Sexless Marriages

[guns444]

Yeh I Wouldn’t be holding my breath either, my spouse don’t like oral, either way!! He forgot to tell me that before he got a ring on my finger, I could probably sue him for something!

That's ashame, I would give my wife oral everyday of the week, it's by far my favorite thing to do, but alas she just isn't into much of anything sexual anymore, guess that's why I find myself here?!?

 

[DDBustyBrit]

That's ashame, I would give my wife oral everyday of the week, it's by far my favorite thing to do, but alas she just isn't into much of anything sexual anymore, guess that's why I find myself here?!?

Yep the same here, I love to give and yes I returned here last year when I moved out of the marital bed after the last time we ‘tried’!

 

[guns444]

Yep the same here, I love to give and yes I returned here last year when I moved out of the marital bed after the last time we ‘tried’!

Sorry to hear all that. I can't believe someone who looks like you do (beautiful) has all this trouble. Also I'm glad I'm not the only one who would rather give oral, than receive nice to know there are others out there. Does being here mean I've moved out of the marital bed??

 

[DDBustyBrit]

Sorry to hear all that. I can't believe someone who looks like you do (beautiful) has all this trouble. Also I'm glad I'm not the only one who would rather give oral, than receive nice to know there are others out there. Does being here mean I've moved out of the marital bed??

Oh I literally moved out into the spare room more than a year ago, I even gave up the high dollar mattress!! We only share a bed away from home now, that’s coming up over Thanksgiving, but the kids are in the house so I’m safe!

 

[Vitriolhack]

Busty - "What I want to know is how all these hot people with high sex drives end up in this situation? Canada & I are both attractive, smart, intellectual and sexy with crazy high sex drives"

Well, this is the million $$$ question for all of us here.

IMO... 1. no training really exists in having relationships. Most of us don't go to see a relationship coach or therapist until we are having trouble in a relationship and often after we are married and in trouble. This is a bit shocking to me even though I did it too.

2. Confluent- I suffer from this. "Too easy going and goes along to get along," "Doesn't like confrontation or to rock the relationship boat." "doesn't know how to ask for what one wants before, during and after the relationship" ---I am guilty of this in the past.

3. We all make relationship mistakes! So don't be so hard on yourself! None of us are perfect - that goes especially for me. Relationships are an opportunity to grow so move toward growth as best one can. This comes with an awareness that my first and longest relationship(marriage) was not ideal for me. Also, that I change over time and what wasn't important early on is now so very important that I am now ready to ask for what I want and end the relationship because it now is a deal breaker.

Cheers all and good morning if your in the east along the us coast.
Will

None of us are perfect?

What a bummer...

Assertion is an important element. You need to be good and confident in yourself before you can have an ourself. Before the “we” there was an “I”.

How does one assert themselves without imposing his or her view on things is the ultimate balancing act.

 

[guns444]

Oh I literally moved out into the spare room more than a year ago, I even gave up the high dollar mattress!! We only share a bed away from home now, that’s coming up over Thanksgiving, but the kids are in the house so I’m safe!

So obviously you guys are no longer sexually involved with each other? Do you seeking it out elsewhere?

 

[DDBustyBrit]

So obviously you guys are no longer sexually involved with each other? Do you seeking it out elsewhere?

Here, I’m way too well known in my area to try a real life affair with anyone locally.

But Canada & I will be going real life as soon as the opportunity arises and it will as he is relocating

And no to marital, it’s been at least 18 months

 

[guns444]

Here, I’m way too well known in my area to try a real life affair with anyone locally.

But Canada & I will be going real life as soon as the opportunity arises and it will as he is relocating

Canada is a lit member?

 

[DDBustyBrit]

Canada is a lit member?

Yes it’s how we met, but he’s barely on the Lit radar and we both like it like that. One high profile Litster is tough in a relationship here, I know from the mess with the Ex and I won’t be doing that again, lesson learned!

I’ve told Canada to think of himself as Carl Parton, he’s only ever been photographed with Dolly 46 years or more ago. Nobody knows a thing about him, that’s Canada for me!

And not for any other reason, he’s totally gorgeous in fact he’s a 10

 

[guns444]

Yes it’s how we met, but he’s barely on the Lit radar and we both like it like that. One high profile Litster is tough in a relationship here, I know from the mess with the Ex and I won’t be doing that again, lesson learned!

I’ve told Canada to think of himself as Carl Parton, he’s only ever been photographed with Dolly 46 years or more ago. Nobody knows a thing about him, that’s Canada for me!

And not for any other reason, he’s totally gorgeous in fact he’s a 10

Well congrats for finding him, also I'm jealous of him, your beautiful and seem very genuine and intelligent, which are huge turn ons, for me anyways. He's a lucky dude!

