Fantasy you vs. Real you....where do you draw the line?

[blulilacgrl]

So it's the internet and there is a good bit of anonymity to be had but how far do you let that go? Are you comfortable with people you are chatting with creating a fantasy of you? Or do you insist on keeping it 100% real? Or do you fall somewhere in the middle? And if so where do you draw the line?

I think I fall somewhere in the middle. If the person I'm chatting with wants to think I'm sweet and kind and all that. Meh. I'll let them. I figure it will all come out at some point. I will usually make an initial disclaimer but if they want to continue believing what they believe... okay.

However I'm not that way when it comes to my physical features. For example, I will be very clear about the fact that I am fat. By every objective measurement I am what I am and I won't let someone even remotely skate over that with comments like "oh I'm sure you're not as fat as you think you are" or "well you don't look fat in your pictures".

So what about y'all? How do you handle it when someone has an image of you that isn't real at all? Do you let it ride or shut it down?

 

[Cyberbella]

I'm very real. Probably too real in fact. I am just as sarcastic and blunt in real life as I am on here. The only problem I have with your comments is the fact you call yourself fat. I'm sure that others have a problem with that terminology too. First of all you're not being very kind to yourself and although I'm not a size 0 myself, curves are sexy! There are men that think curves are sexy as well. I'm sure many would not think you're "fat" at all.

 

[*Twisted*]

I'm like Cyberbella, I'm pretty much me, here or off the internet.

 

[shmily]

pretty real here and in RL. Though I have to tame it down in RL - some wouldn't know how to handle me!

 

[blulilacgrl]

I'm very real. Probably too real in fact. I am just as sarcastic and blunt in real life as I am on here. The only problem I have with your comments is the fact you call yourself fat. I'm sure that others have a problem with that terminology too. First of all you're not being very kind to yourself and although I'm not a size 0 myself, curves are sexy! There are men that think curves are sexy as well. I'm sure many would not think you're "fat" at all.

Okay. Good point. "Fat" sounds harsh, I guess. I just can't think of a better term. I don't feel curvy. I feel fat. Lol.

The medical term would be obese. So I kinda feel like I'm giving in a little to say fat. And maybe it's because I don't like it. I've worked hard on accepting it. On making peace with it while I work to get healthier. I've accepted that I will never be a size 0 or hell even a size 10. I have broad shoulders, big boobs, wide hips, but sadly no ass. Lol.

 

[blulilacgrl]

I'm like Cyberbella, I'm pretty much me, here or off the internet.

pretty real here and in RL. Though I have to tame it down in RL - some wouldn't know how to handle me!

Do you let others fantasize about you though? Or do you feel the need to correct them?

 

[Cyberbella]

Okay. Good point. "Fat" sounds harsh, I guess. I just can't think of a better term. I don't feel curvy. I feel fat. Lol.

The medical term would be obese. So I kinda feel like I'm giving in a little to say fat. And maybe it's because I don't like it. I've worked hard on accepting it. On making peace with it while I work to get healthier. I've accepted that I will never be a size 0 or hell even a size 10. I have broad shoulders, big boobs, wide hips, but sadly no ass. Lol.

OMG are you my twin sister? lol I'm currently working on it now. I've lost over 20 lbs. In my 30s I lost over 80, but I gained it all back due to stress at work. Just take it one day at a time. You have to find the good in yourself at some point and I know I sound like I'm coaching you, but seriously you have to learn to love yourself... no matter what size you are.

 

[Deacon_Voss]

I'm the same. I have no real reason not to be. I've spent the afternoon with a Playgrounder, and I think we were both ourselves just like here.

I might draw the line at about 95% on the up front and honest side.

 

[blulilacgrl]

OMG are you my twin sister? lol I'm currently working on it now. I've lost over 20 lbs. In my 30s I lost over 80, but I gained it all back due to stress at work. Just take it one day at a time. You have to find the good in yourself at some point and I know I sound like I'm coaching you, but seriously you have to learn to love yourself... no matter what size you are.

I can say that I have lost and gained probably 200 lbs over my lifetime. Lol. Lose 40 gain 35 back lose 25 gain 15. These last few years have been utter hell and the weight just kept creeping back up because I was focused on other things. Luckily those hellish years did teach me to love myself. To accept I'm not a bad person because of my weight. I'm not a good person because of it either. I'm just a person with good and bad regardless of the weight. At least that's what I tell myself.

 

[Cyberbella]

Honestly if a guy wants to picture me as a size 10 even... why ruin the fantasy? lol If I get close enough with someone they'd see the real me eventually.

 

[SassySheDevil]

Okay. Good point. "Fat" sounds harsh, I guess. I just can't think of a better term. I don't feel curvy. I feel fat. Lol.

The medical term would be obese. So I kinda feel like I'm giving in a little to say fat. And maybe it's because I don't like it. I've worked hard on accepting it. On making peace with it while I work to get healthier. I've accepted that I will never be a size 0 or hell even a size 10. I have broad shoulders, big boobs, wide hips, but sadly no ass. Lol.

I admit that I feel the way you do. I feel like "curvy" just became the nice way to say fat, and I don't think my fat is nice.
I don't ever refer to myself as Curvy, or even obese. I am fat. I'm okay with that.

I have done the up and down rides of losing weight, then gaining it all back, losing some, gaining it back. I too have accepted that I will never be a size 0.


As for on here vs real life. I'm pretty much the same. I'm a damn open book (though I'm trying to change that) I over think too much, I over stress too much, I over... Everything, too much.

I'm not as nice as I used to be, though sometimes it sneaks out. I think I'm settling into "Old and crotchety" rather nicely.

