Sexless Marriages

[NCMAN56]

My wife doesnt have the sex drive she had 20 years ago, but i feel like a 20 year old. With so much to give

 

[StrangeView]

Good morning ladies and gentlemen, how's things going?

 

[spawnofdavey]

There's more to it than just "my wife has gone off sex" but it's been a long time since we've been intimate. We've both made efforts to improve things but, three times this year is pretty infrequent I'd say.

My only regular outlet is now solo play, interspersed with some occasional online connection.

 

[newhere2learn]

A man with a plan. Happy crocheting!

I'm clumsy, with little patience..... Is it a sport for me?

 

[Booboobear84]

Better off than many

My wife and I really love each other, and she is amazing and looks great. I’m in good shape having lost about 25 pounds in the last year, which definitely got her attention. There’s lots of hugs and every morning (after we’re up and fully clothed) I wrap my arms just under her butt and lift and hug her for a full minute (one of her favorite things). Compared to a lot of folks here there is a lot of affection. Unfortunately we have mismatched sex drive compounded by her having a stressful job and her guilt over not taking care of me further compounded by her fear that her parts won’t respond. I won’t stray because that would wound her and she would blame herself. On the whole I’m pretty well off, but horny, hence here on Lit.

 

[Beachaged]

Thank you for the chuckles provided by some of your witty comments. There is humour in even sad situations. Sadly, quite a few of the less amusing posts resonated with me. In a strange way, it is somehow comforting knowing others are in the same predicament for various reasons. It happens on both sides of the marital bed, but I suspect more women lose interest, especially from their 50’s, due to that wondrous thing called menopause. That’s when we’re told everything will suddenly change, sex with no worry of pregnancy, an incredible freedom. For many women, their libido doesn’t get the same ‘now you’re a sex kitten’ memo! It can be the same for a woman exhausted from pregnancy, suddenly being a mother, often no longer feeling sexy.

I understand we’re all different, but with good communication many couples work their way through the minefield that sexuality is. But like anything, you need two to tango, or in this case, talk. If one partner, male or female, is feeling unattractive or uninterested, they need to realise their partner still had needs, and at least help them to get that release in a loving way, not the ‘well I will if I have to’ scenario. For me, I’m in a sexless marriage, and it’s been like this for about 8 years now. I can live without sex, but it’s the intimacy I crave. The flirting, comments, touches, exchanged looks, skin on skin cuddles, and knowing someone desires you, which is a strong need for most of us. I feel that’s one of the saddest aspects, as we yearn to have our partner desire us, and when they don’t, we can go searching. For me I’m now over 60, so I am thankful my husband is a good bloke, and we get on like best friends, and I know it could be a lot worse. Do I feel resentful and cross, rejected and hurt at times, I certainly do. I don’t want the stress of a physical affair, and while I may be old, I’m certainly not dead, so I have looked online for someone to fill that gap, and be my oasis. To message daily, enjoy that mind connection, laugh, and share some of those deep, inner thoughts. I guess to feel in a couple in a weird kind of way. I feel for others in a similar situation, desperately wanting to love your partner, and be desired by them, but it's a no go zone. Life certainly delivers some challenges along the way.

Menopause-the gift that gives you the freedom to have sex whenever and where ever then takes it away. I’ve been down that road. As a couple you look forward to the empty nest and the sexual freedom. But you don’t expect the loss of sex drive. For my wife it happened over night. Neither of us were prepared for it. Yet it seems to be so commonplace.

 

[HonkOnBobo]

I would consider once a month prolific

That makes me feel much better, I thought an average of once a month was sexless. Thoughts going out to you!!

Once a year even...

lol guess I am sadly working towards the once a year

 

[pbwgal]

I'm clumsy, with little patience..... Is it a sport for me?

Wear safety glasses and you'll be grand!

 

[pikmin1388]

I was stuck in a sexless relationship and with zero intimacy, best thing i did was get out of it , was not easy but i dont regret it one bit , you do not realise how badly it affects you and in so many ways until you escape , stlll affects me occasionally now 10 months later , but at 53 im having best sex of my life , my sex drive is sky high . But the best thing for me is the intimacy nothing better than hugging my new guy and being touched gently .
Put yourself first at times , we all need and deserve to have our emotional and physical needs met , you only have one life so do not choose celibacy .
I used reddit dead bedroom forum for help and advice on sexless relationships it was a godsend .

