Submissive/bdsm

[Stockholmblondie]

Does anyone else but me feel like they are submissive, but not that into the bdsm lifestyle? To me, submission is about trust, and mainly mental. I am for instance not into pain, and anything forced. Some men in this lifestyle just seem to like to hurt and humiliate women, and use them. To me, a submissive woman can be strong and independent, but willing to let the right man dominate her in a caring way. But I guess we all have different views on the whole thing.

 

[midwestyankee]

Does anyone else but me feel like they are submissive, but not that into the bdsm lifestyle? To me, submission is about trust, and mainly mental. I am for instance not into pain, and anything forced. Some men in this lifestyle just seem to like to hurt and humiliate women, and use them. To me, a submissive woman can be strong and independent, but willing to let the right man dominate her in a caring way. But I guess we all have different views on the whole thing.

I'm sure that you'll hear from a number of submissive members who share your general aversion to masochism and/or your preference for personal strength and independence. Where have you gotten your impression of the "bdsm lifestyle," as you put it, wherein one is not actually a submissive without also being a masochist?

 

[JustaSCOUNDREL]

Stockholmblondie, there are as many ways to play/enjoy BDSM as there are people who are involved in what they call BDSM. The is no one way to play in BDSM and do not let any one tell you there is...they will usually tell you they have the prefect answer if you'll only submit to them too.

BDSM can very from what you describe to the couple who play once a month with bunny rabbit floggers and then change who has the virtually painless flogger in their hand to those who practice BDSM with whips, chains, clamps, ropes and pretty extreme pain.

You could find you may eventually want to try more and different things or you may not, what ever you do enjoy it and never allow someone else to tell you, you are doing things wrong. I would also add do not disparage another because they the way they practice BDSM is different than you do.

 

[ultramarineblue]

It's definitely possible to be submissive and not a masochist. Bdsm is greatly varied. I don't mind a little pain but I don't want a lot. Variety of sensation is more interesting to me personally. Your post reminds me of a friend. Although she may not say as much, she is very much submissive to her husband. It's very sweet to watch them together.

 

[meadow_lark]

I have recently purchased and am currently reading a book entitled Domination and Submission - The BDSM relationship quidebook by Michael Makai. Obviously to everyone what they participate in and feel is true to themselves is going to be different, and in truth there is no actual guidebook - as a person exploring more it's been Informative and a bit thought provoking.

One of the differences this author points out is that submission and dominance does not equate to BDSM. He suggests that Dominanance/submissive is more of a facet of personality and that BDSM is more what physically happens.

Every relationship (in D/s or otherwise) inheriently has one party leading and The other following. -IMHO anyway. Someone makes the final call - from ordering pizza to what car to buy.

What is unique is what you bring to the table, and just like a fingerprint it will be unique onto you -no matter how many similarities with others. I feel it's better to just be true to who you are rather than fit in someone's mold.

 

[desertslave]

One of the differences this author points out is that submission and dominance does not equate to BDSM. He suggests that Dominanance/submissive is more of a facet of personality and that BDSM is more what physically happens.

Master has set it right (in my head) for many years: D/s is how we love, BDSM is how we make love. That sums it up very nicely for us.

 

[lovelani]

searching for q submissive woman

I'm new on here. I wanna meet any race of submissive woman,she must be ready for serious relationship.

 

[DesEsseintes]

I'm new on here. I wanna meet any race of submissive woman,she must be ready for serious relationship.

Thank you for your contribution to this discussion.

But please, never speak again as long as you live. 'Race'? 'She must be ready'? And it's your first post, and in the wrong place?

Christ on a bike. Form an orderly queue, rainbow nation submissives...

 

[All_4_Love]

One of the differences this author points out is that submission and dominance does not equate to BDSM. He suggests that Dominanance/submissive is more of a facet of personality and that BDSM is more what physically happens.

What is unique is what you bring to the table, and just like a fingerprint it will be unique onto you -no matter how many similarities with others. I feel it's better to just be true to who you are rather than fit in someone's mold.

I truly appreciate this. Thank you.

 

[wifeuserscot]

Apologies, just come across this and don't have time for a detailed reply what I can say is that I had an 8 year relationship with a very strong willed independent woman with a , much, higher than usual sex drive. Although I was not her line manager or even in the same department when we first met I was a senior manager in the company we both worked for. I think that "power" thing was an important factor in the way in which our relationship developed. A way that neither of us had experienced in that way or to that extent previously. In short she became sub to me as her "master". We did not even discuss it in those terms for almost a year, it just evolved that way. I suppose the we crossed the rubicon when a riding crop was purchased and used for the first time. The key point that is relevant to the original post was that we quickly discovered that the crop was more symbolic than pain inflicting. The sound of it swishing through the air and the anticipation of contact turned her on - mightily. And mostly I ensured that the crop did not make contact. It had to occasionally of course otherwise there was no tension and thus no excitement for her.
As I say I am short of time, suffice to say that we discover that she was excited by the thought of being subject to a man's will and that extended to being used emotionlessly by other men so long as I was present. Not that we did it often. One reason being that strong sex drive often frightened other less confident men. Indeed occasionally she acted the dome to a submissive male. A very complex exciting sub/master relationship with very little of the common elements of BDSM present such as needle insertion, tit binding, hot was etdc etc. We both found thoe too abhorrent to even contemplate. Why? Because they were about pain not submission and lust.relation

