The Art of Getting Personal----Regarding Personal Ads

[Rosa2019]

How do personal ads work for you? Many seek “erotic chat” but I've never seen posters give a clue on what or how they want to do it . When I had my box open, all the messages said “Let's chat”. I replied ' OK'. They repeated after me, 'Ok'. Nobody seems to know how. Do you know how ?

The best pm I've received was the recent one :“what are you thinking ?” . Presumably he would like me to say, ” I am thinking about fucking you”. Then he would reply, “me too” (?) Is that your idea of “erotic conversation” ? Is that how it works for you ?

 

[wiguylooking]

Hey,

I get what you are saying. I often read them and reply with a question on something they post but I'm always asking what she thinks. See ads are so generic and non-detailed that knowing what she is thinking at the time helps to the drive the conversation, well that's what I hope.

If she is like, I just need to get laid, then lets chat about that. But if she had a bad day and wants to talk about what kind of wine she needs, I'm cool with that.

The trick is getting that first response and then actually being able to kick off a conversation.

 

[Rosa2019]

.... I often read them and reply with a question ......

Good point.

 

[Anesthetist50]

Rosa,

I think there are 2 kinds of people who answer in that way. The first are those who truly have no social skills and cannot carry their half of a conversation. They are hoping you will do that for them and by some miracle they will get to know you.

The other kind are probably those (maybe like me) who are desiring of having a meaningful conversation, and very capable of being an entertaining e-pen pal. However, they are reluctant to put themselves out there for fear of saying something wrong and bringing the newly found friendship to a screeching halt. I think shyness is a factor in this group, which is not an altogether bad personality trait.

Having said all that, I would enjoy having a personal conversation with you, whether here, by PM, or via email. I feel like I have a fertile imagination and a good command of the written language. Your call. I hope to hear from you.

 

[Jada59]

I have seen some very well written personal ads but the person who wrote them was looking for something I'm not.

I get a lot of PMs. Some are annoying in that the person keeps thinking of new thing to ask or tell me and instead of putting them all in one PM, I get flooded with 12 PMs all at once. I then have to respond to each one and soon I am even more flooded. My trying to combine them all into one PM never seems to work. It only seems to confuse the person.

I actually prefer to take chats elsewhere like Discord, Facebook or Skype. Much less tedious that way, But sometimes the other person says very little and it makes me want to drop out of the conversation.

As for getting people to reply here, I'm not sure you'll get a lot of takers. I'm a pretty open book but not all people are. Some prefer to talk privately.

I'm not sure why you're not open to PMs. I've only ever blocked one person and that's because he or she kept flooding my inbox with one word.

 

[Rosa2019]

Anesthetist50 & Jada59
Thank you both

 

[KPaulNeilson]

Rosa,

I think there are 2 kinds of people who answer in that way. The first are those who truly have no social skills and cannot carry their half of a conversation. They are hoping you will do that for them and by some miracle they will get to know you.

The other kind are probably those (maybe like me) who are desiring of having a meaningful conversation, and very capable of being an entertaining e-pen pal. However, they are reluctant to put themselves out there for fear of saying something wrong and bringing the newly found friendship to a screeching halt. I think shyness is a factor in this group, which is not an altogether bad personality trait.

Having said all that, I would enjoy having a personal conversation with you, whether here, by PM, or via email. I feel like I have a fertile imagination and a good command of the written language. Your call. I hope to hear from you.

For me it's a mix of the two. In addition, I can type up a storm but not too comfortable with typing on my phone for too long. How soon is too soon to suggest email? And if you write long paragraphs, you can become boring and tedious that way as well. And some ask for pics. What if the reason you're online and sticking to text is because of the way you see yourself? Women of all sizes are beautiful, even sexy in their own way. I'm a firm believer. For men...dad bod only goes so far. I'm not looking for sympathy (nor crying out for attention) but I see that in ads, online, and in the mirror.

Or it could be just privacy issues. This is only a small part, an outlet in their lives.

I can write. It's one of my few talents. But interaction with others is nerve wracking, trying to open up and be honest with others but cautious due to the unknown and the nature of the anonymity of this site.

There's so many reasons...I know it can be frustrating but I stick to it. Sometimes it can be worth it.

Ok. Ranting over. Sorry, it's early/late and I'm rambling.

 

[UgliestSon]

This is why I dont PM. I dont have anything to say to anyone anymore.

 

[Jada59]

This is why I dont PM. I dont have anything to say to anyone anymore.

That's sad!

