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Sexless Marriages

Sexless Marriage

AnnieLit
You are correct. I’ve tried talking relentlessly all to no avail. That’s why I’m still here.
 
Talking doesn’t seem to help, we communicate so differently, sometimes it feels like progress is being made, but then as someone said here afer a few days it goes back to how it was before.
 
It reminds me of my favorite light bulb joke.

"How many therapists does it take to change a light bulb?"

"One, but the light bulb has to want to change"
 
5 years, and almost nothing in the years running up to that. There has to be a limit to patience, although that sounds more callous than I feel.

And yep, I'm still here.
 
To many to quote.

There are so many people who have posted here. I don't know about anyone else, but it has given me alot to contemplate. I personally have, had the talks, re: chage for a few days/weeks and back to the way it was. I hear the health excuses/ reasons. Are in therapy, and couples counseling. But knowing now that so many more people have the same level of problems. I only hope that this thread, brings a few of us to come together, get some needs met, support each other. Then I think this may have been a good thread.
 
And all the stories are all too familiar, and all too common. Could turn out to be a very welcome thread.

Anyway, I'm going to turn in, will try and get back on tomorrow.

G'night all
 
One more thing I’ll offer that’s a bit personal..

He finally heard me. And he agreed to an open marriage for me to fill the needs I have that he does not and has no desire for in the future. He’s not open enough to want to know if I do or not... but at least he finally understands.

It may only be a bandage. Time will tell.
 
Rivvie said:
One more thing I’ll offer that’s a bit personal..

He finally heard me. And he agreed to an open marriage for me to fill the needs I have that he does not and has no desire for in the future. He’s not open enough to want to know if I do or not... but at least he finally understands.

It may only be a bandage. Time will tell.
Click to expand...

You have my ideal solution I want to get to. It’s been over a year since we had sex and almost a year since we tried and I stopped it as I was not even slightly turned on! Hard to imagine I know as I’m always ready to go, but that tells you a lot!!

I love him and my life, home, family etc so no divorce for me. But omfg I can’t go the next 30 years with no sex, I’m too sexual a person and I won’t just give it up.
I moved out of the marital bedroom in October on the excuse of work. But it’s also proved to be very handy for nocturnal activities with my other half MMA 😉

Which is why I’m here, and why I’m invested & committed with MMA, who is only a 9he drive away or 4.5 hrs each 😈

I actually can see me getting to the open marriage state, and when that happens all bets are off. But I’ll be playing well away from home as I’m too well known as the token ‘Brit’ out here.

Such interesting reading here and so many of us in this situation. I agree with others that this is a great thread for establishing some mutually beneficial friendships, with understanding thrown into the mix.

Hugs to everyone here, it’s tough I know :rose:
 
Rivvie said:
One more thing I’ll offer that’s a bit personal..

He finally heard me. And he agreed to an open marriage for me to fill the needs I have that he does not and has no desire for in the future. He’s not open enough to want to know if I do or not... but at least he finally understands.

It may only be a bandage. Time will tell.
Click to expand...


This is so right!!!! Sex and intimacy are a part of a healthy relationship. If one partner isn't into this for what ever reason then either let your partner have an open relationship with you, how ever it works for you. Or, it's time to end the relationship.

After all the talks and suggestions with my ex it turned into the same old dead end. So, I asked for a divorce. To all you guys who are stuck please consider this as an option rather than just sitting with an unhealthy relationship.
 
DDBustyBrit said:
You have my ideal solution I want to get to. It’s been over a year since we had sex and almost a year since we tried and I stopped it as I was not even slightly turned on! Hard to imagine I know as I’m always ready to go, but that tells you a lot!!

I love him and my life, home, family etc so no divorce for me. But omfg I can’t go the next 30 years with no sex, I’m too sexual a person and I won’t just give it up.
I moved out of the marital bedroom in October on the excuse of work. But it’s also proved to be very handy for nocturnal activities with my other half MMA 😉

Which is why I’m here, and why I’m invested & committed with MMA, who is only a 9he drive away or 4.5 hrs each 😈

I actually can see me getting to the open marriage state, and when that happens all bets are off. But I’ll be playing well away from home as I’m too well known as the token ‘Brit’ out here.

Such interesting reading here and so many of us in this situation. I agree with others that this is a great thread for establishing some mutually beneficial friendships, with understanding thrown into the mix.