 

[starrheat]

I think I am interested in being a submissive but not wanting a masochistic relationship. How does one ease into this and find the right Dom? Very curious but shy am I

 

[Kumo163]

I think I am interested in being a submissive but not wanting a masochistic relationship. How does one ease into this and find the right Dom? Very curious but shy am I

Tumblr all the way ;D But no seriously, a lot of people find their Doms and subs through social media, since Fetlife is a breeding ground for predators (they have a silencing victims policy). There's lots of groups on Facebook dedicated to advertising for Doms/subs (among other things like equipment).

 

[Primalex]

Does anyone else but me feel like they are submissive, but not that into the bdsm lifestyle? To me, submission is about trust, and mainly mental.

Submission is about submission.

Trust is about trust.


"Submission is about trust" makes as much sense as the phrase "sex is about condoms".

 

[subwannabe]

I've never liked the BDSM term. It seems like it links it all together as just one kind of lifestyle when it could really be either B or D or SM or some kind of combination thereof.

 

[Dyslexicea]

Submission is about submission.

Trust is about trust.


"Submission is about trust" makes as much sense as the phrase "sex is about condoms".

Are you back to trolling, Primalex or do you just lack understanding.

I think most of us understood the OP's comment "To me, submission is about trust, and mainly mental", meant her submission can be only to someone she truly trusts. For many of us submitting to someone in a D/s relationship who we didn't totally trust would be impossible.

Maybe you can find something wrong with the 'mental' part of her sentence. Something like, 'for me to be submissive to someone like Primalex I'd have to be mentally deranged.'

 

[Primalex]

For many of us submitting to someone in a D/s relationship who we didn't totally trust would be impossible.

That is called a prerequisite, at least by people who know such difficult words. The prerequisite for an action is not the same as the action itself.

Some people require a condom before they are having sex; this does not mean that "sex is about condoms".


Was I able to explain the concept of a prerequisite?

 

[Primalex]

I think I am interested in being a submissive but not wanting a masochistic relationship. How does one ease into this and find the right Dom? Very curious but shy am I

So you masturbate to the thought that you are not responsible for your actions and therefore don't need to worry about being humiliated if you do something stupid? You don't need a Dom, you need a boyfriend.

 

[TheMarksman]

Does anyone else but me feel like they are submissive, but not that into the bdsm lifestyle? To me, submission is about trust, and mainly mental. I am for instance not into pain, and anything forced. Some men in this lifestyle just seem to like to hurt and humiliate women, and use them. To me, a submissive woman can be strong and independent, but willing to let the right man dominate her in a caring way. But I guess we all have different views on the whole thing.

I couldn't agree with you more. I have absolutely no desire to hurt, humiliate or abuse a sub. I even struggle with name-calling. Being entrusted with their pleasure, on the other hand is a privilege and a turn-on.


M

 

[LucyCanyon]

Does anyone else but me feel like they are submissive, but not that into the bdsm lifestyle? To me, submission is about trust, and mainly mental. I am for instance not into pain, and anything forced. Some men in this lifestyle just seem to like to hurt and humiliate women, and use them. To me, a submissive woman can be strong and independent, but willing to let the right man dominate her in a caring way. But I guess we all have different views on the whole thing.

Some interesting responses, and a few that chime with the way I feel. Having a sub is not about having someone to hurt. For me its about their submission to my will to please them, they trust me to test but not stretch too far the boundaries we speak about. I get more pleasure out of taking my time to pleasure a sub, take her to places she wants but has never had. Her gift to me is to allow me that pleasure, time, space to play with her as I wish. But... it takes allsorts, and there will be different views

 

[Kashmeer]

Does anyone else but me feel like they are submissive, but not that into the bdsm lifestyle? To me, submission is about trust, and mainly mental. I am for instance not into pain, and anything forced. Some men in this lifestyle just seem to like to hurt and humiliate women, and use them. To me, a submissive woman can be strong and independent, but willing to let the right man dominate her in a caring way. But I guess we all have different views on the whole thing.

I feel the same blondie, my husband and I are in a very loving D/s relationship but we don't consider it "BDSM" neither of us are S/M. He enjoys the control and the power he gets from his dominance over me and I enjoy the rewards from my obedience. Just wanted you to know your not the only one with that mindset.