Can you fall in love with someone online?

[SweetSam42]

I've had this debate with a few people recently, and I'm curious what others think. Is it possible to fall in love with someone you've never met? Someone you only know virtually?

 

[DesEsseintes]

Yes, it is possible. That sounds terse, but for what are probably obvious reasons I won't say more on a public forum.

But although it fails on several levels, the love a mother feels for her unborn baby might be an analogy. In fact, the love parents feel for newborn babies works too, in that the baby has no personality, no empathy and is almost entirely indifferent to them. Love can be unreciprocal, absurd, hopeless, etc.

 

[EndlessNameless]

Anything is possible (in theory ). What's to stop people from falling in love with each other online? Lots of people make a connection every day. Now more than ever it is easier and easier to communicate online. Not just through emails but video as well.

I think it's obvious that things would be a little different the first time meeting in person. I had an online friend that I met several years ago. Nothing was that much different from our inane chats. I would also say it comes down to the individual. The downside is that it's easier to deceive and pretend to be someone you're not online.

Well my reasons probably don't make much sense as my brain is jumbled at the moment but I'd say yes, of course it's possible.

 

[Kozuka]

Anything is possible (in theory ). What's to stop people from falling in love with each other online? Lots of people make a connection every day. Now more than ever it is easier and easier to communicate online. Not just through emails but video as well.

I think it's obvious that things would be a little different the first time meeting in person. I had an online friend that I met several years ago. Nothing was that much different from our inane chats. I would also say it comes down to the individual. The downside is that it's easier to deceive and pretend to be someone you're not online.

Well my reasons probably don't make much sense as my brain is jumbled at the moment but I'd say yes, of course it's possible.

Very well said and I agree.

 

[annabel_lee]

I'd say it's definitely possible if you're open to it on some level. I'd also say that lust is too often confused for love, both online and in person.

 

[ElizaRichards]

Yes, it is very possible.

 

[Lord Pmann]

Absolutely. There's no question about it. I met someone here I've loved in ways I could never have imagined. It's difficult at times, to put it lightly. But I love her desperately.

 

[SweetSam42]

Am I going to be the only naysayer? I have received a few PMs from people who agree you can fall in love online, but wished to remain anonymous for obvious reasons.

I personally just think that there's too much you don't know about someone you only see in a way they choose to present themselves via chat/email/cam even. I think you only ever see snippets of someone's life, and only the snippets they want to show you. To fall in love with a man, I want to see how he interacts with the world - with friends, with family, I want to see all of him.

Now, I do think attachments certainly happen, and lust, and crushes, and infatuations, and gushy mushy feelings and butterflies, and on and on.

Just my 2 cents. I just don't think I ever could.

 

[Kozuka]

Am I going to be the only naysayer? I have received a few PMs from people who agree you can fall in love online, but wished to remain anonymous for obvious reasons.

I personally just think that there's too much you don't know about someone you only see in a way they choose to present themselves via chat/email/cam even. I think you only ever see snippets of someone's life, and only the snippets they want to show you. To fall in love with a man, I want to see how he interacts with the world - with friends, with family, I want to see all of him.

Now, I do think attachments certainly happen, and lust, and crushes, and infatuations, and gushy mushy feelings and butterflies, and on and on.

Just my 2 cents. I just don't think I ever could.

Sam, how dare you have a different opinion than the masses on the internet. Bad girl!

 

[wadejamesxxx]

I had 1 girlfriend for 3 months that I had met online... only reason we cut it was because we liked being just friends and not having to be committed

 

[pfflyerhot]

I dunno...

But, I've had my heart broken online...

 

[SweetSam42]

But, I've had my heart broken online...

I'm sorry - that's hard.

I've had my feelings hurt a few times. I admit I've shed a tear or two here and there, but I can't say I've been brokenhearted. Just sad.

 

[jacktar48]

I vote YES.

Of course.

It can be as thrilling and exciting as doing it any other way. Well, any other way in which you can't smell or touch each other.

The big risk is, although the intellectual part is absolutely delightful, that old "chemistry" thing just may not be there when or if you meet in person.

Just be prepared not to think of this as a horrible disaster. What the hell? You gained a really good friend, right? Adding animal lust to the equation would just be a bonus. A really nice bonus...

Consider this:

Mar 3, 2014 - Spike Jonze's Her, in which a man falls in love with his computer, was awarded Best Original Screenplay at last night's Academy Awards.

 

[SweetSam42]

I vote YES.

Of course.

It can be as thrilling and exciting as doing it any other way. Well, any other way in which you can't smell or touch each other.

The big risk is, although the intellectual part is absolutely delightful, that old "chemistry" thing just may not be there when or if you meet in person.

Just be prepared not to think of this as a horrible disaster. What the hell? You gained a really good friend, right? Adding animal lust to the equation would just be a bonus. A really nice bonus...

Consider this:

Mar 3, 2014 - Spike Jonze's Her, in which a man falls in love with his computer, was awarded Best Original Screenplay at last night's Academy Awards.

Yes, I've considered Her. And I won't start into my rant about the problems I have with the sexualization and feminization of technology to boost the male ego and the acceleration of his character within said screenplay. .... Sorry - where were we?

