Gasp, Moan, Whimper: what to do about verbs?

[NOIRTRASH]

Married to the same woman 43 years, its different every time.

My favorite is when I heard, STOP THAT! And fuck me!

 

[lovecraft68]

Just think about the things that actually happen during sex. I have a friend I record things for sometimes, and what he wants more than anything is to hear the changes in my breathing - breath quickens, speeds up, grows more shallow, is held, released, etc, depending on how you're reacting to something.
Maybe your women could be a bit more vocal - I'll growl, shout, and sometimes scream, depending on the thing that's happening. And mostly, I'll use actual words - there's a lot of swearing and taking various versions of the Lord's name in vain.
Even 'moan' has variations - get some more adjectives in there. Are the moans long and low? Guttural? Breathless? Loving? Satisfied?
(I don't think I've ever in my whole life 'whimpered' during sex.)

Guttural is a great word.

Did anyone call out begging, or pleading? Like if teasing is involved?

 

[J_R_Ashunwhy]

I agree with all of this in terms of actions, you can always pile more on, or add dialogue, or look around the room and add descriptions. But that all seems like avoidance. Filler.

Still basically stuck with gasp, whimper and moan.

I can think of a few more. Shudder. Tremble. Break out on gooseflesh. Breathe heavily. Given this is before any raucous activity takes place. Then there's more variety. But slow building of arousal I find a perpetual challenge.

Dialogue as filler or avoidance? If the dialogue is right, that can help add to the slow build of arousal, and keep the scene flowing. Maybe it's just a personal preference, but I prefer for there to be dialogue between the characters during sex; it makes the characters seem more personable instead of resembling cardboard cut-outs just going through the motions.

Plus with dialogue, then you have growl, snarl, smirk, whisper, mumble, sigh, hiss, yell, scream, stutter, stammer, purr, bark, whine, groan, grunt, beg, plea, croak, hum, giggle, chuckle, jest, joke etc. to play with.
All help display a characters personality.

 

[J_R_Ashunwhy]

I just finished a sex scene where a witch has sex with another witch and fucks her with flames. That way I got to use crackling, sizzling, shimmering... a whole new set of sexual 'ings'

well that's a different kind of edgeplay

searing, blistering, boiling, glistening, scorching, sweltering, stifling, roasting

 

[TxRad]

well that's a different kind of edgeplay

searing, blistering, boiling, glistening, scorching, sweltering, stifling, roasting

It gives a whole different meaning to heat in the caldron.

 

[J_R_Ashunwhy]

It gives a whole different meaning to heat in the caldron.

lol.
"By the prickling of my thumbs, something wicked this way" cums.

 

[lovecraft68]

well that's a different kind of edgeplay

searing, blistering, boiling, glistening, scorching, sweltering, stifling, roasting

Well understand their power is they control fire so they are not actually being burned but more like being tickled and caressed by the flames.

For most people a burning sensation down below is a bad thing but not for them

 

[Carnal_Flower]

No, I hear you. I meant for me, really. I looove dialogue. I rely on it.

Just sometimes I'll find myself IMMENSELY frustrated with physical descriptions, like kissing. "Their lips pressed together.," That's all I've got. I don't want to do anything else but lengthen the description for a while and . . . can't. So I'll go into dialogue.

At times action and what have you can seem like a replacement for description. For me anyway.

Dialogue as filler or avoidance? If the dialogue is right, that can help add to the slow build of arousal, and keep the scene flowing. Maybe it's just a personal preference, but I prefer for there to be dialogue between the characters during sex; it makes the characters seem more personable instead of resembling cardboard cut-outs just going through the motions.

Plus with dialogue, then you have growl, snarl, smirk, whisper, mumble, sigh, hiss, yell, scream, stutter, stammer, purr, bark, whine, groan, grunt, beg, plea, croak, hum, giggle, chuckle, jest, joke etc. to play with.
All help display a characters personality.

 

[EverLux]

For most people a burning sensation down below is a bad thing but not for them

Unless it's from hot wax

 

[J_R_Ashunwhy]

Well understand their power is they control fire so they are not actually being burned but more like being tickled and caressed by the flames.

and? I assumed either they weren't actually being burned, or they were able to heal themselves during, but erotic horror means that all of those words could be viable.