 

[lonely_hubby60]

How do personal ads work for you? Many seek “erotic chat” but I've never seen posters give a clue on their approach or taste . When I had my pm box open, all the messages said “Let's chat”. I replied ' OK'. They repeated after me, 'Ok'. Nobody seems to know how. Do you know how ?

The best pm I've received was the recent one :“what are you thinking ?” . Presumably he would like me to say, ” I am thinking about fucking you”. Then he would reply, “me too” (?) Is that your idea of “erotic conversation” ? Is that how it works for you ?

Rosa, I am sure you know yourself that your experiences do not cover the total spectrum of available Lit conversations. And I am fairly sure also that you'll agree with Jada's comment on opening up your PM reception.

The subject you touched upon is not trivial, so in case you should be interested in my views on it, drop me a PM and we'll talk in private.

 

[Mrs_Gray]

I can relate to this. Many guys on here (not all) aren't great conversationalists. In the past I've written lengthy PMs to guys only to get a sentence consisting of less than ten words. I'll respond with another lengthy message, and get a reply that's even shorter than the previous one. I may ask multiple questions and I either get no answer or a response that glosses over what I asked. It's like they're not paying attention to what I'm saying. Maybe their hard on is taking all of the spare blood out of their brain, I don't know. Just my observation.

 

[xtra_special_12]

I can relate to this. Many guys on here (not all) aren't great conversationalists. In the past I've written lengthy PMs to guys only to get a sentence consisting of less than ten words. I'll respond with another lengthy message, and get a reply that's even shorter than the previous one. I may ask multiple questions and I either get no answer or a response that glosses over what I asked. It's like they're not paying attention to what I'm saying. Maybe their hard on is taking all of the spare blood out of their brain, I don't know. Just my observation.

i've had the same experience, although from the "other side of the fence". sending a bit of detail in a pm, referencing a few posts or apparent likes, asking if the woman would like to chat. the response comes back "sure!". i'll follow up with a bit more detail, or info about myself and the response comes back "great!". at which point it's time to move on...definitely not a one-sided situation. not all women are great conversationalists. that said, sometimes the connection is great!

 

[Anesthetist50]

I can relate to this. Many guys on here (not all) aren't great conversationalists. In the past I've written lengthy PMs to guys only to get a sentence consisting of less than ten words. I'll respond with another lengthy message, and get a reply that's even shorter than the previous one. I may ask multiple questions and I either get no answer or a response that glosses over what I asked. It's like they're not paying attention to what I'm saying. Maybe their hard on is taking all of the spare blood out of their brain, I don't know. Just my observation.

Would you like to try again with someone new? I promise there will be no short answers, and maybe some conversation you will enjoy. I'll look forward to your response!

 

[TheWorldBuilder]

I can relate to this. Many guys on here (not all) aren't great conversationalists. In the past I've written lengthy PMs to guys only to get a sentence consisting of less than ten words. I'll respond with another lengthy message, and get a reply that's even shorter than the previous one. I may ask multiple questions and I either get no answer or a response that glosses over what I asked. It's like they're not paying attention to what I'm saying. Maybe their hard on is taking all of the spare blood out of their brain, I don't know. Just my observation.

i've had the same experience, although from the "other side of the fence". sending a bit of detail in a pm, referencing a few posts or apparent likes, asking if the woman would like to chat. the response comes back "sure!". i'll follow up with a bit more detail, or info about myself and the response comes back "great!". at which point it's time to move on...definitely not a one-sided situation. not all women are great conversationalists. that said, sometimes the connection is great!

Over the past 25+ years I've seen many UseNet groups, BBs, chatrooms and fora and I reckon that 95% of their users operate in write-only mode. I doubt if there's a quick fix, I just end up slogging through the slush until I decide there are better uses for my time.

Very occasionally, I have conversed with someone who has subsequently jumped from VL friend to RL, but they are certainly the exceptions.

 

[lonely_hubby60]

I can relate to this. Many guys on here (not all) aren't great conversationalists. In the past I've written lengthy PMs to guys only to get a sentence consisting of less than ten words. I'll respond with another lengthy message, and get a reply that's even shorter than the previous one. I may ask multiple questions and I either get no answer or a response that glosses over what I asked. It's like they're not paying attention to what I'm saying. Maybe their hard on is taking all of the spare blood out of their brain, I don't know. Just my observation.

hello Mrs Gray, although maybe I should have addressed you merely as "elder and wiser woman."

How about agreeing on the following: it is not men that you and others balk about and dislike, and not women either, that the fellow below you complains about, but quite simply unresponsive people.

