First Time

[Tide_Couple]

Hello All.

I'm a very vanilla person. I prefer the vanilla kind of sex where it's love making and not overly kinky. I think I suck at dirty talk, and am intimidated by the thought of controlling someone else entirely in bed. My bf (the male half of this account) has more experience in the whole being tied up and made to do whatever is asked than I. However, recently, after reading 50 Shades on a cruise (incredibly cliche I know), I used my bf's ties he brought and tied his hands to the bed and blindfolded him. And, I got INCREDIBLY turned on. Literally dripping wet. So obviously there's some underlying thing I find amazingly erotic but I'm not sure what it is. How does one even begin to explore this when they're hooked on vanilla sex/lovemaking etc? How did you get into it? I'd like to hear your real life stories.

 

[Amberchgo]

Welcome.

What you did was perfect. You start slowly. Read some books and get techniques. Then, again, slowly and with both of you consenting, begin to explore and push your comfort zone.

amber

 

[Tide_Couple]

Welcome.

What you did was perfect. You start slowly. Read some books and get techniques. Then, again, slowly and with both of you consenting, begin to explore and push your comfort zone.

amber

Thanks! Any suggestions on books to read? I'm open to reading anything. Maybe not trying anything, but I have an interest and I'd like to explore it I think.

 

[Collar_N_Cuffs]

You can check out The BDSM Book Thread, here :

http://forum.literotica.com/showthread.php?t=420513

Have fun!

 

[Tide_Couple]

You can check out The BDSM Book Thread, here :

http://forum.literotica.com/showthread.php?t=420513

Have fun!

I had NO CLUE there were so many books on this!! I'll have to skim through the whole list and see what's out there!! Thanks!

 

[Heatseekher]

ok married for 25 yrs, always been interested in exploring beyond totally vanila, meaning in our relationship i've always bought the toys. In terms of the kinkier stuff, we gradually wandered along the path, i tend and tended to do 'teh research' and Mrs H puts up with whatever new idea comes along. Some times the 'idea' is a hit 1st time round, sometimes its not, and occasionally its a 'never again'....

Mrs H find sit hard to talk about sex in a sterile environment, so we shared some ideas a while back, what seemed interesting, what less so etc, i led the conversation and when she gave an 'err no' - i dug a little to see if it was aknee jerk reaction.

I was surprised to find that she actually fancied being spanked - but had never said so.

as for our kinks, i'd say that they're on the softer side, bondage tape morphed into rope and then chain for restraint. I built a sex bench, for spanking/massage or pure sex as it puts her in an open/vulnerable position.

we vary sex between pure vanilla - love making to a half way house and then to more of an 'equipment' related 'scene'. Mrs H loves real life roleplay, i suspect it gives her an excuse to be someone else and therefore not accountable.

certain aspects we both find hard, for her communication about interests, possibly because she doens't 'research', me in being comfortable with role play - but practice makes perfect!

guess we tend to find that the more aroused she is the more open to suggestion that she becomes. being tied to a chair and her watching some porn will tend to lead to further restraint.

to go from pure vanilla:
think of things that are perhaps 'soft & sensual'.
Massage that can lead to sensation play: varying the sensations between oh so soft - fur to something harder/scratchy to awaken the skin/nerves.
removing sight/hearing can then heighten those same sensations by x fold.
and so on.....

 

[Tide_Couple]

ok married for 25 yrs, always been interested in exploring beyond totally vanila, meaning in our relationship i've always bought the toys. In terms of the kinkier stuff, we gradually wandered along the path, i tend and tended to do 'teh research' and Mrs H puts up with whatever new idea comes along. Some times the 'idea' is a hit 1st time round, sometimes its not, and occasionally its a 'never again'....

Mrs H find sit hard to talk about sex in a sterile environment, so we shared some ideas a while back, what seemed interesting, what less so etc, i led the conversation and when she gave an 'err no' - i dug a little to see if it was aknee jerk reaction.

I was surprised to find that she actually fancied being spanked - but had never said so.

as for our kinks, i'd say that they're on the softer side, bondage tape morphed into rope and then chain for restraint. I built a sex bench, for spanking/massage or pure sex as it puts her in an open/vulnerable position.

we vary sex between pure vanilla - love making to a half way house and then to more of an 'equipment' related 'scene'. Mrs H loves real life roleplay, i suspect it gives her an excuse to be someone else and therefore not accountable.

certain aspects we both find hard, for her communication about interests, possibly because she doens't 'research', me in being comfortable with role play - but practice makes perfect!

guess we tend to find that the more aroused she is the more open to suggestion that she becomes. being tied to a chair and her watching some porn will tend to lead to further restraint.

to go from pure vanilla:
think of things that are perhaps 'soft & sensual'.
Massage that can lead to sensation play: varying the sensations between oh so soft - fur to something harder/scratchy to awaken the skin/nerves.
removing sight/hearing can then heighten those same sensations by x fold.
and so on.....

I think I'm more like Mrs. H. It's hard for me to talk about things beyond the vanilla.

