Sexless Marriages

[StrangeView]

Morning everyone! Can't believe how much this thread has grown

 

[The_gladiator]

Wow! Talk about difference in perceptions... You wife was TALKING about her submission and you dismissed that because she looked too passive to you. Just wow... I am rarely left speechless on Lit, but here I don't even know where to begin.

I never said I dismissed it. Please forgive any misunderstanding. Apparently I don’t know how to find the words to describe what I meant... I probably chose too public of a place to discuss this subject which believe it or not wasn’t easy for me. I would try to explain further what I truly meant, but I clearly don’t have the words, so not going to bother. That was not my intension by any means...

 

[Booboobear84]

I never said I dismissed it. Please forgive any misunderstanding. Apparently I don’t know how to find the words to describe what I meant... I probably chose too public of a place to discuss this subject which believe it or not wasn’t easy for me. I would try to explain further what I truly meant, but I clearly don’t have the words, so not going to bother. That was not my intension by any means...

There are times when thoughts just can’t go to the keyboard. Translation is just too tricky. I sometimes (not applicable here) ask to go to voice. Sometimes that doesn’t help either. Some stuff is just hard to express. Or at least at the time. Later with the back of the brain works it out it seems so simple.

 

[The_gladiator]

There are times when thoughts just can’t go to the keyboard. Translation is just too tricky. I sometimes (not applicable here) ask to go to voice. Sometimes that doesn’t help either. Some stuff is just hard to express. Or at least at the time. Later with the back of the brain works it out it seems so simple.

Thank you. I agree with you, and clearly words failed me here. I sent an explanation in pm, but I think it got too public and yeah.
Just know I appreciate your words.

 

[UgliestSon]

Causing a rumpus U.S? Can’t take you anywhere x

I know. I need to get my life straightened out. I feel like I am turning into the cyber version of Liam Gallagher. Come to think of it...real life too. Alright then, I am off to listen to Live Forever and knock back pints.

 

[MascaraRuns]

I love your comments here. They are so true. When I really take the time to push all of my wife’s buttons and really get her going she can sometimes almost beg to suck my cock, but if all the effort isn’t put forth by me it’s not going to happen and that’s fair. So this brings up a difference in time to get aroused, I think a lot of men forget that women are wired differently and can’t be ready to go at the drop of the hat, at least most can’t. I know I find it frustrating at times that she doesn’t seem like she wants me as quickly or as much as I do her, but patience rewards me much more than impatience or laziness.

Here, If I go after him, he assumes I'm wanting and ready for sex. What he doesnt get is wanting and ready are two totally different things. He perceives that I am uninterested in closeness and sex because I dont reach out to him.
When he reaches out to me, I need that touch. If I dont immediately touch back...he sees it as uninterested. If I touch back, he stops touching me and takes all the pleasure. When he is ready, and I am not...sees it as uninterested. I cannot win.

 

[pantylicker14]

Sexless

51 y/o male ready to mingle

 

[The_gladiator]

Here, If I go after him, he assumes I'm wanting and ready for sex. What he doesnt get is wanting and ready are two totally different things. He perceives that I am uninterested in closeness and sex because I dont reach out to him.
When he reaches out to me, I need that touch. If I dont immediately touch back...he sees it as uninterested. If I touch back, he stops touching me and takes all the pleasure. When he is ready, and I am not...sees it as uninterested. I cannot win.

This makes a lot of sense. I can admit that I too have stopped if she does not respond right away because I feel she is uninterested. Perhaps more work could be done to bridge this gap between couples. I never want to force her, so if she does not seem interested I stop. I’d love some sort of sign that says I’m interested but you need to do more work to get my body aroused. I am unsure if she is too shy to just say that aloud, because one time she did ask me why I stopped and she was willing thought she wasn’t. Even after 8 years we can continue to benefit from learning from one another I suppose.

 

[AnnieLit]

Here, If I go after him, he assumes I'm wanting and ready for sex. What he doesnt get is wanting and ready are two totally different things. He perceives that I am uninterested in closeness and sex because I dont reach out to him.
When he reaches out to me, I need that touch. If I dont immediately touch back...he sees it as uninterested. If I touch back, he stops touching me and takes all the pleasure. When he is ready, and I am not...sees it as uninterested. I cannot win.

This is one of the reasons I love to dominate - when he is spread eagled on the bed, I can take all the time I need and it is MY choice whether I want to kiss, or nuzzle, or to tease, or... And if he is ready to go before I am? Too bad, he has to wait

 

[AnnieLit]

This makes a lot of sense. I can admit that I too have stopped if she does not respond right away because I feel she is uninterested.

there is very fine line there... Because sometimes lack of response can really mean that she is not interested - got a headache, it's first day of her period, she has a big presentation the next day and is stressed out about it. So always ask. And please, make the question sound as your concern for her, not as an accusation.

 

[Bpar721971]

Sexless msrriage

This is one of the reasons I love to dominate - when he is spread eagled on the bed, I can take all the time I need and it is MY choice whether I want to kiss, or nuzzle, or to tease, or... And if he is ready to go before I am? Too bad, he has to wait

You’re so right but it should work both ways for both partners which’s makes it all more powerful. The build up and fore play to the act makes the final result far more power for both. Lastly it makes the next round even better and longer more enjoyable.

