One side of a phone conversation

[tomlitilia]

One part of a story I'm writing involves a phone conversation, and the story focuses on the woman listening in on it, so I only want the half she hears to be presented. What would be the best way to write this so it's clear that the conversation involves some unheard phrases, unknown also for the reader. This is what I've done. Does it work with the dot-dot-dot approach?

“Hello?” Mike said as he held the phone to his ear. “Yes, she's very well behaved... Gin and Tonic, mostly... Yeah, they're alright...”

Mike continued to chat to Fiona's husband. Eventually she got impatient and held out her hand to ask for her phone back. But Mike raised a finger, grinning as he swapped the phone to his other hand and leaned away from her.

“No, there's no band playing here. But next door I think... OK, sure. That would be my pleasure... Will do. Nice talking to you. Bye.”

 

[Handley_Page]

One part of a story I'm writing involves a phone conversation, and the story focuses on the woman listening in on it, so I only want the half she hears to be presented. What would be the best way to write this so it's clear that the conversation involves some unheard phrases, unknown also for the reader. This is what I've done. Does it work with the dot-dot-dot approach?

“Hello?” Mike said as he held the phone to his ear. “Yes, she's very well behaved... Gin and Tonic, mostly... Yeah, they're alright...”

“Hello?” Mike said as he held the phone to his ear. He shuffled a bit in his seat.
“Yes, she's very well behaved... " he said, after a pause.

"Gin and Tonic, mostly... " He swapped his 'phone into the other hand.

"Yeah, they're alright...” He smiled

 

[tomlitilia]

“Hello?” Mike said as he held the phone to his ear. He shuffled a bit in his seat.
“Yes, she's very well behaved... " he said, after a pause.

"Gin and Tonic, mostly... " He swapped his 'phone into the other hand.

"Yeah, they're alright...” He smiled

Yeah, I was considering something along those lines. But it carries on longer than the excerpt I posted here (sorry, should have said so). So I feel it might get a bit forced to put a tag after each phrase.

 

[Handley_Page]

Yeah, I was considering something along those lines. But it carries on longer than the excerpt I posted here (sorry, should have said so). So I feel it might get a bit forced to put a tag after each phrase.

Surely, a lot will depend upon how long the conversation would take in real time ?
But he ain't goin' to sit ramrod straight is he?

 

[tomlitilia]

Surely, a lot will depend upon how long the conversation would take in real time ?
But he ain't goin' to sit ramrod straight is he?

Edited the OP to include the whole section. Not long, but enough short phrases that I fear it would turn annoying with a tag for each of them.

 

[MindsMirror]

We've done the one sided phone conversation in a few stories. It probably comes off best when there is some secrecy aspect to the scene. In Page Ch. 05 which is a spy story, we use it to clue the brother in on several things he may suspect, but doesn't know for certain. -MM

 

[NOIRTRASH]

One part of a story I'm writing involves a phone conversation, and the story focuses on the woman listening in on it, so I only want the half she hears to be presented.

What did I miss?

Is the "woman" a participant or eaves-dropping?

 

[tomlitilia]

One part of a story I'm writing involves a phone conversation, and the story focuses on the woman listening in on it, so I only want the half she hears to be presented.

What did I miss?

Is the "woman" a participant or eaves-dropping?

Yeah, sorry. She's not a participant. She sits next to someone talking to her husband on her phone.

 

[sr71plt]

I understood what you were trying to convey in your OP example. I don't know of a different approach that publishers prefer.

I will note that U.S. publishers have a different format for ellipses: space/dot/space/dot/space/dot/space. So, since I'm in U.S. publishing, I find the ellipses you provide disconcerting. But maybe other readers won't.

 

[HandsInTheDark]

One part of a story I'm writing involves a phone conversation, and the story focuses on the woman listening in on it, so I only want the half she hears to be presented. What would be the best way to write this so it's clear that the conversation involves some unheard phrases, unknown also for the reader. This is what I've done. Does it work with the dot-dot-dot approach?

“Hello?” Mike said as he held the phone to his ear. “Yes, she's very well behaved... Gin and Tonic, mostly... Yeah, they're alright...”

Mike continued to chat to Fiona's husband. Eventually she got impatient and held out her hand to ask for her phone back. But Mike raised a finger, grinning as he swapped the phone to his other hand and leaned away from her.

“No, there's no band playing here. But next door I think... OK, sure. That would be my pleasure... Will do. Nice talking to you. Bye.”

I think it works as is.

 

[OmnislashXX]

Admittingly, I used to be the worst when it came to writing "..." I did it everywhere. A simple period works better though.

Just explain. Her responses were intermittent on the phone.

"Oh Mike."
"Right".
"Well you see-"
She waited for him to finish a very long winded sentence as she glanced up at her friend.
"Oh. Right. Well I really can't come get you right now."
Another brief pause.
"Because I'm busy right now."