A Confession

[MelissaBaby]

About two months ago, a good man who posts here asked me to tell him a secret. I think he was just kidding, and that my answer took him by surprise.

I don't know why I didn't tell him some frivolous little story, but I didn't.

I told him that when I get stressed at work, I would sometimes sneak off to the store and buy a couple of nips, those airplane sized bottles of liquor, and drink them in secret.

Alcohol has never been a problem for me, and I did not do it all that often, just on tough days, but I felt ashamed of myself every time I did it. It's addict behavior, it's what the person I don't want to be would do. Yet, on bad days, I would do it, and no one knew.

But then, I told someone, and he responded kindly, supportively. He let me know that he disapproved of the behavior, but did not make me feel he disapproved of me.

He knows who he is. I know who he is. No one else needs to know.

I slipped out and bought nips a few more times after our discussion, but at some point I stopped. I'm not sure when. I went into the store today, where I used to buy the nips, and I realized that I had not been in there in at least a month.

I still enjoy a few drinks now and then, but only when I know I am safe and secure and under the watchful eye of someone who will make sure that lowered inhibitions will not lead me to trouble. But I have not, will not, drink in secret again.

Did I stop because I told someone? Or because of the way he responded? Or because I just didn't need it anymore? I can't say.

But I stopped.

 

[RickTango]

About two months ago, a good man who posts here asked me to tell him a secret. I think he was just kidding, and that my answer took him by surprise.

I don't know why I didn't tell him some frivolous little story, but I didn't.

I told him that when I get stressed at work, I would sometimes sneak off to the store and buy a couple of nips, those airplane sized bottles of liquor and drink them in secret.

Alcohol has never been a problem for me, and I did not do it all that often, just on tough days, but I felt ashamed of myself every time I did it. It's addict behavior, it's what the person I don't want to be would do. Yet, on bad days, I would do it, and no one knew.

But then, I told someone, and he responded kindly, supportively. He let me know that he disapproved of the behavior, but did not make me feel he disapproved of me.

He knows who he is. I know who he is. No one else needs to know.

I slipped out and bought nips a few more times after our discussion, but at some point I stopped. I'm not sure when. I went into the store today, where I used to buy the nips, and I realized that I had not been in there in at least a month.

I still enjoy a few drinks now and then, but only when I know I am safe and secure and under the watchful eye of someone who will make sure that lowered inhibitions will not lead me to trouble. But I have not, will not, drink in secret again.

Did I stop because I told someone? Or because of the way he responded? Or because I just didn't need it anymore? I can't say.

But I stopped.

Congratulations Melissa. That is awesome!

 

[MelissaBaby]

Congratulations Melissa. That is awesome!

Thank you, Rick.

 

[Radiohead]

Good for you

 

[pumperguy191]

About two months ago, a good man who posts here asked me to tell him a secret. I think he was just kidding, and that my answer took him by surprise.

I don't know why I didn't tell him some frivolous little story, but I didn't.

I told him that when I get stressed at work, I would sometimes sneak off to the store and buy a couple of nips, those airplane sized bottles of liquor, and drink them in secret.

Alcohol has never been a problem for me, and I did not do it all that often, just on tough days, but I felt ashamed of myself every time I did it. It's addict behavior, it's what the person I don't want to be would do. Yet, on bad days, I would do it, and no one knew.

But then, I told someone, and he responded kindly, supportively. He let me know that he disapproved of the behavior, but did not make me feel he disapproved of me.

He knows who he is. I know who he is. No one else needs to know.

I slipped out and bought nips a few more times after our discussion, but at some point I stopped. I'm not sure when. I went into the store today, where I used to buy the nips, and I realized that I had not been in there in at least a month.

I still enjoy a few drinks now and then, but only when I know I am safe and secure and under the watchful eye of someone who will make sure that lowered inhibitions will not lead me to trouble. But I have not, will not, drink in secret again.

Did I stop because I told someone? Or because of the way he responded? Or because I just didn't need it anymore? I can't say.

