How To Get To Heaven When You Die

[Noor]

I cannot believe this goddamn trainwreck of a thread has reached 21 pages. When people complain about lit going downhill, I generally just assume they're weak and short-term memory impaired. But this is a bad sign. As our lord and savior Laurel used to say:

http://s2.quickmeme.com/img/ee/eefac2c0a5e863d076c19e3f07cc55ae00b32c565839cc081fc4119528aecec6.jpg

This is what happens when people stay away!
The critical mass of fun Lit people goes down, and we never know which of us will break the camels back.

 

[Saint Peter]

driving that train
high on cocaine

 

[Noor]

driving that train
high on cocaine

Switchman's sleeping, train hundred and two is
On the wrong track and headed for you.

 

[phrodeau]

I think Jesus is the fountain, Himself. What he did by spilling his blood on the cross allows everyone to have their sins forgiven. He went up to present Himself to God.
He could have taken some of the blood he shed with him much like the people would bring the blood of the lamb to show their sacrifice in the old testament.

Also
If Mary had Jesus, and Jesus is the lamb of God, does that mean Mary had a little lamb?

It should be obvious that all those witnesses and disciples were grossly disappointed when Jesus ascended. They were fully expecting that their Messiah would lead them to a life of prosperity and freedom here on Earth, as the biblical prophets said he would. Tough luck.

 

[neci]

It should be obvious that all those witnesses and disciples were grossly disappointed when Jesus ascended. They were fully expecting that their Messiah would lead them to a life of prosperity and freedom here on Earth, as the biblical prophets said he would. Tough luck.

if you want heaven, you have to fight your hardest to create it here. nothing is guaranteed.

 

[Tryharder62]

It should be obvious that all those witnesses and disciples were grossly disappointed when Jesus ascended. They were fully expecting that their Messiah would lead them to a life of prosperity and freedom here on Earth, as the biblical prophets said he would. Tough luck.

I am sure they were sad to see him go. He will lead them to a life of prosperity and freedom during the 1000 year reign talked about in Revelation.

 

[Tryharder62]

Oooops double post! Sorry about that.
http://www.windowsmode.com/wp-content/uploads/2015/08/Cute-White-Dog-200x200.jpg

 

[BotanyBoy]

I'm sure they were sad to see him go. He will lead them to a life of prosperity and freedom here on earth during the 1000 year reign described in Revelation.

Which has been coming any day now, for ever.

 

[Tryharder62]

Which has been coming any day now, for ever.

It'll be worth the wait.

 

[1sickbastard]

It'll be worth the wait.

Why wait?
If you're so certain you'll go to heaven, get a one-way plane ticket to Pakistan, and start preaching the Gospel as soon as you get out of the airport. Make sure you tell them that Islam is a deception of Satan and all Moslems will burn in hell for rejecting your fluffy lord and savior.

No?

Actions speak louder than words.

Maybe the "faith" you so loudly profess is more a matter of indoctrination and you don't have the intellectual honesty to face reality.

But hey, whatever lies you tell yourself to get you from one end of the day to the other...

 

[1sickbastard]

Anyone else curious as the the "other" option?

I'd love to see some explanations on what "other" means to those inclined to choosing that option.

 

[BotanyBoy]

Anyone else curious as the the "other" option?

I'd love to see some explanations on what "other" means to those inclined to choosing that option.

Heathens!!! Because beer wenches, fighting, red meat and metal!!

\m/_________________________________\m/
https://media.giphy.com/media/pxmJ1ON4GLjIA/giphy.gif

 

[1sickbastard]

Heathens!!! Because beer wenches, fighting, red meat and metal!!

\m/_________________________________\m/
https://media.giphy.com/media/pxmJ1ON4GLjIA/giphy.gif

At last!
Something I can really believe in!

 

[hashtag45]

Why wait?
If you're so certain you'll go to heaven, get a one-way plane ticket to Pakistan, and start preaching the Gospel as soon as you get out of the airport. Make sure you tell them that Islam is a deception of Satan and all Moslems will burn in hell for rejecting your fluffy lord and savior.

Busted… .
So that's what it was all about.
Another GB undercover muslim, or Islam lover who dreams about a patriarchal society.

 

[1sickbastard]

Busted… .
So that's what it was all about. Another GB undercover Islam convert.

Project much?

Islam is even more ridiculous than the horseshit cults it was based on.

The only real difference is that, while the West got over the stupid inherent in Christianity, Islam predominates in areas where bronze-age morality and goat-groping are still considered socially acceptable, as exemplified by Pakistan, which is why I suggested that country instead of North Korea, where she would only be imprisoned as opposed to sent straightaway to her Eternal Reward.

You, however, should feel free to try proselytizing your 'faith' in the DRNK. That way you can feel properly persecuted.

 

[hashtag45]

Project much?

Islam is even more ridiculous than the horseshit cults it was based on.

The only real difference is that, while the West got over the stupid inherent in Christianity, Islam predominates in areas where bronze-age morality and goat-groping are still considered socially acceptable, as exemplified by Pakistan, which is why I suggested that country instead of North Korea, where she would only be imprisoned as opposed to sent straightaway to her Eternal Reward.

