Sexless Marriages

[HentaiKittyGirl]

Is it horrible that I read that post of how many times they made you cum and struggled to remember the one and only time it happened the whole marriage?
Funny I can orgasm just fine so nothing's broken.It wasn't ever classed as something needed. More of a you can finish yourself off if you want.

Strange that I can confess that to a bunch of strangers but took me 3 years to tell my therapist the same.

 

[MutualMatureMike]

Is it horrible that I read that post of how many times they made you cum and struggled to remember the one and only time it happened the whole marriage?
Funny I can orgasm just fine so nothing's broken.It wasn't ever classed as something needed. More of a you can finish yourself off if you want.

Strange that I can confess that to a bunch of strangers but took me 3 years to tell my therapist the same.

There is a kind of letting go, disinhibition here isn't there?

 

[UgliestSon]

You can't stop drinking and this is your wife's fault? OK...
Looks like you have much bigger problems, than just a sexless marriage.

Don’t we all? Is everyone’s life perfect? What came first no sex or life’s bullshit? We find an escape. Drinking or Lit?. I dont judge people for dog leashes and ball gags and getting tied up. If people want to judge the life I live and the career I have well fuck em.

 

[AnnieLit]

Fast forward a few weeks ago in one of her recent medical test we found out she has something called vestibulodynia and that is what is affecting her. I'm hoping the long term treatment will help solve the problem. But in the meantime I'm by myself without any sex and my best friend is my right hand..

Are you sure about the name? There aren't any tests for vestibulodynia, it is just a chronic pain at the entrance to vagina. She couldn't possibly NOT know about it before "tests". It is not just "i don't want it", it is "it hurts like hell, so please, stop!".

Technically, it shouldn't have affected her sex drive in general. So, assuming she didn't tell you before just because she hoped it will go away on it's own, now that you do know, you two can start experimenting with how you can play without pain. Afrer all, PIV is not the only possible endgame, that can be satisfying for both of you. There are a lot of other roads to orgasm and it can be really fun figuring them out together.

 

[HentaiKittyGirl]

There is a kind of letting go, disinhibition here isn't there?

Yes there is. Makes it easy to let a lot out I never usually would very freeing it might help that I've had a little to much wine.

 

[StrangeView]

Yes there is. Makes it easy to let a lot out I never usually would very freeing it might help that I've had a little to much wine.

This place is definitely liberating, it's a huge help to talk with people in a similar position to yourself, who actually know the things you're dealing with.

 

[AnnieLit]

Don’t we all? Is everyone’s life perfect? What came first no sex or life’s bullshit? We find an escape. Drinking or Lit?. I dont judge people for dog leashes and ball gags and getting tied up. If people want to judge the life I live and the career I have well fuck em.

Difference between Lit or BDSM and drinking is that there is no harm to YOU from role playing, or ripes and gags and dog leashes - all of these are used to make you happy. And as an added bonus you make somebody else happy as well.

Heavy drinking, on the other hand, can't possibly do that. In the moment, yes, sure it helps you forget whatever shit you got in your life. What about the next morning? Are you still happy, when you wake up? Will you be happy when side effects will start showing? Is anybody else made happier by your friendship with the bottle?

So no, I don't see them as one and same. Not even close.

And I am not judging. It is your life, so it is your choice how to live it. Just... Don't compare your self-made problems to what guys here are going through. You have a way out, they don't. Or at least they don't if they want to stay married to the same person.

 

[oneblueye]

hey...

Anyone else with this problem?
I have a high sex drive and the wife doesn't.
Looking for others with this problem, and possibly helping fill our needs.

(raises hand)

The only thing is, I'm too far away to help you...

 

[oneblueye]

hey...

I am totally in a sexless marriage and have been pretty much for a few years! We’re out there but we are a bit like unicorns

I am a woman in her 50’s with the sex drive of an 18 yr old boy, that’s not normal I’ve been told by female friends the same age and male friends. I should be settling down for my old age with my hormones dying a slow death, but hell no!

