Sentence fragments in dialog?

[GuessImJamie]

My current belief, which could well be wrong, is that text should adhere to strict grammatical standards. Correct punctuation, at minimum an object noun or a pronoun, and a transitive verb. Subject nouns are nice, and I like to toss in adjectives or adverbs as well.

But in dialog, I use a different standard. Because the folks I know do not speak in grammatically correct sentences.

So, a recent story I wrote had the following dialog.

"It's the weather, I hate..."

"Yeah, I know."

Because the second speaker cut off the first or because the first speaker made her point and did not complete the sentence.

"Don't worry sis," he said, "I'm right here with you. Want to talk or something?"

"Something... I thought maybe we could play just a little bit. To take my mind off of it."

They are not pretty sentences, but I think that they convey meaning, and adhere to the way that folks I know actually speak.

"Here I... Come ..."

These two sentence fragments could have been written as a sentence. (“Here I come.”) But I think the former conveys a halting reaction.

I wonder what others with more experience think about the subject.

 

[KeithD]

Commercial fiction is fine with sentence fragments that are understandable. Not just in dialogue, but in narrative as well. Not a good idea to go to that well constantly, though.

 

[Bramblethorn]

So, a recent story I wrote had the following dialog.

"It's the weather, I hate..."

"Yeah, I know."

Because the second speaker cut off the first or because the first speaker made her point and did not complete the sentence.

I think normal style for interrupted speech is to use a dash, like so:

"It's the weather, I hate—"

"Yeah, I know."

If the first speaker is trailing off, then the way you've punctuated it with an ellipsis is fine.

 

[SimonDoom]

As a general rule (subject to creative exceptions), I agree that narrative should be grammatical. But dialogue doesn't have to be, because people don't talk in a grammatically correct way.

I agree with Bramblethorn that in the example you gave a dash would be better than an ellipsis.

 

[KeithD]

I agree with Bramblethorn that in the example you gave a dash would be better than an ellipsis.

The example given was interrupted speech, not a sentence fragment (and I agree with Bramblethorn on the use of the dash--so does the Chicago Manual of Style), but the question was about sentence fragments, so that's what I posted to.

Sentence fragments have a place in the narrative too in commercial fiction. They increase the rate of flow, injecting immediacy into the pace, and there are times you want to show that this way rather than telling about it.

 

[SimonDoom]

The example given was interrupted speech, not a sentence fragment (and I agree with Bramblethorn on the use of the dash--so does the Chicago Manual of Style), but the question was about sentence fragments, so that's what I posted to.

Sentence fragments have a place in the narrative too in commercial fiction. They increase the rate of flow, injecting immediacy into the pace, and there are times you want to show that this way rather than telling about it.

I agree. That's why I included the parenthetical (subject to creative exceptions). I use some fragments in my narrative but not many.

 

[ThisNameIsntTakenYet]

While my characters tend to speak in a more grammatically correct and to the point way compared to real people, there's plenty of times some grammatical rule gets ignored in favor of natural sounding dialogue. And that's for the average, educated person. If it's someone with a lower education or heavy/foreign accent, they might have more grammatical oddities in their dialogue. I guess the trick is to write it properly enough that the reader doesn't doubt the writer's English skills, but at the same time natural enough so it doesn't sound robotic or everyone start talking the same way.

 

[TarnishedPenny]

It's how real people talk, so how can it be wrong to reflect that in a story? And, whatever anybody's style guide may say, I think that it's a perfect use of an ellipsis.

Go wild.

 

[AlinaX]

An ellipsis indicates an incomplete thought, not an interrupted one, and it doesn't have to apply to just dialogue.

Narrative interruption:

"You may be the narrator, Ali, but you're not God."

But there she was wrong. I was God - or, rather, a goddess, powerful and sexy beyond mortal compre-

"Oh, stop that," Fiona scowled. "If you're going to be unreliable, do it elsewhere. Or at least let me finish my coffee in peace."

Dialogue interruption:

"Fiona doesn't want me to describe my genitals."

"Why would you -"

"Exactly," Fiona said. "Why would you? Besides, showing is far better than telling, and right now I don't wish to see any genitals, thank you very much."

 

[GuessImJamie]

Thank you to everyone who responded to my question. High School English was a long time ago, and I trust your opinions much more than Wikipedia.

 

[TarnishedPenny]

IMHO, unless Laurel publishes an official style guide for this place, there is a lot of flexibility.

We are not bound by outside and often arbitrary style guides, no matter how much they are insisted on by other publishers. Nor, provided the meaning is clear to the reader, need we fret too much about ultra-fine rules of grammar. Basic spelling and grammar, yes, certainly, but few of us here are post-grad grammarians.

YMMV, of course.

 

[AlinaX]

Yes, but 'provided the meaning is clear to the reader' is exactly the point. This isn't a style guide issue, it's a basic grammar issue.

