Conversation

[Froya]

That’s the way of things these days. I think it has to do with the fact that if you aren’t looking someone in the eye when you start a conversation then there is no emotional content. Online people are ghosts and they don’t have the same inhibitions and ultimately boundaries. It’s dusturbing to say the least.

I have to wonder about the people who 'forget' that the people on the other side of the screen are people. How do they treat the people in their lives? I imagine that those who approach people in a crude manner are socially awkward and/or lack empathy, or maybe even think it's funny. There's just something wrong there, some disconnect that has to be more than the anonymity of online chatting, I think.

Seems there are a lot of men who want to get off but don't really like women very much. Maybe don't like people much, either, or themselves.

rlaflamme, you said you've noticed an increase. I wonder if that has to do with the holidays and the way that can ramp up the way people feel lonely, excluded, depressed, etc.

 

[rlaflamme]

I have to wonder about the people who 'forget' that the people on the other side of the screen are people. How do they treat the people in their lives? I imagine that those who approach people in a crude manner are socially awkward and/or lack empathy, or maybe even think it's funny. There's just something wrong there, some disconnect that has to be more than the anonymity of online chatting, I think.

Seems there are a lot of men who want to get off but don't really like women very much. Maybe don't like people much, either, or themselves.

rlaflamme, you said you've noticed an increase. I wonder if that has to do with the holidays and the way that can ramp up the way people feel lonely, excluded, depressed, etc.

I wondered if it was the holidays having an effect to it as well. Although it is suppose to be the most joyish time of year for many it is not. And what a wonderful way to bring people down to where you are then to be rude and crude.

It is odd to me, I can't imagine sending a message to someone that demands them to do things or telling them what I would do to them. But, as you stated, I am in a good place and that has an effect on how I behave.

 

[Thefutilityofbeing]

I have to wonder about the people who 'forget' that the people on the other side of the screen are people. How do they treat the people in their lives? I imagine that those who approach people in a crude manner are socially awkward and/or lack empathy, or maybe even think it's funny. There's just something wrong there, some disconnect that has to be more than the anonymity of online chatting, I think.

Seems there are a lot of men who want to get off but don't really like women very much. Maybe don't like people much, either, or themselves.

rlaflamme, you said you've noticed an increase. I wonder if that has to do with the holidays and the way that can ramp up the way people feel lonely, excluded, depressed, etc.

It’s the cyber age now, everything is completely impersonal. It really makes me fear for my children’s futures, and makes me wonder what kind of shit they’ll be dealing with in ten or fifteen years.

Anxiety, depression, narcissism and a multitude of other mental illnesses are skyrocketing these days. Chances are that a lot of these people don’t even like themselves. Human connection is one our most basic needs and when a person’s needs aren’t sufficiently met then all kinds of terrible shit happens.

 

[Froya]

I wondered if it was the holidays having an effect to it as well. Although it is suppose to be the most joyish time of year for many it is not. And what a wonderful way to bring people down to where you are then to be rude and crude.

It is odd to me, I can't imagine sending a message to someone that demands them to do things or telling them what I would do to them. But, as you stated, I am in a good place and that has an effect on how I behave.

I guess that phrase "misery loves company" came about for a reason. I don't think most people have a conscious intention to bring other people down, though it does seem that some are quite intentional about it.

It's very difficult to feel like you're supposed to feel happy when you don't, so there's added stress and pressure on people who are already down, making things even worse than they already are.

Hard to know how many of the people who send crude messages are just looking for any sliver of attention they can get and how many are really just assholes.

 

[rlaflamme]

I guess that phrase "misery loves company" came about for a reason. I don't think most people have a conscious intention to bring other people down, though it does seem that some are quite intentional about it.

It's very difficult to feel like you're supposed to feel happy when you don't, so there's added stress and pressure on people who are already down, making things even worse than they already are.

Hard to know how many of the people who send crude messages are just looking for any sliver of attention they can get and how many are really just assholes.

Very true, there may be many that don't realize how they are coming off to people. But some are really bad, about raping them and pinning them down to have their way with them, those are pretty extreme.

I know some messages that come out as crude or rude are meant to be little funny things but are not taken that way, as humor is often loss without tone. And that does have an effect as well.

 

[Froya]

It’s the cyber age now, everything is completely impersonal. It really makes me fear for my children’s futures, and makes me wonder what kind of shit they’ll be dealing with in ten or fifteen years.

Anxiety, depression, narcissism and a multitude of other mental illnesses are skyrocketing these days. Chances are that a lot of these people don’t even like themselves. Human connection is one our most basic needs and when a person’s needs aren’t sufficiently met then all kinds of terrible shit happens.

I do wonder how this will continue to affect people who don't have any concept of a world without the internet and internet chatting. For people who have empathy, it's not completely impersonal, because they understand that the words on the screen are other people, but I worry that teaching empathy doesn't seem to be a very high priority.

I've been on the internet for a couple of decades now, and crude behavior has been part of the mix right from the beginning. It doesn't happen because of the internet, but the internet certainly allows people an outlet for it that they wouldn't have otherwise. It gives safety for thoughts that people might have kept to themselves otherwise, and that is both a good and bad thing.