I've met many of what I've called online friends in person. I have zero regrets, even if I don't talk to many of them any longer. I always enjoyed my time with them.
Anyone who became close with me on here, ventured into my real life. They talked to my family as well as myself. I think only 1 of them is still on my husbands Facebook.

I don't want to be a fantasy, I want realness. If you don't want to share your life with me, I'd rather you just move onto someone who is okay with that.

 

[Mr_Underground]

I’m realer than real deal Holyfield.

 

[blulilacgrl]

Honestly if a guy wants to picture me as a size 10 even... why ruin the fantasy? lol If I get close enough with someone they'd see the real me eventually.

See I can't do that. I wish I could but I end up getting really testy and laying out numbers on height and weight. Lol

I admit that I feel the way you do. I feel like "curvy" just became the nice way to say fat, and I don't think my fat is nice.
I don't ever refer to myself as Curvy, or even obese. I am fat. I'm okay with that.

I have done the up and down rides of losing weight, then gaining it all back, losing some, gaining it back. I too have accepted that I will never be a size 0.


As for on here vs real life. I'm pretty much the same. I'm a damn open book (though I'm trying to change that) I over think too much, I over stress too much, I over... Everything, too much.

I'm not as nice as I used to be, though sometimes it sneaks out. I think I'm settling into "Old and crotchety" rather nicely.

I've met many of what I've called online friends in person. I have zero regrets, even if I don't talk to many of them any longer. I always enjoyed my time with them.
Anyone who became close with me on here, ventured into my real life. They talked to my family as well as myself. I think only 1 of them is still on my husbands Facebook.

I don't want to be a fantasy, I want realness. If you don't want to share your life with me, I'd rather you just move onto someone who is okay with that.

Holy crap! Yep yep yep. Check check check. Lol.

 

[blulilacgrl]

I’m realer than real deal Holyfield.

Exactly how real is real deal Holyfield?

And who is real deal Holyfield??

 

[Matthew82]

I'm protective of my IRL side, depends on how comfortable I get with someone in regards to the LIT connection. I honestly try and keep the two worlds separate as this is an escape from the stresses of reality. No need for drama here as there is plenty of stress out there. If you mean description of myself, I'm very open about that. No need to hide that side if you're being an adult on an adult site.

 

[LurkingPhoenix]

I keep very select things close to the vest. But who I am here is who I am in the real world...vulnerability and all.

When I let you in...you're in. You can choose to like me or not...warts and all. But I can't be knowingly false.

I can't imagine someone wanting to create a fantasy version of me...that's just bizarre. Even a fantasy version of short, round, sarcastic-as-fuck me would be a piss-poor substitute when compared to some of the decent/attractive/personable men here.

 

[JerseyJade]

I don't pretend to be someone I'm not. I want to be liked for who I am, not someone I'm not. If you like me, that's fine. If you don't, well that's fine, too.

 

[chame1eon]

I'm pretty honest. If I cant do that I'll probably just stop talking. Might by why I'm so quiet irl.

 

[blulilacgrl]

I'm protective of my IRL side, depends on how comfortable I get with someone in regards to the LIT connection. I honestly try and keep the two worlds separate as this is an escape from the stresses of reality. No need for drama here as there is plenty of stress out there. If you mean description of myself, I'm very open about that. No need to hide that side if you're being an adult on an adult site.

Well except sometimes people don't want to see the truth and it gets kinda awkward. Lol

I keep very select things close to the vest. But who I am here is who I am in the real world...vulnerability and all.

When I let you in...you're in. You can choose to like me or not...warts and all. But I can't be knowingly false.

I can't imagine someone wanting to create a fantasy version of me...that's just bizarre. Even a fantasy version of short, round, sarcastic-as-fuck me would be a piss-poor substitute when compared to some of the decent/attractive/personable men here.

It throws me when someone starts describing me and what they are describing is so not me. Lol. I always have a wtf moment trying to figure out who the hell they are talking about.

 

[chame1eon]

I don't pretend to be someone I'm not. I want to be liked for who I am, not someone I'm not. If you like me, that's fine. If you don't, well that's fine, too.

That is what I would expect you to say.

 

[lovetopleasewomen]

Like Popeye "I yam wut I yam an' dats wut I yam" Altho here I am a bit more reserved. But whether here or rl, one of my favourite song lines goes- "Who are you that I should have to lie".

 

[chame1eon]

I actually feel sorry for people who cant be real. How can you relate to people if they cant even tell who you are.

 

[mulehead61]

I’m pretty straightforward; being honest with others, especially the ladies here, goes a long way. I’m approaching 60, not a ripped stud (unless that’s what you want me to be...lol), basically kind of average but I wouldn’t want anyone to think I’m something else.

 

[blulilacgrl]

Like Popeye "I yam wut I yam an' dats wut I yam" Altho here I am a bit more reserved. But whether here or rl, one of my favourite song lines goes- "Who are you that I should have to lie".

I like that line! What's the song?

I actually feel sorry for people who cant be real. How can you relate to people if they cant even tell who you are.

It's not so much about me being real. Sometimes though people don't want real. So even when you are trying to be honest and forthright, they discount it.

Have you ever been chatting with someone and within 3 messages they are making assumptions about you. And when you go to correct them they don't believe you?

I’m pretty straightforward; being honest with others, especially the ladies here, goes a long way. I’m approaching 60, not a ripped stud (unless that’s what you want me to be...lol), basically kind of average but I wouldn’t want anyone to think I’m something else.

How far will you go to get them to see the real you over their fantasy version?

 

[Matthew82]

I actually feel sorry for people who cant be real. How can you relate to people if they cant even tell who you are.

I think people here are their most true selves. The cloak of the internet protects them. It's pretty easy to spot others that are just putting on a show.