Sexless Marriages

[Lost_Yonder]

She sounds like a very special (and rare) woman. You must have been tempted to leave your SO for her. Why didn’t you?

For a variety of reasons. While I have many issues with my wife, we are in fact quite close and have evolved into a very comfortable and supportive relationship - personally and professionally, though certainly not sexually. As for my lover, she was also significantly younger than I - which may have worked, but I knew she had/has so much to explore and experience yet that trapping her into a relationship is not what she needed at the time. We are still close and chat regularly and been tempted to rekindle the intimate part of our relationship but both of us know better... It sucks, quite honestly... I miss her dearly, but would also miss my wife if we were to go separate ways...

 

[Lonelywife1205]

For a variety of reasons. While I have many issues with my wife, we are in fact quite close and have evolved into a very comfortable and supportive relationship - personally and professionally, though certainly not sexually. As for my lover, she was also significantly younger than I - which may have worked, but I knew she had/has so much to explore and experience yet that trapping her into a relationship is not what she needed at the time. We are still close and chat regularly and been tempted to rekindle the intimate part of our relationship but both of us know better... It sucks, quite honestly... I miss her dearly, but would also miss my wife if we were to go separate ways...

I get that. After so many years together it becomes comfortable and the idea of leaving for the relatively unknown is scary. Hugs

 

[booker28]

Minnepolis, MN . sexless

Hi I appreciate all the postings on here.

Let me know if you are F 21-45 and want to
have fun?

Maybe a meet later if we click. MMmmmmm

Best, Brad

 

[Lost_Yonder]

I get that. After so many years together it becomes comfortable and the idea of leaving for the relatively unknown is scary. Hugs

appreciate the thoughts.

Every once in a while the thought of branching out on my own starts to germinate, but things improve and I see how much I also gain from my marriage. Crazy life...

 

[ccs29745]

I get that. After so many years together it becomes comfortable and the idea of leaving for the relatively unknown is scary. Hugs

Too many unknowns anymore, plus too many know wife and I. I love my wife even if she doesn't like me trying different positions. Sexless is not good, but love too much to physically cheat. Now email roleplay back and forth is different.

 

[Vitriolhack]

Too many unknowns anymore, plus too many know wife and I. I love my wife even if she doesn't like me trying different positions. Sexless is not good, but love too much to physically cheat. Now email roleplay back and forth is different.

I agree that the unknown can be a very scary endeavour. My ultimate would be if she was ok with swinging with another couple we could get to know and attached more closely. I like the idea of having good friends that also are a couple.

 

[ccs29745]

I agree that the unknown can be a very scary endeavour. My ultimate would be if she was ok with swinging with another couple we could get to know and attached more closely. I like the idea of having good friends that also are a couple.

With the way our schedules are, it's hard to have friends sometimes. She works day, I work evening and night. The thought an open relationship had come to mind sometimes, but not sure I want to push her on it. Jealousy factor

 

[Elite_Goblin]

appreciate the thoughts.

Every once in a while the thought of branching out on my own starts to germinate, but things improve and I see how much I also gain from my marriage. Crazy life...

Yea, the same here. Sometimes it is bleak (for me) and other times it is good.

We both had a good evening yesterday. The best in a long time. I guess the stars just lined up.

First, a neighbor asked if my son wanted to come over and play with their son. So, off he went for a few hours.

Wife came home (I told her that son was across the street.). I had supper ready (as usual), but dressed it up with dim lighting and a couple tea-candles. Everything else normal.

After supper, I showed her a pack of cards that I bought ("Foundations" from Amazon). She was interested, so we went through some cards, agreeing to stop if we got angry or to be free to not answer a question.

We went through about 10 cards. The questions seem to draw both in to a good and sometimes deep conversation. We learned things about the other and also you learn/re-learn things about yourself. The questions are not really about sex (so far), but could lead to it in the discussion after the question. I would highly recommend these cards, at the least research them on Amazon. (I wanted to get "Sexpectations", but they do not get shipped to Germany yet. Nevertheless, "Foundations" card set is good.)

