Advice for LGBTQ story

[LostBabygirl3489]

I have a really dumb question. I would love to write an erotic story between a cisgender woman (someone who was born a female, still identifies as a woman) and a transgender woman, but I definitely don't want to use any derogative or discriminating terms. I've personally met a few transwomen and I find them very smart, articulate and beautiful. I don't want to disrespect them at all in my writings. I guess my question is...if a transwoman has a penis, can I still refer to that body part as her cock, penis, etc? I feel really dumb asking this but like I said, I want to be respectful and don't want to add to transphobia. Any helpful advice would be greatly appreciated. I am queer myself and consider myself part of the LGBTQ community and would love to write more LGBTQ characters. Thanks in advance.

 

[loquere]

I have a really dumb question. I would love to write an erotic story between a cisgender woman (someone who was born a female, still identifies as a woman) and a transgender woman, but I definitely don't want to use any derogative or discriminating terms. I've personally met a few transwomen and I find them very smart, articulate and beautiful. I don't want to disrespect them at all in my writings. I guess my question is...if a transwoman has a penis, can I still refer to that body part as her cock, penis, etc? I feel really dumb asking this but like I said, I want to be respectful and don't want to add to transphobia. Any helpful advice would be greatly appreciated. I am queer myself and consider myself part of the LGBTQ community and would love to write more LGBTQ characters. Thanks in advance.

I think you should post this question/post to the 'Authors Hangout' forum.

 

[HandsInTheDark]

I think you should post this question/post to the 'Authors Hangout' forum.

I don't see why. I don't think many folk there are transgendered and they are certainly not authoritative on what's culturally sensitive or even what passes for basic politeness. It's probably the last place I'd look.

The OP is probably better off checking out friends of friends, etc. who may know people who fit her description.

Or just accept that it's a story and no matter who you consult and what you write, someone's going to hate it. And so what; that's very normal.

 

[loquere]

I don't see why. I don't think many folk there are transgendered and they are certainly not authoritative on what's culturally sensitive or even what passes for basic politeness. It's probably the last place I'd look.

The OP is probably better off checking out friends of friends, etc. who may know people who fit her description.

Or just accept that it's a story and no matter who you consult and what you write, someone's going to hate it. And so what; that's very normal.

I mean she could easily google it for general advice, but she is seeking specific advice in regards to erotic writing.

 

[Carnevil9]

She should probably post this question in the GLBT Chatter forum.

 

[EquinoxRising]

Since this isn't a story idea, I am moving it to GLBT in hopes those good people can help you more.

 

[stickygirl]

I don't see why. I don't think many folk there are transgendered and they are certainly not authoritative on what's culturally sensitive or even what passes for basic politeness. It's probably the last place I'd look.

The OP is probably better off checking out friends of friends, etc. who may know people who fit her description.

Or just accept that it's a story and no matter who you consult and what you write, someone's going to hate it. And so what; that's very normal.

No one here is transgendered so that's exactly why the OP needs some help

 

[Bramblethorn]

I have a really dumb question.

No you don't! Asking about this stuff beforehand is a smart & considerate choice.

I think EquinoxRising is correct in moving this thread, you're more likely to get helpful responses here than in Story Ideas. Stickygirl also has a long-running thread up ("Ask a MtF TG a question") where she fields stuff like this.

I'm reasonably familiar with trans issues and you're welcome to DM me if you have questions, but asking here means you get more perspectives and others can learn from the discussion.

I would love to write an erotic story between a cisgender woman (someone who was born a female, still identifies as a woman) and a transgender woman, but I definitely don't want to use any derogative or discriminating terms. I've personally met a few transwomen and I find them very smart, articulate and beautiful. I don't want to disrespect them at all in my writings. I guess my question is...if a transwoman has a penis, can I still refer to that body part as her cock, penis, etc? I feel really dumb asking this but like I said, I want to be respectful and don't want to add to transphobia. Any helpful advice would be greatly appreciated. I am queer myself and consider myself part of the LGBTQ community and would love to write more LGBTQ characters. Thanks in advance.

It's hard to find terminology that everybody will agree on, but GLAAD has a good roundup that shouldn't lead you astray. Note that GLAAD recommends "trans woman" in preference to "transwoman"; I get the impression many folk aren't concerned about the distinction, but the ones who do have strong feelings about it tend to prefer "trans woman". Basically because "trans woman" implies "woman", while "transwoman" can be read as "like a woman but not necessarily so.

