Twist a wish

[EvelynEden]

And now you can.

The bottom bit.

The top bit remains the same. Change it often enough and you'll look like a multicolored crosswalk.

+++++

I wish spring would come early.

Spring comes early, and it's just beautiful! No more snow to worry about, no more chilly mornings! It's all pretty great! Only... since winter was cut short, the fruit trees didn't get their due chilling time, and sadly they are producing fewer and weaker fruits. The snow that was helping to regulate the temperature of the earth's surface is no more, and there wasn't even enough snow to melt and help fill the rivers and reservoirs. The country is actually starting to become a bit of a mess, but, at least it looks pretty. Oh, look, flowers!

}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{


I wish that I could swim in the ocean without the dangers of the sea affecting me.

 

[mynameisben]

I wish that I could swim in the ocean without the dangers of the sea affecting me.

And now you can! I've just turned you into a 100-ton Blue Whale.


Oh, I wish I were an Oscar Mayer wiener.
That is what I'd truly like to be.
'Cause if I were an Oscar Mayer wiener
Everyone would be in love with me.

 

[BelleCanzuto]

Oh, I wish I were an Oscar Mayer wiener.
That is what I'd truly like to be.
'Cause if I were an Oscar Mayer wiener
Everyone would be in love with me.

You are now an Oscar Mayer wiener, well beloved. For the approximately 65 seconds it takes for you to be eaten. Then you're just a mass of various proteins and spices being ground up and run through that dude's digestive tract. And you know how that ends....


~~~~~~~
I wish my bank account had One hundred thousand US dollars in it.

 

[mynameisben]

I wish my bank account had One hundred thousand US dollars in it.

Done!

But now the IRS has frozen your account until an agent comes to your house to ask you specific questions about exactly where the $100,000 came from.


I wish I were a half foot taller.

 

[Voboy]

Done!

But now the IRS has frozen your account until an agent comes to your house to ask you specific questions about exactly where the $100,000 came from.


I wish I were a half foot taller.

Poof.

Alas, though, now you need to deal with curious lookie-loos wondering why on earth you've got five toes and much of a sole sticking out of the top of your noggin.

I wish my fucking phone battery would hold a charge the way it used to.

 

[Erlikkhan]

Poof.

Alas, though, now you need to deal with curious lookie-loos wondering why on earth you've got five toes and much of a sole sticking out of the top of your noggin.

I wish my fucking phone battery would hold a charge the way it used to.

*Poof* you now have a battery that never loses its charge but the voltage was too much and short-circuited everything in your phone.

I wish I was twenty-five again.

 

[mynameisben]

*Poof* you now have a battery that never loses its charge but the voltage was too much and short-circuited everything in your phone.

I wish I was twenty-five again.

And so it is done. You're twenty-five again, young enough to be drafted. Guess what? You're drafted! Now you get to fight and die in Trump's made-up war with Iran. Ain't it fun to be an American?


I wish I had a laptop with 32 GB of RAM and a 1TB SSD.

 

[TarnishedPenny]

I wish I had a laptop with 32 GB of RAM and a 1TB SSD.

Poof! There it is.

And it was last used to send threatening emails to the White House.

Hear that knock on your door?

+++++

I wish the ice on the driveway would go away.

 

[BelleCanzuto]

I wish the ice on the driveway would go away.

It has. Somehow, it's become sentient, rolled itself up, and has formed an ice gang with all its brethren that were formerly covering your neighbors' driveways. No one is sure what they're doing, but they seem to be multiplying and you're hearing troubling rumors of plans to coat power lines and smash trees. Luckily, the ice gang is easily defeated by a blow torch.

~~~~~~
I wish I got paid what ESPN's pundits do to bloviate on TV about football.

 

[Tio_Narratore]