 

[SimonDoom]

Yes, but 'provided the meaning is clear to the reader' is exactly the point. This isn't a style guide issue, it's a basic grammar issue.

I think the context provides some flexibility on this one. The way it's written, "It's the weather, I hate . . . ", it looks like the thought trails off with a pause before the next speaker interjects. One could take the ellipsis to mean there's a pause, in which case it serves a useful function. A dash might suggest a more rapid interruption by the next speaker.

I would use a dash in this case, but this is one of those situations that seem to allow for some flexibility and I see no problem with someone else making a different artistic choice.

 

[Voboy]

There've been quite a few of these threads lately.

The beauty of a place like Lit is that there's a market that determines successful usage, and that that marketplace is large enough to support many different "products."

Without question, a clearly-expressed story is the goal. There are many ways to achieve that. And several of those ways receive feedback in the form of favoriting, voting, comments, etc. So those writers are reinforced to continue expressing themselves as they always have, whether "right" or "wrong," grammatical or non-.

There is a difference between a dash and an ellipsis at the end of a clause, yes. But as long as the writer is expressing what she wants to express, and her readers are enjoying the words she provides, does it really matter which she chooses?

If she fails to find a market, then perhaps she should try a different technique. But as long as she's found an audience, she's done the right thing with her prose. We don't need a style guide. We need diverse readers who can find the writers whose work they enjoy, and writers who feel free to express themselves in terms that those readers understand.

 

[TarnishedPenny]

Yes, but 'provided the meaning is clear to the reader' is exactly the point. This isn't a style guide issue, it's a basic grammar issue.

A sign saying ‘Sport’s Bar’ is a basic grammar issue (unless the owner is named Sport).

Lynne Truss’ example Eats, Shoots and Leaves is a basic grammar issue.

Punctuating ‘tom help jack off the horse’ is a basic grammar issue.

This, unless one is a truly advanced grammar maven, probably isn’t. Sorry if my lack of purity offends, truly.

 

[KeithD]

Some arguing flexibility of sentence fragments in commercial fiction here appear to think they are arguing against some inflexible grammar manual on this issue. I don't think they are. I haven't seen any grammar manual insisting on strict full sentence grammar in commercial fiction.

 

[AlinaX]

Language evolves, and I have no great wish to impose my pedantry on others, but this thread asked about correct usage and there is one. If you're arguing that Literotica readers are a bunch of illiterati, well,...

 

[Zeb_Carter]

Language evolves, and I have no great wish to impose my pedantry on others, but this thread asked about correct usage and there is one. If you're arguing that Literotica readers are a bunch of illiterati, well,...

Well judging by a lot of comments one receives you could be right about them being a bunch of illiterates.

 

[KeithD]

Language evolves, and I have no great wish to impose my pedantry on others, but this thread asked about correct usage and there is one. If you're arguing that Literotica readers are a bunch of illiterati, well,...

Again, commercial fiction and scientific nonfiction and high school themes and newspaper journalism are not the same thing and there is no one correct usage given by authorities that covers them all.

 

[lustatopia]

I think normal style for interrupted speech is to use a dash, like so:

"It's the weather, I hate—"

"Yeah, I know."

If the first speaker is trailing off, then the way you've punctuated it with an ellipsis is fine.

Hey, that's a good point, Bramblethorn. Thanks for the pro-tip! Fuck. I've been using the ellipsis for characters interrupted in mid-sentence. Duh.

As for grammatically correct dialog. Who talks grammatically? Nobody. It's a good exercise to record a casual conversation with friends (secretly, of course) and then sit down and try to transcribe it. Really gives one a feel for the complexity of the semiotic abbreviations we use in daily speech, which is usually buttressed with visual clues, hand motions, facial expressions, contextual assumptions, etc. Plus you might get some good dirt on your friends you can use later to blackmail them.

The thing I hate in dialog is when the characters explain shit they both should already know to each other just so the reader also knows. For instance, it's common in bad sci-fi for the starship captain to divulge - in dialog for gawd's sake - to his chief engineer how the time warp drive works to advance the plot. Don't do that shit. Explain the context the reader needs to know outside the dialog by some other device.

 

[NotWise]

As for grammatically correct dialog. Who talks grammatically? Nobody. It's a good exercise to record a casual conversation with friends (secretly, of course) and then sit down and try to transcribe it. Really gives one a feel for the complexity of the semiotic abbreviations we use in daily speech, which is usually buttressed with visual clues, hand motions, facial expressions, contextual assumptions, etc. Plus you might get some good dirt on your friends you can use later to blackmail them.

You can use gestures and expressions to some extent when writing dialogue, but not to the extent it works in real life. Your written dialogue has to cover that communication gap, so the dialogue won't usually be completely natural.

 

[Paul_Chance]

Fiction is flexible.

 

[SamScribble]

Fiction is flexible.

And, sometimes, flex is fictional.

 

[Hypoxia]

But friction is thermal.

 

[SamScribble]

But friction is thermal.

Ah, yes, hot stuff.