Some people know how to listen, understand and respond, and some simply do not. And a few of the responsive ones even enjoy talking and conversing and exchanging substantial thoughts, and some of those love the spoken word.

Completely impossible to generalize here, regarding sex. Both categories of people are distributed among men and woman. Maybe a few more of the latter kind among elder people like us, simply because some of us have not only lived, but learned as well.

To prove what I mean, I ask you to look at what happend to personal ads these days. How high do you see is the percentage of ads with at least a bit of substance? Here I would consider men to be more diligent, simply because of the competition factor, I believe.

Do you feel like agreeing with me?
.

 

[Mrs_Gray]

Would you like to try again with someone new? I promise there will be no short answers, and maybe some conversation you will enjoy. I'll look forward to your response!

Not at this time. I want to spend more time in the threads and explore what's happening.

 

[Mrs_Gray]

hello Mrs Gray, although maybe I should have addressed you merely as "elder and wiser woman."

How about agreeing on the following: it is not men that you and others balk about and dislike, and not women either, that the fellow below you complains about, but quite simply unresponsive people.

Some people know how to listen, understand and respond, and some simply do not. And a few of the responsive ones even enjoy talking and conversing and exchanging substantial thoughts, and some of those love the spoken word.

Completely impossible to generalize here, regarding sex. Both categories of people are distributed among men and woman. Maybe a few more of the latter kind among elder people like us, simply because some of us have not only lived, but learned as well.

To prove what I mean, I ask you to look at what happend to personal ads these days. How high do you see is the percentage of ads with at least a bit of substance? Here I would consider men to be more diligent, simply because of the competition factor, I believe.

Do you feel like agreeing with me?
.

Addressing me as Mrs Gray is quite fine with me and I can agree with you.

Unresponsive people? Yes, to an extent. Some guys have been VERY responsive, and VERY quick about it. But their responses have been lacking as I described previously. I wouldn't mind it if he spent a day or two in response to me if he was putting genuine thought into it in crafting a reply. I'm not using a stop watch on them or anything. Of course if after three or four days I get no response, and I see they're online and posting, well, I figure I didn't make that much of an impact on him, so I'll move on, no worse for wear.

And there are some guys who I've had wonderful and extended conversations with over time. I suppose they're the diamonds in the rough and should be appreciated and cherished.

And I do find many of the personals "lacking" substance. Many I take are looking for quick sex, and that's fine if that's all they are expecting. I won't necessarily respond, but I'm probably not their target audience.

Being "older", I guess we have more life lessons to draw upon. But each to their own, I'm not going to say I'm right or wrong. People should use and enjoy Lit. We're all different and we'll likely get different things from the site.

 

[Rosa2019]

Thank you all for your comments.

 

[Rosa2019]

... for fear of saying something wrong ...... I have a fertile imagination .....

“fear of saying something wrong ”
That's what happens when 2 total faceless strangers try to have a personal conversation in a private room with nobody else around. It feels more natural to start out in a public place.

I see you are a “virgin”. Must be excited in this wonderland.
I would also be excited to see how fertile your imagination is when you start your new thread.

 

[Rosa2019]

.... interaction with others is nerve wracking, trying to open up and be honest with others but cautious due to the unknown and the nature of the anonymity of this site.

nerve wracking ---that's probably because people in general are not used to the naked soul especially 'due to the unknown and the nature of the anonymity of this site'.* The naked soul is hidden way down deep underneath layers and layers of social rituals and conditioning. When you open up you look 'naked' .

 

[Rosa2019]

... drop me a PM and we'll talk in private.

I did take a look at your ghosting thread. Overwhelming.
Perhaps you would explain the difference between talking in a thread and in private.

 

[Rosa2019]

...diamonds in the rough should be appreciated and cherished.

diamonds in the rough shine inside. They deserve to be appreciated and cherished. If you take them out in display, there may be a potential to have them polished and they may shine through.

 

[MEbullmoose]

Fear

For me it is fear, even though I am dominant by nature. I have a hard time composing my thoughts and feelings into words. However, I thirst for a relationship. As I am writing this now I am tempted to delete and back away from saying anything.

 

[Rosa2019]

...I am dominant by nature. ..

What's a "natural dom" ? as opposed to unnatural ? Pls explain.
This is getting off a bit off-topic. It maybe better if you explain it in one of your threads. I'll go find it.

 

[craving_sensuality]

Curious Mind

A Personal Ad is to get attention. Once the attention is perceived between two mature adults. The personal intertwine about one's likes and dislikes is attributed thru a more private discussion.