Sexless Marriages

[Lost_Yonder]

I don’t know what you need clarity around ..... she’s giving you a hall pass on a “ don’t ask don’t tell” basis. Personally if I’d been given one I wouldn’t be on here wondering about it I’d be writing my bloody personal ad.... but that’s just me... impatient to the core. ( but I’m 8 years into my sexless marriage so I think I can be forgiven maybe?)

After 8 years, impatience is expected! Du courage...

 

[TTawhere]

I’ve said this before on this thread, but I’ll say it again. I cannot imagine having sex with a woman that I don’t feel love for. I just couldn’t do that. So, in the realm of having an affair, there will be an emotional attachment for me, I can’t see it any other way.

I think the trick is that you and the person that you’re having the affair with both have to have some “skin in the game” at home that keeps things on an even keel. I can have love for more than one person, and know that the two are different, so will think about it that way. Recent events have shown me that while I had thought that guilt and hesitation would be easy to toss away, they were not. However, once I found that I could, I am happy.

Key in my mind is finding someone who wants the same things out of the relationship that you do. There is no telling if you or your new partner are going to decide that they want more, but there are no guarantees in life.

 

[Rumi2018]

More than not, I just want to be touched. Skin on skin touching. Does anyone else feel that way? Also, it’s my birthday month and I’m trying to encourage my wife to get back that loving feeling... making the moves and dropping the hints but that touching is what I really want. Trying to think of reasons not to get a massage today...

 

[WillJ8787]

Happy for you

Thanks for chipping in Will very well articulated...

Thanks,

Well, I'm very happy for you that your moving in the direction you are! We are all traveling this same road, we are just at different spots, intersections, road stops along it.

I'm putting this link up for you, well, for everyone here to read as well. It has helped me so much! I hope it provides inspiration and movement.

Will

http://westkelownacounselling.com/whats-in-it-for-me-the-taboo-question-you-should-be-asking/

 

[dakotaparis]

Been there and not done it... probably like 7 years... wife just isn't interested... and my drive has slowed down... in fact, probably has increased!!

 

[r0nin]

I'm a 33 year old male, that's been married for 9 years now. It's not that I'm unhappy with my life, but I just have a much higher sex drive than my wife. Maybe once a month I get to have a quick session, otherwise I'm met with excuses. I'm really just looking for a woman to maybe chat with and find a way to verbally please each other.

 

[Mtnmike]

More than not, I just want to be touched. Skin on skin touching. Does anyone else feel that way? Also, it’s my birthday month and I’m trying to encourage my wife to get back that loving feeling... making the moves and dropping the hints but that touching is what I really want. Trying to think of reasons not to get a massage today...

Same here, it's not the sex, I just need the touching and affection

 

[Hockeydude1985]

Today sucked.....

So today things kind of hit a breaking point......

I asked if we could do massages in bed tonight since it has been almost 5 months since some kind of intimacy. She said she thought it had been longer. Anyways, she says she has no desire and hasn't for a while. She also has no want to go to a doctor and see about fixing it.

She has been saying she wants to separate for a while now. She said today that maybe I should just go find somone to handle sex so she doesn't have to. Don't know what to do now. Its what I wanted but feels like a trap at the same time.....

 

[DDBustyBrit]

More than not, I just want to be touched. Skin on skin touching. Does anyone else feel that way? Also, it’s my birthday month and I’m trying to encourage my wife to get back that loving feeling... making the moves and dropping the hints but that touching is what I really want. Trying to think of reasons not to get a massage today...

Same here, it's not the sex, I just need the touching and affection

Same here guys

I was low yesterday and it was exactly this affecting me, plus knowing Canada and I will be in a ‘so near but so far’ situ this next week.

I just need to be touched, get some affection and feel intimacy, it’s been way too long

 

[DDBustyBrit]

So today things kind of hit a breaking point......

I asked if we could do massages in bed tonight since it has been almost 5 months since some kind of intimacy. She said she thought it had been longer. Anyways, she says she has no desire and hasn't for a while. She also has no want to go to a doctor and see about fixing it.

She has been saying she wants to separate for a while now. She said today that maybe I should just go find somone to handle sex so she doesn't have to. Don't know what to do now. Its what I wanted but feels like a trap at the same time.....

I can see why you feel like it could be a trap, if she’s talked about separation. I assume you have assets and maybe kids together, I’d advise extreme caution as sadly it sounds like she’s headed that way and you could really hurt your position. I’m sure you are feeling this way too, I know I wouldn’t trust it either.

Big hug, I’m so sorry you’re going through this. Even if we ultimately decide’we’ want out, divorce is never ever easy.

 

[Polranny]

So today things kind of hit a breaking point......

I asked if we could do massages in bed tonight since it has been almost 5 months since some kind of intimacy. She said she thought it had been longer. Anyways, she says she has no desire and hasn't for a while. She also has no want to go to a doctor and see about fixing it.

She has been saying she wants to separate for a while now. She said today that maybe I should just go find somone to handle sex so she doesn't have to. Don't know what to do now. Its what I wanted but feels like a trap at the same time.....

Whatever you do don't rush. It hurts like there's no tomorrow when you're in this situation and even tenderness is declined. There's many of us out here who have experience of what you're going through, were pretty good sounding boards , there's always someone around

 

[DDBustyBrit]

I’m out indefinitely...

Polranny & TT know how to contact me.

Much love to you all

Sx

 

[DDBustyBrit]

Thanks,

Well, I'm very happy for you that your moving in the direction you are! We are all traveling this same road, we are just at different spots, intersections, road stops along it.

I'm putting this link up for you, well, for everyone here to read as well. It has helped me so much! I hope it provides inspiration and movement.