 

[KPaulNeilson]

So, inspired by this thread, I spoke with the wife.
She said she'd try to be more willing. She also mentioned two things (they were just side comments and I feel weird asking her to elaborate). They were (and I quote) "just don't go falling in love with someone else" and "if I don't know, then I don't know"...

Opinions? Am I hearing what I think I am or am I just taking something that I want to hear?

 

[guns444]

So, inspired by this thread, I spoke with the wife.
She said she'd try to be more willing. She also mentioned two things (they were just side comments and I feel weird asking her to elaborate). They were (and I quote) "just don't go falling in love with someone else" and "if I don't know, then I don't know"...

Opinions? Am I hearing what I think I am or am I just taking something that I want to hear?

I think so, I mean if I heard that I'd be running with it lol

 

[ccs29745]

Oh I literally moved out into the spare room more than a year ago, I even gave up the high dollar mattress!! We only share a bed away from home now, that’s coming up over Thanksgiving, but the kids are in the house so I’m safe!

Can't move into another room, but wondered about 2 beds before. Fixed dinner with daughter last night and all wife did was take few bites and read a book. I asked how was it. 7 minutes later she answered.

Washed dishes before she knew I had already done them.

Could sue for failure of disclosure. Lol

 

[ccs29745]

So, inspired by this thread, I spoke with the wife.
She said she'd try to be more willing. She also mentioned two things (they were just side comments and I feel weird asking her to elaborate). They were (and I quote) "just don't go falling in love with someone else" and "if I don't know, then I don't know"...

Opinions? Am I hearing what I think I am or am I just taking something that I want to hear?

Less she knows, longer you live. Lol

 

[Booboobear84]

So, inspired by this thread, I spoke with the wife.
She said she'd try to be more willing. She also mentioned two things (they were just side comments and I feel weird asking her to elaborate). They were (and I quote) "just don't go falling in love with someone else" and "if I don't know, then I don't know"...

Opinions? Am I hearing what I think I am or am I just taking something that I want to hear?

Not sure, but one of the reasons I don't cheat is I would fall in love. The two things are very intertwined for me. If I get the hots sexually for someone, other things follow. I have a dance friend who is gorgeous and single, but it's the connection that we have that gets me really going. I won't go down that road because it would be a disaster (fortunately she won't either because if she were actively trying to seduce me . . . )

 

[Vitriolhack]

So, inspired by this thread, I spoke with the wife.
She said she'd try to be more willing. She also mentioned two things (they were just side comments and I feel weird asking her to elaborate). They were (and I quote) "just don't go falling in love with someone else" and "if I don't know, then I don't know"...

Opinions? Am I hearing what I think I am or am I just taking something that I want to hear?

Well, she is saying to you that although she understand she is not her best self at the moment, she does love you.

She does seem to insinuate that she would be ok if you around, but she wants you to spare her the hurt. hence, the "don't go falling enough"

I know she did not openly say she loves you, but she does not want you to fall in love with another women. I believe she recognizes that you do love her.

I think you do need clarity on her comments.

hope this helps,

V.

 

[DDBustyBrit]

So, inspired by this thread, I spoke with the wife.
She said she'd try to be more willing. She also mentioned two things (they were just side comments and I feel weird asking her to elaborate). They were (and I quote) "just don't go falling in love with someone else" and "if I don't know, then I don't know"...

Opinions? Am I hearing what I think I am or am I just taking something that I want to hear?

So glad you’ve joined us here, funny I actually noticed another post of yours this morning so coincidence for you then to come into what I refer to as my Lit ‘family’ thread. Everyone in here is awesome and so supportive, we also just all ‘get’ the challenges and frustration we share.

I’m with guns444 - in fact I’d be booking a ticket right now to be in Vegas this week with Canada when he comes stateside! But if you’re not certain then yes clarification is needed. But I’d love to know how you got into this conversation and it didn’t turn into an all out fight. I might get to this point one day as the deception is something I’m not comfortable with, Canada & I have discussed stopping because we struggle with the duplicity as we’re both very honest people. But within no time we’d probably be back here looking again, so what’s the point in stopping when we have a great match already.

I’m also one who can’t just fall into bed with someone without an emotional attachment. Everything is just better with that level of connection.

But here’s the other thing, I crave the emotional attachment and affection as much as the sex, the two go hand in hand for me in real life.

Having no physical affection in my life is very tough, even though I still feel love for my spouse, like him and we live peaceably generally.

Life is just tough when this happens ::: sigh :::

Wow I’m in a reflective mood today as you probably can all tell, I’m actually struggling a bit emotionally, even though I’m so happy with Canada ... weird, I think I just need a hug from someone and some physical touch

This maybe because he’s going to be in the USA this week and it’s an opportunity we can’t take and the desire on both sides is off the scale to be together. So near but so far...

 

[Lonelywife1205]

So, inspired by this thread, I spoke with the wife.
She said she'd try to be more willing. She also mentioned two things (they were just side comments and I feel weird asking her to elaborate). They were (and I quote) "just don't go falling in love with someone else" and "if I don't know, then I don't know"...

