an erotic smack in the face

[Lancecastor]

"Eyore the Protector", what a nice guy!

I bet when he whispers sweet nothings about the cruelty of the Patriarchy in a woman's ear...she gets instantly wet.

(from pissing herself in laughter)

 

[StrayKat]

"Eyore the Protector", what a nice guy!

I bet when he whispers sweet nothings about the cruelty of the Patriarchy in a woman's ear...she gets instantly wet.

(from pissing herself in laughter)

Ok this made me laugh.

 

[Learnsmith]

You're misunderstanding my response to tactful. No one is being routinely beaten black and blue chez eve, and you're conflating playful slaps and love taps with something else entirely.

I understand where you're coming from and what you're describing and how it might apply in various situations. But what we're talking about today is not the sustained, demoralizing battery that actually happens in abuse. This is like comparing children playing tag , (or rather something more deliberate and self-aware), with a dinner on the veldt.

I agree with everything here said above, but I also wanted to call out the Bradbury reference. Nicely done

 

[Learnsmith]

"Eyore the Protector", what a nice guy!

I bet when he whispers sweet nothings about the cruelty of the Patriarchy in a woman's ear...she gets instantly wet.

(from pissing herself in laughter)

Yeah, nice guy indeed. Capital N, capital G. I've met his type before.

 

[Lancecastor]

I served on the national board of the White Ribbon Foundation back when it was a new thing.

However, the kind of guys who sign up for an organization purporting to represent "men against abuse against women by other men"...are for the most part... insufferable pussies.

Good fundraisers though....lots of pretty society grrls secretly looking for a good spanking.

 

[Learnsmith]

I served on the national board of the White Ribbon Foundation back when it was a new thing.

However, the kind of guys who sign up for an organization purporting to represent "men against abuse against women by other men"...are for the most part... insufferable pussies.

Good fundraisers though....lots of pretty society grrls secretly looking for a good spanking.

Not just insufferable pussies (and really, that's an insult against actual pussies, which are great), but insufferable pussies who think women are like vending machines you put kindness coins into until sex falls out. And then they get pissed when they find out it doesn't work that way.

 

[eyer]

Eeyore needs some education.

I'm all eyes...

...educate me, Wings:

Tell me how you posting about what a strong and independent woman you are syncs with you getting-off by being slapped while submitting to a man.

I am woman, hear me roar...

...oh yeah, daddy, slap me in the face more.

And, e:

There's absolutely no need at all for you to try to "explain" it anymore than you already have...

...I appreciate the effort, but there's not a single word in existence which you can add that'd help me understand how any woman submits to being slapped just because it makes her man happy. FUCK THAT.

 

[Learnsmith]

It ain't mutual "pleasure, any more than it's physical rather than more psychological...

...and that's where the grave offense occurs - psychologically.

Eg: it must frustratingly bewilder you to no end having to live with the striking conflict of needing to project the sexist feminism you do on this Board so stoutly at times...

...yet intimately knowing you really only get off when a man intentionally mistreats you.

A man who gets his rocks off physically and/or verbally assaulting a woman and a woman who gets her rocks off from that physical and/or verbal assault...

...are simply two peas at different ends of the same psychologically insecure pod.

I've long recognized in my gender the insecurity which enslaves so many males to their infamous outbursts of rebellion against that psychological bondage; rebellion that almost exclusively always results in physical assault against another human being, and most of those times against a woman/women...

...if it was just their insecurity issues, the natural anger I feel against such unjustifiable rebellion resulting from them would serve me quite well. But when women voluntarily, yea even willfully, contribute their own insecurity issues to the abnormal equation, then I become more sad than anything.

And when I read an intelligent, beautiful woman post that her guy hitting her does nothing for her but she accepts it because it makes him happy, then I realize how so many women make themselves their own victims in so many psychologically unhealthy relationships...

...and the word "sad" becomes a champion understatement.

And then I'll read a post from some bozo who wonders that if there is a God, how could God allow such abuse to happen to such good people...

