New Poet to the forum...

[indigo_flame]

Hi all!

New to Lit, and wanted to share some of my poetry. Most is digitally published, but I'm looking to flesh out a particular unintended series, into a book. This is one of them.

I also consider it one of my personal best. I hope you like it, too.


The Dark Angels Dance

As darkness disperses by glow of candlelight…
a fallen angel awakens amongst the dead of the night.

Eyes freshly opened to human pain, guilt and fear…
shadows surround her with tight, mocking leers.

Wincing with awareness of broken wings…
hot tears pleading mercy from wicked things.

No logically obvious reason or rhyme…
descent...devoid of comprehensible crime.

Bruises and blood fresh from the fall…
cheeks stained with crimson, no hope for her call.

Weakness of mind and spirit brand new…
distortion and darkness lay hold of her view.

Earthly senses in likeness of a newborn babes…
her strength but mortal, thoughts deeply ashamed.

Bloodshot blue eyes fight to gain sight of her foes…
alabaster skin flushed with fresh hints of rose.

Long golden tendrils turn as black as the night…
first hunger emerging distracts from the fight.

Huddled wings folded, trembling with pain…
head gently bowed, chin on knees gently lain.

The outline of her frame, small and demure…
a dark angel stunned, attempts to resist her allure.

Pacing the floor, humming a deep and dark tune…
drowning out her soft cry, his resolve damned to doom.

Midnight eyes aflame with newfound desire…
to touch her wings with deep heartache and fire.

His approach silent and steady…his breathing aflame…
whisper seducing; “Sweet Angel… you suffer in vain."

Lips laced with desire, sensations of fire and ice…
a delicate kiss to tender skin...destined his vice.

Taken aback by soft tremors, utterly shattering his guard…
agony pierces, as if heart stabbed with long crystal chards.

Hands strong and sure; lay over trembling fingers…
dark wings surround her, hell bent and determined to linger.

Lifting her slowly to stand, tenderly bracing her wings…
astounded his heart might be inclined to such things.

Turning her slowly, eyes burning… fixed on her soul…
an arm circles her waist… tight grip… closer hold.

Winged fortress offers shelter as deep silence resounds…
the music starts playing and hearts thunder abounds.

Bloodshot blue eyes meet with midnight’s dark trance…
and so it begins… The Dark Angels Dance.


copyright December 16, 2009

 

[UnderYourSpell]

Hello and welcome
I see you write in rhyming couplets, so this is a link that may help you tidy up your take on that form The Thread of Forms
We have a challenge ongoing each week please feel free to join in and on all the other permanent threads.

 

[Senna Jawa]

I'm looking to flesh out [...] This is one of them. [...] I hope you like it, [...]

A famous British chess hassler said:

horses don't bet on horses​

Right?

 

[Piscator]

Welcome, if you follow UYS' lead you shouldn't go wrong, but if you do at least it will be interesting.

 

[indigo_flame]

Hello and welcome
I see you write in rhyming couplets, so this is a link that may help you tidy up your take on that form The Thread of Forms
We have a challenge ongoing each week please feel free to join in and on all the other permanent threads.

Thank you! I haven't paid attention to poetic form since I was in grade school. All of my poetry is "off grid", so to speak, so this is a fabulous opportunity to learn about it and maybe actually do something with it.

 

[indigo_flame]

Welcome, if you follow UYS' lead you shouldn't go wrong, but if you do at least it will be interesting.

Thank you. Good point, but I'll definitely tap into the suggested forum and work on assimilating my brain's natural course of rebelion with the classic rules...lol

 

[MarriedMumbaiMom]

Hi all!

New to Lit, and wanted to share some of my poetry. Most is digitally published, but I'm looking to flesh out a particular unintended series, into a book. This is one of them.

I also consider it one of my personal best. I hope you like it, too.


The Dark Angels Dance

As darkness disperses by glow of candlelight…
a fallen angel awakens amongst the dead of the night.

Eyes freshly opened to human pain, guilt and fear…
shadows surround her with tight, mocking leers.

Wincing with awareness of broken wings…
hot tears pleading mercy from wicked things.

No logically obvious reason or rhyme…
descent...devoid of comprehensible crime.

