Post a reason why the person above would appear in the evening breaking news

[DeckardNYC]

Trisha: Once again, Helen Waite is our new quality control official, so if you have a problem, go to Helen Waite. Tom?

Tom: Go to Helen Waite, Tom, indeed, Trisha. This just in, it seems that local boob Deckard has won a masturbator award. Imagine that, Trisha. An award for being a masturbator. Oh, I apologize. There is a typo on my script. It is the prestigious Master Baiter award, given every summer at Camp Kinnaholmapeepee to the person who lands the largest fish. Congratulations go out to Mr. Deckard, and remember: You can always go to Helen Waite. Now here's Stormy Skye with the weather.

Billy Ray, this is Suzy Floozie reporting from across town where we've learned that a local author who goes by the pen name kurrginatorX had been revealed to be the model for the Peter Griffen side boobs on Family Guy. We're hoping to catch a side glimpse, so stayed tuned.

 

[kurrginatorX]

Billy Ray, this is Suzy Floozie reporting from across town where we've learned that a local author who goes by the pen name kurrginatorX had been revealed to be the model for the Peter Griffen side boobs on Family Guy. We're hoping to catch a side glimpse, so stayed tuned.

(You really don't know how true this one is )

That rascally rapscallion Deckard was caught eating out of trash cans by local news cameras today. When asked why he simply stated, "Today's Sunday, right?" before getting back to looking for more refuse.

 

[kurrginatorX]

This just in: Lost thread found. More at eleven.

 

[ydahecnot]

Man goes on stabbing rampage when most people do not understand his post

 

[Deleted member 3041612]

This just in: Lost thread found. More at eleven.

To get attention, put on an impromptu concert starting with this song:

https://youtu.be/-7Hy7uAb_eU

And created a dance theme for it too.

 

[kurrginatorX]

Trisha: Tom, I have our lead-in story, but I'm not quite sure how to pronounce the name.

Tom: Tom, I have our lead-in story, but I'm not quite sure how to pronounce the name, indeed, Trisha. Let's see. Y-D-A-H-E-C-N-O-T. Hmmm. Oh, look. There's a tagline that reads "Just call me Cloudy Frumpy Masturbator."

Trisha: We'll just call him Masturbator for short. Anyway, Masturbator was seen in central Park trying out new dance moves to that timeless classic Brass in pocket, only he changed the words to "Ass in Pocket" as he had cut the seat out of his blue jeans. He began stabbing people left and right. Oh, Tom, it was horrible.

Tom: There, there Trisha. It's okay. Our sources indicate that he was taken into custody and is currently undergoing a psyche evaluation. Now, here's Hugh Betcha with this week's football odds.

 

[Deleted member 3041612]

Yes, he has escaped...again.

 

[DarkSimian]

Yes, he has escaped...again.

Local woman honored for having biggest heart in the state

 

[Deleted member 3041612]

He was one of the men recognized on YouTube for offering free hugs blindfolded. He wanted to changed what the world thought of Texas.

 

[kurrginatorX]

Tom: Anything exciting happening today, Trisha?

Trisha: Not really, Tom. I did see a woman roller skating through Times Square, though. She was wearing nothing but a G-string and tassels and singing "Philadelphia Freedom" at the top of her lungs.

Tom: "Philadelphia Freedom" in New York?

Trisha: Yes, then she broke into "L.A. is My Lady."

Tom: Bunch of whackos in this town, Trisha.

Trisha: Right you are, Tom. Now here's Willie Makkit with this week's culinary delight.

 

[DeckardNYC]

Tom: Anything exciting happening today, Trisha?

Trisha: Not really, Tom. I did see a woman roller skating through Times Square, though. She was wearing nothing but a G-string and tassels and singing "Philadelphia Freedom" at the top of her lungs.

Tom: "Philadelphia Freedom" in New York?

Trisha: Yes, then she broke into "L.A. is My Lady."

Tom: Bunch of whackos in this town, Trisha.

Trisha: Right you are, Tom. Now here's Willie Makkit with this week's culinary delight.

