How to get over your first Sir?

[RoyalScorpio]

It’s late and I know that kinkery abounds. This is not a kink question. But I would appreciate some insight…

Question: How does a sub get over her first Sir?

I am a sub with the D/s experience of one amazing human. Under his guidance I have grown exponentially. Yet, for the past 5 months my amazing D has placed me on the back burner of life and I am at a loss. We are both professional ppl so life happens…I know. Recently I called upon him in need of support while in a very emotional and vulnerable situation. He bailed. Since then I have been teetering through this weird haze. I am having a hard time even imagining myself submitting to him anymore. The trust is cracked (shattered?). I have expressed this but he hasn’t done anything to repair it. It feels like the end, and I am feeling as if I do not ever want to invest my submission again. I’ve been in vanilla relationships and endings did not feel this painful to my spirit. How to deal?

 

[John Blackhawk]

I'd say treasure the good memores, and abandon what you don't need.

 

[RoyalScorpio]

I'd say treasure the good memores, and abandon what you don't need.

Abandon??? ouch. just like that?

 

[John Blackhawk]

Yea i know, i think i'm developing emotional masaocism (i think that's how its spelled). I advise abandoning what you don't need early because i'm assuming you have little memories of him around your home. Sooner or later you are going to get in an emotional death spiral of crying everytime you look at the aforementioned memories.

 

[RoyalScorpio]

hmmm. I'm pretty sure this puts me in time out mode. I never would have imagined an ending this way. Anywho
Thank you for sharing.

 

[John Blackhawk]

Hey if you want to talk send me a pm.

 

[MeekMe]

You deal with this the same as any break up. Cry, eat chocolate and drink a box of wine (or whatever you like to do when teh sadz hit). Pick yourself up and move on, it sounds like he's dropped the ball on your relationship and you're not happy, so move on to what does make you happy. Maybe next time don't rely on someone else to build you up.

And beware of all the dudes that will be in your inbox trying to console you with their penis in hand.

 

[drumdancer]

There is no denying that your first Sir has made a huge impact on your life, as will other Dominants who come into your life. Dip your toe in the water again with someone new, and before long you will have someone new to submit to. In time the lessons you learnt from your first Sir will become important, and you will treasure them forever.

 

[Cakecups]

I know it sounds impossible but throw yourself out there again, after you've given yourself some time to heal. I was in your situation not that long about and I was close to saying fuck this to everything, but I didn't. I started hanging out on lit and then met the most wonderful person ever who understands me so well. And now I think back to my previous relationship and think about how one demensional it was and how much deeper and fulfilling my current relationship is. People say you'll treasure your precious relationship, and you might, but not necessarily in the ways you think. It's a learning process, you've likely learned a lot about yourself and there are people out there to help you learn even more.

(Sorry for all the bad grammar, just woke up)

 

[cookiecat]

This amazing human has ignored you for the last five months and - in your words - he bailed and hasn't done anything to repair it.

It's awesome you've discovered the joy of submission. It's great he helped you. You have that to hold on to. You know more about yourself and you experienced some amazing emotions with someone you opened up to.

But it's like everyone else said -- you just have to move on. Let him come to you if he chooses to. Don't keep trying to control a situation or a person you have no control over (I think that's submissive rule #4!! )

Take a little time. Decide what you want. Learn from this experience. Just like Cakecups, Meekme and drumdancer said!!

Hope you feel better.

 

[DeepGreenEyes]

I'm sorry you're in such pain. It's gut-wrenching to be in that place. I'd venture that almost everyone has been in this situation, although you feel alone and singular in your pain.

When I look back on the end of my first D/s relationship, I realize that I thought that the magic of this amazing new dynamic was in the other person, or in the relationship with that person.

It isn't. It's part of you, and it's portable. Grieve the relationship, but don't grieve your submission, or the end of a meaningful power exchange in your life.

 

[Miles Long]

I'm sorry you're in such pain. It's gut-wrenching to be in that place. I'd venture that almost everyone has been in this situation, although you feel alone and singular in your pain.

When I look back on the end of my first D/s relationship, I realize that I thought that the magic of this amazing new dynamic was in the other person, or in the relationship with that person.

It isn't. It's part of you, and it's portable. Grieve the relationship, but don't grieve your submission, or the end of a meaningful power exchange in your life.

DGE ~ this is real wisdom. Thank you for sharing.

I echo cascadiabound. Lots of truth in DGE's words.

