Orgasming Without My Vibrator

[Emstar202]

All my life and throughout all my relationships, I've never been able to cum. Whether it be with fingers, tongues, or cocks, nothing has sent me over the edge like my vibrator can. Not even my own fingers can do it. My current boyfriend feels inadequate because of it. I love having sex with him; the sensation is far different from the rhythmic pulsing of my vibrator, but at the same time, I would love to be able to ograsm from his fingers or his cock. I'd especially love to be able to get myself off without the use of my toy.

Is there something wrong with me? Do other women have this problem? Any input or tips would be helpful!

 

[silverwhisper]

em, a toy does one thing and one thing only--which means that it does this very well.

it may be that you're so accustomed to the focused stimulation that your vibe provides that enjoying what a partner can do is difficult. if you're in the habit of masturbating often with your vibrator, perhaps leaving it aside for a few days might help?

ed

 

[Cumference]

For a start, have you tried letting him stimulate you with the vibrator? On its own and during intercourse? Have you used the vibrator on yourself during intercourse?

 

[Belle_Nuit]

I'm the same way. My vibrator is the only way that I can have an orgasm. It took me a long time to have my first orgasm, so now I try to view it as a positive. At least I'm getting off!

Unfortunately the male ego often needs to be placated during sex. This is what I do:

I tell my partner that the orgasms are better when he helps out (which is true). The orgasms are stronger after we've had sex, or after he's gone down on me, rather then when I'm just masturbating on my own.

When I'm sucking his dick, I use the vibrator on myself. I don't let him cum until I have first. The orgasm is surprisingly strong doing this.... so I always tell him that sucking his dick gets me off. The added bonus with this is that its an easy (non-threatening) way to begin to using your vibrator during sex. When I use the vibrator during sex it feels amazing (SO much better then when I'm using it solo). So I always tell him how good he makes me feel, etc etc.

I've decided that rather than feeling badly that I can't cum without my vibrator, that I'm going to feel good because I can cum with it. I explained quite frankly to my boyfriend that I am not able to cum without it (and believe me I've tried). His job during sex is not to make me cum (the vibrator will do that). Rather his job is to help me have a better, stronger orgasm that I wouldn't be able to have with my vibrator alone. Now he loves it when I use my vibrator. Using it takes some of the pressure off so we can both just enjoy.

If he's too insecure to be able to handle that then I'm not sure he's a good lover anyway.

 

[amofiga]

A guy who is so hung up on his ego rather than his partner is unfortunate. I've known women who simply could not cum without the help of a vibrator whether during intercourse or oral. I figured whatever it took to get her off was fine with me. All women are different. It's better to work with her rather than worrying about your own ego.

 

[Cumference]

And here is an oldie:
http://www.literotica.com/aspasia/

 

[squirrelzo]

Stop using your vibrator! Throw it in the trash and go cold turkey. Those things desensitize you. It will take a while, probably a month to spaz down and get your body back to normal. Learn to come from rubbing your clit or a dildo. Esp. a dildo. If you can than is much easier to go from there to a man.

 

[SweetErika]

Stop using your vibrator! Throw it in the trash and go cold turkey. Those things desensitize you. It will take a while, probably a month to spaz down and get your body back to normal. Learn to come from rubbing your clit or a dildo. Esp. a dildo. If you can than is much easier to go from there to a man.

I've been using a vibe my entire sexual life, and it hasn't desensitized me yet. I can still orgasm a variety of other ways, but the reality is that my orgasms from the right vibe are typically quicker and stronger.

I'm with Belle on this one: view it as a positive. Some women simply need more stimulation (or a certain type of specific stimulation) than fingers, a tongue, cock, dildo or pillow can provide. There's nothing wrong with that, or any woman who happens to function in that way.

OP, maybe practice some teasing/edging on yourself before you're with your partner, and definitely keep working on enjoying other types of stimulation, but otherwise, embrace your body and its needs.

 

[squirrelzo]

I see your point. That is just what worked for me. To each his own!

 

[Emstar202]

Thanks for all your advice everyone! I think I'm going to take the advice Cumference posted. I'm going to try to ween off of it slowly. I'll start on a slower setting then move to a dildo and finally fingers. Before I had sex with my boyfriend today we spent a long while with me grinding my clit over his cock, and that felt wonderful! I think a lot of my problem is it's all in my head. I've just gotta relax and let things flow.

 

[Que]

Thanks for all your advice everyone! I think I'm going to take the advice Cumference posted. I'm going to try to ween off of it slowly. I'll start on a slower setting then move to a dildo and finally fingers. Before I had sex with my boyfriend today we spent a long while with me grinding my clit over his cock, and that felt wonderful! I think a lot of my problem is it's all in my head. I've just gotta relax and let things flow.

I think having an experience that "feels wonderful" is pretty much the object of connecting with another person sexually, so, success!

Although I don't know that a vibrator does or does not desensitize a clit, but an analogous problem for men (that DOES affect women as well) is idiosyncratic masturbatory practices.

When you get used to doing things for yourself it tends to get ritualistic and the intensity is dialed in just so. It is near impossible for a partner to duplicate our own efforts, and the actions and motions are different

Going in a little hungry might increase the chances of an orgasm from other means, or maybe just a change in your own, well practiced habits might teach your body to be open to stimulus from unexpected directions

 

[Monica_112]

You could get a couples vibrator there are a number that goe in your pussy and over your clit and then you fuck on top of it. Pleasure for both of you. Just a thought

 

[Que]

You could get a couples vibrator there are a number that goe in your pussy and over your clit and then you fuck on top of it. Pleasure for both of you. Just a thought

That's a good thought. I bought a we-vibe with remote. I never got a chance to use it as I hadn't ended with a friend. I realized later that it got stolen. It happened to be unused but the person that stole it I don't think knew that. Who steals a used vibrator?

