Sexless Marriages

[ccs29745]

Hello all! I just found this thread, and I read through a lot of it. Glad to know their are others out there in the same situation. I’m a 37 mwm. My marriage has been sexless for the last 2 years. Not totally her fault, due to some medical issues and surgeries so I don’t blame her. But I’m too the point, my hand is getting so old and I just need some human interaction and fun! I can’t take it anymore.

Welcome to the group. It is very frustrating to be sexless, but here, you can distress talk,vent,laugh.

 

[Crownvic]

I was in a sexless marriage for seven years. For me, it was psychologically devastating. It caused me to lose a great deal of my self-respect and sense of self worth.
Sex in a marriage is a lot more than just having an orgasm. I believe it to be absolutely vital for a relationship to remain healthy.

Marital infidelity, if you are caught, will only make the problem worse. In my opinion, marriage counseling Should be your first avenue.

When I was in the Navy, I saw a great deal of marital infidelity. It always ended far worse than anyone could expect.

I wish you the best.

very well said...thank you!

 

[IASFPWTF]

O, thank you, guys! That was an unexpected endorsement

My pleasure

 

[IASFPWTF]

I am totally in a sexless marriage and have been pretty much for a few years! We’re out there but we are a bit like unicorns

I am a woman in her 50’s with the sex drive of an 18 yr old boy, that’s not normal I’ve been told by female friends the same age and male friends. I should be settling down for my old age with my hormones dying a slow death, but hell no!

I would love to meet a woman like you! My biggest fantasy,makes me stand at attention!

 

[ccs29745]

O, thank you, guys! That was an unexpected endorsement

In the words of Nathan lane and Matthew Broderick from the producers. After looking at your stuff and reading your writings, even though I am sitting down, you are receiving a standing ovation.

Some good writing, like how you did from both sides.

 

[Lost_Yonder]

https://thechive.files.wordpress.com/2020/01/moistmemesftw_81187458_1508814965960466_8999392027464647798_n.jpg?quality=85&strip=info&w=641&zoom=2

 

[Elite_Goblin]

Good one!

 

[DADDYLOVER3]

tell me who you are and what are you looking for/truth

would all ladies want to be spanked hardcore with hand, paddle or both/dare

 

[KeenVoyeur]

Yep!

I would love to meet a woman like you! My biggest fantasy,makes me stand at attention!

Me too!

I would hope there are women of a certain age who might be in a similar position to me - it's just where / how do you meet them?

 

[AnnieLit]

Me too!

I would hope there are women of a certain age who might be in a similar position to me - it's just where / how do you meet them?

We do exist...
Have you tried "cheating" sites? Ashley Madison and such.
I am not sure how much you can see there without paying, but I think you can browse and look, just can't make contact before you pay...
(A standard warning though: never give anybody your real info. Name, email, phone number -- all need to be changed for this as you never know who is on the other end of a conversation)

 

[ccs29745]

Good one!

Damn, that was a good one. Needed a good laugh this morning

 

[Lost_Yonder]

Damn, that was a good one. Needed a good laugh this morning

I thought you would appreciate that!

 

[ccs29745]

I thought you would appreciate that!

That I did and do

 

[Pervygreywolf]

I have tried some. I don't know of any that don't charge.

 

[professor28036]

I will not go gentle into that good night

This is for those reading who are lamenting being in a sexless marriage. I wanted to throw a different perspective out there as food for thought.

I'm in a sexless relationship and I'm partly to blame.

Well, it's my stage 4 metastatic bladder cancer that has made me sexless and it devastates me. I had no choice in the matter. What's worse, is I still want sex - desperately. I long for the physical and emotional connection that comes with it. I even browse through some of the picture threads like "Mature Women" and can still feel that tinge of desire deep down though nothing can come of it because I physically can't make it happen. The (physical) pain is just too much.

The thing is, I don't want to be sexless. I am willing to do things to my partner even for the sole purpose of making her feel good and desired. Hell, since my very first sexual experience when I was...ahem...18...I knew that what I enjoyed about sex the most was seeing my partner enjoy the things I was doing to her.