 

[CutieMouse]

I think I'm more like Mrs. H. It's hard for me to talk about things beyond the vanilla.

If it's hard to sit down and talk, email. If it's hard to email, read erotica & send him the stories that appealed to you. If there's anything in the stories you don't like, make sure you include a note saying "hey I like X but screebies Y and Z scare the bloody hell out of me."

But learning to talk about (and ask for) what you want, is more likely to enable positive results than needing someone to guess blindly or read your mind.

 

[Heatseekher]

yep agree with Cutie.....using mail could be a way, the other way is to perhaps separate 'you' from the topic - 3rd party 'blame'
' i was reading in a magazine
' i saw this'
' there was this show on tv'
'my friend told me'
ok so it is still you that has to talk/verbalise, but in a way you're detaching yourself......

 

[gretchenmilliner]

A simple source that is minimally embarrassing is the book the Joy of Sex and there you can 'discover accidentally' a section entitled Slow Masturbation. Given how wet you became the trick of breaking off in the middle of the process and having your helpless partner watch you masturbate to orgasm will probably almost kill him. Once you begin again don't forget to tell him how satisfied you now are and how little of a hurry you are now in.

 

[eric60red]

The first time, I was tied and blindfolded, I had no choice. I was being trained by a sub to become her new Dominant, she had chosen me and seduced me so I became her new "Chosen One". I found the experience, daunting being aroused by feathers. silk and velvet. Later after blind folded and handcuffing her, I found it very arousing to have her in my control. We became Master and slave for many satisfying years.

 

[Aphro]

The first time, I was tied and blindfolded, I had no choice. I was being trained by a sub to become her new Dominant, she had chosen me and seduced me so I became her new "Chosen One". I found the experience, daunting being aroused by feathers. silk and velvet. Later after blind folded and handcuffing her, I found it very arousing to have her in my control. We became Master and slave for many satisfying years.

This confuses me all to hell. You were her "chosen one" and she was training you to become her dominant?

OP, just wondering, how long have you been with your BF? Like, how established was your sexual relationship before you started exploring this?

 

[Tide_Couple]

If it's hard to sit down and talk, email. If it's hard to email, read erotica & send him the stories that appealed to you. If there's anything in the stories you don't like, make sure you include a note saying "hey I like X but screebies Y and Z scare the bloody hell out of me."

But learning to talk about (and ask for) what you want, is more likely to enable positive results than needing someone to guess blindly or read your mind.

He does tell me all the time that I need to tell him what I want more often lol.

 

[Tide_Couple]

This confuses me all to hell. You were her "chosen one" and she was training you to become her dominant?

OP, just wondering, how long have you been with your BF? Like, how established was your sexual relationship before you started exploring this?

We've been together for a year, so our sexual relationship has been almost that long.

 

[DVS]

All of the information you have received so far is great. And, you are asking the right questions, too. You consider yourself vanilla and you are starting to feel these new feelings deep inside that are far from vanilla. You aren't unique. Many people have no idea they would enjoy anything kinky at all, only to have someone introduce them to it. Once they get to experience it first hand, it can change their whole world. What you do need to do is continue to experiment, but keep it slow. There's no need for you to go any faster than you are now. Reading stories here in the story section is good, so you can 1) understand what kinky things are out there and 2) what of those kinky things intrigue you.

Also, the books that have been suggested are good, too. In fact, anything you can find that gives you more information about the world of BDSM will help you understand and then decide what you want and don't want. When you are reading, remember that there is a fictional world and a real world. The stories here in the Lit story section are fiction and so are some books. Fiction can sometimes be pretty extreme, or over the top. The 50 shades series is very cliche. I'm glad you said that. It's basically a romance novel with some kinky moments and those moments are pretty silly. It's popularity shows you just how little people know about BDSM.

And your vanilla world doesn't have to change. You can still enjoy your tender, loving moments. Just because you are finding out more about your new sexual urges, that doesn't mean you have to make a full change and buy a bunch of leather outfits. Perverts still enjoy tender and loving moments with their partners, too.

 

[eric60red]

This confuses me all to hell. You were her "chosen one" and she was training you to become her dominant?

OP, just wondering, how long have you been with your BF? Like, how established was your sexual relationship before you started exploring this?

Don't be confused, it is simply that she was/is an experienced sub, and that after meeting each other, at gardening club we had a mutual attraction to each other, she told me later that she saw in me a streak of Dominance which appealed to her. The rest is now history, and I have given to much information on my past. Remember in a D/s relationship it is the sub who has all the power.

 

[Stella_Omega]

This confuses me all to hell. You were her "chosen one" and she was training you to become her dominant?

hey babe, sex and relationships will confuse you every time.

But really, where is there a law that a person with a need to submit (as opposed to bottom, mind you,) NOT train another person in how to dominate them? I don't think "submissive" precludes proactivity.

Admittedly, the anecdote seems like a lot more than 'proactivity" to me too. And I'm betting she will always be dominant, really-- in the way that a rider seems like a passive passenger on the back of the huge powerful horse that they trained meticulously to carry them.