn't enough.

Thanks for sharing this, Dardesstra. I was widowed 2.5 years ago. We were only together 6 years - one online, the rest in person. 30 years! My heart aches for you! That being said, your post makes me happy and hopeful.

 

[Lady2020]

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[LadyClaire]

I’ve dommed a few people remotely (both guys and girls). I’d love to Dom a couple... just think of all fun you could have!

 

[BHughes]

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[DomRake]

I'm experienced in bdsm but only IRL. I'm starting an online relationship and am looking for guidance. For those of you who are in a bdsm relationship how does it work for you? How do you go about it? Doms what to you order your subs to do? subs what do your Doms ask you to do?

 

[Dreadnort]

As a Dom you can assign tasks and ask your sub to provide image or video evidence to show their completion. Orgasm control, or even bladder control, can be great fun. Asking a sub to wear particular clothing which you have selected is fun. I enjoy particularly body writing. Asking a sub to brand themselves with your initial by writing it somewhere intimate in felt pen each day.

 

[DomRake]

Thank you for the suggestions.

 

[Aussieguy8]

It's quite an interesting change. I'm quite a big guy (6'5") and it was a little bit of a shock at first about how much I had to up my game when not relying on my physicality. Still some partners who loved sexting and being controlled at a distance later and it added some new arrows to my quiver for sure.

 

[Xenaqueen]

I never thought I would like it, but here I am two years later with an online Dom. And I love it!! To be guided by online and voice makes orgasm many times!

 

[Inthelastrow]

I entered a D/s relationship as a sub to a younger woman (yes I know she is a woman) almost six months ago. We entered it after texting for several weeks on an entirely different subject when I asked her if she had any Dom tendencies. Since then we have exchanged info, pics, etc. She gives me daily and weekly tasks that I respond to. For me it's a lot of fun. I enjoy doing things for her, fulfilling her demands. Some of her tasks are tedious but she is clever and thoughtful and there is energy between us. I enjoy seeing her texts, emails, etc. and what's next.

 

[9to5]

sounds fun. what kind of tasks do you get?

 

[DomRake]

Yes, inquiring minds would like to know.

 

[swansong1]

I’ve dommed a few people remotely (both guys and girls). I’d love to Dom a couple... just think of all fun you could have!

I’ve been kept denied for weeks on-line, purely through will-power, and for the amusement of my Domme. It was tough, but my reward was hearing and experiencing how much SHE enjoyed it, and having her enjoying ramping up my frustration! It’s hard, but something I need, and miss. I would LOVE to find another woman who’d enjoy filing that role again!!!

 

[Servileone13]

I served a Domme for years through snail mail and landlines long before the internet was a thing. I was a total newbie to it all and she took her time, small tasks at first, lessons in things from a female perspective if you will. It took great trust on both ends to keep it going for so long. I had to provide detailed and very descriptive, hand written, accounts to her. She said she could tell from my wirings whether I had performed or not, deserved a reward or punishment. This all took time which only added to the connection. Unfortunately we lost touch, and I have been trying to replicate that dynamic since. I don't doubt that it's out there but the internet seems to be more about instant gratification and money, money, money which makes it very difficult

 

[spawnofdavey]

I've recently experienced online D/s and I didn't think I could have so much fun online.

I'm not hugely experienced as a Dom, so any tips or suggestions for tasks would be greatly appreciated.

 

[amx99]

yea mind control is good , humiliation, dirty talk and some rolplay around submission

 

[HarleyQuim]

What do you BDSM fans think about this type of "play"? When there is no physical contact ie spanking or sex, the connection is purely mental. In my opinion, it takes a more intense effort for a submissive to follow the instructions of a distant dominant than to hold himself/herself in position while the dominant applies the whip or clamps etc.

It’s not the best but it can be hard to find wonderful people who like doing horrible things to you irl. So you take what you can get.

 

[dreamer109]

A mwm whose wife is very vanilla. I am submissive but she has no interest would love to have an online domme.

 

[Cruelsmile5]

Online play can be very fulfilling, but it involves taking the time to get to know each other well, build a relationship and trust. It can be exceptionally hot if the right chemistry is there.

 

[spawnofdavey]

Online play can be very fulfilling, but it involves taking the time to get to know each other well, build a relationship and trust. It can be exceptionally hot if the right chemistry is there.

I couldn't agree more.