But, but, but . . . Too Many Qualifiers?

[BuckyDuckman]

IRL, someone recently pointed out to me how often I offer a qualifier before making a statement. Here's a loose example, "I don't mean to tell you how to do that, but . . ."

Now I'm hyper-conscious of how often I do it. Worse, it's bleeding into my writing, too. I'm hyper-conscious with how often I write a sentence like:

"Cody shot me a sharp look. I had said too much, but what else could I do?"​

"Freshman dorm rooms aren’t very big, but with a little creativity, we had made the most of our space."​

None of it felt realistic, but the girls were hot and the guys were well hung.​

It's as if I enjoy making a declaration and immediately qualifying or contradicting it. Am I committing a stupid, fundamental sin of amateur writing or am I just being silly?

 

[SimonDoom]

IRL, someone recently pointed out to me how often I offer a qualifier before making a statement. Here's a loose example, "I don't mean to tell you how to do that, but . . ."

Now I'm hyper-conscious of how often I do it. Worse, it's bleeding into my writing, too. I'm hyper-conscious with how often I write a sentence like:

"Cody shot me a sharp look. I had said too much, but what else could I do?"​

"Freshman dorm rooms aren’t very big, but with a little creativity, we had made the most of our space."​

None of it felt realistic, but the girls were hot and the guys were well hung.​

It's as if I enjoy making a declaration and immediately qualifying or contradicting it. Am I committing a stupid, fundamental sin of amateur writing or am I just being silly?

There's nothing at all wrong with the three examples you've given.

You're right that qualifiers can be a bane both to speech and writing. In nonfiction, for example, you should get rid of most qualifiers. Same thing with third person narrative in fiction.

But your three examples are of narrative from a first person point of view, like a person talking to herself or himself. Since people DO in fact use qualifiers in speaking, the use of qualifiers simply makes the narrative look more realistic.

Besides which, none of these are qualifiers. Your "I don't mean" example is a qualifier, but the others are not. The added phrases clarify and add to meaning rather than qualifying them.

 

[Inkhorn]

IRL, someone recently pointed out to me how often I offer a qualifier before making a statement. Here's a loose example, "I don't mean to tell you how to do that, but . . ."

Now I'm hyper-conscious of how often I do it. Worse, it's bleeding into my writing, too. I'm hyper-conscious with how often I write a sentence like:

"Cody shot me a sharp look. I had said too much, but what else could I do?"​

"Freshman dorm rooms aren’t very big, but with a little creativity, we had made the most of our space."​

None of it felt realistic, but the girls were hot and the guys were well hung.​

It's as if I enjoy making a declaration and immediately qualifying or contradicting it. Am I committing a stupid, fundamental sin of amateur writing or am I just being silly?

I know how you feel.

 

[Bramblethorn]

Nothing wrong with it, unless you're doing it so much that the structure starts to get monotonous. If that's becoming a problem, you can usually add some variety by recasting. For example:

"Cody shot me a sharp look. I had said too much, but what else could I do?"​

"I knew I'd said too much - not like I had much choice about it - and from the look Cody gave me, he knew it too."

"Freshman dorm rooms aren’t very big, but with a little creativity, we had made the most of our space."​

"With a little creativity, we'd made the most of our cramped freshman dorm room."

None of it felt realistic, but the girls were hot and the guys were well hung.​

"None of it felt realistic. Of course, when the girls are hot and the guys are well hung, who cares about realism?"

And so on.

 

[ChuckWolf]

If I find myself frequently using qualifiers in conversation, it probably means I'm talking with a simpleton who just doesn't get objectivity and is trying to limit the discussion (often about a complicated issue like religion, politics, race, gender, etc.) into black-or-white, right or wrong terms.

Following up a statement with a version of, "That having been said..." followed by another statement, just shows that you're taking into account all variables & viewpoints, but in this case you believe in your point of view (and here's why).

In writing, I think it just helps impart a little bit of realism to the story.

 

[OneAuthor]

In writing, I think it just helps impart a little bit of realism to the story.

I agree. Unless every other sentence contains qualifiers, it's not an issue.

 

[Hypoxia]

Qualifiers: If I had some ham, I'd cook some ham and eggs, if I had some eggs.

Conjunction: I'd cook some ham and eggs but my kitchen exploded last night.

 

[SamScribble]

I'd cook some ham and eggs but my kitchen exploded last night.

Hypoxia. You tease. Don't leave us dangling. What happened?

 

[UsuallyPresent]

I deal with weird, abstruse, and intuitively confusing rules all the time at my workplace. There are times where there's no reasonable alternative except to challenge my own statements. "Sure, makes sense that connecting fu and bar should work. Unfortunately it doesn't, because.."

So IMO there are definitely places and times for them.

Additionally, this can be a useful speaking difference between characters. Character A never contradicts themselves, and character B always qualifies their statements. If you can keep this up it helps further differentiate the characters and help the audience believe it's not just a puppet show with your hands up the characters butts.

Of course, this is Lit, and sometimes that too can be part of a tale. (No, nono, not tail.... )

 

[Hypoxia]

Hypoxia. You tease. Don't leave us dangling. What happened?

The caponata (like Italian kim-chee) fermented too long. Swooping wildlife creatures apprehended the flying bits. It would have been marbelous er I mean marvelous but bears got here fast. Oy.

I had to omit the personal parts (surgery, meds, dysfunction, etc) there. Sorry.

 

[BuckyDuckman]

Thank you, everyone! All of this helped tremendously!

Bramblethorn, your suggestions were especially enlightening. I'm not sure my mind sees those reconstructions, but they were good ones. (Crap, I just did it again, didn't I?) My reconstructions usually wind up looking like:

"While his suggestions were enlightening, I knew my mind didn't work that way." If nothing else, that eliminates the "but." I'll keep hacking away.

 

[SimonDoom]

Thank you, everyone! All of this helped tremendously!

Bramblethorn, your suggestions were especially enlightening. I'm not sure my mind sees those reconstructions, but they were good ones. (Crap, I just did it again, didn't I?) My reconstructions usually wind up looking like:

"While his suggestions were enlightening, I knew my mind didn't work that way." If nothing else, that eliminates the "but." I'll keep hacking away.

I think you're too modest. Your gut has it right. "But" is better than "while." The three examples you gave in your first post were all pithy and well-worded. You have a good sense of how to put words together. I don't think you have a problem at all.