Picked up son afterwards. Later got him off to bed. Then us.

When wife came to bed, she saw that I had put out a bunch of tea-light candles in the bedroom. (battery powered ) I could tell that the talking we did earlier had loosened her up. Rather than her undress and get into bed, we each took turns undressing each other, 1 piece of clothing at a time, and kissing or caressing the other afterwards. It was very sensual and led to a very pleasurable time for us afterwards.

So, the cards helped. Maybe some of you could try them too? Of course, it might be crappy in another week, but I would like to cross my fingers on that.

 

[Lonelywife1205]

Yea, the same here. Sometimes it is bleak (for me) and other times it is good.

We both had a good evening yesterday. The best in a long time. I guess the stars just lined up.

First, a neighbor asked if my son wanted to come over and play with their son. So, off he went for a few hours.

Wife came home (I told her that son was across the street.). I had supper ready (as usual), but dressed it up with dim lighting and a couple tea-candles. Everything else normal.

After supper, I showed her a pack of cards that I bought ("Foundations" from Amazon). She was interested, so we went through some cards, agreeing to stop if we got angry or to be free to not answer a question.

We went through about 10 cards. The questions seem to draw both in to a good and sometimes deep conversation. We learned things about the other and also you learn/re-learn things about yourself. The questions are not really about sex (so far), but could lead to it in the discussion after the question. I would highly recommend these cards, at the least research them on Amazon. (I wanted to get "Sexpectations", but they do not get shipped to Germany yet. Nevertheless, "Foundations" card set is good.)

Picked up son afterwards. Later got him off to bed. Then us.

When wife came to bed, she saw that I had put out a bunch of tea-light candles in the bedroom. (battery powered ) I could tell that the talking we did earlier had loosened her up. Rather than her undress and get into bed, we each took turns undressing each other, 1 piece of clothing at a time, and kissing or caressing the other afterwards. It was very sensual and led to a very pleasurable time for us afterwards.

So, the cards helped. Maybe some of you could try them too? Of course, it might be crappy in another week, but I would like to cross my fingers on that.

That is awesome! You were thoughtful, considerate and intentional. Just how a girl wants to be treated. This made me smile.

 

[Twistedkink]

Thank you. You’re right that it’s never easy. It just hit me one night while crying myself to sleep that I was tired of being sad and lonely and I was the only one who could change that.

I have come close to finding it before and have had my heart broken in the process, but I still believe the risk is worth the reward and I will enjoy the journey wherever it takes me.

I will admit I have not read all your posts here, but one has to do what one must to to protect ourselves. So I solute your bravery as long as you are ready to accept the responsibility that comes with it, as you appear ready to do. I hope you find what you need and that you never cry yourself to sleep again.

 

[ccs29745]

Yea, the same here. Sometimes it is bleak (for me) and other times it is good.

We both had a good evening yesterday. The best in a long time. I guess the stars just lined up.

First, a neighbor asked if my son wanted to come over and play with their son. So, off he went for a few hours.

Wife came home (I told her that son was across the street.). I had supper ready (as usual), but dressed it up with dim lighting and a couple tea-candles. Everything else normal.

After supper, I showed her a pack of cards that I bought ("Foundations" from Amazon). She was interested, so we went through some cards, agreeing to stop if we got angry or to be free to not answer a question.

We went through about 10 cards. The questions seem to draw both in to a good and sometimes deep conversation. We learned things about the other and also you learn/re-learn things about yourself. The questions are not really about sex (so far), but could lead to it in the discussion after the question. I would highly recommend these cards, at the least research them on Amazon. (I wanted to get "Sexpectations", but they do not get shipped to Germany yet. Nevertheless, "Foundations" card set is good.)

Picked up son afterwards. Later got him off to bed. Then us.