...and I'll shake my head once more because I understand such good people allow it to happen to themselves.

Also, about this^. I'm real sorry to everyone else, because I'm about to hijack your shit for a moment, but I'm about to go all Kanye here (Yo, I'm real happy for you, and I'm a let you finish, etc.) But I just wanted to say something to this ONE SAD-SACK MOTHERFUCKER RIGHT HERE.

Okay, so here's the thing. There is a BIG difference between the psychology of an abused person, and a person who occasionally likes to be slapped or have their boundaries pushed in bed. A woman can totally get off on the rape fantasy, and can still TOTALLY be a feminist, can still believe in her right to respect, to bodily autonomy above all other things. She gives that trust, that exception, to someone who has EARNED it. And that person, if he or she is worth their salt, knows when to relinquish it again.

I am a feminist. I am a dude. I have played the dom, yes, (but not all the time, because who only ever wants to be one thing?), and I have slapped my partners, held them down, called them slut, bitch, whore, etc. during sex. Why? Because those partners SPECIFICALLY requested it of me at the time, and ONLY in that context. But here's the difference: a dom doesn't stop viewing his partner as a person, even during the act. An ABUSER never fully views his partner as a person. There has to be a distinction between fantasy and reality.

I've seen people who were abused. Alright? They didn't deserve what happened to them, and many of them were fully capable of escaping. But here's the thing about abuse: it's not just hitting and name-calling. It's about an entire system of control. Abusers dictate to their partners what they can do, where they can go, how they can dress, who they can talk to. They cut that person away from their family and friends, cut them off from their finances, cut them off from their dignity and self-respect. And if that partner objects, says Hey, that's not cool, well then they're just too sensitive, or they're hurting the person they love, or they're making the abuser feel bad. Abuse is about manipulation. It's an insidious process that goes on over YEARS. And abusers do it for a lot of different reasons - for the sense of power, for the validation it gives them, or because they SIMPLY DON'T BELIEVE ANY PERSON COULD WANT TO STAY WITH THEM BY CHOICE. In truth, abusers DON'T respect their partners as people, and very often don't respect themselves. The relationship between abuser and abused is toxic in both directions. But it doesn't mean anyone ever deserves to be treated like that, or be blamed for not knowing how to get out of it.

Here's the distinction: a dom knows when to take up control, and when to hand it back. And when it's over, the dom still values and respects the sub. The abuser does not - the abuser simply tightens down, escalates, until some critical break occurs. To be a dom is to have to exercise caution, judgment, and compassion for one's partner. It requires maturity and the ability to earn TRUST. And, ya know, for all the nice-guy act you put on, it's very clear you neither understand the distinction, nor want to. And for that reason, you could never be mature enough, trustworthy enough, to be handed that kind of power. You are not yet deserving.

Alright, end rant. Thank you everyone, I'm done.

 

[eyer]

"Eyore the Protector", what a nice guy!

I bet when he whispers sweet nothings about the cruelty of the Patriarchy in a woman's ear...she gets instantly wet.

(from pissing herself in laughter)

It's ok, Lancie...

...that you can't get off unless an insecure woman submits to your own insecurity just means that de Wannabe, Luky, and dick daily make great bedfellows for you.

Now...

...tell all these strong and independent women on the GB how much it gets a lacking piece of shit like you off when they totally submit to you.

Too friggin' funny...

 

[eyer]

To be a dom is to have to exercise caution, judgment, and compassion for one's partner. It requires maturity and the ability to earn TRUST. And, ya know, for all the nice-guy act you put on, it's very clear you neither understand the distinction, nor want to. And for that reason, you could never be mature enough, trustworthy enough, to be handed that kind of power. You are not yet deserving.

I instinctively abhor this "kind of power" you fantasize that any human being should wield over another, whether it be political, sexual, or psychological...

...so take all your wannabe "dom" crap and shove it far up your "deserving" ass, bozo.

 

[Learnsmith]

It's ok, Lancie...

