The PG Dom/Sub conundrum

[thejabber27]

I'd give anything to be on low tension autopilot. But I'm still not a Dom Guy. Sowwy gurlz.

The sub is on autopilot, the dom is on a medium to high tension usually.

 

[pensivepoet]

I think that's because there are a lot better action sites for true dom/dommes than lit.
This is just a fantasy site

 

[LusterMunky]

Those threads pop up from time to time, usually they're either ignored or beaten to the ground.

Feel free to ignore this one.

 

[Wild_Honey_66]

*pops in*
HONEYYYYYY!!!! look what the munky did

Lmao

I see it, I see it.

Guess who ive got in my box right now?

Im busy with the kids...., ill try to keep an eye on things and get back to post as soon as im able.

 

[PrissOff]

So let's broaden the discussion: why does a gurl wanna be a sub?

This is only my perspective, and my personal experience from being a submissive. It's not intended to offend anybody, or make anybody feel defensive. It's not an argument, it's not intended to start a smear campaign. It simply is one submissives opinion. (i.e. I can not possibly speak from a Dom/me or switches point of view)

For me, it wasn't ever a decision. Being submissive has always been a part of who I am. From the first time I began exploring my sexuality, I knew there was something in me that craved more, sexually, I loved when my boyfriend took control and was demanding, but it rarely happened. However, it was more than just a sexual aspect. I craved structure, as well. I had no term for it until I was about 26 and found an entire group online dedicated to BDSM. I remember that period of time so clearly because it was like "coming home". Finally, I had a term, a definition... I didn't have to feel depraved and ashamed. I found an entire community of support to share with until I was comfortable enough to share it with my husband. It had a place in my marriage for many years.

There are soooooo many men and women who have a genuine calling for it, but are only able to explore it in this medium, for whatever their reasons may be.. maybe a spouse/partner who isn't into it, maybe for a feeling of guilt or shame (which I had for years before I even knew the term 'submissive'.) And, then, there are those who never knew it was in them until perusing stories or sites and found something stirring deep within themselves, an awakening, if you will. This is the best place, in my opinion, to test the waters and really let yourself soar, experience mentally, and maybe decide, as I did, that you'd like to physically experience it.

What is upsetting to me is to watch people abuse it or take it lightly (again, my opinion), such as collaring. I've witnessed online submissives collaring and then the very next week collaring to someone different. We, the submissive community, refer to those as 'velcro collars'. A collar is a symbol of a commitment. To the sub it symbolizes trust, loyalty, love, obedience, safety, and commitment. (I'm sure I left out a couple of things, but those are the ones that are important to me.) In my opinion, unless all of those boxes are checked, I would never accept one.

Anyways, that's my 2 cents. Feel free to keep the change.

 

[Wild_Honey_66]

Thank you, Priss, for that thoughtful and open response.

And thank you to the gentlemen for their posts as well.

Munky, lets keep this one goin for a bit longer, mkay?

 

[LusterMunky]

Being submissive has always been a part of who I am. From the first time I began exploring my sexuality, I knew there was something in me that craved more, sexually,

Submissive sexually, are all you willing to turn your whole life over to someone else?

 

[PrissOff]

Submissive sexually, are all you willing to turn your whole life over to someone else?

That's never been asked of me. A submissive does have free will. If it creates a conflict within yourself you say no. A good Dominant would understand. That's what safe words are made for.

 

[LusterMunky]

That's never been asked of me. A submissive does have free will. If it creates a conflict within yourself you say no. A good Dominant would understand. That's what safe words are made for.

How many Doms have you had?

 

[PrissOff]

How many Doms have you had?

In over 16 years online I've had 4.

But, one offline, and I'm married to him.

 

[LusterMunky]

But, one offline, and I'm married to him.

Where did you meet the Dom you are married to?

 

[PrissOff]

Where did you meet the Dom you are married to?

I met him when I was 19. We met at a club.
We have been married going on 21 years. Together for 23.

 

[Wild_Honey_66]

Im on my phone. Does someone want to link to a GOOD explanation of Dom/me/sub/switch, and Stella O's article on topping/bottoming?

Munky, I think you're an interesting choice to lead a discussion on this subject heh heh heh.

 

[LusterMunky]

I met him when I was 19. We met at a club.
We have been married going on 21 years. Together for 23.

What does he do that makes him a Dom?

 

[pensivepoet]

What does he do that makes him a Dom?

You're sounding a little like joe friday, munk~without the "i see"

 

[PrissOff]

What does he do that makes him a Dom?