Opinions? Am I hearing what I think I am or am I just taking something that I want to hear?

I think those are two very clear statements. I would not ask for clarification. In fact, I had something similar happen and I took the comment as a green light and all has been well since. I’m thinking maybe she recognizes you have needs that she has not been meeting and is at least allowing you the opportunity to have them met elsewhere which is more than I can say for most of the men I have met here. I also think she drew a line in the sand at falling in love which can be complicated when you go down this road and start to have emotional connections with other people.
Best of luck to you.

 

[KPaulNeilson]

I think those are two very clear statements. I would not ask for clarification. In fact, I had something similar happen and I took the comment as a green light and all has been well since. I’m thinking maybe she recognizes you have needs that she has not been meeting and is at least allowing you the opportunity to have them met elsewhere which is more than I can say for most of the men I have met here. I also think she drew a line in the sand at falling in love which can be complicated when you go down this road and start to have emotional connections with other people.
Best of luck to you.

Thank you and everyone else for your advice. I too tend to get emotionally connected but IF I try I am going to try and view it as masturbating with a partner. Just fun, no emotion. And that's a BIG if.

 

[DDBustyBrit]

Thank you and everyone else for your advice. I too tend to get emotionally connected but IF I try I am going to try and view it as masturbating with a partner. Just fun, no emotion. And that's a BIG if.

I get it’s a HUGE if, because I think as humans we all crave physical and emotional intimacy with a partner ultimately. I did manage to have one what I would term a hookup in real life a few years ago, but he was much younger and it was pure lust and fun.

I wish you all the best with your search, we will all be here for you.

 

[Fuzzy1975]

Thank you and everyone else for your advice. I too tend to get emotionally connected but IF I try I am going to try and view it as masturbating with a partner. Just fun, no emotion. And that's a BIG if.

The problem with this scenario is well answered below. Now at the beginning you may be able to view this as just mutual masturbation, but the mind craves the mental connection, which will lead to the emotional intimacy. It is hard to keep this seperate, and not all can.

I get it’s a HUGE if, because I think as humans we all crave physical and emotional intimacy with a partner ultimately. I did manage to have one what I would term a hookup in real life a few years ago, but he was much younger and it was pure lust and fun.

I wish you all the best with your search, we will all be here for you.

 

[Lost_Yonder]

Thank you and everyone else for your advice. I too tend to get emotionally connected but IF I try I am going to try and view it as masturbating with a partner. Just fun, no emotion. And that's a BIG if.

good luck! It's a tricky path, but one that can be full of excitement and new discoveries. It is very likely that also one you relieve yourself of the frustrations brewing in your own married life, that many of the tensions in the homefront will simmer - having an affair may make you more comfortable with your wife.

I appreciate the intertwining of emotions and sex. I've been down that road. If you choose to pursue that path, take it slow - meet a woman or two for coffee or drinks or whatever with no expectation of sex, just meet, chat, see how comfortable you are being socially with another woman.

Another route is to find women you are sexually attracted to but not socially - in short, someone just for sex. Less likely to have the emotions come in the way. Though, for me, ultimately, it was the social connection that I needed - it just took me a long time to figure that out...

Enjoy!

 

[Spiritedlady]

So, inspired by this thread, I spoke with the wife.
She said she'd try to be more willing. She also mentioned two things (they were just side comments and I feel weird asking her to elaborate). They were (and I quote) "just don't go falling in love with someone else" and "if I don't know, then I don't know"...

Opinions? Am I hearing what I think I am or am I just taking something that I want to hear?

I don’t know what you need clarity around ..... she’s giving you a hall pass on a “ don’t ask don’t tell” basis. Personally if I’d been given one I wouldn’t be on here wondering about it I’d be writing my bloody personal ad.... but that’s just me... impatient to the core. ( but I’m 8 years into my sexless marriage so I think I can be forgiven maybe?)

 

[DDBustyBrit]

I don’t know what you need clarity around ..... she’s giving you a hall pass on a “ don’t ask don’t tell” basis. Personally if I’d been given one I wouldn’t be on here wondering about it I’d be writing my bloody personal ad.... but that’s just me... impatient to the core. ( but I’m 8 years into my sexless marriage so I think I can be forgiven maybe?)

Yep totally forgiven, sorry it’s so long

 

[Elite_Goblin]

The problem with this scenario is well answered below. Now at the beginning you may be able to view this as just mutual masturbation, but the mind craves the mental connection, which will lead to the emotional intimacy. It is hard to keep this seperate, and not all can.

Yea. I thought I could keep the emotions out of it (when I found a girlfriend), but in the end could not. I ended up telling my wife about it all.
It was tough fir us both, but she said she would try hard to be the woman she used to be. It worked great for a while. Now she just needs an annual reminder.