Bruises and blood fresh from the fall…
cheeks stained with crimson, no hope for her call.

Weakness of mind and spirit brand new…
distortion and darkness lay hold of her view.

Earthly senses in likeness of a newborn babes…
her strength but mortal, thoughts deeply ashamed.

Bloodshot blue eyes fight to gain sight of her foes…
alabaster skin flushed with fresh hints of rose.

Long golden tendrils turn as black as the night…
first hunger emerging distracts from the fight.

Huddled wings folded, trembling with pain…
head gently bowed, chin on knees gently lain.

The outline of her frame, small and demure…
a dark angel stunned, attempts to resist her allure.

Pacing the floor, humming a deep and dark tune…
drowning out her soft cry, his resolve damned to doom.

Midnight eyes aflame with newfound desire…
to touch her wings with deep heartache and fire.

His approach silent and steady…his breathing aflame…
whisper seducing; “Sweet Angel… you suffer in vain."

Lips laced with desire, sensations of fire and ice…
a delicate kiss to tender skin...destined his vice.

Taken aback by soft tremors, utterly shattering his guard…
agony pierces, as if heart stabbed with long crystal chards.

Hands strong and sure; lay over trembling fingers…
dark wings surround her, hell bent and determined to linger.

Lifting her slowly to stand, tenderly bracing her wings…
astounded his heart might be inclined to such things.

Turning her slowly, eyes burning… fixed on her soul…
an arm circles her waist… tight grip… closer hold.

Winged fortress offers shelter as deep silence resounds…
the music starts playing and hearts thunder abounds.

Bloodshot blue eyes meet with midnight’s dark trance…
and so it begins… The Dark Angels Dance.


copyright December 16, 2009

Very good.

 

[indigo_flame]

A famous British chess hassler said:

horses don't bet on horses​

Right?

Hahahaha...this is true. Lucky for me, the book idea wasn't my own.

 

[UnderYourSpell]

Thank you! I haven't paid attention to poetic form since I was in grade school. All of my poetry is "off grid", so to speak, so this is a fabulous opportunity to learn about it and maybe actually do something with it.

Not paying attention to 'rules of' is all very well but a lengthy poem of rhyming couplets can become very wearisome to the reader especially when it has lines of different lengths and meter. But as we always say it's your poem, and there's never any reason to change it for the reader if it's ok just for you

 

[indigo_flame]

Not paying attention to 'rules of' is all very well but a lengthy poem of rhyming couplets can become very wearisome to the reader especially when it has lines of different lengths and meter. But as we always say it's your poem, and there's never any reason to change it for the reader if it's ok just for you

Agreed! What you say makes perfect sense and is well supported by reason/logic.

This poem has received much feedback from readers and authors alike, and it may stay as it is; but not one person has mentioned my form, till now, and I'm thrilled that you did.

1. This tells me that you're honest and serious about your craft.
2. I can receive all the praise in the world for my work, but YOUR feedback is intended to help my skill grow.

Again...thank you.

 

[UnderYourSpell]

You're very welcome. I've learned in here from the very best. Many you'll find don't go much on forms (find them too constricting) but personally I love them. I find it just as easy to follow their rules to get across what I want to say without sounding like Yoda! You've made a great start and I hope you'll try some of the others. A Triolet maybe or a Pantoum which I think are, because of the repeated lines, the easiest to write. As I said before we've got great threads shewing how to write forms and I'll keep the flag flying for them

 

[butters]

welcome to the forum, new poet

this is a pretty good place to learn and grow.


(p.s small typo 'chards'... you meant 'shards'?)

it'll be interesting to watch you develop your style

 

[Senna Jawa]

help my skill grow.

Did you say:

help my skin grow thick
​

* . * . *​

You may consider two kinds of stanzas simultaneous in the same poem (like in lyrics), some regular, and some being a refrain. If you do it then you may avoid repeating your refrain word by word -- instead, you may vary it a bit from one refrain stanza to another. Authors of lyrics don't vary refrain often. However, variations suddenly open an infinite potential for enriching your poem, sometimes in a very profound way. Even a one letter refrain's modification can make a dramatic difference in a poem, it can be unbelievable.