The psychological basis for cuckoldry

[Shaglus_Ziegler]

I don’t consider myself a cuckold but get off on the thought of my wife and I enjoying other men together. I do sometimes fantasize about her coming home after being randomly seduced and fucked. For me the thoughts keep things juicy and the sexual polarity alive. Not sure if by nature we are monogamous. The culture is unfortunately pretty bland though and generally repressed and most people don’t seem comfortable with whom they truly are. There are exceptions! Always looking for those folks! Cheers

 

[CharlieBoker]

I think that it’s important to make the distinction between cuckolding and cheating. With cuckolding, everyone is on-board and there is permission. Cheating is non-consensual and can really, really, really hurt because it breaks the contract of the relationship.

Cheating might be the trigger for starting a cuckolding relationship, because instead of feeling betrayed, the man feels aroused or gains pleasure and this discovery can be a bonding experience, rather than one which tears things apart. This is a trigger for rewriting the ‘contract’ so that everyone feels satisfied and trusted. So trust is a good psychological reason. Emotional Safety is another.

Additionally, people who act on their fantasies generally report being more satisfied and happier in their relationships… getting in touch with them and sharing them with your partner mutually is a bonding experience. This is a further psychological factor… bonding is imprortant.

Cuckolding rather than cheating is a removal of shame and guilt. Shame and guilt tend to create destructive cycles of behaviour as we continue to not get what we want, so it’s self perpetuating. Another psychological reason. The avoidance or satisfactory removal of Shame. Guilt. Remorse. Regret. You know what i mean.

That’s my 2c

A very emotionally intelligent post, thanks.

 

[liqueur]

When she fucks other men, I’m physically or psychologically “adjacent” to cock, which I love.

I understand this, and love this way of expressing it.

probably in reaction to my mother and church, I LOVE busting taboos. It’s a big “fuck you” to them all.

And Yes! to this.

 

[liqueur]

Porn has leaned in on associating it with degradation, physical inadequacy, etc.

Actually, the association of humiliation with being a cuckold— often public humiliation— is hundreds, possibly thousands of years old. That counter-empathic tendency in humans to laugh at the Other, the underdog, is one of the things that has given cuckoldry it's long-enduring fascination was a topic.
What porn has done is to latch onto this and turn it into a bad parody of itself. A flat two-dimensional representation

Can there be cuckolding without humiliation?

To me, that's a linguistic question. 10 years ago, cuckolding and hotwifery seemed to be two distinct terms— in the first, there was usually humiliation, and the wife was very much in charge. In the second, there was no humiliation, and the husband and wife were either on equal footing, or sometimes even, the husband was in charge, handing his wife over to whomever he chose, either to watch or to share.

Again, it's porn more than anything else that has confused and conflated the terms. It's a matter of commerce, and tagging— tag the video or photos with as many different terms as possible to attract as many viewers as possible. And before long, the tags are seen as synonymous.

 

[leftwantingmore]

Again, it's porn more than anything else that has confused and conflated the terms. It's a matter of committed, and tagging— tag the video or photos with as many different terms as possible to attract as many viewers as possible. And before long, the tags are seen as synonymous.

Yes, I do agree. Porn has made click bait out of the terms and their meanings. I'm trying to keep things accurate in my understanding. Thanks, as always, for your kind help.

 

[pleasuremodeloneten]

I have perhaps a strangely varied perspective.

I’m demisexual. I can’t experience physical intimacy without a deep emotional connection, and a fairly monogamous one at that. I’m also transgender, and I’m in a position (I hope) to have sexual reassignment surgery. My girlfriend, easily the love of my life, was formerly bisexual meaning she’s gay as hell for the ladies. But she does greatly enjoy phallic penetration.

While the cuckold fantasy is not something I think I could handle IRL without getting physically ill and breaking down into a sobbing mess, I do think there could be a future in which she wants biological penetration, and I can’t deliver it. Furthermore, I have been with increasing frequency fantasizing about men. I’ve posted before that she would support watching a man fuck me. And she would enjoy it. And so, I’ve been fantasizing about her watching me with a man… and then, I started fantasizing about that man fucking her, or a different man fucking her while im being fucked.

There are several stand out emotions, besides my horror.

We both seem to be turned on to see our lovers receive something we can’t offer.

We both seem to find high degrees of pleasure in each other’s pleasure.

I, perhaps separately from her, feel like I have to perform always. To ensure she gets off. But if someone else can do it, then I’m free to get off and focus on myself (which I can’t even manage to do when she’s going down on me or riding me or trying her best to get me off).

Not sure this adds to the thread, but maybe?

Bringing in a third for both of your pleasures, whether viewing or being viewed by the other partner… doesn’t seem like the classic definition, if there is one, of a cuckold scenario. But it is on the far end of the scale maybe, along with men who enjoy seeing their wife go into ecstatic orgasmic rapture with another man because they love her so deeply that they want her to have the absolute best of everything…
Classic cuckoldry seems to involve a humiliation of the viewing partner doesn’t it?
I say, bring in a virile third party, use him or her until they are a dried out husk, then buy them a bus ticket home
That ties in with both of you realizing the pleasure of seeing your partner receive pleasure….

 

[pleasuremodeloneten]

Going back to Liqueur’s first post about the strong breeder and the weaker nurturer… not exactly along the lines of dominant vs submissive here-
Great book called Sahara by Marq DiVilliers, breaks the Sahara down into its various components by chapter- wind, water, history, peoples past and current etc…
He tells, anecdotally, of the Tuareg, a society which I think is pretty matriarchal but not positive on that one- so what he had heard is that sometimes a Tuareg man will encourage his wife to become impregnated by a man that he considers more handsome than he is, in the interest of having a better looking child… I guess I wouldn’t consider that cuckoldry…
Again, anecdotal.

 

[phil1955]

I think there are a variety of reasons for men to enjoy being cucked. Perhaps it is a way to be submissive to her or they are simply a voyeur and enjoy watching or hearing about her having sex with others. I don't really consider myself a cuckhold but I guess technically I am. I see it as me encouraging her to explore and enjoy her sexuality. I know she craves variety and see no reason that she should not have sex with as many men as she wants. She has always taken care of me and I expect will continue to do so. I will point out that we got started with swapping but it soon turned out to be more of a hotwife situation than just swapping.