...that you can't get off unless an insecure woman submits to your own insecurity just means that de Wannabe, Luky, and dick daily make great bedfellows for you.

Now...

...tell all these strong and independent women on the GB how much it gets a lacking piece of shit like you off when they totally submit to you.

Too friggin' funny...

You are so far lost, I'm not even sure you would recognize the road if you found it again. Another Eliot Rodger.

 

[Learnsmith]

I instinctively abhor this "kind of power" you fantasize that any human being should wield over another, whether it be political, sexual, or psychological...

...so take all your wannabe "dom" crap and shove it far up your "deserving" ass, bozo.

It's not about being deserving. And I never asked for anything in that context. And you know what? Sometimes I let my partner have that power over me instead. Because it can be fun. Because that's what partners do. They indulge each other. But you? You don't even know how to BE a person, let alone how to treat someone else like a person. You're just another statistic waiting to happen. And I feel sorry for you.

 

[Lancecastor]

It's ok, Lancie...

...that you can't get off unless an insecure woman submits to your own insecurity just means that de Wannabe, Luky, and dick daily make great bedfellows for you.

Now...

...tell all these strong and independent women on the GB how much it gets a lacking piece of shit like you off when they totally submit to you.

Too friggin' funny...

Your assumption that all who enjoy a vibrant sex life are driven by character flaws...is probably at the the root of your misdirected anger.

 

[subdued_passion]

Okay, so here's the thing. There is a BIG difference between the psychology of an abused person, and a person who occasionally likes to be slapped or have their boundaries pushed in bed. A woman can totally get off on the rape fantasy, and can still TOTALLY be a feminist, can still believe in her right to respect, to bodily autonomy above all other things. She gives that trust, that exception, to someone who has EARNED it. And that person, if he or she is worth their salt, knows when to relinquish it again.

It sounds as if the presumption is that feminists cannot/ do not succumb to abusive relationships.


I am a feminist. I am a dude. I have played the dom, yes, (but not all the time, because who only ever wants to be one thing?), and I have slapped my partners, held them down, called them slut, bitch, whore, etc. during sex. Why? Because those partners SPECIFICALLY requested it of me at the time, and ONLY in that context. But here's the difference: a dom doesn't stop viewing his partner as a person, even during the act. An ABUSER never fully views his partner as a person. There has to be a distinction between fantasy and reality.

And on the receiving end you can tell the difference, how?


Here's the distinction: a dom knows when to take up control, and when to hand it back. And when it's over, the dom still values and respects the sub. The abuser does not - the abuser simply tightens down, escalates, until some critical break occurs. To be a dom is to have to exercise caution, judgment, and compassion for one's partner. It requires maturity and the ability to earn TRUST.

And the world is only full of these noble doms who know their limits and their subs and respect them always?

I don't give a damn really, but your argument had some holes from where I'm looking at it.

 

[StrayKat]

I am gonna put on ignore everyone who quotes those I have on ignore

 

[Learnsmith]

I don't give a damn really, but your argument had some holes from where I'm looking at it.

No, you know what? Feminists can and do get abused. All the time. And no, the distinction is not always easy tell. And no, a lot of self-styled doms (and no, I don't personally identify as one) really aren't that noble. You're right. Won't even dispute you for a minute. But the gentleman above fails to see how a relationship like that is supposed to work. He just wants to use it to fuel his sense of nice-guy entitlement and justify his negative attitudes toward women. And I'm sorry, I'm not about to have that.

 

[Learnsmith]

I am gonna put on ignore everyone who quotes those I have on ignore

My bad.

 

[subdued_passion]

No, you know what? Feminists can and do get abused. All the time. And no, the distinction is not always easy tell. And no, a lot of self-styled doms (and no, I don't personally identify as one) really aren't that noble. You're right. Won't even dispute you for a minute. But the gentleman above fails to see the distinction between how a relationship like that is supposed to work. He just wants to use it to fuel his sense of nice-guy entitlement and justify his negative attitudes toward women. And I'm sorry, I'm not about to have that.

