So I had an idea for a fun contest!

[CoffeeWithMonkeys]

I was sitting here thinking that maybe I'd submit an old story to keep any followers entertained until I get the next chapter of my series up.
I have one in mind, but it's an early one and probably is pretty bad even though I think the plot is good.
Then I was thinking, hmmm maybe I should see if anyone else is up to submitting an early probably badly written story.
And then I thought, hey we could have a contest! Sort of a best of the worst kind of thing.

It could be fun. See how far we've all come maybe.

 

[ChloeTzang]

What topic for a contest? A Literotica one? The one offs events have we’ve been doing are fun

 

[Hypoxia]

The annual Bulwer-Lytton ("It was a dark and stormy night") contest seeks the worst opening line of the worst story. My long-time fave:

"There's more than one way to skin a cat," she mused, as she pinned its little feet to the dissection table.​

I think a similar LIT contest has been suggested in the not-too-recent past. A good entry might be a Sarah Silverman line:

As his big black cock slid deep and hard into my ass, I thought, "I'm turning into my mother."​

Yes, bad first lines are enough. We don't need the entire bad story. LIT has enough of those already. Like my incest tale of youngsters turned into banana slugs, or my other stories voted in the ** range. But a competition for worst first lines -- that has legs.

She strapped on her mammoth electro-dildo and switched it on 'high' and I knew, as I struggled fruitlessly against my vinyl straps and gags, that this playtime would be smelly enough.​

 

[SimonDoom]

You mean a contest to see who can pen the most badly-written erotic story? That could be fun.

 

[Handley_Page]

"Is it in?" she asked, casually,
I knew then that she'd been round the block a few times.

 

[yukonnights]

Hey, great idea! A contest I might have a chance to win

 

[Hypoxia]

some entries

HOME ON THE RANGE - I'd been out here too long -- the sheep were looking enticing.

HOUSTON, WE HAVE A PROBLEM - The lander's engine sputtered and died just as I reached the planet's surface. Oh shit. And I had run out of condoms.

TRISEXUAL TRIFECTA - The natives were getting restless, and horny. Here on Sirius IV, that could only mean trouble. I checked my blaster: fully charged.

CTHULHU, WE LOVE YOU - Observing the mating rituals of followers of a tentacled elder god can be rather unsettling. Did we bring enough barf bags?

HONKY TONK LAGOON - I really hate when 'gator-folk get drunk. It's not bad enough that these human-reptilian hybrids smell awful. Their bladders are weak, too.

AN ACT OF CONGRESS - As the junior senator futilely plowed my ass with his pathetic little prick, I thought to myself, "The cloud-computing lobby is NOT paying me enough for this!"

HIGH PLAINS DRIFTER - He was just another dusty saddle tramp with a battered Stetson, a dented Sharps carbine, a mouse-eaten bedroll, and a huge ten-pound sausage of a schlong. She was a well-worn saloon floozy with a cunt the size of Carlsbad Caverns. They were a perfect pair. [NOTE: I've used this one.]

LOST IN THE JUNGLE - Professor Czolgosz did his best to suppress his immense but doomed attraction for Lila, the matriarch of the orangutans. He knew he was just not worthy of her love.

WHERE THE BUFFALO ROAM - She could dream of nothing else for weeks after seeing the bull's immense schlong.

SEX AND THE SINGLE SQUIRREL - Wow, that chipmunk gal is a babe! Look at all those tits!

BLACK MAGIC WOMAN - I knew I was in trouble when she threw my testicles into the stew pot.

STICK IT WHERE THE SUN DON'T SHINE - The dark side of Mercury is a bad place for an orgy.

HONKY TONK CHIMPANZEES - I knew I was doomed when Bertha blew me her simian kiss.

BRIDGE OVER TROUBLED DAUGHTERS - How much did they need Daddy's love?

BLACK HOLE SUN - When the end of time came, I was enjoying great anal sex.

