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A Drop of Hope

I really have to disagree. I think Will Smith is full of shit and 'self-actualization' tends to be something cherished by those who are most hard on themselves. People who look in the mirror and see they've gained ten lbs, so they starve and work out like they are obsessed, until they fit in that slinky dress again.

99% of people are unhappy because they are too critical of themselves and unwilling to accept themselves as they truly are, especially when the rest of society looks down on who they truly are. You want to feel better about yourself? Stop trying to be like every one else. Stop listening to anyone else. Be Yourself.
 
Nevyn_Black said:
I really have to disagree. I think Will Smith is full of shit and 'self-actualization' tends to be something cherished by those who are most hard on themselves. People who look in the mirror and see they've gained ten lbs, so they starve and work out like they are obsessed, until they fit in that slinky dress again.

99% of people are unhappy because they are too critical of themselves and unwilling to accept themselves as they truly are, especially when the rest of society looks down on who they truly are. You want to feel better about yourself? Stop trying to be like every one else. Stop listening to anyone else. Be Yourself.
Click to expand...

You're more than welcome to disagree, Nevyn. I'd argue that it is about finding the balance. I'd argue that self-hate is a falsity based on unrealistic social expectations. Self-hate isn't a natural state at all. Self-love is also fucking difficult to do, especially if you find yourself not connecting to what is socially desirable/accepted. Self-love is seeing yourself in a holistic view; the good, bad, and ugly. It's seeing yourself, without judgement, and deciding to give yourself what you deserve. And yeah, sometimes that requires tough love.

You're right, the only opinion of yourself that matters is your own. I am making no claims to be like anyone else. Nor do I believe the motivational talk was suggesting that. It is about wanting more than self-criticism for yourself as a matter of self-respect. It's about doing what is difficult in order to be kind and loving to yourself. It's about accepting who you are at this very moment, the history you have come from to make you who you are today, and digging deep to forge a path for yourself that you have made...often in the face of adversity (such as social expectations, general life shit, etc).

What I believe you are referring to is a person's ideals that are aligned to unattainable social expectations/desires. What I am referring to, and what I connected with, is someone who has accepted themselves as they are and wants a future that is of their own making/desires, so they give themselves tough love in order to reach it. In no words have I connected this to an ideal where I 'fit in' with mainstream acceptability. Hell, what I am working towards is in the completely opposite direction. The two perspectives are completely different because of the motivation of ideals behind them. And I see nothing wrong with striving to find/push/work for a 'self actualised' future for yourself.
 
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LucianaGrace said:
You're more than welcome to disagree, Nevyn. I'd argue that it is about finding the balance. I'd argue that self-hate is a falsity based on unrealistic social expectations. Self-hate isn't a natural state at all. Self-love is also fucking difficult to do, especially if you find yourself not connecting to what is socially desirable/accepted. Self-love is seeing yourself in a holistic view; the good, bad, and ugly. It's seeing yourself, without judgement, and deciding to give yourself what you deserve. And yeah, sometimes that requires tough love.

You're right, the only opinion of yourself that matters is your own. I am making no claims to be like anyone else. Nor do I believe the motivational talk was suggesting that. It is about wanting more than self-criticism for yourself as a matter of self-respect. It's about doing what is difficult in order to be kind and loving to yourself. It's about accepting who you are at this very moment, the history you have come from to make you who you are today, and digging deep to forge a path for yourself that you have made...often in the face of adversity (such as social expectations, general life shit, etc).

What I believe you are referring to is a person's ideals that are aligned to unattainable social expectations/desires. What I am referring to, and what I connected with, is someone who has accepted themselves as they are and wants a future that is of their own making/desires, so they give themselves tough love in order to reach it. In no words have I connected this to an ideal where I 'fit in' with mainstream acceptability. Hell, what I am working towards is in the completely opposite direction. The two perspectives are completely different because of the motivation of ideals behind them. And I see nothing wrong with striving to find/push/work for a 'self actualised' future for yourself.
Click to expand...

In one way this is true and in another not so true. Self actualization is a thought process based on what you are trained to do or desire to behold. What if you weren't taught to have hope? What if crap was thrown at you at every turn? What if you arrive for hope and that silver lining or glimmer of hope never appears? I am reminded of the book The Bluest Eye by Toni Morrison. There are people living in the world of a Pecola Breedlove in one way or another. Because of what I see in her story, I am encouraged to show genuine kindness to all those I encounter. Friendship, generosity and kindness can be a valued gift to those lacking hope. You never know how a simple act of kindness can impact another, and how a bond can grow.

There are people without that bond or even resources of help out there. For them, I continue my journey of sharing a piece of what's in my heart with all I behold or may be blessed to encounter.
 
Nevyn_Black said:
I really have to disagree. I think Will Smith is full of shit and 'self-actualization' tends to be something cherished by those who are most hard on themselves. People who look in the mirror and see they've gained ten lbs, so they starve and work out like they are obsessed, until they fit in that slinky dress again.

99% of people are unhappy because they are too critical of themselves and unwilling to accept themselves as they truly are, especially when the rest of society looks down on who they truly are. You want to feel better about yourself? Stop trying to be like every one else. Stop listening to anyone else. Be Yourself.
Click to expand...

My take on it is this: Self-actualization is the realization that you are responsible for your failures and triumphs. It is the ages-old debate of destiny vs. fate. With destiny, one forges his or her own path, while with fate he or she tends to credit a "higher Power" for all the good and bad visited upon him / her. If I succeed at anything, it is not by chance or luck or anything else, it is because I realize what steps need to be taken in order for me to attain victory, which is why when people wish me good luck, I generally say, "Luck is for the ill-prepared."
 
Cool that on a (sometimes grimy and dirty) erotic webpage you can find a comforting and loving threads about loving yourself and the world around you. I like that:)
 
I don’t have to chase extraordinary moments to find happiness – it’s right in front of me if I’m paying attention and practicing gratitude.
― Brené Brown
 
LucianaGrace said:
Absolutely perfect. Exactly what I needed to read. Thank you for sharing CB.

And thank you everyone who has posted in my absence. It gave me hope to see that the thread didn’t die. Thank you :rose:
Click to expand...

It's a good thread Lucy. Thanks for starting it.

ry:rose:
 
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