But alas, that too is gone and I can't take it anymore.

I'm a very direct person, but the person I'm with avoids not only conflict but difficult conversations like the plague. Is it me? Is it her? Is it a combination of things why she won't let me enjoy her like I used to when we first met? I have no idea because she doesn't want to face it. I get treated like I'm a 90 year old man incapable of of even feeding myself.

So, if I can be so bold as to share some words of wisdom I've picked up along the way as I clearly see far fewer days ahead than behind...

Seize the moment. Don't be shy about asking about anything! Where has the intimacy gone? Is it me? You? Is is something that can be controlled or overcome? Is it physical? (Like in my case) medical? Can we work around it?

Get answers. Then make decisions.

As for me, maybe I'll seek the physical intimacy from someone else who doesn't mind not having intercourse but unending manual and oral stimulation. Who knows if there is even such a woman. I just refuse to believe that there isn't and I most definitely refuse that life has to be devoid of physicality.

 

[AnnieLit]

This is for those reading who are lamenting being in a sexless marriage. I wanted to throw a different perspective out there as food for thought.

I'm in a sexless relationship and I'm partly to blame.

Well, it's my stage 4 metastatic bladder cancer that has made me sexless and it devastates me. I had no choice in the matter. What's worse, is I still want sex - desperately. I long for the physical and emotional connection that comes with it. I even browse through some of the picture threads like "Mature Women" and can still feel that tinge of desire deep down though nothing can come of it because I physically can't make it happen. The (physical) pain is just too much.

The thing is, I don't want to be sexless. I am willing to do things to my partner even for the sole purpose of making her feel good and desired. Hell, since my very first sexual experience when I was...ahem...18...I knew that what I enjoyed about sex the most was seeing my partner enjoy the things I was doing to her.

But alas, that too is gone and I can't take it anymore.

I'm a very direct person, but the person I'm with avoids not only conflict but difficult conversations like the plague. Is it me? Is it her? Is it a combination of things why she won't let me enjoy her like I used to when we first met? I have no idea because she doesn't want to face it. I get treated like I'm a 90 year old man incapable of of even feeding myself.

So, if I can be so bold as to share some words of wisdom I've picked up along the way as I clearly see far fewer days ahead than behind...

Seize the moment. Don't be shy about asking about anything! Where has the intimacy gone? Is it me? You? Is is something that can be controlled or overcome? Is it physical? (Like in my case) medical? Can we work around it?

Get answers. Then make decisions.

As for me, maybe I'll seek the physical intimacy from someone else who doesn't mind not having intercourse but unending manual and oral stimulation. Who knows if there is even such a woman. I just refuse to believe that there isn't and I most definitely refuse that life has to be devoid of physicality.

Good luck in your search, Sir!
You are still here, so you absolutely should be able to enjoy whatever time you have left.

As for mature women that enjoy intimacy, but don't care much for intercourse... I don't know how many there are, but we do exist. PIV is probably the only sexual act that I would not miss at all.

 

[ccs29745]

Good luck in your search, Sir!
You are still here, so you absolutely should be able to enjoy whatever time you have left.

As for mature women that enjoy intimacy, but don't care much for intercourse... I don't know how many there are, but we do exist. PIV is probably the only sexual act that I would not miss at all.

Intimacy can make the intercourse good, but making love always the best. I vaguely remember what love making means. Lol

 

[AnnieLit]

Intimacy can make the intercourse good, but making love always the best. I vaguely remember what love making means. Lol

No amount of intimacy can make intercourse better than other forms of love making. At least not for me. Some women can cum from internal stimulation, some can't, this is just the way we are made. I do enjoy it, but only on the intellectual level -- knowing that he enjoys it. To me it feels no more stimulating than giving a hand job.

 

[ChattyMikey]

No amount of intimacy can make intercourse better than other forms of love making. At least not for me. Some women can cum from internal stimulation, some can't, this is just the way we are made. I do enjoy it, but only on the intellectual level -- knowing that he enjoys it. To me it feels no more stimulating than giving a hand job.