When wife came to bed, she saw that I had put out a bunch of tea-light candles in the bedroom. (battery powered ) I could tell that the talking we did earlier had loosened her up. Rather than her undress and get into bed, we each took turns undressing each other, 1 piece of clothing at a time, and kissing or caressing the other afterwards. It was very sensual and led to a very pleasurable time for us afterwards.

So, the cards helped. Maybe some of you could try them too? Of course, it might be crappy in another week, but I would like to cross my fingers on that.

Way to go goblin, maybe the start of a new weekly tradition.

 

[ccs29745]

Brits whereabouts

Is it me or where did Brits go????

 

[Twistedkink]

Is it me or where did Brits go????

That all fixed their sexless marriages

 

[TTawhere]

DD is taking a break.

 

[rustysprings]

I got all my chores done, floors swept, things put back, clean dishes put away and dirty dishes washed, laundry washed and folded, medium human is happy (until the iPad crashes or the next crisis.)
No spanking tonight, just like last night or the night before or the night before that or the night before that or....

 

[pandajedi]

I am in this position as having sex has become painful for my wife. It has been frustrating for me as I have a high sex drive. We were very active before. The change has caused a lot of issues, mainly because of my not understanding.

After I got it through my "thick" skull, we have been able to talk about. Matter of fact, she really surprised me by saying she was okay with me having sex with someone else. She stated that there was no way she could rightly expect me to never have sex again. Just dont allow it to cause us any issues. Now this was not what I expected.

So now I have really considering it as she has "given me permission". Just this knowledge has taken some of the stress and strain out it.

So here is to a whole new future and world.

 

[blksoldier]

Could you imagine what it would be like if everyone had their sexual peak at the same time!!!!

time would stop

 

[blksoldier]

hello

I wish I could say I've taken the time to read all 51 pages of this thread. I haven't. But I read several of them and I can empathize with all of you who find yourselves in sexless marriages. It's a drag to put it mildly.

My wife and I are in our early 50s and, until 2 or 3 years ago, we had an active and adventurous sex life. But, like so many women her age, she has undergone the opposite of the "sex surge" that was referenced early in this thread. She has explained to me that her body doesn't react at all anymore to stimulation, she no longer gets horny, intercourse is uncomfortable in most positions, and, although she can still cum, she certainly doesn't masturbate anymore and she could honestly do without sex entirely. She has also resisted any serious discussion of therapies or treatments that might help to restore some form of enjoyment of sex.

What's especially tough about all of this, though, is that the most experimental and satisfying parts of our sex life didn't become fully realized until we were in our mid-40s. We'd always had good sex prior to that, but we'd become so comfortable and secure in our relationship that we were open and enthusiastic to start experimenting with multiple partners, lovers on the side, sharing our experiences online, writing stories, taking pics and vids, looking for new adventures, etc. She was even on Lit with me here for a few years. I was loving it because I've always focused primarily on her pleasure and I thought it was HAF that she was interested in other men, other women, MMF and FMF threesomes and so on. She wanted me to to play on my own, too - and I did once - but that wasn't my priority and it wasn't nearly as much fun as getting to witness and experience her pleasure as she tried all sorts of new things.

I was just starting to really get into all of this in a big way when it suddenly fizzled. So, I thought to myself, "Okay. That's fine. We still have each other and that should be enough for any married couple." But eventually, even our one-on-one sex became very vanilla and far less frequent. We're now at the point where we hardly ever have sex at all. Perhaps most frustrating is that she's still affectionate in all the other innocent little ways - she holds my hand when we go out, hugs and kisses me often, and has no qualms when I do the same to her. She's just not interested in any of it leading to anything more intimate.

So, here I am - a horny man with many good, vital years ahead of me and my best friend/partner/soul-mate with whom I've spent the better part of three decades has lost interest in physical intimacy right after hitting the pinnacle of excitement in our sex life. The more time that goes by, the more I miss our old sex life and the more I fantasize about the hotwife I used to have just a few short years ago.