But I stopped.

congratulations and I am glad that you responded to him, good luck

 

[adrina]

It takes a wise person to realize there is a problem. It takes a strong person to do something about it. And a dedicated one to make it stick.

Alcohol is one of the easiest substances to abuse. It's everywhere, easily available and if not abused too publicly, even socially acceptable. People will even help make excuses for you. Which can't be said of something like cocaine, meth and so many others. But alcohol... yes.

You've fought many battles for your health and welfare. This is just ("just" ) one more. Dealing with stress and adversity without artificial 'fortifiers' is one of the most difficult lessons of adulthood, of being human. It takes a certain amount of maturity and emotional self control. Especially in a world where the temptations of indulgence are ever present.

I keep saying this, but you keep proving it to be true. You are one smart cookie.

 

[MelissaBaby]

It takes a wise person to realize there is a problem. It takes a strong person to do something about it. And a dedicated one to make it stick.

Alcohol is one of the easiest substances to abuse. It's everywhere, easily available and if not abused too publicly, even socially acceptable. People will even help make excuses for you. Which can't be said of something like cocaine, meth and so many others. But alcohol... yes.

You've fought many battles for your health and welfare. This is just ("just" ) one more. Dealing with stress and adversity without artificial 'fortifiers' is one of the most difficult lessons of adulthood, of being human. It takes a certain amount of maturity and emotional self control. Especially in a world where the temptations of indulgence are ever present.

I keep saying this, but you keep proving it to be true. You are one smart cookie.

Thank you, Radiohead. Thank you, Pumperguy

Adrina,

I have a theory, just my own thing, nothing scientific, that addiction stalls a person's emotional development at the point when it takes hold. While you are addicted, you stay in a sort of maturation stasis. Coping skills I should have learned ten years ago are still something I am mastering.

Some of my co-workers tease me because I get inordinately excited when I am told I have done well, if I get an exceptional tip or a pat on the back. There's a part of me that still believes I will fuck up anything I touch. When I get reassurance that I am not just capable, but good at things, I feel exhilarated. And, of course, when I do feel I am not up to tasks or have let people down, I react as strongly in the opposite direction.

I am learning to moderate both reactions. The drinking itself, was not the problem, the inability to cope with stress or disappointment in myself in a positive manner was the problem. We just talked in your thread the other day, about how articulation is essential to healing. I think, by telling someone my shameful secret, I opened myself to facing it.

There are some good people here.

 

[adrina]

Thank you, Radiohead. Thank you, Pumperguy

Adrina,

I have a theory, just my own thing, nothing scientific, that addiction stalls a person's emotional development at the point when it takes hold. While you are addicted, you stay in a sort of maturation stasis. Coping skills I should have learned ten years ago are still something I am mastering.

Some of my co-workers tease me because I get inordinately excited when I am told I have done well, if I get an exceptional tip or a pat on the back. There's a part of me that still believes I will fuck up anything I touch. When I get reassurance that I am not just capable, but good at things, I feel exhilarated. And, of course, when I do feel I am not up to tasks or have let people down, I react as strongly in the opposite direction.

I am learning to moderate both reactions. The drinking itself, was not the problem, the inability to cope with stress or disappointment in myself in a positive manner was the problem. We just talked in your thread the other day, about how articulation is essential to healing. I think, by telling someone my shameful secret, I opened myself to facing it.

There are some good people here.

I have heard that before. That emotional maturity essentially stops developing when addiction takes hold. But then to be fair, addicts aren't known for their emotional maturity to begin with. Coping mechanisms, dealing with rejection, facing adversity... these are all skills that addicts don't have in spades.

It isn't right to say that all people who lack emotional maturity are addicts, but it is accurate to say that all addicts lack emotional maturity - at least in some form. But the good news is, is that you are learning. You're a pretty quick study too.

Yes, yes there are.

 

[RobDownSouth]

About two months ago, a good man who posts here asked me to tell him a secret. I think he was just kidding, and that my answer took him by surprise.

I don't know why I didn't tell him some frivolous little story, but I didn't.

I told him that when I get stressed at work, I would sometimes sneak off to the store and buy a couple of nips, those airplane sized bottles of liquor, and drink them in secret.