My husband wouldn't even consider it, at all, for years after I began my online journey. When I say online journey, I studied and read absolutely anything I could to gain insight and knowledge from people who were far more advanced in their lifestyle and in knowing more personally about themselves.

My husband thought it would demean me, disrespect me, hurt me. Once he saw that it truly was something that I at least wanted to try, he started his own Journey, researching, asking questions from both Doms and subs online, trying to get as much personal insight as he could. It was nearly a year later that we applied it to our bedroom play, little by little it became part of our every day life, not only in the bedroom any longer.

But, I'm going to stop the conversation about him here, if you don't mind? I really never chat about my husband online because he doesn't chat. I always feel it's unfair of me to paint any picture, good or bad, when he doesn't partake in the conversation. And, this is mea culpa because I began speaking about him as being the only Dom I've had offline. I hope you all understand.

 

[RubenesqueAphrodite]

I've got mixed feelings on this thread. We have several very well thought out discussions on this very subject, and another one seems a bit superfluous to me. I suppose I'm a bit skeptical of having any meaningful discussions on anything here, because it never fails to at some point attract an idiot, or two, or two hundred..

I tried for a long time to make the Daddy thread over on the Fetish board a place where littles/baby girls etc to go and discuss their concerns, etc. I enjoy fluid and organic discussions, but if we're talking apples and someone keeps wanting to discuss oranges... Well it annoys the fuck out of me. And what really gripes my ass is when some dick head decides he /she just wants to pick an apple but doesn't know the first thing about making a pie..


OK..

#rantover

 

[Wild_Honey_66]

Priss, I think we all understand your desire to respect your husband's privacy. It can be difficult to find a way to talk about your life as part of a couple without talking about the other half, can't it?

A general fyi to everyone: its possible that elli is sleeping now, but i am sure she'll rejoin the conversation when she wakes.

 

[LusterMunky]

My husband thought it would demean me, disrespect me, hurt me. Once he saw that it truly was something that I at least wanted to try, he started his own Journey, researching, asking questions from both Doms and subs online, trying to get as much personal insight as he could. It was nearly a year later that we applied it to our bedroom play, little by little it became part of our every day life, not only in the bedroom any longer.

:

But did his Dom extend beyond the bedroom?

 

[LusterMunky]

Did he ask/tell you to do things you wouldn't have done as a sub?

 

[PrissOff]

But did his Dom extend beyond the bedroom?

I answered that.

Moving on.

 

[LusterMunky]

Moving on.

Have fun moving on.

 

[PrissOff]

Priss, I think we all understand your desire to respect your husband's privacy. It can be difficult to find a way to talk about your life as part of a couple without talking about the other half, can't it?

Absolutely, it can be! There are times where I'd love to say something, maybe a rant,.or maybe something really sweet, but I don't. Though, I may share in private someone here that I'm close with. Thank you for getting it.

 

[PrissOff]

I've got mixed feelings on this thread. We have several very well thought out discussions on this very subject, and another one seems a bit superfluous to me. I suppose I'm a bit skeptical of having any meaningful discussions on anything here, because it never fails to at some point attract an idiot, or two, or two hundred..

I tried for a long time to make the Daddy thread over on the Fetish board a place where littles/baby girls etc to go and discuss their concerns, etc. I enjoy fluid and organic discussions, but if we're talking apples and someone keeps wanting to discuss oranges... Well it annoys the fuck out of me. And what really gripes my ass is when some dick head decides he /she just wants to pick an apple but doesn't know the first thing about making a pie..


OK..

#rantover

Totally get where you're coming from! Always someone to ruin it or make fun of what people are sharing. When someone does that, I think people just lose interest in putting it all out there and coming away feeling mocked or ridiculed.

Apple pie. My favorite!

 

[Wild_Honey_66]

(Dammit I wish I was on my laptop! )

RA, this isnt my thread, but thank you for posting.

elli and I have actually been discussing whether to start a thread on this subject for a while now, and then Munky goes and starts one for us---too funny.

May I share with you some our thoughts about starting a thread here on the PG? We wanted to have a conversation with the people that we knew here, our "friends and family," so to speak. The PG Is our "home" and it's whete we feel most comfortable. Also, if we started a thread on, say, the BDSM board, we'd get some folks from here posting, but there may be a lot who werent inclined (for whatever reason) to follow us over there.

Another reason is that we were hoping to provide an opportunity for learning about the D/s lifestyle in a very casual, "oh look, they've started yet another thread" kind of way. lol. We wanted it to be informative without being intimidating.

Perhaps your presence 'round these parts can help keep things on track? I hope that you will stick your nose in here and comment from time to time.