Its been some years now but in one of my early incarnatioons here at this site, I thought that you had posted a pic of yourself and if I remember correctly, you are an extremely attractive woman with some delicious attributes.
Which makes it hard for me to believe that you would EVER have ANY DIFFICULTIES finding either the quantity or quality of companions to fulfill your every need.

 

[oneblueye]

hey...

Lol. Actually quite sick of talking if you know what I mean

Actually I DO KNOW what you mean, (or at least I wanna believe I do).
Where might one find you if they went looking to expand their repertoire or get some endurance workouts???

 

[masterofnymphoslut]

Taking care of business

I'm amazed at how fast this thread has grown over the last four days. It's striking a chord that resonates with a lot of people on this site.

I had been in a sexless marriage for decades before I started playing on the side just to meet certain basic needs. Wife saw sex as a chore, or responsibility to fulfill as a wife. No matter what I did to spice things up - nothing. I began playing about 10 years ago. Divorced now. Most of the ladies I've played with over the last decade were in the same situation I was in, sexless marriages. They needed it as much as I did. I'm always open to talking about it.

 

[UgliestSon]

Difference between Lit or BDSM and drinking is that there is no harm to YOU from role playing, or ripes and gags and dog leashes - all of these are used to make you happy. And as an added bonus you make somebody else happy as well.

Heavy drinking, on the other hand, can't possibly do that. In the moment, yes, sure it helps you forget whatever shit you got in your life. What about the next morning? Are you still happy, when you wake up? Will you be happy when side effects will start showing? Is anybody else made happier by your friendship with the bottle?

So no, I don't see them as one and same. Not even close.

And I am not judging. It is your life, so it is your choice how to live it. Just... Don't compare your self-made problems to what guys here are going through. You have a way out, they don't. Or at least they don't if they want to stay married to the same person.

Yeah well booze makes me pretty fucking happy and I feel great this morning. Beats the hell out of Rx. And just personally if someone put a leash or ball gag on me or choked me I think that would hurt and probably fucking suck. Then again your trip is your trip and my trip is mine. These dudes probably say it better.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=iLQwtIFddeQ

 

[newhere2learn]

Is it horrible that I read that post of how many times they made you cum and struggled to remember the one and only time it happened the whole marriage?
Funny I can orgasm just fine so nothing's broken.It wasn't ever classed as something needed. More of a you can finish yourself off if you want.

Strange that I can confess that to a bunch of strangers but took me 3 years to tell my therapist the same.

No therapist for me. Luckily I'm self aware/confident enough to know who's responsible for the issues.

Amazing how when we broke up years back, I had a fwb and came every time with her. Relatively quickly too.

Yet with my wife, I've cum probably 30 times in 10 years.

"What's wrong with you? You take too long"

Yeah... More than the 30-90 seconds she lasts.

 

[newhere2learn]

This place is definitely liberating, it's a huge help to talk with people in a similar position to yourself, who actually know the things you're dealing with.

Exactly, there's also a thread in Fetish section. Bigger. More folks in it.

 

[newhere2learn]

https://forum.literotica.com/showthread.php?t=1399669&page=55


66 pages. It's on page 6-7 of Fetish.

 

[DDBustyBrit]

Its been some years now but in one of my early incarnatioons here at this site, I thought that you had posted a pic of yourself and if I remember correctly, you are an extremely attractive woman with some delicious attributes.
Which makes it hard for me to believe that you would EVER have ANY DIFFICULTIES finding either the quantity or quality of companions to fulfill your every need.

Well thank you! I am fit, slim and MMA I think would tell you I’m very hot, to him anyway!

I even wander around in VS underwear at times here and nada. After being with MMA so long and some interaction before with others here, I now realize it’s not me! But for a long time I have struggled with low self esteem because of this. I owe Mike a lot for fixing me in this regard, I have grown so much with him

This thread is comforting and I am pleased to see the response

 

[StrangeView]

https://forum.literotica.com/showthread.php?t=1399669&page=55


66 pages. It's on page 6-7 of Fetish.

Thanks for that, I've just taken a quick look and it's definitely worth a visit. Bit of an eye opener at the number of names I recognise

 

[WillJ8787]

The difference

So much discussion on so I was thinking about two things the may mean very different things to many of us...