Alcohol has never been a problem for me, and I did not do it all that often, just on tough days, but I felt ashamed of myself every time I did it. It's addict behavior, it's what the person I don't want to be would do. Yet, on bad days, I would do it, and no one knew.

But then, I told someone, and he responded kindly, supportively. He let me know that he disapproved of the behavior, but did not make me feel he disapproved of me.

He knows who he is. I know who he is. No one else needs to know.

I slipped out and bought nips a few more times after our discussion, but at some point I stopped. I'm not sure when. I went into the store today, where I used to buy the nips, and I realized that I had not been in there in at least a month.

I still enjoy a few drinks now and then, but only when I know I am safe and secure and under the watchful eye of someone who will make sure that lowered inhibitions will not lead me to trouble. But I have not, will not, drink in secret again.

Did I stop because I told someone? Or because of the way he responded? Or because I just didn't need it anymore? I can't say.

But I stopped.

I'm glad to hear that you stopped. Many people can't. You have been making one good choice after another of late....keep up the good work.

 

[pollynova]

Good for you, Melissa!

 

[SissySalina]

Happy for you!

Congratulations Melissa!

 

[LanguageOfLove]

There are signs all over the place that lead us in the right direction, we just have be open to see them... Congratulations!!

 

[MelissaBaby]

There are many good people here.

 

[EternalFantasies]

The formers.

 

[Que]

Good catch.

Secrets are caustic, even when it's about a seemingly inconsequential matter because it sets up the rationalization template for when you do need to keep a secret about something that does matter.

Another interesting point about your story and this interaction is that shame-based correction usually doesn't work but that judgement-free encouragement does.

 

[vibes]

Did I stop because I told someone? Or because of the way he responded? Or because I just didn't need it anymore? I can't say.

But I stopped.

I think it really is irrelevant why you stopped. The important thing is of course that you did and, also, that you found a positive person/acknowledgement here

 

[MelissaBaby]

Good catch.

Secrets are caustic, even when it's about a seemingly inconsequential matter because it sets up the rationalization template for when you do need to keep a secret about something that does matter.

Another interesting point about your story and this interaction is that shame-based correction usually doesn't work but that judgement-free encouragement does.

That's so right. I was behaving like an addict, hiding my behavior, and engaging in a cycle of compulsion/regret. Whether it was liquor or lottery tickets or candy bars, the behavior was the real issue.

To your second point, it's hard to make an addict feel more ashamed than they already feel. (At least, that's my experience, I'm not trying to speak for everyone else.) As disgusted as others must have been at many things I did when I was using, I doubt any of them were as disgusted as I was at myself.

 

[MelissaBaby]

I think it really is irrelevant why you stopped. The important thing is of course that you did and, also, that you found a positive person/acknowledgement here

Exactly so, thank you.

 

[MagnusRichard]

That's so right. I was behaving like an addict, hiding my behavior, and engaging in a cycle of compulsion/regret. Whether it was liquor or lottery tickets or candy bars, the behavior was the real issue.

To your second point, it's hard to make an addict feel more ashamed than they already feel. (At least, that's my experience, I'm not trying to speak for everyone else.) As disgusted as others must have been at many things I did when I was using, I doubt any of them were as disgusted as I was at myself.

Do you hide your Literotica activities from others?

 

[Saint Peter]

There are a bunch of douchebags here.

 

[Saint Peter]

Do you hide your Literotica activities from others?

Only from you.

 

[MelissaBaby]

I had a really shitty, stressful day at work today.

So I had ice cream.

 

[ryan8558]

what flavor?

 

[adrina]

I had a really shitty, stressful day at work today.

So I had ice cream.

Better choice.

So often life is really about making the better choice. There are a lot of people with incredibly bad decision making skills. Their lives usually reflect that.

 

[MelissaBaby]

what flavor?

http://www.magnumicecream.com/content/dam/unilever/magnum/canada/english/pack_shot/hero_image/ice_cream/ice_cream_unidentified/magnum_double_cookies_and_cream_1ct/magnum-double-cookies-&-cream-1ct-786463.png