Man who goes by the motto "When you lose, say little. When you win, say less" apparently hasn't spoken in 6 years.

 

[Jada59]

Man who goes by the motto "When you lose, say little. When you win, say less" apparently hasn't spoken in 6 years.

The poor man hasn't spoken because *you* were passing out Sansevieria Trifasciata, aka Snake Plant aka Mother In Law's Tongue Hors d'oeuvres, carefully covering each bite of green leaf with a layer of cream cheese. Thankfully he was the only person to partake of one of your Ritz Cracker fancies but it rendered him with a paralyzed tongue so he *can't* speak. This lead to your restaurant, Chez Deckard's being closed pending further investigation.

 

[Deleted member 3041612]

The poor man hasn't spoken because *you* were passing out Sansevieria Trifasciata, aka Snake Plant aka Mother In Law's Tongue Hors d'oeuvres, carefully covering each bite of green leaf with a layer of cream cheese. Thankfully he was the only person to partake of one of your Ritz Cracker fancies but it rendered him with a paralyzed tongue so he *can't* speak. This lead to your restaurant, Chez Deckard's being closed pending further investigation.

She's called news crews to debut what she calls a new dance craze, CAT DANCING.

 

[DeckardNYC]

She's called news crews to debut what she calls a new dance craze, CAT DANCING.

She was nude skating through the Inner Harbor yesterday, and it took the cops over 2 hours to catch her, to the delight of all the tourists.

 

[_valkyrie_]

Made the Statue of Lady Liberty vanish in plain sight, to the amazement of the many passersby that were at the spot.

 

[lovetopleasewomen]

Made the Statue of Lady Liberty vanish in plain sight, to the amazement of the many passersby that were at the spot.

The paparazzi got her tagged. She can't go or do anything without the world knowing.

 

[DeckardNYC]

The paparazzi got her tagged. She can't go or do anything without the world knowing.

Failed to please a chatty woman who had 600,000 followers on twitter

 

[_valkyrie_]

Organised a beach trash sweep across the West Coast, which collected more than 12,385 tonnes of garbage.

 

[DeckardNYC]

Organised a beach trash sweep across the West Coast, which collected more than 12,385 tonnes of garbage.

Just returned from Brazil, where she single handily put out 12,000 acres of fires

 

[_valkyrie_]

He only appeared in the evening news because he videobombed the reporter doing the live stream.

 

[DeckardNYC]

He only appeared in the evening news because he videobombed the reporter doing the live stream.

Nude sunbathing in the median of interstate 95

 

[kurrginatorX]

Trisha: It's been a while, Tom.

Tom: It's been a while, Tom, indeed, Trisha.

Trisha: What is our top story tonight, Tom?

Tom: I'm convinced I'm being haunted, Trisha.

Trisha: Oh, no.

Tom: Oh, yes.

Trisha: How so?

Tom: I have been gone for the better part of two months and who do you suppose I have to report on? None other than Deckard himself.

Trisha: The mere thought of that sends chills down my spine, Tom. What ever will you do?

Tom: There is only one thing I can do, Trisha. Will you join me?

(Passes her a crucifix, they begin chanting in unison)

The power of Christ compels you, the power of Christ compels you ...

 

[kurrginatorX]

. . .

 

[DeckardNYC]

Trisha: It's been a while, Tom.

Tom: It's been a while, Tom, indeed, Trisha.

Trisha: What is our top story tonight, Tom?

Tom: I'm convinced I'm being haunted, Trisha.

Trisha: Oh, no.

Tom: Oh, yes.

Trisha: How so?

Tom: I have been gone for the better part of two months and who do you suppose I have to report on? None other than Deckard himself.

Trisha: The mere thought of that sends chills down my spine, Tom. What ever will you do?

Tom: There is only one thing I can do, Trisha. Will you join me?

(Passes her a crucifix, they begin chanting in unison)

The power of Christ compels you, the power of Christ compels you ...

The media found old pictures of him wearing white face.

 

[TTawhere]

The media found old pictures of him wearing white face.

Arrested for hunting replicants in Times Square without a license.