Insider or Outsider?

[butterfly_flip]

Well I've just amused myself greatly *sigh*

Been reading through the library links to various threads, and twice now I've come across myself having responded on those threads. That was back when I first joined Lit in 2011, when BDSM was something that I'd touched on, but had had bad experiences with so was trying to find my way back into it, but at a distance.

I stopped replying to threads as I felt I simply didn't have a fucking clue what I was talking about, and didn't have the eloquence or intelligence to express that either. Reading back through, I was totally out of my depth, my understanding was not at the level it is now, and my responses would have been targetted, and rightly so really.

I would hope that now, with a greater understanding of myself more than anyting, I'd be able to contribute to discussions in a more positive way

 

[midwestyankee]

Well I've just amused myself greatly *sigh*

Been reading through the library links to various threads, and twice now I've come across myself having responded on those threads. That was back when I first joined Lit in 2011, when BDSM was something that I'd touched on, but had had bad experiences with so was trying to find my way back into it, but at a distance.

I stopped replying to threads as I felt I simply didn't have a fucking clue what I was talking about, and didn't have the eloquence or intelligence to express that either. Reading back through, I was totally out of my depth, my understanding was not at the level it is now, and my responses would have been targetted, and rightly so really.

I would hope that now, with a greater understanding of myself more than anyting, I'd be able to contribute to discussions in a more positive way

I hope you will.

 

[Athalia]

I feel that I'm a lurker more than a participant in this forum, since my own proclivities don't involve the sort of personal relationships that most people have, which are an important, not to say essential, part of their attraction to BDSM.

That said, I must tell you that I have never been made to feel unwelcome for the few times I have posted. I've kept it honest, and I think that those who responded to my posts did so in the same spirit. For this, I thank you all.

 

[midwestyankee]

I feel that I'm a lurker more than a participant in this forum, since my own proclivities don't involve the sort of personal relationships that most people have, which are an important, not to say essential, part of their attraction to BDSM.

That said, I must tell you that I have never been made to feel unwelcome for the few times I have posted. I've kept it honest, and I think that those who responded to my posts did so in the same spirit. For this, I thank you all.

Thank you for adding your voice to the discussion. I do hope you'll stick around and post some more elsewhere in the forum.

 

[All_4_Love]

I don't need to elaborate on my personal experience here, as my friend already covered that in his first post. Thank you, Des.

There are a few regulars here that, in my opinion, words could not say enough. Although they may not always come across as "warm" or "welcoming", they are truly wonderful people. I have not held back in the past about expressing my sincere admiration for them. That being said, those unique individuals are few and far between.

I was a lurker in the BDSM forum, and only this forum, for many years before I ever made my first post. When you have lurked that long, you get a true sense of the regulars here, and I felt like I already knew some of them very well, albeit never interacting with them directly.

Midwest Yankee, thank you for starting this thread, Sir. I believe the value of its contribution to this forum is immeasurable.

 

[midwestyankee]

I don't need to elaborate on my personal experience here, as my friend already covered that in his first post. Thank you, Des.

There are a few regulars here that, in my opinion, words could not say enough. Although they may not always come across as "warm" or "welcoming", they are truly wonderful people. I have not held back in the past about expressing my sincere admiration for them. That being said, those unique individuals are few and far between.

I was a lurker in the BDSM forum, and only this forum, for many years before I ever made my first post. When you have lurked that long, you get a true sense of the regulars here, and I felt like I already knew some of them very well, albeit never interacting with them directly.

Midwest Yankee, thank you for starting this thread, Sir. I believe the value of its contribution to this forum is immeasurable.

Thank you. These are very kind words. I hope you'll de-lurk more often.

 

[MeekMe]

My snark is the only good snark.

I wonder if that has anything to do with it. Do we ignore our own snarkiness because we feel the person on the other end somehow deserves it? I think, most of us that have ever been snarky feel that it's warranted. On the other side, we'd feel like it was uncalled for. I've been on both sides of course.