Feel the fuck out of your feels, OP, and keep reminding yourself that you will have wonderful D/s relationships in the future. With time, you'll get there again.

 

[Farawyn]

I know it sounds impossible but throw yourself out there again, after you've given yourself some time to heal. I was in your situation not that long about and I was close to saying fuck this to everything, but I didn't. I started hanging out on lit and then met the most wonderful person ever who understands me so well. And now I think back to my previous relationship and think about how one demensional it was and how much deeper and fulfilling my current relationship is. People say you'll treasure your precious relationship, and you might, but not necessarily in the ways you think. It's a learning process, you've likely learned a lot about yourself and there are people out there to help you learn even more.

(Sorry for all the bad grammar, just woke up)

This. Word for word.
(Different wonderful person.)

 

[ultramarineblue]

I'm sorry you're in such pain. It's gut-wrenching to be in that place. I'd venture that almost everyone has been in this situation, although you feel alone and singular in your pain.

When I look back on the end of my first D/s relationship, I realize that I thought that the magic of this amazing new dynamic was in the other person, or in the relationship with that person.

It isn't. It's part of you, and it's portable. Grieve the relationship, but don't grieve your submission, or the end of a meaningful power exchange in your life.

Even though you'll feel at times that you never want to explore that part of you again remember what DGE said. All of his words are great here. Don't regret who you are. For me, the biggest part was starting to explore in real life instead of just online. I needed the actual physical touch. I also need words and attention too though. I need those things a lot. Learning about yourself will be painful but it will lead you to your best you.

Be gentle with yourself right now.

 

[DeepGreenEyes]

DGE ~ this is real wisdom. Thank you for sharing.

It was a long way to get to that. It's nice when one actually learns stuff, you know?

I echo cascadiabound. Lots of truth in DGE's words.

Feel the fuck out of your feels, OP, and keep reminding yourself that you will have wonderful D/s relationships in the future. With time, you'll get there again.

Good advice (and congrats on the cool new av you got for the holidays...). No matter what people say, you can't really move on emotionally until you're ready. But you can work on the mental stuff.

This. Word for word.
(Different wonderful person.)

You look good in happy.

(----- Hi UMB...)

 

[Farawyn]

You look good in happy.

Thank you. So do you.

 

[MasterL1111]

It’s late and I know that kinkery abounds. This is not a kink question. But I would appreciate some insight…

Question: How does a sub get over her first Sir?

I am a sub with the D/s experience of one amazing human. Under his guidance I have grown exponentially. Yet, for the past 5 months my amazing D has placed me on the back burner of life and I am at a loss. We are both professional ppl so life happens…I know. Recently I called upon him in need of support while in a very emotional and vulnerable situation. He bailed. Since then I have been teetering through this weird haze. I am having a hard time even imagining myself submitting to him anymore. The trust is cracked (shattered?). I have expressed this but he hasn’t done anything to repair it. It feels like the end, and I am feeling as if I do not ever want to invest my submission again. I’ve been in vanilla relationships and endings did not feel this painful to my spirit. How to deal?

I am a Master , I have trained my Sub for 4 years now, id say enjoy your time and learn from it, if you want to talk I'm here for you and any other submissive women looking to open there minds , message me and begin your journey , I always start online first

 

[MeekMe]

Remember that warning I used?

 

[Cakecups]

I am a Master , I have trained my Sub for 4 years now, id say enjoy your time and learn from it, if you want to talk I'm here for you and any other submissive women looking to open there minds , message me and begin your journey , I always start online first

Do you make a new profile to acquire new online subs?

 

[DeepGreenEyes]

Do you make a new profile to acquire new online subs?

In case you are traumatized by this little bit of unpleasantness, I am available to talk with you and help you open your mind, or whatever.

 

[Cakecups]

In case you are traumatized by this little bit of unpleasantness, I am available to talk with you and help you open your mind, or whatever.

Open my whatever, I pick the whatever!!

 

[DeepGreenEyes]

Open my whatever, I pick the whatever!!

Hehe.

Out of respect for the OP, I leave this for another breakup thread.

 

[MeekMe]

In case you are traumatized by this little bit of unpleasantness, I am available to talk with you and help you open your mind, or whatever.

But what about all the other submissive women that need there minds opened?

 

[Farawyn]

But what about all the other submissive women that need there minds opened?

Or their whatevers!

 

[MeekMe]

Or their whatevers!

Especially their whatevers. ~_~;