Hugs to everyone here, it’s tough I know :rose:
Click to expand...

I'm in for some mutually beneficial friendships
 
I've been here.
It was 10years worth of ups and downs hot times but mostly NOT times. In the end I realized it wasn't me it wasn't my fault I didn't gain copious amounts of weight and my facial features and body structure hasn't changed since the day we met.
I still get compliments from running into friends from the past about how I haven't aged.

I was the one chasing him and continuously being turned away and told I was unappealing now.

Turned out he had a whole family on the side.

I hope that everyone who reads this thread dosen't blame themselves and live with the shame and put downs for anywhere near as long as I did.

Sometimes talking won't ever help but we try because we care
 
Sexless marriage

You are so right Henralkittygirl
The last 10 years have been boring the ladt 5 just down right hell. I’m lying in bed nude right now and she’s watching some show on her phone on YouTube not even noticing me, sucks.
 
Monogamy can become boring

I think that there can be a number of factors that lead to a sexless marriage.
Sex can become boring after many years in a monogamous relationship so it often fizzles out
Some people are more highly sexed than others and there is an imbalance in desire for sex in a marriage.
There are many reasons yet many sexless marriages can be very loving and happy.
 
Molonglo said:
Wow! That must have been a real shock!

Did any of your mutual friends know about his other family?
Click to expand...

Extreme shock. I just about died when I was first told

I worked strange hours for the majority of our marriage and we didn't have any mutual friends it wasn't until I changed jobs my boss came to me and told me she seen my X with a woman and a little girl at the park she looked so similar to me she believed it was my sister or some relative she asked why I didn't ask to have the day off to join them. Obviously I had no idea what she was talking about. But it started me down the road of finding the truth.
 
Well done for getting the he'll out of there., picking up the pieces and getting into a position to enjoy life. Respect to you
 
HentaiKittyGirl said:
Extreme shock. I just about died when I was first told

I worked strange hours for the majority of our marriage and we didn't have any mutual friends it wasn't until I changed jobs my boss came to me and told me she seen my X with a woman and a little girl at the park she looked so similar to me she believed it was my sister or some relative she asked why I didn't ask to have the day off to join them. Obviously I had no idea what she was talking about. But it started me down the road of finding the truth.
Click to expand...

All I can say is WOW what a horrible to find out. I’m glad you’re out of that relationship. Hope you find that special person in your life.
 
Hi , New to all of this, but I am late 50`s in UK and yes my wife not into sex at all now I still feel I am in my teenage years and want to do so much with her BUT alas no way .
 
zelgadis29 said:
Yea we argue every time we talk about it, just gets you old having the same conversation over and over. So I do try to get her going sometimes but it always ends up the same with me shut down. It’s mostly the same thing her back hurts and I get it, trying to find out what is wrong with it but that’s always the excuse
Click to expand...

Becomes increasingly tiring doesn't it?

We're now at the point where her anger/excuses are also applied to; kissing, cuddles, going to bed at the same time.

Effectively, she's completely turned off all intimacy. As far as I can see, down to her low self worth.
 
SIRealism said:
My marriage isn't totally sexless; it is just the next best thing.

My wife rarely wants to have sex, and will often have an excuse as to why we cannot. When we do, she is unresponsive, and it seems like she is just putting up with it to put an end to my annoying her.
Click to expand...

Same here. Had it twice this year; one occasion she was randomly horny and didn't even care/notice that I'd cum. Second time, I think it was because of opportunity (rare kid free night) she did it for her. I didn't get to cum, her words were "that's not my problem".


Last year, 3-4 times. 2 of which were quickies for her benefit, nothing for me. 1 she was drunk, let me get off, but was obviously faking it... Full porn star treatment. I didn't ask/initiate. She then used it against me for months.
 
newhere2learn said:
Same here. Had it twice this year; one occasion she was randomly horny and didn't even care/notice that I'd cum. Second time, I think it was because of opportunity (rare kid free night) she did it for her. I didn't get to cum, her words were "that's not my problem".


Last year, 3-4 times. 2 of which were quickies for her benefit, nothing for me. 1 she was drunk, let me get off, but was obviously faking it... Full porn star treatment. I didn't ask/initiate. She then used it against me for months.
Click to expand...

Never had things quite that bad, just excuses and apathy. Fwb as a solution are an attractive idea.
 
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