Will

http://westkelownacounselling.com/whats-in-it-for-me-the-taboo-question-you-should-be-asking/

Please click on this link Will shared, it’s wonderful.

Thanks Will

 

[Elite_Goblin]

So today things kind of hit a breaking point......

I asked if we could do massages in bed tonight since it has been almost 5 months since some kind of intimacy. She said she thought it had been longer. Anyways, she says she has no desire and hasn't for a while. She also has no want to go to a doctor and see about fixing it.

She has been saying she wants to separate for a while now. She said today that maybe I should just go find somone to handle sex so she doesn't have to. Don't know what to do now. Its what I wanted but feels like a trap at the same time.....

I would go for some more communicating, if at all possible. Ask her why she has thought of separating. I would only go out looking for sex (if wife told me to), if I did not want to leave my home-life (be it growing kids, or still getting along great with wife except for sex).

I have a needy child, so will not be going anywhere for some time. It would have to be really horrible for me to leave. This at least gives the wife and I more time to keep trying to work things out. When she is in an open mind and we communicate, things get better for awhile.

 

[ccs29745]

Missed a lot

I missed a lot letting phone go dead. Hope no one ends up in separation or divorce.

Brits, I hope you will be ok kiddo.

I had a big surprise yesterday. My wife finally let me touch her. I ended up finger banging her to 3 orgasms , but wouldn't let me do anything else to her. She also let me do this right before I had to go to work. This is first time since april I've been allowed to touch her like this. Now it's back to no touching there or her.

Happy and mad at same time.

 

[Hockeydude1985]

I would go for some more communicating, if at all possible. Ask her why she has thought of separating. I would only go out looking for sex (if wife told me to), if I did not want to leave my home-life (be it growing kids, or still getting along great with wife except for sex).

I have a needy child, so will not be going anywhere for some time. It would have to be really horrible for me to leave. This at least gives the wife and I more time to keep trying to work things out. When she is in an open mind and we communicate, things get better for awhile.

We have been going to counseling for this. The counselor can't figure it out either. Her reasons are that she hates being touched and sex has no purpose except for having kids. Since I'm snipped that kills the second part......

 

[Lonelywife1205]

I’ve said this before on this thread, but I’ll say it again. I cannot imagine having sex with a woman that I don’t feel love for. I just couldn’t do that. So, in the realm of having an affair, there will be an emotional attachment for me, I can’t see it any other way.

I think the trick is that you and the person that you’re having the affair with both have to have some “skin in the game” at home that keeps things on an even keel. I can have love for more than one person, and know that the two are different, so will think about it that way. Recent events have shown me that while I had thought that guilt and hesitation would be easy to toss away, they were not. However, once I found that I could, I am happy.

Key in my mind is finding someone who wants the same things out of the relationship that you do. There is no telling if you or your new partner are going to decide that they want more, but there are no guarantees in life.

You are the exception, not the rule. Every girl should be so lucky to have someone like you in their life. These things are complicated and messy and no one can ever really know what brings people to this point.

 

[TTawhere]

You are the exception, not the rule. Every girl should be so lucky to have someone like you in their life. These things are complicated and messy and no one can ever really know what brings people to this point.

Well, I'm happy to be the exception.

 

[Elite_Goblin]

I missed a lot letting phone go dead. Hope no one ends up in separation or divorce.

Brits, I hope you will be ok kiddo.

I had a big surprise yesterday. My wife finally let me touch her. I ended up finger banging her to 3 orgasms , but wouldn't let me do anything else to her. She also let me do this right before I had to go to work. This is first time since april I've been allowed to touch her like this. Now it's back to no touching there or her.

Happy and mad at same time.

Hey, good for you CCS! Don't wash that hand. You can at least remember the fun for another day.
Maybe the climate is changing on her! (fingers crossed for you)

Wifey has been more available and enthusiastic lately too. Maybe it is a change in the weather.

 

[TTawhere]

I had a big surprise yesterday. My wife finally let me touch her. I ended up finger banging her to 3 orgasms , but wouldn't let me do anything else to her. She also let me do this right before I had to go to work. This is first time since april I've been allowed to touch her like this. Now it's back to no touching there or her.

Happy and mad at same time.

Well, glad you two could find some connection. I bet you won't be able to wipe the smile from your face for a while.

 

[ccs29745]

Well, glad you two could find some connection. I bet you won't be able to wipe the smile from your face for a while.

Hand sill smells like her, ther smile got wiped when she wouldn't let me enter her. Said I had to earn that. Married for 16 years, still earning the right to make love to my wife??? WTF,LOL

 

[afriendg]

Well, I'm happy to be the exception.

It is endlessly heartening to see that there are some men out there who want some emotional attachment to a woman they have sex with. Even though it will never substitute for a better situation at home, it could help fillin for some of the loneliness and hurt. Not something to rush into, as once it has happened , you can’t go back.

 

[Lonelywife1205]

Well, I'm happy to be the exception.

Not as happy as I am.

 

[TTawhere]

It is endlessly heartening to see that there are some men out there who want some emotional attachment to a woman they have sex with. Even though it will never substitute for a better situation at home, it could help fillin for some of the loneliness and hurt. Not something to rush into, as once it has happened , you can’t go back.

I just can't be anything else or do it any other way.

I want that emotional attachment to be satisfied in the relationship. If that's not there, what is the point?

No, there isn't really a substitute for the situation at home, but my hope is that it will make both of our lives better without changing our current situations in a bad way. You still have to live your life as you are, and I can't see throwing a spouse I care about to the curb because of something that isn't within her grasp to control. We've built a life together, have children together and although we don't have sex, we still have a relationship.

The choices are not easy, however.

 

[TTawhere]

Not as happy as I am.

Glad to see that.