My written scene - exciting

[Aphro]

Crops, floggers, wax, big Hitachi...

That must have been some big box!

I'm thinking, personally, that it's probably not necessary to use ALL the toys the first time out. Save something for the 7th inning stretch.

 

[RoryN]

I was told there'd be pie in here.

 

[Sinny]

I keep envisioning you lying there tied, and cinched down. I have taken two of your senses. From this point on you will only see and hear what I want. The egg is inside you, but not turned on. You’re waiting for it to start. I imagine you thinking, "What is he doing?", "What is he going to do to me?” As you wait and contemplate, I start.

First, I want to taste you. I bend down between your legs and I lick your pussy. Just for a few seconds, but long enough to remind you, "You. Are. Mine!"

You were blindfolded when I placed the egg in you, and even though you know what it might be, you don't know when I will turn it on or the many settings it has. The anticipation and desire this gives you makes it hard resist tearing off my clothes right then and fuck you. It takes a great deal of control to keep on task, but I manage.

Next I take the new crop and I slowly, using the corner of the leather, slide it down your naked body. I use the corner so you can't tell what it is. I don't want you to know until I snap it on your skin. I play with the crop for a bit. Letting you smell it. I slap you on your thigh, letting you feel the slight sting. I continue with a few more light slaps, then I turn the egg on.

It startled you, but then I hope it starts sensations deep inside that make you want more. I leave it on for a few seconds, and then I turn it off. Back to the crop. I gently slap your pussy, your breasts one by one. I want to see what your limit is. I want to see you squirm, because I know it will make me smile. The thought of you in this much pleasure.

My cock is super hard now, but I exercise control. I am not done yet.

It’s time to really see you squirm. I bend over, kiss you and tell you, "You are not allowed to cum!" I take the large hitatchi out, and plug it in. This vibrator has a big head and is not meant to be inside, but then you already have something inside you. A delicious foreign object. I turn it on and place it against your already wet lips. Then I turn the egg on a pulse mode. I twist and turn the vibrator against your clit. I leave it there for a minute and I watch you hold your orgasm. Then I remove the vibrator first and turn off the egg. I know you want to cum, but I'm not ready to let you.

I take the flogger in one hand and I hit your pussy. You flinch as you always do and softly moan. Then I turn the egg on again. I place the remote down and in the other hand I take the crop. I hit your pussy with the flogger again, and then I tap your right nipple with the crop. Pussy, Left nipple. Then I use the crop on your pussy. The egg stops.

It’s time for a change of pace. I don't want you to cum to early. I pull the candles out. I light one (The red one) and I let it drip once on your breast. Then I let the ice cold water from the ice cub fall on your opposite breast. Back and forth I drip Hot and Cold! All the way down your side. When I get close to your belly button, I move the drips closer in a v shape until I get just above your wet lips. Then I move upward switching the Hot and Cold sides. When I get to your breast again, I stop and admire the wax on your body. I let it sit for a second. Then with my nails I scrape the wax off. Slowly. Once all the wax is off, I take the vibrating toy and place it against your lips and turn them both on.

I use them together to build up your anticipation. I want you to have your most powerful orgasm ever, and I want to know it was me that brought you there. The egg is on a slow pulse again, and the wand is on its highest setting. I leave it for a few seconds and then I bend down and slowly slide a finger between your wet lips. You are ready, and wanting more than ever. I taste your readiness, and let you taste it. I want you to come now. I want to control your orgasm.

Using the crop, I slap your pussy. This time it’s a little harder, and then the flogger. Back and forth I slap your pussy, watching your reaction each time. Just when I think you can't take any more, I place the wand against your clit and I slide my finger in your pussy and I rub your clit with the wand. The wand, the egg and my finger all moving together.. "Cum for my baby!" I whisper and you explode into convulsions.

I let your orgasm finish and then I take the egg out. My turn.

I untie your hands from the bed, but I keep them tied together. I slide between your legs and quickly and forcefully slide my dick into you. I start fucking you with everything I have and eventually I cum.

After I recover from my orgasm I slowly welcome you back to reality, and take off your blindfold, your headset and slowly start to release you from your bondage. We lie there for a little while, holding each other. I whisper, “I love you!”. You reply with your own “I love you.”

Dude, come on. Really?

Quoted for later times.

 

[thør]

I was told there'd be pie in here.

Strawberry rhubarb?

 

[Que]

That's because the only one you responded to is some nutter that thinks he's descended from King David.

What about the pie?

If you don't want to answer, that's ok. You don't seem like a pie-person to me.

Ha! No there is not a pie in there.

Johnny called it!

 

[Noor]

During Cyber, I hate when people try to script my reactions to stuff, does anyone like it?

Why does the other person even have to be in the scene if their reactions are already set?

 

[AlphaSID]

Dude, come on. Really?

Quoted for later times.

That was a helpful post. Why even bother posting. If you are going to post on someone's idea, then at least be helpful. As my first post stated I am new to this, and your seasoned knowledge would be appreciated. This comment is just worthless.

 

[AlphaSID]

Crops, floggers, wax, big Hitachi...

That must have been some big box!

I'm thinking, personally, that it's probably not necessary to use ALL the toys the first time out. Save something for the 7th inning stretch.

Its not all new, but perhaps its not all needed.

 

[Sinny]

That was a helpful post. Why even bother posting. If you are going to post on someone's idea, then at least be helpful. As my first post stated I am new to this, and your seasoned knowledge would be appreciated. This comment is just worthless.

Wrong forum for that stuff, which is annoying and when people do annoying things, they get feedback they don't want. I can say what I want, wherever I want here, with the exception of a few TOS deal breakers. Guess what? Anyone can post what they want in your thread. You don't control it.