Sexless Marriage
Lack of intamcy in marriage that has led to a sexless marriage

I see these things as two very different things personally.

A sexless marriage for me seems to mean just what is sounds like, no sex. No anything related to the act of sex with a partner. I feel it, though, as devoid of all the things that relate to intimacy. For me, for example, this is kinda like straight fucking. No romance, no hand holding or snuggling or affection(emotional or physical)...let's just get to the fucking part. How many of you feel this way or something similar in what your describing about your relationship?

Sexless as a result of a lack of intimacy for me can be about so many things that are just not about the sex part but create a situation with my partner where feeling like sex with them is just out of the question. For me, for example, my ex was very judgement about certain kinds of sex. Too much sex, for her, meant I had something wrong with me that needed fixing. This led me to pull away from her emotionally, slowly over time, where even hugging her start to feel not right. Less sex resulted from this over time and it was more about not wanting to get slammed with her judgements. Anyone else feel this way?

 

[newhere2learn]

Thanks for that, I've just taken a quick look and it's definitely worth a visit. Bit of an eye opener at the number of names I recognise

Many of.us there

 

[HentaiKittyGirl]

This place is definitely liberating, it's a huge help to talk with people in a similar position to yourself, who actually know the things you're dealing with.

I'm out of the situation now myself but it's still fresh enough to hurt and be close to the surface. I say I will forever wonder if it was me as a person or him being to focused on his "other wife" that made sex so Infrequent and awkward.

No therapist for me. Luckily I'm self aware/confident enough to know who's responsible for the issues.

Amazing how when we broke up years back, I had a fwb and came every time with her. Relatively quickly too.

Yet with my wife, I've cum probably 30 times in 10 years.

"What's wrong with you? You take too long"

Yeah... More than the 30-90 seconds she lasts.

She was obviously ungrateful to have a man who could keep up. That just makes me mad to be honest a lot of women and men out there are dealing with partners who are selfish and only think of their own pleasure.

I'm glad to see that you got yourself out of it and haven't taken her ramblings and criticism as a knock to the self esteem.

 

[Booboobear84]

Well thank you! I am fit, slim and MMA I think would tell you I’m very hot, to him anyway!

I even wander around in VS underwear at times here and nada. After being with MMA so long and some interaction before with others here, I now realize it’s not me! But for a long time I have struggled with low self esteem because of this. I owe Mike a lot for fixing me in this regard, I have grown so much with him

This thread is comforting and I am pleased to see the response

You can't imagine how much this restores my faith in humanity. Good on him.

I despise males who treat women in such a way as to lower their self esteem (don't have much good to say for women who do it to men either). We are all fragile somewhere (which is not to say that we aren't somewhat responsible for our own well being, but bad messages from those close to us are destructive).

 

[Roland91]

What you’re describing Booboobear, sounds a lot like Intimacy Anorexia. It is a specific condition. Dr. Doug Weiss is a pioneer and expert in the field. His book by the same title was very illuminating for me—as is his “Married and Alone.” These two texts helped me to finally connect all of the dots in the estrangement my wife exhibits in our marriage—some things that I thought were not connected were part of a pattern. Check it out.

 

[Erotic69er]

The secret is not to over analyse but just to move on

Anyone else with this problem?
I have a high sex drive and the wife doesn't.
Looking for others with this problem, and possibly helping fill our needs.

It’s a very common problem especially in long term marriages and relationships.
I’ve just discretely found people that share my love and desire for sex.
We are all different but I’ve just gone with the flow.

 

[newhere2learn]

She was obviously ungrateful to have a man who could keep up. That just makes me mad to be honest a lot of women and men out there are dealing with partners who are selfish and only think of their own pleasure.

I'm glad to see that you got yourself out of it and haven't taken her ramblings and criticism as a knock to the self esteem.

I haven't escaped, still married. She still sees sex as a pointless and unnecessary event.

 

[RichardBentwood]

After 37 years of marriage and bad sex my wife quit having sex altogether. And to add insult to injury my hand fell asleep on me last night.