Recognising and sharing what is pleasurable is what makes it intimate, to be open to learning and to being vulnerable also.
To no longer have that at home is a source of real sadness, but life isn't always fair is it.

 

[IASFPWTF]

Intimacy can make the intercourse good, but making love always the best. I vaguely remember what love making means. Lol

I definately agree. I still remember, but getting foggier...

 

[muycurioso]

I can relate to what you posted

Don't conflate the outcome of years of marriage, with its own dynamic of acceptance and rejection of one another, with your own sense of self-worth!

I went through a similar feeling after years of meanness, being told I was stupid and worthless and undesirable. When I started having affairs and some very meaningful relationships, I discovered that in fact other women found me quite attractive, intelligent, etc. It wasn't me, nor was it necessarily my wife (though she does have a bit of a mean streak in her) - it was our relationship. Things have changed, she has mellowed a bit, I feel comfortable and confident with who I am, have had a number of significant accomplishments, and our relationship has changed.

Unfortunately, there remains too much bad blood under the bridge, if you will, to feel intimate with her, but our day-to-day interactions are quite positive and supportive. Just don't want to have sex with her and that is something she doesn't seem to be interested in anyways.

The point is just because she is abandoning you, doesn't mean that you are worthless. It is just that your relationship has led to this kind of dynamic. Others will find you quite different than how your wife finds you...

I have had no affairs (yet). You have described my wife, the bitch. I stay for the kids. A few more years...

 

[ccs29745]

I have had no affairs (yet). You have described my wife, the bitch. I stay for the kids. A few more years...

I've seen what affairs can do. Just be careful, seen some arguments that would make a politician blush and one suicide. So just be careful.

 

[AnnieLit]

I've seen what affairs can do. Just be careful, seen some arguments that would make a politician blush and one suicide. So just be careful.

Suicide, really? I don't think you can blame that on the cheating spouse alone, or actually on any single outside event. If the person is depressed enough to even consider taking their life, it is a chemical problem inside their body, family support can help only so far.

I am not saying that cheating will go down painless if discovered, it will be bad, especially for the kids. But ... What is the worst case scenario? A divorce, right? So what? The person is already at the point where he stays only for the kids, it's not like he will suddenly loose the forever he was counting on. Can the wife deny him visitation rights based on the infidelity alone? In most states she can't, there needs to be abuse, drug use or some other stuff that is dengerous for the kids.

 

[IASFPWTF]

Suicide, really? I don't think you can blame that on the cheating spouse alone, or actually on any single outside event. If the person is depressed enough to even consider taking their life, it is a chemical problem inside their body, family support can help only so far.

I am not saying that cheating will go down painless if discovered, it will be bad, especially for the kids. But ... What is the worst case scenario? A divorce, right? So what? The person is already at the point where he stays only for the kids, it's not like he will suddenly loose the forever he was counting on. Can the wife deny him visitation rights based on the infidelity alone? In most states she can't, there needs to be abuse, drug use or some other stuff that is dengerous for the kids.

Being denied sex is horrible abuse. A lot of people don't see it that way, but I know because I live it. You never see foundations, commercials, or celebrities trying to help us.

 

[AnnieLit]

Being denied sex is horrible abuse. A lot of people don't see it that way, but I know because I live it. You never see foundations, commercials, or celebrities trying to help us.

And it is actually a GOOD thing. Behind most sexless marriages there is a medical problem. What would you suggest? Mandatory hormone therapy for all post-menopause women? Or in case of any hormonal imbalance for that matter. Automatic divorce in case one of the spouses gets any type of cancer, especially if it is a breast, ovary or prostate? Because treatment will kill any libido that was left by that time. Automatic divorce in case of ED too, right?

Or you want to put extra guilt on the less sexual partner, so that they feel that they MUST perform no matter what? Most women live with that pounded in their brains as it is. Had you ever have to fake an orgasm just to be left alone? I doubt it. Now go find a married woman after 40 that never did that.