For most people a burning sensation down below is a bad thing but not for them

Unless it's from hot wax

exactly. Or temperature play via the use of warmed up glass dildos, or warmed stones, or cupping, or certain creams meant to cause that very sensation... or you know...actual fire play. Just, with actual fire play, most people keep that nastiness outside of the body.

 

[J_R_Ashunwhy]

No, I hear you. I meant for me, really. I looove dialogue. I rely on it.

Just sometimes I'll find myself IMMENSELY frustrated with physical descriptions, like kissing. "Their lips pressed together.," That's all I've got. I don't want to do anything else but lengthen the description for a while and . . . can't. So I'll go into dialogue.

At times action and what have you can seem like a replacement for description. For me anyway.

If you want to lengthen the description, I would think about the circumstances surrounding the action and elaborate on that.
For instance: "their lips pressed together"
Who is initiating? Why? Is there a specific taste on said lips? Is one more experienced than the other, and does that show in their kiss? If it does, is that intimidating or arousing for the other participant? What is the emotion behind that kiss, i.e. is it aggressive, passionate, or part of some sorrowful goodbye? Are there small noises or subconscious movements being made by either character?
Dialogue in this instance does not have to be self defeating, it could help with the description by having one character verbally point out one of these descriptions for the narrator, which then the narrator could expand upon.

 

[lovecraft68]

and? Erotic horror means that all of those words could be viable.





exactly. Or temperature play via the use of warmed up glass dildos, or warmed stones, or cupping, or certain creams meant to cause that very sensation... or you know...actual fire play.

Beyond hit wax I've never done much with heat play.

I have gone the other way making good use of popsicles and those nice cylindrical Ice packs.

But my big thing for quite a while was knifeplay. That takes trust to a new level

 

[SecondCircle]

If you want to lengthen the description, I would think about the circumstances surrounding the action and elaborate on that.
For instance: "their lips pressed together"
Who is initiating? Why? Is there a specific taste on said lips? Is one more experienced than the other, and does that show in their kiss? If it does, is that intimidating or arousing for the other participant? What is the emotion behind that kiss, i.e. is it aggressive, passionate, or part of some sorrowful goodbye? Are there small noises or subconscious movements being made by either character?
Dialogue in this instance does not have to be self defeating, it could help with the description by having one character verbally point out one of these descriptions for the narrator, which then the narrator could expand upon.

I actually have to rein this in because I lay on too much of it. I notice that after a story has sat for a few days and I return to edit, I'm adding littke snippets to the rest of the story to tweak here and there, while in the sex scene I'm snipping out a lot because it's bogged the flow down.

Someone brought up hardcore sex, and I've noticed with my writing above that the type/intensity of sex affects what pacing is needed. For me anyway. Slower more intimate scenes I often slow it down and include a lot of build-up to try to nail the mood. More intense scenes where it seems like sensory overload with fast paced action? I find I gotta cut a bunch of stuff because too much of the description and build-up actually starts to make the sex seem slower than it really is.

However it seems to the character is how I try to write it.

 

[EverLux]

exactly. Or temperature play via the use of warmed up glass dildos, or warmed stones, or cupping, or certain creams meant to cause that very sensation... or you know...actual fire play. Just, with actual fire play, most people keep that nastiness outside of the body.

All this just got copied and pasted to my to-do list.

 

[J_R_Ashunwhy]

All this just got copied and pasted to my to-do list.

Bawhahaha. Oh, Babydoll.

 

[TxRad]

Three words for warm and tingly. Oil of peppermint.

 

[Tio_Narratore]

I gasped as my touch - my newest touch - elicited nothing more than the moans and whimpers that every other touch had elicited. It was more than I could bear. My every action evoked the same reaction, an endless iteration, an echoing if you will, of alternating monotones of moans and whimpers. "Verbs! Verbs! Give me some verbs!" I cried, desperately trying to keep my head above ennui in a sea of banality.

 

[J_R_Ashunwhy]

Three words for warm and tingly. Oil of peppermint.

Well if we're gonna play that way, habanero peppers can be a girls best friend
Gives an all new meaning to 'spicy' blowjobs

 

[Carnal_Flower]

All good ideas, but it mainly goes to intent, atmosphere emotion. Which is great. I can do that. But usually its mechanical description that stumps me.

Some things just present a technical challenge. Anal sex? Not a problem. I can write that. Slow sensuous kissing? One single kiss? Much harder.