 

[Cumference]

Who steals a used vibrator?

Someone that is either creepy, desperate or utterly non-squeamish!

 

[Cumference]

Thanks for all your advice everyone! I think I'm going to take the advice Cumference posted. I'm going to try to ween off of it slowly.

The vibrator is still your friend, just a friend you want to spend less time with.
Do start out by getting off with the vibrator and your boyfriend, then do a slow withdrawal.

Focus on having a good time together, then deal with the details.

I think a lot of my problem is it's all in my head.

I think that is where most of our problems are.

 

[October46]

All my life and throughout all my relationships, I've never been able to cum. Whether it be with fingers, tongues, or cocks, nothing has sent me over the edge like my vibrator can. Not even my own fingers can do it. My current boyfriend feels inadequate because of it. I love having sex with him; the sensation is far different from the rhythmic pulsing of my vibrator, but at the same time, I would love to be able to ograsm from his fingers or his cock. I'd especially love to be able to get myself off without the use of my toy.

Is there something wrong with me? Do other women have this problem? Any input or tips would be helpful!

Check with your gynecologist, my office manager years ago had this situation and after an outpatient surgery she was fine.

 

[Cumference]

What kind of surgery?

I think that hoodectomy is a rather radical approach, that should be left as a last resort if everything else fails, and then only if there are clear medical indications in favour of it.

 

[stickygirl]

Medical issues aside, I'd say whatever floats your boat. Why regard using a vibrator as 'second best'. I'm pretty sure most guys would be delighted if you were enjoying orgasms regularly: surely this is a win-win situation through the miracle of modern science

 

[sensualsharon]

Have you tried the strong stream of water from a shower massager, pool jet, etc.? While I can cum from a vibrator, I find it the poorest quality orgasm there is, for me anyway. It's like what some guys call a "ruined orgasm". Fingers for me is best, water from the shower massager can be intense, but I only get a craving to use a vibe every year or so. It's just poor quality, and when I think, oh it's been a long time since I tried that method, let's get the old toy out, I think yup, that's why I never use it, it's a very poor orgasm. But to each their own.

 

[Emstar202]

I don't think I need surgery. I mean, I can orgasm easily with my vibrator, so doesn't that mean my clitoral hood is fine? That seems really extreme and scary! But thanks for the suggestion!

I have tried a bath jet, but my bathtub isn't really suited for that and it's impossible in college dorms haha I wish I could compare a vibrator oragasm with a finger induced one or some other kind, but I can't because I've never had one! If what you say is true that using a vibe yields the poorest orgasm, then perhaps I am in for a treat if I can learn to cum without one.

 

[October46]

I don't think I need surgery. I mean, I can orgasm easily with my vibrator, so doesn't that mean my clitoral hood is fine? That seems really extreme and scary! But thanks for the suggestion!

I have tried a bath jet, but my bathtub isn't really suited for that and it's impossible in college dorms haha I wish I could compare a vibrator oragasm with a finger induced one or some other kind, but I can't because I've never had one! If what you say is true that using a vibe yields the poorest orgasm, then perhaps I am in for a treat if I can learn to cum without one.

have you discuss this with your gynecologist?

 

[Bettyspages]

Many women can't orgasm at all, even with a vibrator. I wouldn't worry about it.
How old are you?

Women are all different. If he really wants you to have an O while you are doing it, get a butterfly vibrator that stays on while he is penetrating you or a vibrating cock ring.

 

[xjasminex]

have you discuss this with your gynecologist?

*rolls eyes* Don't bother with a gynecologist, honestly.

I had the same issue for a long time. While most people here wouldn't say it's resolved - I still use a vibrator regularly and it's still almost the only way I can cum - we'd worked out a way to improve the sex between my partner and me. I use a weaker vibe when it's just me alone, but with my partner we keep the stronger toy that only gets used when we're together. This means while I can get myself off without him, all the really WOW ones are with him. He enhances the sex anyway, with or without the toy, but him combined with super-toy (Hitachi) means I have an incredible time with him.

Taking the approach of it's just a tool to make me feel good, rather than what's giving me the orgasm (it's the person using it, him or myself), helped soothe his bruised ego at the beginning.

 

[Bettyspages]

Gynecologists are not sex therapists. And I would bet a sex therapist would say the same thing I did.
And if you are a young woman in your twenties, just wait. It gets better the older you get.

 

[October46]

*rolls eyes* Don't bother with a gynecologist, honestly.

I had the same issue for a long time. While most people here wouldn't say it's resolved - I still use a vibrator regularly and it's still almost the only way I can cum - we'd worked out a way to improve the sex between my partner and me. I use a weaker vibe when it's just me alone, but with my partner we keep the stronger toy that only gets used when we're together. This means while I can get myself off without him, all the really WOW ones are with him. He enhances the sex anyway, with or without the toy, but him combined with super-toy (Hitachi) means I have an incredible time with him.

Taking the approach of it's just a tool to make me feel good, rather than what's giving me the orgasm (it's the person using it, him or myself), helped soothe his bruised ego at the beginning.

*eyes really rolling* All I asked if she had consulted her gynecologist, I didn't ask her to cut anything off, I just wanted to make sure she eliminated this as a medical situation. Do you have problems with checking with doctors?