Boyfriend is experienced..Im not but very open and curious!

[brebelle1010]

Hi everyone So I've pretty much always had partners who weren't into anything too spicy so my experience is limited. I've played with cuffs and vibraters a few times..things like that. Spanking when i would ask for it. I've always been super curious. My current boyfriend told me he was into "some freaky sh!t" before we ever slept together so I've known the whole time eventually we would play, but at this point we have been *pretty* tame in bed.
He wants to do more, and i do too! But I dont know exactly where i want to start. He is so much more experienced than I am so it lets insecurity creep in. Although I've spent hours researching I feel like this might be a better route for me to take

Soooo basically I just want some tips..how do I go about taking things where i want them to go, when i dont know where to start!! Thanks in advance

 

[RawHumor]

If he's got more experience than you, why not let him lead?

 

[cookiecat]

What Raw Humor said. Let go of all this research monkey business and just go with the flow. You don't really need to know where to start - just start with him.

What's "freaky shit?" Is it anything you feel weird about doing??

 

[MeekMe]

Have you talked about this with him? Have you both discussed what you want to try? I suggest you google "BDSM checklist" and both fill in some answers and compare. This will give you both a chance to see what is on the table for both of you. The checklist may also have a scale to show how interested you each are in different activities. This could help you choose where to start.

You can certainly let him lead, but be aware that you can say no to things that you may not feel ready for. You also don't have to do everything all at once. It's easy to get carried away. Definitely talk about it outside of sexy times. Find out where you both want to go and keep communicating.

If you have specific interests or know of things he'd like to do, do some more research and ask specific questions and hopefully someone here can give a more detailed answer.

 

[SpunThings]

Hi everyone So I've pretty much always had partners who weren't into anything too spicy so my experience is limited. I've played with cuffs and vibraters a few times..things like that. Spanking when i would ask for it. I've always been super curious. My current boyfriend told me he was into "some freaky sh!t" before we ever slept together so I've known the whole time eventually we would play, but at this point we have been *pretty* tame in bed.
He wants to do more, and i do too! But I dont know exactly where i want to start. He is so much more experienced than I am so it lets insecurity creep in. Although I've spent hours researching I feel like this might be a better route for me to take

Soooo basically I just want some tips..how do I go about taking things where i want them to go, when i dont know where to start!! Thanks in advance

The first step is talking. BDSM is like a buffet. What if your partner asked you to pick up some food from the buffet, and you haven't talked about what he likes? You can't carry it all in your arms, and what if he's allergic to something you get?

Lots of talking.

 

[brebelle1010]

First of all thank you guys so much for replying
We HAVE talked about it but when i straight up asked exactly WHAT hes into he didnt exactly tell me. He said "pretty much everything but i wont ever expect you to be into everything." Im kinda shy i guess you could say? And like i said inexperienced. I think since he knows this, he doesnt want to make me feel like hes being pushy or that if he names stuff that freaks me out I wont be open to try other things? Every once in a while i get him to be specific but its kinda vague. I know he said hes REALLY into latex. And has restraints, a blindfold and a small whip. If thats what its called. Im totally into that. Hes mentioned shopping for toys together. He teases me forever sometimes, like orgasm control? One time i made a comment about how i was about to go crazy because he did it so many times before letting me release and he just said "thats nothing!"

Sorry for the novel lol and sorry its just kinda rambled on and im sure i used wrong terminology. But I really feel like talking it out a little with you lovely people BEFORE really going for it with him might make me not as shy when i do. Im able to be comfortable and open with him already but this is something i want to be mentally ready to do the right way. If that makes sense? Researching just isnt helping its such a broad subject! Peer to peer discussion is my style..honest opinions! Thanks again

 

[_Necrosomantic_]

In the beginning, as with anything, it will probably be somewhat awkward and slow going. But that's to be expected. Research can be helpful, but only insofar as it helps you figure out what it is you are looking for.

Overwhelming yourself with information will only end up confusing you in the end. The more important aspects here are communication and setting up some ground rules about what is/isn't acceptable or desired. You are fortunate to have someone a bit more experienced with you that may be able to take the lead until you hit your stride.

What's "freaky shit?" Is it anything you feel weird about doing??

^ This as well.

 

[brebelle1010]

"Freaky shit" was how he described it when he first told me about it. It was REALLY early into the relationship. When i told him i wasnt experienced, he said that it was something he would need me to be at least open to some mild kink for things to really work out. But then said he would be patient and respectful and allow me to decide when i was ready. I do feel lucky to have him, for that reason and many others I feel like this might be what i never knew i always wanted in my relationship if that makes sense. Im excited about it! But I think youre right in saying too much research and overthinking is making the nerves a little worse lol
As far as things that make me uncomfortable that i know hes done before..he hasnt really said anything thats turned me off yet. I know he used to be into swinging, but when i asked him what "soft swap" was after hearing someone say it. He told me, but then got serious and said thats something he'll never want to do with me. He said he doesn't want to share me with anybody, he loves me and respects me too much to want that to be involved. Which im ok with! Him mentioning toys is pretty broad so i guess that makes me nervous..im not sure exactly WHAT I'm comfortable with though...is it just a trial and error thing?? What if we try something and one of us loves it but the other doesnt? I realize we would need to talk about it...

 

[SpunThings]

Some of it's trial and error. Sometimes you'll know right away you don't even want to try something . Why don't you start telling him what you're into then? Or what has piqued your interest?

Eventually he's gotta stop treating you like you're going to break. If he can't be open about what he's interested in, how are you two to get anywhere?

 

[Jay321]

Its not early in the relationship any more is it? Its time for the freaky shit to be revealed. Sounds like he has a few toys, maybe a good thing would be for him to bring them all out and let you see them all. Ask specific questions about them.

All he above suggestions are great BTW. They don't need my thumbs up, but I second them all. One thing, once you start experimenting, be safe! If something squicks you, let him know.

Safewords! An easy set to remember is like a stoplight. Red is something is bad. Yellow, is you are not thrilled with what is going on, lets move on. Green is good.

If part of his freaky shit is impact play and you are enjoying it, and you want him to ramp up a little? Pink. (tread lightly)

 

[Cumference]

Talk!

Agree on what you want and what you're going to do, then do it.

The planning phase can be really fun!

 

[luvnmyboys]

Yes, i agree with everyone else: talk, talk, and then talk some more. If there are things that interest you, I would tell him that and start there. Dip your toes in the water and see how you feel. a checklist is also a great suggestion as that can help you think about what your limits may be. Relax and enjoy!!