You, however, should feel free to try proselytizing your 'faith' in the DRNK. That way you can feel properly persecuted.

Racist and homophobe… .
I knew you'd end up in personal attacks, like you all GB males do. How dare you attack me, the GB pakistani female impersonator?

 

[removed9556]

 

[removed9556]

 

[1sickbastard]

Racist and homophobe… .
I knew you'd end up in personal attacks, like you all GB males do. How dare you attack me, the GB pakistani female impersonator?

Oh really?

Care to make the case that an ideology (Islam) conflates to an ethnic group?

And after you fail at that, I dare you to make the case that I'm a homophobe.

Or, you can take your unsubstantiated claims and replace them in the orifice from which they emanated.

 

[1sickbastard]

Hang on a minute. No-one said they were gay goats.

Hashtag45 said they were.
Like I said, projecting.

 

[xfrodobagginsx]

xfrodobagginsx:

Can you please share with us exactly how Roman Emperor Constantine the Great declared your "Christianity" to his empire (and thus the world to this day), and then exactly how he instituted your Church, your Church which immediately began killing their own "brothers" simply because of doctrinal differences?

Then, compare how your Church was born and then established and ruled the world for so long on the slayed blood of its designated enemies and even its own...

...to the Christ shedding his own blood - and insisting none other's should be - in order to demonstrate and make human entry possible for His kingdom on earth?

No sermons are asked for - just comment on the historical fact presented you, please.

I don't follow Constantine, I follow Christ. You are mixing up the Church with the Catholic Church. Constantine didn't establish the Church, he established the Catholic Church to my knowledge. My church didn't kill anyone over doctrinal differences, but I do believe that the Catholics killed Christians who believed like me. As I said, Christianity was born out of Christ and His disciples and Paul. After the resurrection, His disciples were emboldened to preach the gospel unto death. And 11 out of 12 of them were killed for their faith. Do you really think that they would have been willing to DIE for what they knew was a lie? No. Their boldness is what led to the explosion of Christianity in the 1st Century AD.

 

[1sickbastard]

I don't follow Constantine, I follow Christ. You are mixing up the Church with the Catholic Church. Constantine didn't establish the Church, he established the Catholic Church to my knowledge. My church didn't kill anyone over doctrinal differences, but I do believe that the Catholics killed Christians who believed like me. As I said, Christianity was born out of Christ and His disciples and Paul. After the resurrection, His disciples were emboldened to preach the gospel unto death. And 11 out of 12 of them were killed for their faith. Do you really think that they would have been willing to DIE for what they knew was a lie? No. Their boldness is what led to the explosion of Christianity in the 1st Century AD.

Wow.

Your ignorance of even the history and origins of your own faith is absolutely stunning.

You know that bible you profess to follow?
Where and when did you think it was compiled?

Do you recite the Nicene Creed? How about the Apostolic Creed?
Do you believe in the Holy Trinity? As Jesus as both human and God? The physical existence of said Jesus?

Do you have even the slightest fucking clue as to when, where or under whose direction all those things were decided?

Perhaps you should look into the First Council of Nicaea, which was called into existence by,

Wait for it,

The Emperor Constantine I in 325 CE.


And which "church" are you a part of? How do you know the doctrines espoused by your particular denomination are correct? Have you or anyone in your "church" tested any of your doctrines against observable reality?
How do you know that you and your fellow sheep are following the "true church" instead of having been deceived by The Accuser, aka The Adversary, aka Satan?

Oh, right, your "faith" in horseshit you cannot demonstrate nor will not put to the test.

Because when it comes to religion, ignorance is not only bliss, it's absolutely necessary.

 

[Mello_SixtyNine]

I don't follow Constantine, I follow Christ. You are mixing up the Church with the Catholic Church. Constantine didn't establish the Church, he established the Catholic Church to my knowledge. My church didn't kill anyone over doctrinal differences, but I do believe that the Catholics killed Christians who believed like me. As I said, Christianity was born out of Christ and His disciples and Paul. After the resurrection, His disciples were emboldened to preach the gospel unto death. And 11 out of 12 of them were killed for their faith. Do you really think that they would have been willing to DIE for what they knew was a lie? No. Their boldness is what led to the explosion of Christianity in the 1st Century AD.

Tell that to the Spanish Inquisition.

http://i1.kym-cdn.com/photos/images/original/000/034/332/spanish-inquisition.jpg

And I still want responses about my other posts about Noah's Ark, isolated tribes going to hell, and cargo cults. You have a bad habit of either ignoring stuff in their entirety or just picking a small piece and responding with something fantastical that can never be rationally proven.

 

[eyerami]

I don't follow Constantine, I follow Christ. You are mixing up the Church with the Catholic Church. Constantine didn't establish the Church, he established the Catholic Church to my knowledge. My church didn't kill anyone over doctrinal differences...

What "Church" established the canon of the Holy Bible you read, and which you maintain is the literal Word of God?

 

[Tigersman]

I had a massive heart attack, died on the table, and the dumbass doctors brought e back. When I die agai I know I'm going to Hell for my sins. I pray to God every week to destroy my heart and send me to hell where I belong.