Somewhat new to BDSM, really need some advice

[GIJoesBitch]

Hi Everyone!
First, thank you for taking the time to read this and hopefully help me out.

A bit about me.... I'm a sub. Have always been pretty submissive behind closed doors but am very much the opposite in day to day life. I was into rough sex for years and couldn't figure out why I literally could not cum without it. So did a little research and found that I get off more so by being controlled or dominated and rough sex was just the closest I ever got to it. I'm in a great relationship with a man I was able to discuss all this with and he was beyond understanding and into it. Once we learned the psyche part of dom/sub it was game on and our sex life is amazing.
Now, here's where I need help....
He wants me to tie him up. Which I'm totally cool with but, as silly as it sounds, once the ropes are on I have no idea what to do lol
I get why he wants to relinquish control, his job requires him to be in control constantly (he's federal law enforcement) so I definitely understand him wanting to let go. But I have no idea how to give him that experience. Just tying him up than having sex with him is pointless, that doesn't exactly cut it and I know that. Any ideas? Suggestions? Techniques? Anything? Please?
He satisfies me like no one EVER has and I want to do the same for him.
Any help is greatly appreciated.
Thanks in advance and thanks for such an awesome forum! I really like this site = )

 

[feistyphoenix]

I think the place to start is with him. Look at pictures with him or just talk about what he wants you to do. Once you know, start reading up on whatever it is and then try a few things.

 

[GIJoesBitch]

Yeah, that could work. He's nowhere near as into being a sub as I am so I don't think he takes it THAT seriously. Plus I don't wanna give away the fact that I'm totally clueless lol. I'm just so used to being the submissive one I have NO IDEA what to do to a guy in that position. Like at all. He's very much the alpha type male, so I feel kinda silly.

 

[Lord_Steve]

Yeah, that could work. He's nowhere near as into being a sub as I am so I don't think he takes it THAT seriously. Plus I don't wanna give away the fact that I'm totally clueless lol. I'm just so used to being the submissive one I have NO IDEA what to do to a guy in that position. Like at all. He's very much the alpha type male, so I feel kinda silly.

Kiss No Cop

with that said, communicate with him! femdom is a relatively niche kink, and there's no shame in not knowing exactly what he wants you to do. sit down with him and have a fun/flirty conversation about what he wants and whether you are up for it.

 

[SpunThings]

Hi Everyone!
First, thank you for taking the time to read this and hopefully help me out.

A bit about me.... I'm a sub. Have always been pretty submissive behind closed doors but am very much the opposite in day to day life. I was into rough sex for years and couldn't figure out why I literally could not cum without it. So did a little research and found that I get off more so by being controlled or dominated and rough sex was just the closest I ever got to it. I'm in a great relationship with a man I was able to discuss all this with and he was beyond understanding and into it. Once we learned the psyche part of dom/sub it was game on and our sex life is amazing.
Now, here's where I need help....
He wants me to tie him up. Which I'm totally cool with but, as silly as it sounds, once the ropes are on I have no idea what to do lol
I get why he wants to relinquish control, his job requires him to be in control constantly (he's federal law enforcement) so I definitely understand him wanting to let go. But I have no idea how to give him that experience. Just tying him up than having sex with him is pointless, that doesn't exactly cut it and I know that. Any ideas? Suggestions? Techniques? Anything? Please?
He satisfies me like no one EVER has and I want to do the same for him.
Any help is greatly appreciated.
Thanks in advance and thanks for such an awesome forum! I really like this site = )

I love to be tied up, and just tying me up and having sex DOES cut it. Have you asked him?

 

[SpunThings]

Oh, and if he's an alpha type, and has asked you as the dominant partner, he should have no problem giving you specifics. Think of it like topping from the bottom. That's a loaded phrase, but in this instance it's strictly correct. The one topping is the one performing an action. Usually the one in charge is doing the topping, but it's totally possible to be the submissive who is topping their partner as a service.

 

[MeekMe]

As others have suggested, talk to him to find out what he'd be into. As for things that could be fun...

Blindfolds Put a blindfold on him and play with different sensations. Soft touching, nails, kisses, teasing with different items of varying texture. With the blindfold he'll feel a little extra helpless and it will give you a chance to play without having your every move watched. If you fumble or don't know quite what to do, he won't see it and you'll still have a good sense of control of the situation.

Search for a BDSM checklist and go over it with him. It will have a list of activities that you both can rate based on likes and dislikes. After you've figured out what you might like to try, do some research. No need to do it all at once, but look into each item for safety and hints/tips on how to make it awesome. After that, experiment. You both may find that you really love something, or maybe it didn't quite live up to expectations. Keep what you like, toss the rest.

Do what works for both of you. Good luck.

 

[GIJoesBitch]

Thank you all SOO much. I really appreciate it. = )

 

[amofiga]

You can start by reading some stories or watching some videos and seeing what he likes. Have him tell you what gets his juices flowing: spanking, flogging, tickling, ball gag, blindfold, foot on chest or on cock and balls, let your mind go. What do YOU like when you are the bottom? Perhaps the same thing you like is what he likes.

I used to have a lady friend who was a vice president of a company and in control in her "real" life. However, when she was with me, she liked being lead around and ordered on her knees or on her face. She wanted to be ordered to lick my balls or if not spanked hard. So, you need to perhaps see if your man wants you to squat on his face or flog him or drip wax on him or what. Open up the lines of communication and relinquish your own inhibition about "making him suffer".

Good luck with it. Enjoy