That being said, I will respond to your request for feedback. I suggest you figure out that SRP is a different forum from the GB. If I wanted to see scene writing, I would hang out there. Glad to see this thread was moved, although I don't know why it wasn't moved to SRP or Author's Hangout or somewhere other than bdsm.

Here is some free advice.

Lose the zillion cliches, ditch the passive voice for active voice and skip writing in first person. Not your thing.

 

[La damnee elle la licorne]

 

[AlphaSID]

Wrong forum for that stuff, which is annoying and when people do annoying things, they get feedback they don't want. I can say what I want, wherever I want here, with the exception of a few TOS deal breakers. Guess what? Anyone can post what they want in your thread. You don't control it.

That being said, I will respond to your request for feedback. I suggest you figure out that SRP is a different forum from the GB. If I wanted to see scene writing, I would hang out there. Glad to see this thread was moved, although I don't know why it wasn't moved to SRP or Author's Hangout or somewhere other than bdsm.

Here is some free advice.

Lose the zillion cliches, ditch the passive voice for active voice and skip writing in first person. Not your thing.

Thanks for your advice. The scene was really just for me to act out when I get home. It was not meant to be posted. However, I do know better than to post something that was not meant to be. Your advice is helpful, and if I attempt to do this again and have someone read it, will keep those tips in mind.

 

[La damnee elle la licorne]

 

[AlphaSID]

Welcome.

We learn in different ways. And it may be that writing things out works for you. It might even work as a way for you to get feedback , however , people are often ruthless in giving it, as has been pointed out. Ultimately the feedback you need is not from us over this personal scene, so I hand it to you for acting with good grace over it.

Thanks. Feedback is just that. I don't take anyone comments to heart, but it does get annoying when people throw out useless comments. You have to expect it when posting anything on-line, especially when most of the users are anonymous. We hide behind our keyboards and act in ways we would not normally act in public.

People just need to remember that social skills are still an asset when talking to someone on-line.

 

[La damnee elle la licorne]

 

[AlphaSID]

Well, I for one, hope you stick around. I like this attitude.

Thanks, I just might.

 

[Lord_Steve]

Welcome.

We learn in different ways. And it may be that writing things out works for you. It might even work as a way for you to get feedback , however , people are often ruthless in giving it, as has been pointed out. Ultimately the feedback you need is not from us over this personal scene, so I hand it to you for acting with good grace over it.

gianbattista and i have this good cop/ bad cop dynamic going on that i particularly enjoy. to whit:

AlphaSID:

Thanks for your advice. The scene was really just for me to act out when I get home. It was not meant to be posted

you posted it! repeatedly, actually. you posted it across several forums. is this a doctor strangelove situation where your right hand is posting embarrassing shit and your left hand is trying to stop it?

 

[AlphaSID]

gianbattista and i have this good cop/ bad cop dynamic going on that i particularly enjoy. to whit:

AlphaSID:



you posted it! repeatedly, actually. you posted it across several forums. is this a doctor strangelove situation where your right hand is posting embarrassing shit and your left hand is trying to stop it?

Once again you have taught me a valuable lesson. Your wisdom knows no boundaries.

 

[Sinny]

Thanks for your advice. The scene was really just for me to act out when I get home. It was not meant to be posted. However, I do know better than to post something that was not meant to be. Your advice is helpful, and if I attempt to do this again and have someone read it, will keep those tips in mind.

Wait. You script your sex with your lady. Ffs! Really?

I would be so fucking confused if a guy I was fucking decided to tell me how I would or should respond to his sexy fun times with me. Or if he wrote out a scene expecting me to respond the way he has written my part? I would laugh him right out of my life.

Sex is fluid, or it should be, and scripting it is just so banal. I hope I am misunderstanding you.

Are you sure you don't mean this is your fantasy?

 

[Lord_Steve]

Once again you have taught me a valuable lesson. Your wisdom knows no boundaries.

truly my wisdom is bounded by my material attachments, but i am heartened by your faith in me.

 

[Lord_Steve]

should you encounter pie upon the road to enlightenment, eat it

 

[ToPleaseHim]

Wait. You script your sex with your lady. Ffs! Really?

I would be so fucking confused if a guy I was fucking decided to tell me how I would or should respond to his sexy fun times with me. Or if he wrote out a scene expecting me to respond the way he has written my part? I would laugh him right out of my life.

Sex is fluid, or it should be, and scripting it is just so banal. I hope I am misunderstanding you.

Are you sure you don't mean this is your fantasy?

I don't believe it is at all atypical for BDSM scenes to be well-planned in advance.

 

[La damnee elle la licorne]

 

[La damnee elle la licorne]

 

[AlphaSID]

Wait. You script your sex with your lady. Ffs! Really?

I would be so fucking confused if a guy I was fucking decided to tell me how I would or should respond to his sexy fun times with me. Or if he wrote out a scene expecting me to respond the way he has written my part? I would laugh him right out of my life.

Sex is fluid, or it should be, and scripting it is just so banal. I hope I am misunderstanding you.

Are you sure you don't mean this is your fantasy?

It started out as a bit of a day dream if you will. Based on that, I guess you could say its a fantasy, but one I guess I tend to start at the least.

If it does not go as planned, I am totally ok with that. I also do not expect her to act that way, it was for my own reference. It's how I think she will react, and I am probably correct. If I am not it will not even be noticed while we are in the moment.

We have never scripted out sex before, or any "play time" Maybe we will never again, but I do know there will be a lot of improvisation.

Thanks for the feedback though, I will be sure to not follow the fantasy too closely.

 

[AlphaSID]

truly my wisdom is bounded by my material attachments, but i am heartened by your faith in me.

What?!? Your wisdom is bounded. So there is a limit to what I can learn from you? Well you just became less lord like.