SWEETER THAN WINE - Rose was 14 when she was raped, 15 when she gave birth to Melissa, 16 when she Came To Jesus, and 20 when she disappeared. Melissa followed pretty much the same path except for the disappearing part.

SWING TIME - You'll look sweet / upon the seat / of a bisexual built for two.

TEST CASE - Tis better to be Wasserman Positive than never to have loved at all.

QUANTUM UNCERTAINTY - I had succeeded! After all these years, all my efforts, all the pain, I knew I would win a Nobel Prize! I had finally captured and weighed a neutrino! Unfortunately, I found it in my cheating whore of a wife's overused cunt.

DAILY RATION OF PASSION - "You've been served," she yawned, and walked away, chewing gum.

FLOTSAM & JETSAM - My life was cluttered with emotional debris, starting with my husband.

ROMEO ET JULIET - Romeo also et SueAnn, Lily, Clarita, and Daisy. He used his prehensile hillbilly tongue like a starving anteater. And he sure loved dining at the Y. Them gals got et out GOOD!

FASTER THAN A SPEEDING MULLET - That asshole redneck trucker sure could drive!

SEX TO SEXTY - I've got four on the floor and a fifth under the seat. Buckle up!

AND WHEN I DIE - I want to be buried with the body of a 12-year-old girl.

WIVES AND LOVERS AND POLICE - The bubbleum lights revealed the sad ending.

THE TELL-TALE FART - If her husband hadn't heard me in the closet, I might have survived.

FUCKED AND FRIED - Out of the frying pan, into the fire -- it's not just a cute saying.

NONE FOR THE MONEY - The viscious pimp was just *so* unreasonable about finances.

 

[Zeb_Carter]

"Is it in?" she asked, casually,
I knew then that she'd been round the block a few times.

I was told a joke similar to the single line...

A man and woman are on the beach at night.
They are both naked and he is between her legs.
He lines up his cock and pushes forward.
"Is it in?" he asked.
"No, it's in the sand," she replies.
He pulls it out of the sand and lines up and pushing forward.
"Is it in?"
"No, it's in the sand."
He pulls out of the sand, lines up and pushes forward.
"is it in?"
"Yes! Finally!" she says.
He pulls it out and puts it back in the sand.



Sure, I have one I pulled a long time ago. I cringe when I even look at the first line. *shivers*

 

[CoffeeWithMonkeys]

I guess we could do one to see who could write the worst, but that would be easy.
I was thinking more we all look back at stuff we wrote a long time ago, post one of those.
I have some I wrote years ago and while I think they have a great plot, my writing was really really bad back then. Like cringey bad.

 

[SimonDoom]

The annual Bulwer-Lytton ("It was a dark and stormy night") contest seeks the worst opening line of the worst story. My long-time fave:

"There's more than one way to skin a cat," she mused, as she pinned its little feet to the dissection table.​

I think a similar LIT contest has been suggested in the not-too-recent past. A good entry might be a Sarah Silverman line:

As his big black cock slid deep and hard into my ass, I thought, "I'm turning into my mother."​

Yes, bad first lines are enough. We don't need the entire bad story. LIT has enough of those already. Like my incest tale of youngsters turned into banana slugs, or my other stories voted in the ** range. But a competition for worst first lines -- that has legs.

She strapped on her mammoth electro-dildo and switched it on 'high' and I knew, as I struggled fruitlessly against my vinyl straps and gags, that this playtime would be smelly enough.​

I think you're right. Perhaps broaden it to include the opening to a story, which might include a few lines. No need for full length bad stories.

 

[RejectReality]

Been there, done that, but...

I recruited a friend to help me rip the thing to shreds, as it deserved.

https://www.literotica.com/s/lst3k-ep-02-small-town-screw

 

[ChloeTzang]

I think the issue here might be that for a real Literotica story event, Laurel would like to see stories and a topic that attract and entertains readers as well as us. Cringe-worthy stories if they’re genuinely cringe inducing wouldnt do that. I think. But it might work if it was well written over the top stories on a theme that’s cringeworthy. I’m sort of trying to imagine something that might work.