 

[AnnieLit]

You’re so right but it should work both ways for both partners which’s makes it all more powerful. The build up and fore play to the act makes the final result far more power for both. Lastly it makes the next round even better and longer more enjoyable.

It should work both ways, but men usually require less play time to get fully charged. So it is a bit harder for them to control the foreplay time when it is up to them to decide when it is over.

 

[Bpar721971]

Sexless marriage

It should work both ways, but men usually require less play time to get fully charged. So it is a bit harder for them to control the foreplay time when it is up to them to decide when it is over.

Yes unless they’re experienced.

 

[supercollider00]

This is one of the reasons I love to dominate - when he is spread eagled on the bed, I can take all the time I need and it is MY choice whether I want to kiss, or nuzzle, or to tease, or... And if he is ready to go before I am? Too bad, he has to wait

*swoons*

 

[The_gladiator]

there is very fine line there... Because sometimes lack of response can really mean that she is not interested - got a headache, it's first day of her period, she has a big presentation the next day and is stressed out about it. So always ask. And please, make the question sound as your concern for her, not as an accusation.

Yes, but honest verbal communication should go both ways. If the question is posed an answer more than a shrug should be given...

 

[Lissy_Lou]

My husband and I have always had ‘issues’ with sex. If he was interested in pursuing a label, he’d be asexual, but he isn’t, and says there is nothing wrong. Which is great, for him, he doesn’t need a label after all.

For me however, it’s always been hard. Looking back I know we should never have stayed together, let alone married. Up until a year or so ago when we finally gave up on having more kids, we were at least having sex a couple of times a month, but since then there is nothing. This year has seen him move himself out of our room and into our guest room. Essentially, we are on the fast track to separation, but there are some other pretty big issues that mean we aren’t in a position to actually separate.

Which leaves me, sitting here, not getting any, and dying as a result he has licked me exactly once in 12 years together and the last time he gave me an orgasm was 3.5 years ago. I’m so sex deprived I want to cry. The first time someone touches me after this is probably going to experience me going off like a damn atomic bomb.

 

[GreenManOfTheWood]

The first time someone touches me after this is probably going to experience me going off like a damn atomic bomb.

Oh but to be there when the bomb goes off ... that's a pretty good way to go ... I wonder when they look at the shadow burning into the wall ... will they be able to tell if I went happy?

 

[Lissy_Lou]

Oh but to be there when the bomb goes off ... that's a pretty good way to go ... I wonder when they look at the shadow burning into the wall ... will they be able to tell if I went happy?

I’d be sure to tell them you died happy and as a hero

 

[Spiritedlady]

Oh but to be there when the bomb goes off ... that's a pretty good way to go ... I wonder when they look at the shadow burning into the wall ... will they be able to tell if I went happy?

Shadow burning into the wall - what a gorgeous turn of phrase you have.

 

[GreenManOfTheWood]

Shadow burning into the wall - what a gorgeous turn of phrase you have.

Why thank you for the compliment ... that much energy being released had to be paid homage to somehow

 

[GreenManOfTheWood]

I’d be sure to tell them you died happy and as a hero

I just have this vision of a shadow with a big silly-assed grin on his face ... I like yours better ... so much more dignified
I will have to work on my resurrection skills ... how can I make you cum again if I go the first time around?

 

[AnnieLit]

Yes, but honest verbal communication should go both ways. If the question is posed an answer more than a shrug should be given...

Yes, a shrug is not exactly an answer

 

[CrowdedStranger]

My husband and I have always had ‘issues’ with sex. If he was interested in pursuing a label, he’d be asexual, but he isn’t, and says there is nothing wrong. Which is great, for him, he doesn’t need a label after all.

For me however, it’s always been hard. Looking back I know we should never have stayed together, let alone married. Up until a year or so ago when we finally gave up on having more kids, we were at least having sex a couple of times a month, but since then there is nothing. This year has seen him move himself out of our room and into our guest room. Essentially, we are on the fast track to separation, but there are some other pretty big issues that mean we aren’t in a position to actually separate.

Which leaves me, sitting here, not getting any, and dying as a result he has licked me exactly once in 12 years together and the last time he gave me an orgasm was 3.5 years ago. I’m so sex deprived I want to cry. The first time someone touches me after this is probably going to experience me going off like a damn atomic bomb.

I hope you find a great partner or fwb and make up for lost time. You deserve it

 

[luckyman2]

ditto

I have missed so much over the years

 

[asaxon]

My husband and I have always had ‘issues’ with sex. If he was interested in pursuing a label, he’d be asexual, but he isn’t, and says there is nothing wrong. Which is great, for him, he doesn’t need a label after all.

For me however, it’s always been hard. Looking back I know we should never have stayed together, let alone married. Up until a year or so ago when we finally gave up on having more kids, we were at least having sex a couple of times a month, but since then there is nothing. This year has seen him move himself out of our room and into our guest room. Essentially, we are on the fast track to separation, but there are some other pretty big issues that mean we aren’t in a position to actually separate.

Which leaves me, sitting here, not getting any, and dying as a result he has licked me exactly once in 12 years together and the last time he gave me an orgasm was 3.5 years ago. I’m so sex deprived I want to cry. The first time someone touches me after this is probably going to experience me going off like a damn atomic bomb.

So sorry to hear this. I sounds like more than a lack of sex situation . I truly hope you can find an outlet. No one deserves to be denied in such a way.