Tio_Narratore
Studies
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And she's there waiting for you. But she's dyed her hair and you don't realize it's her. You pass her by and she's gone again.
I wish my sacroiliac joint was rejuvenated.
Twist a wish
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And she's there waiting for you. But she's dyed her hair and you don't realize it's her. You pass her by and she's gone again.
I wish my sacroiliac joint was rejuvenated.
NotWise
Desert Rat
- Joined
- Sep 7, 2015
- Posts
- 15,623
Your wish is my command. You have the sacroiliac joint of an eighteen-year-old. You test your restored mobility so energetically that you put your back out. Now you're bed-ridden and living on Fentanyl.
* * *
I wish my kitchen remodel was already done.
Tio_Narratore
Studies
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- Dec 2, 2008
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Your wish is granted, but the contractor had to cut some corners to have it ready so quickly. Some corners? Maybe all of them. The cabinets aren't plumb or level and the electrics and plumbing are no way near meeting norms. The city inspector condemns your house as a danger and has it torn down at your expense. You try to sue the contractor, but he's gone back to Byelorussia and can't be found.
==================
I wish my ship came in.
- Joined
- Dec 4, 2017
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- 7,525
It has. 45,000 tons of it. It’s now resting in your garden - or, rather, where your garden used to be. And it’s leaking Bunker C.
......
I wish the predicted arrival of the Arctic Vortex here would be cancelled.
LoquiSordidaAdMe
Reader/Writer
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- Aug 8, 2017
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- 1,166
Granted. The Arctic Vortex has been cancelled. In its place they are now predicting swarms of locust, a river of blood, and raining frogs. Enjoy.
***
I wish to outlive all of my enemies.
Tio_Narratore
Studies
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- Dec 2, 2008
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- 79,943
You do, and then realize that fighting your enemies was what gave your life meaning. You spend the rest of your days wallowing in self-pity.
I wish it were a tad warmer.
NotWise
Desert Rat
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- Sep 7, 2015
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We make it so. Now instead of being -20F, it's -18F. enjoy your spring-like conditions.
* * *
I wish my wife could set a plan and follow it.
mynameisben
Half man, half-wit
- Joined
- Apr 18, 2003
- Posts
- 50,215
It is a tad warmer. You now have an electric heater to warm tadpoles in your fish pond.
I wish I had a new car.
LoquiSordidaAdMe
Reader/Writer
- Joined
- Aug 8, 2017
- Posts
- 1,166
Granted. It's a brilliant plan and she executes it flawlessly. Every base covered, every contingency accounted for. You're actually quite proud of her as your dying gasp escapes your chest and you realize she's planned the perfect murder.
Granted. It's a brand new 2020 pickup truck. So new in fact that you got the prototype. Too bad about those broken windows, but Elon says he'll replace them for you just as soon as they ramp up to full production.
***
I wish I could get a bagel in walking distance of my office.
Tio_Narratore
Studies
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- Dec 2, 2008
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And now you can, since your firm has moved the office to the loft above a bagel bakery. But it's in a town four hours away from your home, so you face a choice of spending a third of each workday commuting or selling your home and relocating.
I wish I had a good offer for my house.
EvelynEden
Really Experienced
- Joined
- Jul 19, 2015
- Posts
- 158
Done! A lovely couple has put in an offer! It's a perfectly good offer, an offer too good to refuse! Only... when it comes time to signing paperwork and getting all those legal goodies finished, they pull out! Right at the last step! It was a really good offer, just not a done deal
Sucks having your hopes up, but on to the next, I suppose @@@@@@@@@@@@@@
I wish I could eat whatever I wanted and still stay perfectly healthy
Lori_the_Hoosier
Dhampyre
- Joined
- Dec 1, 2012
- Posts
- 4,633
Done! A lovely couple has put in an offer! It's a perfectly good offer, an offer too good to refuse! Only... when it comes time to signing paperwork and getting all those legal goodies finished, they pull out! Right at the last step! It was a really good offer, just not a done deal
@@@@@@@@@@@@@@
I wish I could eat whatever I wanted and still stay perfectly healthy
Voom! Wish granted! You are now a Gulf Bull Shark, a perfectly healthy Bull shark, and you can indeed eat anything; old shoes, tin cans, number-plates, car tires, turds floating by, putrid goats, but, as you have absolutely no taste-buds, what difference does it make? Still, you have a full belly, and your health, and that's the thing...
**
I wish British TV wasn't so f**king dull
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BelleCanzuto
Professional Sloth
- Joined
- Mar 19, 2019
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- 2,794
Okey dokey then. British TV is no longer dull. It's now exclusively broadcast in superhigh def, ultra vivid colors. The yellows will put out your eyes, and the reds make your ears bleed. The blacks suck out your soul.