And good point about real life chemistry. I do wonder if I would share the same online chemistry I have with anyone I've met online, in real life. So, if there's no real life chemistry - how can it be real love? Doesn't that just prove my point about it being lust/crushing online, and not actually love?

 

[jacktar48]

Yes, I've considered Her. And I won't start into my rant about the problems I have with the sexualization and feminization of technology to boost the male ego and the acceleration of his character within said screenplay. .... Sorry - where were we?

And good point about real life chemistry. I do wonder if I would share the same online chemistry I have with anyone I've met online, in real life. So, if there's no real life chemistry - how can it be real love? Doesn't that just prove my point about it being lust/crushing online, and not actually love?

Would it be more acceptable if it were a male computer?

Unfortunately I'm not real clear on the definition of any of those terms, so I can't really say...there are many people one loves but with whom a physical relationship would be inappropriate, undesirable or impossible.

Of course we all hope for intellectual, spiritual and physical communion, but really, two out of three is nothing to be sniffed at...

 

[fraankhardy]

yeh, did fall in love with someone online ... was mutual, we never met in person but it was amazing time ...

 

[SassySheDevil]

It's very possible to fall in love with someone online. It can be easier to be more open about yourself online than in person. I'm speaking from first hand knowledge. I'm rather introverted in person but online my real me comes out. There are the same factors to think about online as in person. And just like in person many people fall in lust not love. They get the two mixed up all the time. I've done it myself. Hope this helps.

I agree with this. You can totally let go and be yourself.

 

[IARainman]

I agree with the "yes"camp. I've found the anonymity of the internet very freeing. I can tell someone exactly who I am in a much easier way than I could through the traditional face to face dating progression. But I think you have to confirm face to face, spending time IRL together to confirm it's truly love. Quick romances, online as in person, have the potential to flare up and burn out. True love takes time.

 

[WhenInDoubtFuck]

The heart wants, what the heart wants. Of course you can fall in love online. Doesn't mean it will happen for everyone, but the possibility will always exist.

 

[Mindfondler]

Possibly. The moment of meeting face-to-face is likely to be a major crunch point, though.

I'm old enough to remember dating by (snail) mail. I joined a dating agency that enabled me to write letters of introduction to prospective dates and pursue a conversation in writing before progressing to real-time contact. Patience was an essential virtue! In many ways, though, this mirrored the issues with online contact.

My overriding recollection of this process (apart from wrist ache!) was how surprising (and often disappointing) a physical meeting would be. The problem wasn't mutual honesty, but rather the way that written-only correspondence leaves large gaps that are all-too-enthusiastically filled in in by one's own imagination. It can be difficult for any real person to live up to this fantasy representation.

On a positive note, though, I did meet one good friend through this dating agency. Although we found that we didn't have sexual chemistry, we had enough in common to forge a platonic relationship that led, in turn, to me meeting my future wife several years later.

Make of that what you will. *shrugs*
.

 

[coacheric]

Yes, I've had it happen and had a broken heart

Be it true or not what was presented to me, the person filled a need that was missing in my real life. This fulfillment continued to grow from there. We had long heart to heart talks, shared many deep personnel things with each other to the point where yes, there was love. In the end, there were broken hearts and real lifes to put back together.

Each person will feel different depending on their experiences but I know from mine only.

 

[Wide_eyed_Indulgence]

I think definitely yes -- but I don't mind being a hopeless romantic. I don't think it could happen with someone who is remaining "anonymous" or is hiding or fibbing or overly using imagination. One has to evaluate all this and get to something that is real, open and honest. Then, yes of course I could fall in love. I think getting to know someone online has some advantages too. You can really fall for someone before getting all wrapped up in looks and clothes and what kind of car he is driving.

Didn't Elizabeth Barrett Browning and Robert Browning fall in love via writing and correspondence? I think people have been doing it for a long time.

 

[jacktar48]

And good point about real life chemistry. I do wonder if I would share the same online chemistry I have with anyone I've met online, in real life. So, if there's no real life chemistry - how can it be real love? Doesn't that just prove my point about it being lust/crushing online, and not actually love?

Conversely, it's possible to have undeniable "Chemical Lust" for someone you really don't like at all.

I've been there too. "I know she's a selfish, greedy, dishonest, lazy little whore, but damn it, she makes my dick hard."

It's best to avoid that situation...good luck with that.

As for "love," I think it's more something you do than something that just happens to you. You have to be willing first. If you're not, it won't happen no matter what the other person does, says, or wants.

If there were a brain-chemistry test you could do to detect love, I think you would find it can happen in a vacuum if you put your mind to it. It might help to be a little bit nuts...

I suspect such a test done on John Hinckley would show that he really was in love with Jody Foster, somewhere deep in his perverse mind. Obviously he was a major nut-bag, and seriously delusional, but I suppose he was sincere.

 

[AllofSean]

I've had this debate with a few people recently, and I'm curious what others think. Is it possible to fall in love with someone you've never met? Someone you only know virtually?

I'll weigh in with a resounding yes

 

[greyjim]

I'll weigh in with a resounding yes

of course....folks need to be careful...