Sexless Marriages

[asian2015]

With that said, do you think it is fair for one partner to condemn the other to a life without sex?

No, it isnt.

 

[MutualMatureMike]

That's a great question and I gotta say, I don't know what I would have done. Torn between the desire to continue an honest and open relationship and the reality that I am and always have been extremely sexual, I'd like to think I would have continued trying to find a negotiated middle ground we could both live with.

If we hadn't been able to work through the "stuff", I suppose we might have ended up like others. Polarized and unable to find a way through it. That would have been very sad. He's the best wing man a woman could have and I'm grateful to be able to continue to have a great marriage with the latitude to find another great person to share the other parts with.

Kimberly

Because it's for health reasons on her part that we're now sexless, we have reached a friendly understanding and haven't become polarised or fallen out. But I wouldn't pretend that a sexless marriage is fun!

 

[Elite_Goblin]

My wife and I have discussed sex over and over through the years. Recently she divulged she has absolutely no interest or urge for Sex. She knows I think about it daily but cannot bring herself to enjoy Sex. I’ve always have been a giving lover. Always giving her pleasure before mine.

I’ve reached my limit and I’ve even told her so. She still won’t change or even consider changing.

Due to all this I’ve succumbed to the seduction of a lady I know. We’ve known each other for a while and we started chatting one day recently. It led to a sexual conversation. We both realised we are very similar in regards to sex and wanting sex. She’s married to a guy who has no interests in sex as well.

We finally met up and has the hottest most intense sex I’ve ever had. I know it’s wrong but I have no guilt whatsoever. Now I can stop pestering my wife for sex and things are calmer at home.

I totally get it!! I have been there. Did not go the full sex route with someone else, but was close. I felt bad that these feelings were with someone else and not my wife, so I told her about it. There were fireworks all right, but she realized that our marriage would be over if things would not change. (She was not like that at all the first years of marriage.)
She started trying all kinds of things out, was super hot. Really and truly enjoying herself. Then she got pregnant and had a child. Since then it has gotten back to where it was. (Discussions, try for a month, then lack of enthusiasm returns, less and less the park is open....etc. repeat)

I now know that this is how it will be for a while. I cannot just leave because of a needy child. Maybe once our kid is grown and out the house things may change (one way or the other). For now, if I ever found another person on the side, I would just stick with that and not say anything.

I would be sooo open to anything she (wife) wanted too. I could be content to just make-out sometimes. Just breast-love, just eat her out. Heck, watch me pleasure myself. Anything! I stay in shape and keep myself up, so that she has a nice male body (in the rare event that she is in the mood).

Oh well. Thanks for listening.

 

[Vitriolhack]

66M here with 62F wife, both very well preserved. Now around five years since we last fucked.

I'd say our problems are mainly emotional. We maintain a great friendship punctuated by some bitter and petty fights. But all our friends say we're just fine, much better than lots of people they know. But somehow the communication on sex is almost completely absent. Something rooted in the past is stopping us.

As everyone here can see, the fact I'm on Lit shows I'm still pretty horny. Various female colleagues and friends have sometimes indicated they'd be happy to have a fling, but I know I'd never be able to handle the emotional consequences if it came out. Experience from the past has demonstrated that in ample measure.

Not that we haven't both strayed...I've written up some of the experiences as stories under a different handle on Lit (I'd be happy, by the way, to discuss those with anyone here, both m and f, via PM or email).

Recently, however, a small hint came from my wife that she too is more open than I'd have thought. She had gone for a conference at a beach resort about a month ago, and it so happened that a couple of close female friends, with whom she constantly exchanges those racy WhatsApp messages, had also attended. To cut a long story short, they used to get pretty drunk every evening, and on one such occasion she and one of the women ended up getting into the sea in their underwear late at night. At least that's what she's told me, but I suspect it was full on skinny dipping.

So what's your opinion, people? is there hope for our sex life? If so, how should I go about rebuilding the intimacy and excitement?

Of course there is hope, there is always hope.

You need to explain why, do you think, the sex stopped? Do you want it to start again with her?

Do you guys cuddle? Does she feel you grow when you hold her?

It could be that she is dropping hints to you about her girlfriends. Have you tried talking to her about it? Before you do though, try to work out how you feel about it in your head. Would you be ok with the fact that she has girlfriends She maybe intimate with.

Are you jealous about it?
Turned I by it?