*sigh*

Anyway, thanks to anyone who takes the time to read this novella I've just written. I'd love to hear your thoughts.

Hey my friend we must be brothers from different mothers but hey you know that i will always be here for you to listen and to learn. your friend J

 

[blksoldier]

Thanks Brit, I'd shared before in another sexless marriage thread... Here's what I wrote there:

"18 months sexless here, before that it was maybe once per year for a few years, before that 6 months...etc... She was divorced when we married, my first wife passed away (breast cancer). She finally admitted that he thinks sex is disgusting. After talking about this over and over and over and over...I'm sure others can relate, I decided to leave and had a plan for be ready to move out this past March. Well February comes and we find out she has late stage colon cancer, they did a biopsy and that showed that it's not affected by current chemo treatments, at least not enough to make it work the misery. Only the oldest would work at all, and that one won't do much. Also the largest tumor is at the intersection of three nerve bundles and three arteries, making it non-operable.

So now I'm staying, at least for the time being.

Doesn't make the relationship better, but I have to be able to live with myself."

It has been a few more months since I posted that, and the cancer is getting more severe. It's a difficult thing for the obvious reason that my partner is dying. Then there's the fact that she is not a very nice person to begin with and that gets amplified with the discomfort.

I feel bad complaining when I chose this and knew it wouldn't be easy.

You are not complaining you are just being honest.

 

[Elite_Goblin]

Way to go goblin, maybe the start of a new weekly tradition.

Well, it helped that the neighbor watched our son for us. I think we will read a few questions every week or 2. Only 52 cards, so we gotta savor them.

 

[ccs29745]

Well, it helped that the neighbor watched our son for us. I think we will read a few questions every week or 2. Only 52 cards, so we gotta savor them.

52 cards, 52 weeks, hmmm could double up cards some weeks. Lol

 

[Tasman69]

The thing you’re referring to in relation to women in their 40s and 50s is termed the Sex Surge - you should google it. I was on another chat site frequented by women and there were a considerable number of women commenting about it. My own marriage has been sexless over 7 years and now I find it extremely difficult. I wouldn’t say my behaviour has been entirely exemplary for the last year but I’m finding it hard to feel bad about it.

I would try my hardest not to leave that body wanting!

 

[xxkimberlyv]

Man that’s horrible, nobody should have to deal with that. I get being tired but got to make an effort, I still do even though I know I’m gonna get shot down. Welcome to the group it’s a great place to vent,have someone listen and be understanding about what’s going on, hopefully it helps

That's a bloody insult.( and I bet you supported him when he started his business and probably still do)

Sounds horrifically frustrating!

I think, though am open to differing opinions, that no sex is better than bad, unfulfilling, sex from a selfish partner. What do others think???

I feel your pain. I love my wife but she has so many issues that i can’t even begin to address our sexual needs. She’s an alcoholic and has acknowledged that she is. And every time she drinks she gets angry and goes off, which is often. I hope you find a way to fill your needs that can also bring you peace and joy.

Agreed.

Spoken Truth

Sorry, talking has not worked for me either. She finally told me to have sex with whoever I wanted, just not her? Haven't yet cause it feels like a trap

Thank you all for your comments. Not speaking for just me but for all, it is a rough situation when a spouse or significant other shows no physical interest in you. It definitely makes you feel less than worthy of attention from anyone.

 

[ccs29745]

Teased again

Had pics done today of family and wife teased a little during pics. Got home and it was like a switched turned off. Went to give hug and kiss and and got a look of do I have to. Happy holidays. Lol

 

[TTawhere]

Thank you all for your comments. Not speaking for just me but for all, it is a rough situation when a spouse or significant other shows no physical interest in you. It definitely makes you feel less than worthy of attention from anyone.

Yes. Very true. Makes you feel both unloved and unlovable all at once.