~~~~~~
I wish I enjoyed cleaning. (I know people who do, and it doesn't make sense to me)
JamesMiehoff
Really Really Experienced
- Joined
- Jun 4, 2018
- Posts
- 408
Poof! Your wish is granted! You just figured out that if you hold the vacuum cleaner to your crotch, you orgasm every 32 seconds.
It's too bad that all the vibrations make your clit impervious to ministrations of your man and the vacuum cleaner is the only way you can come now.
I wish to have just enough.
James
PS:
Too late. She did that a couple of years ago. I spent 45 minutes chasing a blonde around a store before I remembered that I had to chase a redhead now.
NotWise
Desert Rat
- Joined
- Sep 7, 2015
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- 15,623
Suddenly, you do! You vacuum and you scrub. You polish and you disinfect. It's better than sex. It's better than food. It's better than water.
You collapse on your couch, starving and dehydrated, and your cat sizes you up. "I won't need kibble for weeks," he thinks -- being one of those plotting and planning cats.
* * *
I wish for an end to celebrity worship.
LoquiSordidaAdMe
Reader/Writer
- Joined
- Aug 8, 2017
- Posts
- 1,166
Granted. You do! It's just enough for now. But it won't be enough for later, and by then you'll have gotten so used to having enough that you won't remember how to get more.
Granted. All of the celebrities are atheists now.
***
I wish chocolate chip cookies had no calories.
NotWise
Desert Rat
- Joined
- Sep 7, 2015
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- 15,623
Be careful what you wish for. Now chocolate chip cookies are made from colored concrete and coal. They have no calories, and everyone knows why.
Run! Run for the farm fields and the tall corn, because no-one knows what might come back from the tall corn. They'll just wait for you. They'll just wait ... forever ... with their eyes reflecting the glowing torchlight in the dark night, and all because YOU took their cookies.
* * *
I wish for more rain.
Javahead
Literotica Guru
- Joined
- Apr 21, 2019
- Posts
- 2,394
And you get it. 40 days and 40 nights of it. Too bad you’re crap at building an ark and animals flee you.
***
I wish I could keep motivated and focused while I write.
Tio_Narratore
Studies
- Joined
- Dec 2, 2008
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- 79,943
And you're fully motivated and completely focused. Completely. Nothing distracts you from writing. Not food. Not drink. Not that beautiful woman parading naked in front of you. Not even the sinkhole that's opened in the ground beneath you, dropping you, still writing, into a bottomless pit.
------------------
I wish I had more time for writing.
Ziggins
Literotica Guru
- Joined
- Oct 28, 2019
- Posts
- 1,553
The internet has a big oops and shuts down forever. Your internet time is now your writing time, and nobody will ever see what you write.
I wish for a collision with the Andromeda Galaxy.
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mynameisben
Half man, half-wit
- Joined
- Apr 18, 2003
- Posts
- 50,215
And so it is done! For you have been convicted and imprisoned for the murder of 25 college kids in a party bus you rode off a cliff in a drunken automobile accident. You now have 25 consecutive life sentences to write your great American novel. Too bad the only writing materials you have at your disposal are a black wax crayon and a roll of toilet paper. Write small.
I wish this rash on the back of my right hand would go away.
Tio_Narratore
Studies
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- Dec 2, 2008
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- 79,943
You both get your wish fulfilled. The collision with the Andromeda Galaxy takes away Ben's right hand and leaves Ziggins as an asymptomatic carrier of an lethal alien virus that the CDC addresses with a lifetime quarantine in their virus research lab.
I wish we'd find intelligent life somewhere in the galaxy.
- Joined
- Dec 4, 2017
- Posts
- 7,525
Wish granted. The show Independence Day was one of their travel ads, screened here by mistake. They’ll be here next week.
......
I wish this head cold would pass.
EvelynEden
Really Experienced
- Joined
- Jul 19, 2015
- Posts
- 158
It's passed, right to your entire family and everyone you have interacted with since you've had it. They aren't too happy.
_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_
I wish I wasn't on my period
Javahead
Literotica Guru
- Joined
- Apr 21, 2019
- Posts
- 2,394
It's passed, right to your entire family and everyone you have interacted with since you've had it. They aren't too happy.
_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_
I wish I wasn't on my period
You aren’t. You have undergone early menopause and no longer need to deal with it. Unfortunately, you’re lost any interest in sex, too.
*****
I wish for the libido and ability I had at 20.
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