Being quick to call out others and not taking a look at our own mean spirited posts could be part of the problem. Is there a certain amount of blindness that comes with sometimes being mean?

I've had posts were later I pondered if I said too much. And other times I've deleted and left it alone so I don't post something that (at the time) I felt was deserved. I guess an example would be something like reading a response that sounded really inappropriate/asinine to me and the only response I had was something sarcastic/snarky/mean.

Just something to ponder for both "insiders" and "outsiders."

 

[Netzach]

Until people who textspeak or mis-spell or whatever lapse of English happens aren't ganged up on the rest strikes me as academic. If you can't understand, ask. If you can, we know you're smarter than everyone else, cool it. I can write Chicago Manual, if I'm paid to, and I can also understand "ur" and that some people can't or don't want to on their non-working hours. Hooking up with the world's most noncommittal bad speller with a matching IQ went a long way in de-snobbing me.

I have pretty religiously tried to never ever do this. I'm sure I have at some point and I regret that, but not a lot else.

What drew me here was one of the least me-validating least politically correct threads ever, but people were thinking and thinking hard. Nobody gave a flying fuck if my fee-fees were offended. So I didn't have to wince around theirs either, and the sticky weird troubling parts of doing mean things to volunteers were explored fully. I probably never re-adjusted after those regs moved on.

 

[jomar]

People have mood swings, life stressors, mental stuff, posting while under the influence...so such could account for some of the newbie replies.

But at the core it's really pretty simple and we learned it in kindergarten... The Golden Rule.

Oh, wait up!

 

[IrisAlthea]

one of the least me-validating least politically correct threads ever, but people were thinking and thinking hard. Nobody gave a flying fuck if my fee-fees were offended. So I didn't have to wince around theirs either, and the sticky weird troubling parts of doing mean things to volunteers were explored fully.

This is what stood out about this place, for me too.

I wonder if that has anything to do with it. Do we ignore our own snarkiness because we feel the person on the other end somehow deserves it? I think, most of us that have ever been snarky feel that it's warranted. On the other side, we'd feel like it was uncalled for. I've been on both sides of course.

Being quick to call out others and not taking a look at our own mean spirited posts could be part of the problem. Is there a certain amount of blindness that comes with sometimes being mean?

I've had posts were later I pondered if I said too much. And other times I've deleted and left it alone so I don't post something that (at the time) I felt was deserved. I guess an example would be something like reading a response that sounded really inappropriate/asinine to me and the only response I had was something sarcastic/snarky/mean.

Just something to ponder for both "insiders" and "outsiders."

I think this is very much the case.
Lots of people think snark is very fun as long as it's directed at someone they think deserve it or even someone they don't know or care about.

So yes, I would say that most ignore or forgive their own snarkiness and snarkiness in others as long as they think it's funny and well deserved.
We tend to forget that one persons validating or interesting post can be another persons troll post.

 

[midwestyankee]

Until people who textspeak or mis-spell or whatever lapse of English happens aren't ganged up on the rest strikes me as academic. If you can't understand, ask. If you can, we know you're smarter than everyone else, cool it. I can write Chicago Manual, if I'm paid to, and I can also understand "ur" and that some people can't or don't want to on their non-working hours. Hooking up with the world's most noncommittal bad speller with a matching IQ went a long way in de-snobbing me.

I have pretty religiously tried to never ever do this. I'm sure I have at some point and I regret that, but not a lot else.

What drew me here was one of the least me-validating least politically correct threads ever, but people were thinking and thinking hard. Nobody gave a flying fuck if my fee-fees were offended. So I didn't have to wince around theirs either, and the sticky weird troubling parts of doing mean things to volunteers were explored fully. I probably never re-adjusted after those regs moved on.