 

[Beachaged]

I was stuck in a sexless relationship and with zero intimacy, best thing i did was get out of it , was not easy but i dont regret it one bit , you do not realise how badly it affects you and in so many ways until you escape , stlll affects me occasionally now 10 months later , but at 53 im having best sex of my life , my sex drive is sky high . But the best thing for me is the intimacy nothing better than hugging my new guy and being touched gently .
Put yourself first at times , we all need and deserve to have our emotional and physical needs met , you only have one life so do not choose celibacy .
I used reddit dead bedroom forum for help and advice on sexless relationships it was a godsend .

I’m happy for you but it isn’t always that simple. There are kids, financial considerations, etc. if sex were the only thing I would have left years ago.

 

[UgliestSon]

A lot of folks with the same issues. I think everyone should tell their spouse to fuck off and let ‘em know you’re fucking some perv on the Internet. Are you down with that bitches?

 

[pikmin1388]

I’m happy for you but it isn’t always that simple. There are kids, financial considerations, etc. if sex were the only thing I would have left years ago.

There is no one solution for everyone and sometimes talking and working together may fix things eventually, or people choose to stay and cope with no sex , im just saying there can be light at the end of the tunnel , getting out of my relationship waa far far from simple and had bad consequences at times but its worth it in the end

 

[newhere2learn]

Wear safety glasses and you'll be grand!

Ah, the same as visiting glory holes?

 

[StrangeView]

Ah, the same as visiting glory holes?

Now there's an idea

 

[newhere2learn]

Now there's an idea

Not my idea of fun

 

[Beachaged]

There is no one solution for everyone and sometimes talking and working together may fix things eventually, or people choose to stay and cope with no sex , im just saying there can be light at the end of the tunnel , getting out of my relationship waa far far from simple and had bad consequences at times but its worth it in the end

I agree there isn't one solution that fits all. I'm glad you found yours but for most people here leaving doesn't seem to be the preferred option. I am in that group.

 

[StrangeView]

Not my idea of fun

Must admit, I've never tried it, not sure I'd have the nerve!

 

[baseballGeek]

Thanks Beth......that one hurt

 

[malcwriter]

There's more to it than just "my wife has gone off sex" but it's been a long time since we've been intimate. We've both made efforts to improve things but, three times this year is pretty infrequent I'd say.

My only regular outlet is now solo play, interspersed with some occasional online connection.

Know exactly where you are coming from

 

[LustfulPikachu]

Know exactly where you are coming from

Only my 2nd post, but this is exactly what brought me here. I can empathise with most people, but it's the intimacy that hits hardest, thank god for literotica, been a god send.

 

[Beachaged]

Only my 2nd post, but this is exactly what brought me here. I can empathise with most people, but it's the intimacy that hits hardest, thank god for literotica, been a god send.

I think that is what brought most of us here.

 

[Stilllearning2b]

Only my 2nd post, but this is exactly what brought me here. I can empathise with most people, but it's the intimacy that hits hardest, thank god for literotica, been a god send.

I feel like it’s been a curse in my life. Or like the granting of a genie’s wish; not exactly what was asked for.

My Lit experience and my marriage experience have been somewhat similar : a rollercoaster ride. And I don’t like rollercoasters. The ups and downs. One minute my spouse is all revved up, and the next zippo. It’s enough to make my head spin and not know which way is up. And the changes become abrupt, without warning.

I just can’t seem to get a handle. And so when sex is initiated, I feel like I have no real choice but to comply because who knows when it might happen again. So, I never refuse. Which I think about doing a lot to let her know how it feels to be rejected. And feel deprived when she is in the mood.

 

[Stilllearning2b]

If ya read back through some of the first pages, I shared my story.

Long and short. Husband asexual. No touch/kiss or intimacy etc for over six years, getting close to 7.

Finally got through and he heard me that I have needs and agreed to open the marriage for me to meet them if I chose to.

I think I’d like to become asexual, I say somewhat sarcastically.

I mean it might make it easier for me.

 

[MutualMatureMike]

I think I’d like to become asexual, I say somewhat sarcastically.

I mean it might make it easier for me.

I can see the sense in that, but I don't fancy the idea. I still hold out hopes of fun yet to come.

 

[engineerhottie]

yup- i am too