Do you guys have got communication Channels?

So many questions sorry, hope it’s ok.

 

[Elite_Goblin]

The fact that she told you some things, seems to indicate that she is interested in you being involved someway. Whether it is actually you being with her and her friends at the same time, or she just wanted to share something with you, that made she was fond of.

Definitely open up and talk with her. Tell her how excited that made you feel. Tell her how happy you are that she found pleasure in it. (Unless you didn't) Tell her that you appreciate her telling you about it.

2-way communication means there is still a connection, and who knows what come out of it unless you ask.

 

[olderpussy]

The fact that she told you some things, seems to indicate that she is interested in you being involved someway. Whether it is actually you being with her and her friends at the same time, or she just wanted to share something with you, that made she was fond of.

Definitely open up and talk with her. Tell her how excited that made you feel. Tell her how happy you are that she found pleasure in it. (Unless you didn't) Tell her that you appreciate her telling you about it.

2-way communication means there is still a connection, and who knows what come out of it unless you ask.

You are so right! The fact that she was once able to express those feelings indicates that, at the core, she is willing. But...and it's a big but...all of us women know that something changes drastically after childbirth. You suddenly (as in overnight suddenly!) see your body as a temple designed to sustain the life of another and it takes a while ( sometimes a long while) for your perspective to return and for you to rediscover balance. That phase lasted several years for me, yet here I am, still a horny old doll! So hang in there. A good relationship is hard to find and well worth the wait for the adventure that is around the corner!

 

[2TryAnything]

I wish I could say I've taken the time to read all 51 pages of this thread. I haven't. But I read several of them and I can empathize with all of you who find yourselves in sexless marriages. It's a drag to put it mildly.

My wife and I are in our early 50s and, until 2 or 3 years ago, we had an active and adventurous sex life. But, like so many women her age, she has undergone the opposite of the "sex surge" that was referenced early in this thread. She has explained to me that her body doesn't react at all anymore to stimulation, she no longer gets horny, intercourse is uncomfortable in most positions, and, although she can still cum, she certainly doesn't masturbate anymore and she could honestly do without sex entirely. She has also resisted any serious discussion of therapies or treatments that might help to restore some form of enjoyment of sex.

What's especially tough about all of this, though, is that the most experimental and satisfying parts of our sex life didn't become fully realized until we were in our mid-40s. We'd always had good sex prior to that, but we'd become so comfortable and secure in our relationship that we were open and enthusiastic to start experimenting with multiple partners, lovers on the side, sharing our experiences online, writing stories, taking pics and vids, looking for new adventures, etc. She was even on Lit with me here for a few years. I was loving it because I've always focused primarily on her pleasure and I thought it was HAF that she was interested in other men, other women, MMF and FMF threesomes and so on. She wanted me to to play on my own, too - and I did once - but that wasn't my priority and it wasn't nearly as much fun as getting to witness and experience her pleasure as she tried all sorts of new things.

I was just starting to really get into all of this in a big way when it suddenly fizzled. So, I thought to myself, "Okay. That's fine. We still have each other and that should be enough for any married couple." But eventually, even our one-on-one sex became very vanilla and far less frequent. We're now at the point where we hardly ever have sex at all. Perhaps most frustrating is that she's still affectionate in all the other innocent little ways - she holds my hand when we go out, hugs and kisses me often, and has no qualms when I do the same to her. She's just not interested in any of it leading to anything more intimate.

So, here I am - a horny man with many good, vital years ahead of me and my best friend/partner/soul-mate with whom I've spent the better part of three decades has lost interest in physical intimacy right after hitting the pinnacle of excitement in our sex life. The more time that goes by, the more I miss our old sex life and the more I fantasize about the hotwife I used to have just a few short years ago.

*sigh*

Anyway, thanks to anyone who takes the time to read this novella I've just written. I'd love to hear your thoughts.

 

[shelbakk]

I totally get it!! I have been there. Did not go the full sex route with someone else, but was close. I felt bad that these feelings were with someone else and not my wife, so I told her about it. There were fireworks all right, but she realized that our marriage would be over if things would not change. (She was not like that at all the first years of marriage.)
She started trying all kinds of things out, was super hot. Really and truly enjoying herself. Then she got pregnant and had a child. Since then it has gotten back to where it was. (Discussions, try for a month, then lack of enthusiasm returns, less and less the park is open....etc. repeat)

I now know that this is how it will be for a while. I cannot just leave because of a needy child. Maybe once our kid is grown and out the house things may change (one way or the other). For now, if I ever found another person on the side, I would just stick with that and not say anything.