I remember some outrageously fascinating - and yes, not at all PC - discussions here from when I first wandered into this forum in 2006. I do miss those times and it seems maybe we just don't have the same mix of feisty and opinionated people around the joint these days. I don't think that those discussions turned people off, though, at least that's not the impression I'm getting. Or perhaps they did contribute to the sense that we're just a big bad clique of people who post with a whip or crop close at hand.

 

[midwestyankee]

Lots of people think snark is very fun as long as it's directed at someone they think deserve it or even someone they don't know or care about.

So yes, I would say that most ignore or forgive their own snarkiness and snarkiness in others as long as they think it's funny and well deserved.
We tend to forget that one persons validating or interesting post can be another persons troll post.

This makes a good deal of sense. I know my own inner snark meter is faulty.

 

[AwkwardMD]

Wow

I can't believe there's already a thread for this. I guess I'm not alone.

I don't use the Lit forums except in rare situations where I'm looking for something specific. I understand that I may not be talking to any of same people who keep reporting my stories and getting them moved out of the BDSM genre, but I have found that the BDSM readers here are extremely intolerant of different interpretations.

Again, I don't use the Lit forums. A well reasoned and carefully thought out response here isn't going to get my attention. I just could neither believe this was already a thing nor keep my mouth shut.

 

[MissShelly]

I am pretty new here, and for the most part my questions and comments have been treated respectfully with honest answers and opinions. Sure a few idiots have responded. But all in all, I was really impressed.

I was a little hesitant to put myself out there, so to speak... but I've gotten a lot of good advice!

 

[Evil_Geoff]

I was, at one time, very much an "insider" here. For the last few years I have been an irregular visitor and would not consider myself an "insider" any longer.

That being said, this forum, like any other forum, has its share of wankers, asshats, douchecanoes, blowhards, attention whores, clueless wonders, and lunatics.

And noobs, who are just like everyone else in the forum, except for being new, enter it every day. The ones who have some sense and courtesy, the ones who ask questions (even repetitive ones) in a respectful way, the one's who listen to the answers they are given instead of arguing with everyone who doesn't agree with their preconceived notions, the one's who don't come in with a chip on their shoulder and something to prove...

Get accepted into the gang pretty easily.

Asshats on the other hand, may not EVER be accepted into the fold. Sometime the asshats take time to assimilate, realize that they don't have to act like the peckerheads and jerks they've run across elsewhere, and they turn into decent human beings with time and patience. Others stay asshats and they remain outsiders, never finding the friendships and camaraderie so many people have built and share here.

 

[Divinewind57]

In my opinion

Im very new here so i may not have been here long enough to be shunned, but so far everyone has been nice to me and when i ask a question there is always a responce from someone. There may not be a lot of responces but always a few offering advice or just encorugement to keep looking, talking and asking questions for which i am very greatfull. There may be people who think its a waste of time talking to beginners and i cant say i blame them when they are so much farther down the road in experiance than people like me that whatever i ask may seem like the most stuiped question in the world to them.

 

[FurryFury]

Thanks you two. This is how I've mostly seen this area of Lit. I'm glad it's been your experience too.

I am pretty new here, and for the most part my questions and comments have been treated respectfully with honest answers and opinions. Sure a few idiots have responded. But all in all, I was really impressed.

I was a little hesitant to put myself out there, so to speak... but I've gotten a lot of good advice!

Im very new here so i may not have been here long enough to be shunned, but so far everyone has been nice to me and when i ask a question there is always a responce from someone. There may not be a lot of responces but always a few offering advice or just encorugement to keep looking, talking and asking questions for which i am very greatfull. There may be people who think its a waste of time talking to beginners and i cant say i blame them when they are so much farther down the road in experiance than people like me that whatever i ask may seem like the most stuiped question in the world to them.

 

[FurryFury]

For some reason the way you wrote this post leaves me wondering what you meant but since this isn't going to get your attention I guess it doesn't matter?

I can't believe there's already a thread for this. I guess I'm not alone.