We're discussing ideal conditions in this thread but the reality is quite different out there. There is a reason why S&M is still something that scares most folks off.

ETA- this now begs the question of what do you do when a sub in a TPE claims abuse is it just a case of a bad/ poorly trained sub?

 

[StrayKat]

My bad.

Thank you

 

[Lancecastor]

We're discussing ideal conditions in this thread but the reality is quite different out there. There is a reason why S&M is still something that scares most folks off.

This thread begs the question of what do you do when a sub in a TPE claims abuse? Is she just a bad sub?

It's silly to put labels like S&M on an erotic face slap or anything else people do to get off.

It's all sex and sexytime is good.

 

[bluebell]

I think it's meant to be a little more subtle than "making a man happy." A big part of this also hinges on who the people are, how they approach sex and choosing sexual partners, and what gets them off.
(Musing side-note: how much and how often does lust derail someone's reasoning ability? Like, the everyman. Not serial killers.)
Sure, that actual degradation probably happens with some people. Not everyone can manage that type of sexual experience.

Buuuuut I don't think that's what Wings, Dolf, and Eve are describing.

During the experience it's more about a woman (or man, if the roles are reversed) granting permission- electing to trust her partner to cross a line and to have enough judgement to know where to go with that. Or to be willing to see what comes of the experience. Not in a ferocious, soul-cutting way. Just, pot-boiling lust. It's the element of choice on both sides that makes it a gift of permission rather than abuse or a lack of feminism and self-respect.

Like a lot of the guys already said here, it can be just as much of a tentative exercise for them since they don't want to truly hurt or degrade their partners.

Like Dolf said (paraphrasing here), sometimes it's just about seeing what grows out of those moments of permission. That stuff could be ugly, it could be so-so, or it could be [surprisingly] gratifying, beautiful, and hot to both parties.


ETA: What Sidd said!!!!

 

[dolf]

It's even better when it's an unexpected slap- mouth open, lip cutting on teeth ... then you kiss and get that faint coppery taste of blood. mmmmm ... That's hot.

*FAP*

...understand how any woman submits to being slapped just because it makes her man happy.

that's the bit you struggle with. it's not just that. I've craved it from guys who wouldn't/couldn't do that sort of stuff. whether my reasons for enjoying it are messed up or not, I still enjoy it. it makes me wet. my cunt twitches with each strike. i'm submitting to it for my own selfish reasons.

Your assumption that all who enjoy a vibrant sex life are driven by character flaws...is probably at the root of your misdirected anger.

I giggled.

 

[Learnsmith]

We're discussing ideal conditions in this thread but the reality is quite different out there. There is a reason why S&M is still something that scares most folks off.

ETA- this now begs the question of what do you do when a sub in a TPE claims abuse is it just a case of a bad/ poorly trained sub?

Abuse is abuse. It's all about the consent of that person. The moment consent is revoked, and the behavior is continued, I think a line gets crossed, I'm sorry. I know law enforcement doesn't always see it that way, but that's a function as much of cultural biases as anything. I would love to see 'self-aware sex' as a function of safer sex - more people being enouraged to know their limits, and know their rights. But that's why we have dialogues like this. And with any luck, we'll get there, slowly but surely.

 

[StrayKat]

i'm submitting to it for my own selfish reasons.

I should make this my sig for certain -noble, righteous, virtuous, giving, serving, pleasing and never accepting there is not just one way to be a submissive/masochist/whatever- submissives out there.

 

[bluebell]

It's not about being deserving. And I never asked for anything in that context. And you know what? Sometimes I let my partner have that power over me instead. Because it can be fun. Because that's what partners do. They indulge each other. But you? You don't even know how to BE a person, let alone how to treat someone else like a person. You're just another statistic waiting to happen. And I feel sorry for you.

Your assumption that all who enjoy a vibrant sex life are driven by character flaws...is probably at the the root of your misdirected anger.

I think what we're really learning in this thread is that eyer doesn't know what lust feels like.


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