I would be sooo open to anything she (wife) wanted too. I could be content to just make-out sometimes. Just breast-love, just eat her out. Heck, watch me pleasure myself. Anything! I stay in shape and keep myself up, so that she has a nice male body (in the rare event that she is in the mood).

Oh well. Thanks for listening.

Thanks for sharing. I will just keep my indiscretions to myself. For the time being the times I have with my friend with benefits helps us both out and I won’t have to pester my wife for sex.

 

[ccs29745]

I wish I could say I've taken the time to read all 51 pages of this thread. I haven't. But I read several of them and I can empathize with all of you who find yourselves in sexless marriages. It's a drag to put it mildly.

My wife and I are in our early 50s and, until 2 or 3 years ago, we had an active and adventurous sex life. But, like so many women her age, she has undergone the opposite of the "sex surge" that was referenced early in this thread. She has explained to me that her body doesn't react at all anymore to stimulation, she no longer gets horny, intercourse is uncomfortable in most positions, and, although she can still cum, she certainly doesn't masturbate anymore and she could honestly do without sex entirely. She has also resisted any serious discussion of therapies or treatments that might help to restore some form of enjoyment of sex.

What's especially tough about all of this, though, is that the most experimental and satisfying parts of our sex life didn't become fully realized until we were in our mid-40s. We'd always had good sex prior to that, but we'd become so comfortable and secure in our relationship that we were open and enthusiastic to start experimenting with multiple partners, lovers on the side, sharing our experiences online, writing stories, taking pics and vids, looking for new adventures, etc. She was even on Lit with me here for a few years. I was loving it because I've always focused primarily on her pleasure and I thought it was HAF that she was interested in other men, other women, MMF and FMF threesomes and so on. She wanted me to to play on my own, too - and I did once - but that wasn't my priority and it wasn't nearly as much fun as getting to witness and experience her pleasure as she tried all sorts of new things.

I was just starting to really get into all of this in a big way when it suddenly fizzled. So, I thought to myself, "Okay. That's fine. We still have each other and that should be enough for any married couple." But eventually, even our one-on-one sex became very vanilla and far less frequent. We're now at the point where we hardly ever have sex at all. Perhaps most frustrating is that she's still affectionate in all the other innocent little ways - she holds my hand when we go out, hugs and kisses me often, and has no qualms when I do the same to her. She's just not interested in any of it leading to anything more intimate.

So, here I am - a horny man with many good, vital years ahead of me and my best friend/partner/soul-mate with whom I've spent the better part of three decades has lost interest in physical intimacy right after hitting the pinnacle of excitement in our sex life. The more time that goes by, the more I miss our old sex life and the more I fantasize about the hotwife I used to have just a few short years ago.

*sigh*

Anyway, thanks to anyone who takes the time to read this novella I've just written. I'd love to hear your thoughts.

Im in same boat. Touch, hug, kiss, but no sex. Tried some PDA the other day and got rejected worse than a dietitian in a candy shop.

I love my wife, but no sex sucks.

 

[Vitriolhack]

I wish I could say I've taken the time to read all 51 pages of this thread. I haven't. But I read several of them and I can empathize with all of you who find yourselves in sexless marriages. It's a drag to put it mildly.

My wife and I are in our early 50s and, until 2 or 3 years ago, we had an active and adventurous sex life. But, like so many women her age, she has undergone the opposite of the "sex surge" that was referenced early in this thread. She has explained to me that her body doesn't react at all anymore to stimulation, she no longer gets horny, intercourse is uncomfortable in most positions, and, although she can still cum, she certainly doesn't masturbate anymore and she could honestly do without sex entirely. She has also resisted any serious discussion of therapies or treatments that might help to restore some form of enjoyment of sex.

What's especially tough about all of this, though, is that the most experimental and satisfying parts of our sex life didn't become fully realized until we were in our mid-40s. We'd always had good sex prior to that, but we'd become so comfortable and secure in our relationship that we were open and enthusiastic to start experimenting with multiple partners, lovers on the side, sharing our experiences online, writing stories, taking pics and vids, looking for new adventures, etc. She was even on Lit with me here for a few years. I was loving it because I've always focused primarily on her pleasure and I thought it was HAF that she was interested in other men, other women, MMF and FMF threesomes and so on. She wanted me to to play on my own, too - and I did once - but that wasn't my priority and it wasn't nearly as much fun as getting to witness and experience her pleasure as she tried all sorts of new things.