I don't use the Lit forums except in rare situations where I'm looking for something specific. I understand that I may not be talking to any of same people who keep reporting my stories and getting them moved out of the BDSM genre, but I have found that the BDSM readers here are extremely intolerant of different interpretations.

Again, I don't use the Lit forums. A well reasoned and carefully thought out response here isn't going to get my attention. I just could neither believe this was already a thing nor keep my mouth shut.

 

[FurryFury]

A rare sighting! We need another Litogether!

I was, at one time, very much an "insider" here. For the last few years I have been an irregular visitor and would not consider myself an "insider" any longer.

That being said, this forum, like any other forum, has its share of wankers, asshats, douchecanoes, blowhards, attention whores, clueless wonders, and lunatics.

And noobs, who are just like everyone else in the forum, except for being new, enter it every day. The ones who have some sense and courtesy, the ones who ask questions (even repetitive ones) in a respectful way, the one's who listen to the answers they are given instead of arguing with everyone who doesn't agree with their preconceived notions, the one's who don't come in with a chip on their shoulder and something to prove...

Get accepted into the gang pretty easily.

Asshats on the other hand, may not EVER be accepted into the fold. Sometime the asshats take time to assimilate, realize that they don't have to act like the peckerheads and jerks they've run across elsewhere, and they turn into decent human beings with time and patience. Others stay asshats and they remain outsiders, never finding the friendships and camaraderie so many people have built and share here.

 

[midwestyankee]

I can't believe there's already a thread for this. I guess I'm not alone.

I don't use the Lit forums except in rare situations where I'm looking for something specific. I understand that I may not be talking to any of same people who keep reporting my stories and getting them moved out of the BDSM genre, but I have found that the BDSM readers here are extremely intolerant of different interpretations.

Again, I don't use the Lit forums. A well reasoned and carefully thought out response here isn't going to get my attention. I just could neither believe this was already a thing nor keep my mouth shut.

Like FF, I suppose I'm also thinking that you won't see this, but you did pique my curiosity. What sorts of stories have you written that were moved from the BDSM category? What sorts of activities did the stories feature?

 

[midwestyankee]

I am pretty new here, and for the most part my questions and comments have been treated respectfully with honest answers and opinions. Sure a few idiots have responded. But all in all, I was really impressed.

I was a little hesitant to put myself out there, so to speak... but I've gotten a lot of good advice!

Im very new here so i may not have been here long enough to be shunned, but so far everyone has been nice to me and when i ask a question there is always a responce from someone. There may not be a lot of responces but always a few offering advice or just encorugement to keep looking, talking and asking questions for which i am very greatfull. There may be people who think its a waste of time talking to beginners and i cant say i blame them when they are so much farther down the road in experiance than people like me that whatever i ask may seem like the most stuiped question in the world to them.

Thanks for sharing your experiences in the forum.

 

[midwestyankee]

A rare sighting! We need another Litogether!

And my invitation better not get lost in the mail this time.

 

[midwestyankee]

Stag, you raise a fair point here.

 

[Curious_in_Cali]

When you want to read a book, yes you can just go to the library and read it on your own, but the wine and the discussion is the other half of what really good book clubs are all about.

Thank you, Stag.

 

[Erochic]

My experience is mixed.

I really enjoy reading and recognize that there is a lot of knowledge and insight here, but I can also feel too intimidated to post.

I don't really feel that accepted - or feel that I am taken seriously - but I have persisted and posted a few threads here. A couple didn't get much response, but I guess they probably didn't really deserve much - and I got a nice PM giving me rope resources.
I got a lot of response to my thread about submissive men - thank you for that...though I felt the responses to that came from posers from elsewhere and that the regulars basically just ignored it.
A couple of regulars did post and point out that by saying "no Femdom stereotypes" I was also dictating what female dominance should look like, which was a good point and got me thinking and I think added to the discussion.

I often really want to ask for advice or suggestions.... Because I just don't feel very creative or imaginative - but that's something I feel intimidated about.