On your specific question: it varies. Some pre-op/non-op trans women experience dysphoria about their genitals and prefer not to discuss them, look at them, or have partners touch them; if they do discuss them they may want to avoid male-specific terms (e.g. "genitals" rather than "penis"). Others are A-OK with those things and may enjoy penile sex (though hormone therapy can mess with ability to get an erection). I think both viewpoints are reasonably common but it's hard to know for sure; the discussion is distorted by things like diagnostic/treatment criteria that try to shoehorn all trans women into a single pathway.

IRL, a good way to deal with this if you're sleeping with a trans woman is to ask her what she does/doesn't like. Depending on what you're writing, that could also work well in a story.

 

[Chrissi]

I have a really dumb question. I would love to write an erotic story between a cisgender woman (someone who was born a female, still identifies as a woman) and a transgender woman, but I definitely don't want to use any derogative or discriminating terms. I've personally met a few transwomen and I find them very smart, articulate and beautiful. I don't want to disrespect them at all in my writings. I guess my question is...if a transwoman has a penis, can I still refer to that body part as her cock, penis, etc? I feel really dumb asking this but like I said, I want to be respectful and don't want to add to transphobia. Any helpful advice would be greatly appreciated. I am queer myself and consider myself part of the LGBTQ community and would love to write more LGBTQ characters. Thanks in advance.

Well you are the author, and you are creating the character(s). So their own characterization of a body part would be correct and either offensive or not to the characters, depending on how you write the story. I would say don't worry about it.

As for what trans women would call there own penis (I use that), I think you will get as many opinions as there are answers, and then some.
I tend to use the sterile/clinical/anatomical term, because unfortunately I was born with one.

But don't go by just what I've mentioned, as I have girl friends who use all the normal references and some not so normal. The only thing I find offensive is that every morning I wake and it's still there. :/

Good luck with your story!

 

[EquinoxRising]

Chrissi, everything you say is true. I have a friend here who is a transwoman and she hates the term "gurl(s)" that many sissies (typically "straight" males who cross dress?) on Lit use. I've seen some on Lit refer to their penis as their clit, etc.

In my personal life I have a close friend who is a transman and he calls his anatomical clitoris as his penis. (But does use a strap-on when making love to others.)

Sadly, no matter what anyone writes some people will get offended. That's life. But, someone can also find many fans on any given topic. So, to LostBabygirl, write what you want and what makes you happy!

 

[naughtyinsilk]

Well you are the author, and you are creating the character(s). So their own characterization of a body part would be correct and either offensive or not to the characters, depending on how you write the story. I would say don't worry about it.

As for what trans women would call there own penis (I use that), I think you will get as many opinions as there are answers, and then some.
I tend to use the sterile/clinical/anatomical term, because unfortunately I was born with one.

But don't go by just what I've mentioned, as I have girl friends who use all the normal references and some not so normal. The only thing I find offensive is that every morning I wake and it's still there. :/

Good luck with your story!

I think this is the best answer, and that is because there is no categorically conclusive answer. Since the 70s I have had trans girlfriends who have refered to it as there, cock, clit, their shame, prick, dick and as many other terms as you can possibly think of. Many simply refuse to acknowledge it is part of them at all, and some that I have known have tried with various degrees of damage to themselves to remove it using diy methods.
I would use the term that in context of the story you feel comfortable with. Lit stories are about fantasy and fiction and you will get away with using terms that in RL simply would not be used, and that some would certainly feel uncomfortable with. IMHO its not what labels you use, if you want to be respectful treat the trans community as real people with feelings and emotions, and not as fetish dolls.
I have been on Lit almost 10 years now, and in that time in the GLBT section, there has been a major drift which has caused many like myself and others to feel less comfortable, and less willing to participate anymore, as we get lost in a myriad of threads that turn the trans community into nothing more than something for people to wank over. The irony is as society has become more open and accepting, that within this section, we are losing our identity as people.
Stickygirl has been the saving grace and a beacon that insists we are taken seriously and that what we think matters too.

As Holly Woodlawn one told me, "I have had a cock and now I got a cunt, and either way men and society have fucked me over".

Apologies for the lecture, this is why I don't post often anymore,