I was just starting to really get into all of this in a big way when it suddenly fizzled. So, I thought to myself, "Okay. That's fine. We still have each other and that should be enough for any married couple." But eventually, even our one-on-one sex became very vanilla and far less frequent. We're now at the point where we hardly ever have sex at all. Perhaps most frustrating is that she's still affectionate in all the other innocent little ways - she holds my hand when we go out, hugs and kisses me often, and has no qualms when I do the same to her. She's just not interested in any of it leading to anything more intimate.

So, here I am - a horny man with many good, vital years ahead of me and my best friend/partner/soul-mate with whom I've spent the better part of three decades has lost interest in physical intimacy right after hitting the pinnacle of excitement in our sex life. The more time that goes by, the more I miss our old sex life and the more I fantasize about the hotwife I used to have just a few short years ago.

*sigh*

Anyway, thanks to anyone who takes the time to read this novella I've just written. I'd love to hear your thoughts.

What a cute relationship you seem to have.

So, if I understand things correctly, Other than sex, everything else is fine?

That is not a bad start considering that, just a few short years ago, this where hot hot thot!

Has that change been gradual or immediate?

Has something precipitated this turn of events?

Have you tried seeking help from a professional?

 

[Elite_Goblin]

Thanks for sharing. I will just keep my indiscretions to myself. For the time being the times I have with my friend with benefits helps us both out and I won’t have to pester my wife for sex.

If I could go back in time, that is what I would have done. Just keep the girlfriend, so I would not have to pester my wife about sex.

Good luck to you and all the other guys in the same boat.

To any ladies (or guys) that are reading this with low libidos...just a little bit on your part would go a loooong way to your spouse. In the end, we want that relationship with you!

 

[2TryAnything]

Im in same boat. Touch, hug, kiss, but no sex. Tried some PDA the other day and got rejected worse than a dietitian in a candy shop.

I love my wife, but no sex sucks.

I hear you. Sorry you had to go through that rejection after the PDA attempt.

I don't know which is worse - no sex and no innocent affection or no sex with the "tease" of affection. Either way, it is a bitter pill to swallow.

 

[2TryAnything]

What a cute relationship you seem to have.

So, if I understand things correctly, Other than sex, everything else is fine?

That is not a bad start considering that, just a few short years ago, this where hot hot thot!

Has that change been gradual or immediate?

Has something precipitated this turn of events?

Have you tried seeking help from a professional?

We did once have a cute relationship . . . in fact, cute is not a strong enough word. Just a few years ago, people would marvel at us because we'd been together so long and we were still so obviously in love and in lust!

Anyway, I wouldn't say everything else is fine. We talk less and less. She's much more interested in scrolling through whatever's on her phone than she is in loving interaction. But, we still make efforts to do things together - we went to the movies last weekend, we hold hands when we're out together, we kiss each other good morning and good night. There just isn't a sense that anything deeper underlies all of it.

It has been a gradual change and not precipitated by any one thing (at least according to my wife). I think menopause is largely responsible for any physiological hormonal changes. But, what troubles me is that there are numerous options available to women who want to seek treatment for post-menopausal libido loss, yet my wife isn't interested in going that route. I have suggested that kind of thing as well as counselling and other options and she hasn't shown any desire to explore them.

So - I guess the point of me posting in this thread was to vent a little and have a "poor me" moment . . . but also to let anyone else here know that I empathize and am willing to listen. You're not alone folks.

 

[Mtnmike]

I think I played myself in my situation. I realized months ago that my husband doesn’t initiate sex at all, so I decided to test it. Here I am 12 weeks later and nothing, like there is nothing going on at all. I’m almost waiting for him to complain and ask me why we haven’t had sex, I kind of feel like that’s whats going to happen. Yet he hasn’t initiated it at all with me. I’m going to keep this up to see just how long he can actually go without sex, with me at least

Hope yours don't last as long as mine has, going on 16 years now

 

[TTawhere]

Yikes...I would never stay that long if that was the case.

Let me say this - the longer you go without having sex, the easier he'll find it to say "no, not right now". Frequency is important, even if you have to initiate. If all it takes is for you to initiate sex, you've got the keys to your own kingdom- USE THEM!

