Old habits die hard

[Marquis]

I'm a 32 year old man now.

I own a business. I run a non-profit, and a social club.

In my 20s I was all id. Evidence on this very forum. I saw something I liked, I went for it. My libido and my conscience held equal positions in the hierarchy of my will at the best of times, my conscience being the subordinate more often.

These days it is different. I worry too much. I let opportunities pass me by. I can't bother to be distracted. Habits I once saw in older men (Rosco, you come to mind, old man); mocked at the time, I see them creeping into my own playbook.

I'm still sexy. Maybe more so than I've ever been. The signals of attraction I used to live for are still there. The deference and respect I used to fight hard for comes without asking now. I find myself with no interest in dominating every woman.

But there is a woman.

Like a swordsman's weapon unsheathed for years, I look inwards at my soul and am somehow surprised that time has little decaying effect on metal.

Slower. Calmer. More precise.

And so it goes.

 

[cmslt2326]

I'm a 32 year old man now.

I own a business. I run a non-profit, and a social club.

In my 20s I was all id. Evidence on this very forum. I saw something I liked, I went for it. My libido and my conscience held equal positions in the hierarchy of my will at the best of times, my conscience being the subordinate more often.

These days it is different. I worry too much. I let opportunities pass me by. I can't bother to be distracted. Habits I once saw in older men (Rosco, you come to mind, old man); mocked at the time, I see them creeping into my own playbook.

I'm still sexy. Maybe more so than I've ever been. The signals of attraction I used to live for are still there. The deference and respect I used to fight hard for comes without asking now. I find myself with no interest in dominating every woman.

But there is a woman.

Like a swordsman's weapon unsheathed for years, I look inwards at my soul and am somehow surprised that time has little decaying effect on metal.

Slower. Calmer. More precise.

And so it goes.

I do not mean to speak out of turn but is there no way to have both parts of yourself and live in a way that is the best of who you can be?

You know... the you who goes for it, and the you that has the deference and respect you want... that was earned from life experiences through the years....

Slower...calmer...more precise... is not the same as worried....

Having a strong libido is not mutually exclusive from having a conscience and neither one need be a distraction....simply the beginning point in which that sharpened sword cuts with precision....

 

[Marquis]

I do not mean to speak out of turn but is there no way to have both parts of yourself and live in a way that is the best of who you can be?

You know... the you who goes for it, and the you that has the deference and respect you want... that was earned from life experiences through the years....

Slower...calmer...more precise... is not the same as worried....

Having a strong libido is not mutually exclusive from having a conscience and neither one need be a distraction....simply the beginning point in which that sharpened sword cuts with precision....

I hope there is a way to have both parts of myself. I wouldn't say I'm worried, just find it interesting that properly inspired, my interests still lie very much within the bdsm spectrum. It does feel different now though, for sure.

Not sure what there is to add.

Good to see you around Marquis

Good to see you too, Stag.

Whats been going on here as of late?

 

[sugarpussy]

This reads like the diary entry of a Hunter.
Acknowledging the steel and shaping it to find reactions you desire- that is the way to truly live as a human.

 

[FurryFury]

Good to see you. I remember when you were despairing on the job front. Sounds like you've done well all around. Congrats.

 

[midwestyankee]

Good to see you, Marquis. I hope you'll stick around a bit.

 

[Clea74]

I'm a 32 year old man now.

I own a business. I run a non-profit, and a social club.

In my 20s I was all id. Evidence on this very forum. I saw something I liked, I went for it. My libido and my conscience held equal positions in the hierarchy of my will at the best of times, my conscience being the subordinate more often.

These days it is different. I worry too much. I let opportunities pass me by. I can't bother to be distracted. Habits I once saw in older men (Rosco, you come to mind, old man); mocked at the time, I see them creeping into my own playbook.

I'm still sexy. Maybe more so than I've ever been. The signals of attraction I used to live for are still there. The deference and respect I used to fight hard for comes without asking now. I find myself with no interest in dominating every woman.

But there is a woman.

Like a swordsman's weapon unsheathed for years, I look inwards at my soul and am somehow surprised that time has little decaying effect on metal.

Slower. Calmer. More precise.

And so it goes.

Very well said! With age comes patience and wisdom.

 

[KoPilot]

Yeah, stick around. I'd like to get to know you better.

 

[cmslt2326]

I hope there is a way to have both parts of myself. I wouldn't say I'm worried, just find it interesting that properly inspired, my interests still lie very much within the bdsm spectrum. It does feel different now though, for sure.



Good to see you too, Stag.

Whats been going on here as of late?

Simply speaking for myself I can say that the realm of bdsm is ever-changing and evolving with some basic tenets as it underpinnings. The need for control or loss thereof is something I believe gets into your blood and once there does not simply disappear.

The idea that it is different this time for you sounds a bit like a promising thing...after all you spoke of being calmer and more precise...more experienced and professionally more content. That coupled with the proper inspiration...i.e. a woman (as you described her) leads one to believe those dark desires may even be met and possibly surpassed this time.

 

[IrisAlthea]

Good to see you here.
I wondered what had happened after you posted about your work situation.

Letting some opportunities pass by is actually a good way to describe focus, I think.