It has. Somehow, it's become sentient, rolled itself up, and has formed an ice gang with all its brethren that were formerly covering your neighbors' driveways. No one is sure what they're doing, but they seem to be multiplying and you're hearing troubling rumors of plans to coat power lines and smash trees. Luckily, the ice gang is easily defeated by a blow torch.

~~~~~~
I wish I got paid what ESPN's pundits do to bloviate on TV about football.

Poof! You do! But now you're a bloviating ESPN pundit.


I wish I could get a decent arts channel without having to pay for 39 other channels I don't want.

 

[EvelynEden]

Poof! You do! But now you're a bloviating ESPN pundit.


I wish I could get a decent arts channel without having to pay for 39 other channels I don't want.

Your wish is my command! You find a great decent art channel, no need to pay for the other 39... but the channel is entirely played in black and white. Enjoy!

:":":":":":":":":":":":


I wish whenever I told a joke people would think its comedy gold

 

[Voboy]

Your wish is my command! You find a great decent art channel, no need to pay for the other 39... but the channel is entirely played in black and white. Enjoy!

:":":":":":":":":":":":


I wish whenever I told a joke people would think its comedy gold

Poof!

But you find it curtails a lot of your joke-telling, both because gold weighs a fucking lot and because people keep trying to mug you. After all, once you've got enough [comedy] gold, you do need to haul it around.

I wish Autumn lasted longer.

 

[mynameisben]

Poof!

But you find it curtails a lot of your joke-telling, both because gold weighs a fucking lot and because people keep trying to mug you. After all, once you've got enough [comedy] gold, you do need to haul it around.


I wish Autumn lasted longer.

It is done. Of course, the only way to achieve longer seasons is to move the Earth into a longer orbital path, farther from the sun. With the longer Autumn comes bone chilling temperatures of minus 200 degrees, turning the entire planet into a dead, uninhabitable ice ball.


I wish the Minnesota Vikings beat the New Orleans Saints in the AFC wildcard playoff game today.

 

[TarnishedPenny]

It is done. Of course, the only way to achieve longer seasons is to move the Earth into a longer orbital path, farther from the sun. With the longer Autumn comes bone chilling temperatures of minus 200 degrees, turning the entire planet into a dead, uninhabitable ice ball.


I wish the Minnesota Vikings beat the New Orleans Saints in the AFC wildcard playoff game today.

They will / have.

Tomorrow the drug tests come out and the Vikings are closed down for a year, barred from the league for supplement use which makes the Russians look like pikers.

XxxxxX

I wish I had my old Teddy back.

 

[LoquiSordidaAdMe]

I wish I had my old Teddy back.

Granted. But it doesn't fit you like it used to, and you don't feel as sexy in it as you thought you would. New lingerie is usually best.

***

I wish the Tasmanian Tiger hadn't gone extinct.

 

[TarnishedPenny]

I wish the Tasmanian Tiger hadn't gone extinct.

It didn’t. A large colony exists. It is governed by an elected council which now keeps 10,000 happy, healthy thylacines just beyond your ability to see them.

*****

I wish somebody would swap out my tyres for me next spring.

 

[EvelynEden]

It didn’t. A large colony exists. It is governed by an elected council which now keeps 10,000 happy, healthy thylacines just beyond your ability to see theme.

*****

I wish somebody would swap out my tyres for me next spring.

They do, some street punk was kind enough to replace your tires with his own no-tread, nail ridden tyres after he stole yours. It's that extra effort that counts, you know?


/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\


I wish that I wouldn't get wrinkles.

 

[Rustyoznail]

I wish that I wouldn't get wrinkles.

Ka boom! You are now drip dry! You have to hang outside naked for two hours to make sure any potential wrinkles drop out. The neighbours really admire your upper body strength...

Yes, just your naked upper body. Strength. Yep...

******

I’d another season of the “Angry Beavers” cartoon please.

 

[icedragonmo3]

Ka boom! You are now drip dry! You have to hang outside naked for two hours to make sure any potential wrinkles drop out. The neighbours really admire your upper body strength...

Yes, just your naked upper body. Strength. Yep...

******

I’d another season of the “Angry Beavers” cartoon please.

Your wish has been granted, and 'Angry Beavers' has another season in production. Unfortunately, it has been written and drawn by the same team who made 'Johnny Bravo'.

******

I wish I didn't suffer writer's block whenever I felt like I needed to write.

 

[Tio_Narratore]

Your wish has been granted, and 'Angry Beavers' has another season in production. Unfortunately, it has been written and drawn by the same team who made 'Johnny Bravo'.

******

I wish I didn't suffer writer's block whenever I felt like I needed to write.

Your wish is granted. You no longer suffer from writer's block. You're still unable to write, of course, but ever since you received that lifetime supply of "Writer's Tears" Irish whiskey, your suffering has been drowned.


I wish I had a lifetime supply of Writer's Tears.

 

[NotWise]

I wish I had a lifetime supply of Writer's Tears.

And just like that, there it is -- one bottle, already opened. Draw your own conclusion about the implications.


I wish I had an idea for tonight's dinner.

 

[Tio_Narratore]

And just like that, there it is -- one bottle, already opened. Draw your own conclusion about the implications.


I wish I had an idea for tonight's dinner.

And you do. But it involves your bare hands and a grumpy mountain goat.


I wish I had some homemade Caribbean goat curry.

 

[TarnishedPenny]

And you do. But it involves your bare hands and a grumpy mountain goat.

I wish I had some homemade Caribbean goat curry.

There ya go! Big pot of it, overflowing. Bubbling. Made last October and put in the mail to you.

..........

I wish somebody else would clean this darned oven.

 

[Tio_Narratore]

There ya go! Big pot of it, overflowing. Bubbling. Made last October and put in the mail to you.

..........

I wish somebody else would clean this darned oven.

Somebody else does. The bailiff, taking possession of oven, all the other contents of the house, and the house itself, not to mention the car and all your other financial assets. Maybe you shouldn't have ignored that court summons.


I wish I could get a novel published.

 

[JamesMiehoff]

I wish I could get a novel published.

Boom! In a big puff of smoke are 20,000 copies of your new novel and the invoice for $300,000 from the publisher.

Oh, and by the way, the original author found out about it and is pissed. His lawyer will be calling in 3...2...1...Ring!


I wish I could have my blonde wife back....

James