 

[TTawhere]

Yes and that makes a lot of sense, but I’m at a point where I’m close to just being done with all of this. It’s been going on for way too long and the story is much more complicated than just not having sex for 12 weeks. I just don’t see myself staying in a sexless marriage. There isn’t anything else he does that is good enough for me to stay. And at this point I don’t even want to have sex with him anymore because I have a declined desire to. Which sucks, but it is what it is. I feel like I have fought for this for way too long and haven’t seen the same effort from him.

Well, that's a choice for you to make. It does suck and it is very hard. With that said, if you were divorced, you could find someone again.

A student of mine (late 50's, retired guy) had his much younger wife leave him. I think the stress was with regard to their autistic son. He was devastated. Fast forward a year. He's found a wonderful woman who is a professional and an intellectual and love match. When they're together, they pretty much don't leave the bedroom and are making plans for their future.

There is always a second chance, you just have to work for it and getting there isn't always wonderful.

 

[Drpepwer]

Yes and that makes a lot of sense, but I’m at a point where I’m close to just being done with all of this. It’s been going on for way too long and the story is much more complicated than just not having sex for 12 weeks. I just don’t see myself staying in a sexless marriage. There isn’t anything else he does that is good enough for me to stay. And at this point I don’t even want to have sex with him anymore because I have a declined desire to. Which sucks, but it is what it is. I feel like I have fought for this for way too long and haven’t seen the same effort from him.

Similar boat here but from the male side. It’s been at least 3 months (this go around) since the last time we had sex and probably two since we have been intimate in any way. I’m one of those people that shows and receives affection through touch and the lack of anything physical puts increased tension on the relationship. Feels pretty crappy to not feel loved and not have a partner that brings something productive/positive to the relationship.

I think it’s something in the water in California....

 

[Mtnmike]

Yikes...I would never stay that long if that was the case.

Only initiated by me for first 6 of those years, I stopped even that 10 years ago and been totally loveless ever since. I wasn't going to stay after kids were gone but my state they really stick it to the man, no matter the reason

 

[shelbakk]

I think I played myself in my situation. I realized months ago that my husband doesn’t initiate sex at all, so I decided to test it. Here I am 12 weeks later and nothing, like there is nothing going on at all. I’m almost waiting for him to complain and ask me why we haven’t had sex, I kind of feel like that’s whats going to happen. Yet he hasn’t initiated it at all with me. I’m going to keep this up to see just how long he can actually go without sex, with me at least

I’ve tried exactly this. I would get angry and stop talking about sex or even trying to initiate with her. Normally I would cave and initiate something even if she wasn’t into it. Now with my FWB I think I’ll just wait awhile longer.

 

[ncfreak269]

No whoopeee sucks

It is rough bein married and not havin sex... It is even worst having to ask or initiate it... You can only get so much from yourself... So frustrating!

 

[KPaulNeilson]

It is rough bein married and not havin sex... It is even worst having to ask or initiate it... You can only get so much from yourself... So frustrating!

Exactly. Especially if it's just a chore for your partner.
Right now she just got out of the bath and is BUCK FUCKING NAKED and nothing! She loves back rubs and body rubs but for relaxing, not as foreplay. It's hair pullingly frustrating.

 

[ncfreak269]

Exactly. Especially if it's just a chore for your partner.
Right now she just got out of the bath and is BUCK FUCKING NAKED and nothing! She loves back rubs and body rubs but for relaxing, not as foreplay. It's hair pullingly frustrating.

Yea that sucks!!!

 

[HughManitee]

Sometimes I wish my sex drive would just go away so I wouldn’t care about this so much

I’ve had this exact same thought

 

[Vitriolhack]

It is rough bein married and not havin sex... It is even worst having to ask or initiate it... You can only get so much from yourself... So frustrating!

I can sense the frustration in your words.

How about asking her out on a date? Maybe she wants to be flirted with again to start over?

 

[2TryAnything]

Exactly. Especially if it's just a chore for your partner.
Right now she just got out of the bath and is BUCK FUCKING NAKED and nothing! She loves back rubs and body rubs but for relaxing, not as foreplay. It's hair pullingly frustrating.

You hit the nail on the head . . . "chore" is the exact word that fits. The few times my wife and I have had sex this year, it has felt like she was just going through the motions out of obligation. What is one to do?