Unless what you’re thinking of is an informal one with a thread here and links posted to stories we submit?

 

[KeithD]

I don't see the purpose in having purposely badly written stories mucking up the story file here and being highlighted. But I guess that's just me.

 

[Hypoxia]

I don't see the purpose in having purposely badly written stories mucking up the story file here and being highlighted. But I guess that's just me.

Humor & Satire is the category.

 

[RetroFan]

This discussion got me thinking about which is worse - a fictional work deliberately written to be bad or a terrible fictional work that the creator genuinely thought good?

 

[RejectReality]

In my experience riffing on them, it's always the latter. The authors were always excited and turned on by what they'd written, and it was only later, upon reviewing it outside the moment that they go "what the fuck was I thinking?" and proceed to bury it in a 43 food hole in the ground, after which they cover it in rocks and boulders, and burn all the clothing they wore while writing and disposing of it, just to be safe.

This discussion got me thinking about which is worse - a fictional work deliberately written to be bad or a terrible fictional work that the creator genuinely thought good?

 

[SimonDoom]

This discussion got me thinking about which is worse - a fictional work deliberately written to be bad or a terrible fictional work that the creator genuinely thought good?

It's a good question, but I think RejectReality is right -- an unintentionally bad story is worse than an intentionally bad one. Typically it takes some skill to write something deliberately bad. If you read the winners of the Bulwer-Lytton contest, you'll see many of them are quite clever, and funny as a result.

But with something unintentionally bad, like The Eye of Argon, it's just a train wreck the whole way through.

 

[ChloeTzang]

It's a good question, but I think RejectReality is right -- an unintentionally bad story is worse than an intentionally bad one. Typically it takes some skill to write something deliberately bad. If you read the winners of the Bulwer-Lytton contest, you'll see many of them are quite clever, and funny as a result.

But with something unintentionally bad, like The Eye of Argon, it's just a train wreck the whole way through.

You reminded me of a film I once saw at a film festival that was advertised as one of the worst films ever made. It was truly so awful I only watched half of it. It was so bad it got boring. And badly written stories are like that. Just uninteresting. So I agree with Simon. Intentionally bad ones are usually well done because the writer is good enough to make bad good.

 

[Hypoxia]

Just add unicorns.

 

[SimonDoom]

You reminded me of a film I once saw at a film festival that was advertised as one of the worst films ever made. It was truly so awful I only watched half of it. It was so bad it got boring. And badly written stories are like that. Just uninteresting. So I agree with Simon. Intentionally bad ones are usually well done because the writer is good enough to make bad good.

Some unintentionally bad movies have been entertaining. The Room, for example, became a cult classic. Plan Nine From Outerspace is so awful and cheaply done, and so random, and the dialogue is so bad it's quite entertaining. Another awful one is Birdemic. All of these "films" are better with plenty of beverages, of course.

 

[ChloeTzang]

Just add unicorns.

Have you ever had to watch “My Little Pony.” Not unicorns but close and I almost went insane.

 

[LexxRuthless]

No, no, no! Not cute, fluffy unicorns; dangerous, vile-tempered forest creatures! When they charge from the tree line and begin skewering the long-winded, awful characters you've been forced to watch up to that point...it's brilliant!

 

[KeithD]

I recently did a unicorn story. It sits at 4.49.

 

[TxRad]

I recently did a unicorn story. It sits at 4.49.

Two guys in a Unicorn suit might be interesting but I think you would end up with a Humpback Unicorn which is a whole other breed.

 

[Hypoxia]

Two guys in a Unicorn suit might be interesting but I think you would end up with a Humpback Unicorn which is a whole other breed.

Two mermen in a narwhal costume. It writes itself.