 

[Froya]

Very true, there may be many that don't realize how they are coming off to people. But some are really bad, about raping them and pinning them down to have their way with them, those are pretty extreme.

I know some messages that come out as crude or rude are meant to be little funny things but are not taken that way, as humor is often loss without tone. And that does have an effect as well.

Yes, some messages can be quite extreme, and they can be really disturbing to those who receive them. It can really be a challenge just to be a woman on the internet, and the more visible you are, the more likely you will have to deal with that kind of thing. There really are a lot of men out there who just don't like women.

 

[Midwest50Guy]

i might get flamed for saying this but i dont care.

but one thing i have noticed about this site is that it is very clicky. (not sure i spelled that right)

There are groups of people that stick up for each other, and there is nothing wrong with that, but i think it makes the fights seem worse.

and people are a ton braver online than they would ever be in person.

Most people here just need to chill out.

 

[Froya]

Of course there are groups of people that stick together and stick up for each other, because that's what happens when people gain familiarity and friendship. It can definitely make disagreements worse, but it's no different than any other site I've been on... or any school I've been to, place I've worked, groups of friends or family I've had.

It's just human nature. I can call my friend a jackass, but you can't. People choose sides and they defend the people they care for most.

Drama works from some people, and for some groups of people, and it's inevitable when you have lots of people sharing the same space. When the arguments break out, you either take a side or duck, cover and get out of the way. There is the option to try being peacemaker, but that rarely goes well in the heat of things.

 

[rlaflamme]

I've been away for a bit so I figured I would pop back in here and give it a bit of a bump. Conversation seems to be what people are looking for quite a bit and it is the most basic thing you can do, talk.

I hope the lit world is smiling and people are enjoying the thread and their day.

 

[rlaflamme]

Happy New Year!

It is good to see you again! Happy New Year!!

 

[rlaflamme]

Missing my angel!!

Missing you as well. I hope all is going well for you

 

[rlaflamme]

The simplicity of a conversation is such an odd thing, so simple, yet so difficult. A word misspoken, a phrase out of context, so many good and bad things all at one. Just talk, and see what happens, and hope for the best.

 

[bbwseeking63]

The simplicity of a conversation is such an odd thing, so simple, yet so difficult. A word misspoken, a phrase out of context, so many good and bad things all at one. Just talk, and see what happens, and hope for the best.

I totally understand what you mean. I lived that this past weekend. It helped when we conversed, but we had a slow learning curve.

 

[rlaflamme]

It is amazing how simple a conversation can be and how fun it can be to have a decent one. With so many people here you can learn a lot and even help people you thought you could never help and receive help you never thought you would. This can be a wonderful place.

 

[bbwseeking63]

It is amazing how simple a conversation can be and how fun it can be to have a decent one. With so many people here you can learn a lot and even help people you thought you could never help and receive help you never thought you would. This can be a wonderful place.

So very true. Hugs

 

[rlaflamme]

So very true. Hugs

It is a curious place and with it comes really nice people. Yeah, you have to filter through those that are here for only one thing and those that are here because they enjoy drama and such, but there are so many amazing people.

 

[Jada59]

It is a curious place and with it comes really nice people. Yeah, you have to filter through those that are here for only one thing and those that are here because they enjoy drama and such, but there are so many amazing people.

Very true!

 

[rlaflamme]

It seems that so many don't realize that, "Hey" is not a decent conversation starter. Have some content and you will have better luck.

 

[Midwest50Guy]

It seems that so many don't realize that, "Hey" is not a decent conversation starter. Have some content and you will have better luck.

So "hey you" works then?

 

[rlaflamme]

So "hey you" works then?

Sure, why not lol. It is the one word and lack of intrigue messages that tend to be dismissed, I think.

 

[rlaflamme]

A conversation can become painfully one-sided when you are not sure what another person wants. In these moments I think it is best to let them know you are probably done with it, as talking to yourself is something you can do without another player.

 

[rlaflamme]

I didn't realize how long it has been since I gave a little hello on the thread! Time passes quickly and we often forget or lose track of those messages we mean to respond to. Some take it personally, others know that life does exist outside of this cyber world. It is an interesting thing, to be able to talk to people so far away, and, when you are lucky enough, you can find a friend and carry a conversation that will last a long time.

 

[rlaflamme]

The silence in the early morning can often get the head moving, little distractions, a sip of coffee and perhaps a good friend online to share random thoughts with. It can be a wonderful moment.

 

[alwaysaway]

I didn't realize how long it has been since I gave a little hello on the thread! Time passes quickly and we often forget or lose track of those messages we mean to respond to. Some take it personally, others know that life does exist outside of this cyber world. It is an interesting thing, to be able to talk to people so far away, and, when you are lucky enough, you can find a friend and carry a conversation that will last a long time.

The silence in the early morning can often get the head moving, little distractions, a sip of coffee and perhaps a good friend online to share random thoughts with. It can be a wonderful moment.

Always so insightful. Agree with both of these posts. Except the morning part.. because, yuck, mornings!