If you want to lengthen the description, I would think about the circumstances surrounding the action and elaborate on that.
For instance: "their lips pressed together"
Who is initiating? Why? Is there a specific taste on said lips? Is one more experienced than the other, and does that show in their kiss? If it does, is that intimidating or arousing for the other participant? What is the emotion behind that kiss, i.e. is it aggressive, passionate, or part of some sorrowful goodbye? Are there small noises or subconscious movements being made by either character?
Dialogue in this instance does not have to be self defeating, it could help with the description by having one character verbally point out one of these descriptions for the narrator, which then the narrator could expand upon.

 

[Gwanji16]

Real life

Great thread and some really fresh, new ideas for describing what happens when two (or three or four or more) people fuck.

I agree with one poster who mentioned laughter (apologies for not quoting). Laughing, giggling, hooting, call it what you wil, it happens in real life and it's a great way to make a story more real. It breaks the ice, moves the passion in a different direction, and really emphasizes the sheer ecstasy of the organsm. And it doesn't have to be gales of laughter; a chuckle, a smile, a chortle keeps it humble and real.

I have never heard whimpering, even in bondage. I can't imagine that would be attractive to any Dom. Not sexy in the least.

What do the people you are having sex with do when they cum? Many different things, I would imagine. From grunting to roaring to slapping your ass. Draw on that when you are writing a scene. and in real life, no two sexual encounters, or fucking, are the same. Even if you do missionary all the time (my sympathies) each time is diiffirent. The bra gets stuck, the boxers stay longer on one leg than the other, she says the wrong name while she is cumming (happened to a friend), phones ring, horns honk, goldfish scream (only they can hear it). Art should imitate life.

 

[KimGordon67]

Two things that might help ... indulge in some cyber sex. I got a LOT better at that over time, by virtue of having to think of ways to describe things (and actually started paying a lot more attention to actual sex, so I could describe particular things in words later on). If you do with multiple times with the same person, you're sort of forced to get more inventive so you don't get boring.
Also, listen to some audio and think about the sounds that are being made and how you'd describe. Admittedly, most audio files are solo, but the general concept is the same.

 

[CyranoJ]

I have never heard whimpering, even in bondage. I can't imagine that would be attractive to any Dom. Not sexy in the least.

Funny, that. I've heard whimpering, with no bondage involved, and it's hot as fuck.

 

[NOIRTRASH]

On average people fuck for 5 minutes.

I'm going another way with the blabber. Such as this scene from my life 30 years ago.

The scene opens with me sitting in a chair outside, sipping a bottle of Southern Comfort. The wife comes out around 2 am.

Wife: C'mon to bed.
Me: Can I have some pussy?
Wife: Laughs, I don't think you can get to the bed much less get it up.
Me: Stands and drops pants. Wouldja look at that bad boy! (I have an erection.) Lemme pee first! And I piss on the lilies. My erection comes back.
Wife: You fool! If anyone see's you they'll call the cops.
Me: Then I guess we oughta go to bed. I don't think this thing is gonna deflate.

In 1994 I had abdominal surgery. I wasn't supposed to shower for 3 days but wanted to see if the bad boy was alive.

Me: Take your clothes off.
Wife: What for?
Me: I wanna see if everything works.
Wife: Are you crazy!
Me: It wont take long, its just a test drive. Rise and shine, Bad Boy!

 

[TxRad]

The above is a great example of JBJ's "hey, look at me" usual posts. It has nothing to do with the topic, just him.

As for the topic, I agree with CyranoJ, I've heard whimpering on many occasions. It signals anticipation in most cases.

 

[PervOtaku]

I've definitely read sex scenes that are more poetic than mine. I think I mostly picture a porn movie in my head and then describe it. It gets the job done but there's room for improvement I'm sure. Although there's probably also more room for flowery language during slow, tender lovemaking than there is during rough and kinky fucking.

Two things that might help ... indulge in some cyber sex. I got a LOT better at that over time, by virtue of having to think of ways to describe things (and actually started paying a lot more attention to actual sex, so I could describe particular things in words later on). If you do with multiple times with the same person, you're sort of forced to get more inventive so you don't get boring.

I'll second that. I've been cybering for far longer than I've been writing erotica stories. It's also a good way to observe first hand the type of things other people will write to help get themselves and you off.