When did you know you were submissive?

[liv2srv]

For all the subs on here, do you have any experiences to relate about when you first realized your nature?

For me, there were lot's of things (I've already cataloged some of them here: http://forum.literotica.com/showthread.php?t=983118&page=2), but I'd say it would be when I was younger and exposed to my first BDSM erotica about a sub male stripped by his mistress and made to masturbate for her and another woman. I had submissive tendencies prior to this, but this was the first time I had seen how they could be paired with sexual acts. The idea of a man being unapologetically objectified by a women was something I had never even considered before.
This story was hot on it's own. But the idea of the male being 'used' so callously was actually a little a little scary for me. But also damned exciting. It was one of those 'aha' moments when I realized sex could be so much more than just physical interactions. It could also be about power and humiliation.
Plus the idea of a man being submissive to a woman ran counter to everything I had been led to believe by society up to that point. This sexual role reversal made the idea of being a male submissive that much more exotic, exciting, and a little intimidating.

 

[LWulf]

I don't think you're allowed to discuss anything illicit from your "early teens."

You might want to edit that part out of your topic (otherwise your topic is fine).

 

[liv2srv]

I don't think you're allowed to discuss anything illicit from your "early teens."

You might want to edit that part out of your topic (otherwise your topic is fine).

Oooh, good point. Thanks for the tip. Will do.

But let's be honest, apparently no one is reading this post anyway.

 

[KoPilot]

I realized it in utero. The umbilical cord bound my jelly-like wrist-nubs together once and it was bliss.

(Nobody's reading this because we get these threads a lot and typing up the same experience over and over for each new OP get really old really fast.)

 

[liv2srv]

I realized it in utero. The umbilical cord bound my jelly-like wrist-nubs together once and it was bliss.

(Nobody's reading this because we get these threads a lot and typing up the same experience over and over for each new OP get really old really fast.)

Oh, nice: I get chastised for mentioning I was a teenager once but fetus porn is okay? Alright, I get it now, I see how you roll, bastards.

"OP"???

Well, I appreciate the response, however tedious it was for you. Thanks.

 

[LWulf]

I wasn't chastising and you are new. I made a corrective suggestion based on that fact.

People that are here longer just get reported even if the statement was ludicrous and likely meant only as an absurd joke.

OP is a often used forum wide abbreviation for Original Poster (meaning the person who started the thread).

 

[liv2srv]

I wasn't chastising and you are new. I made a corrective suggestion based on that fact.

People that are here longer just get reported even if the statement was ludicrous and likely meant only as an absurd joke.

OP is a often used forum wide abbreviation for Original Poster (meaning the person who started the thread).

My 'chastising' comment was meant as absolute sarcasm. I appreciated your bringing my potentially offensive post to my attention.

 

[CutieMouse]

When did I find out there was an entire sub-culture (and for the more obsessive, "lifestyle") for what I thought was a pretty normal view of sexuality [for myself]?

Early 30s. Although I have a theory that the whole "BDSM scene" simply exists so people can nit-pick definitions and out brag one another.

 

[simonlilith]

When did I find out there was an entire sub-culture (and for the more obsessive, "lifestyle") for what I thought was a pretty normal view of sexuality [for myself]?

Early 30s. Although I have a theory that the whole "BDSM scene" simply exists so people can nit-pick definitions and out brag one another.

NIcely put, CutieMouse

 

[KoPilot]

Oh, nice: I get chastised for mentioning I was a teenager once but fetus porn is okay? Alright, I get it now, I see how you roll, bastards.

"OP"???

Well, I appreciate the response, however tedious it was for you. Thanks.

Or, you know, we could just not reply at all and write you off as a drive-by poster that's not interested in knowing how the BDSM forum does things.

 

[liv2srv]

*****

 

[desertslave]

When did I find out there was an entire sub-culture (and for the more obsessive, "lifestyle") for what I thought was a pretty normal view of sexuality [for myself]?

Early 30s. Although I have a theory that the whole "BDSM scene" simply exists so people can nit-pick definitions and out brag one another.

<settling in my rocker and putting aside my reading glasses and knitting>

In my experience, this is one thing I blame wholeheartedly on the internet. I attended private clubs in both NYC and SF in my early days, and there was no nitpicking or over-bragging that I ever saw. Okay, a few folks trying to validate themselves in that over-achiever sort of way, but I've seen folks do that in many other organizations. BDSM really is just a slice of average life.

For the OP, I had it shown to me when I was in college, but looking back the tendencies were definitely there at least a decade earlier.

 

[YoungToy]

It started as liking being on bottom and enjoying when a woman either starts or initiates things. After a while it started to grow. I really enjoyed being told what to do when I was masturbating and being told fantasys and such. After a while I started to try new things, like cumming on myself or anal play and the like, and found out about Femdom. Ever since then its just been exploring my sexuality and figuring out my hard from my soft limits and what brings me the most pleasure, although I feel like Ive sorted that out already.

 

[subrinablaze]

Knowing or admitting? That was the question for me. I suppose reading some lovely bodice rippers when I was a teen and really enjoying the scenes where the heroine was tied up might have been a clue. Or perhaps a good harem scene. Ah, the joys of a good Rebecca Brandewyne novel... . I think I just got older and more accepting of others and myself. So now, in my late 40's, I admit I have sub tendencies. I enjoy giving up control in trusting situations. I have to feel safe though. I also like "pleasing" in sexual situations. It get's me off. However, I am a work in progress. Occasionally, with certain people, I can be dominant. But you know what? It's all good. There is a whole spectrum out there. Be safe and enjoy.

 

[newsubandtop]

I must have been 5 years old or so. Me and a few other girls were picking on a boy about his haircut. He started chasing us and got me, pinned me to the floor with both his hands on my wrists, held his gaze for a few seconds. At least this is the image that I registered in my head. Nothing else happened but that was the first time I became aware of my own powerful arousement. So, I think even if I didn´t have a clear idea of what sex, let alone bdsm, was, I've always known. Porn and stories later helped to redefine my taste but the decisive test is to try for real. Unfortunately, as with any other aspect in life, you won't find out until you experience it.

 

[liv2srv]

I must have been 5 years old or so. Me and a few other girls were picking on a boy about his haircut. He started chasing us and got me, pinned me to the floor with both his hands on my wrists, held his gaze for a few seconds. At least this is the image that I registered in my head. Nothing else happened but that was the first time I became aware of my own powerful arousement. So, I think even if I didn´t have a clear idea of what sex, let alone bdsm, was, I've always known. Porn and stories later helped to redefine my taste but the decisive test is to try for real. Unfortunately, as with any other aspect in life, you won't find out until you experience it.

Yeah, I wrote elsewhere on the forums about some experiences when I was about that age too. However, I think I might have been stretching the Terms Of Service rules here on Lit when I made that post...Too bad. I find those early experiences quite revealing concerning what was to come. But I understand why Lit doesn't feel comfortable having us discuss <18 sex on here.
PM if you would like to chat more.

 

[lexi_88]

Like someone who posted before me, there was a big difference between knowing and accepting.

In terms of knowing: when I was much younger a friend told me she would tie me to a tree to protest them cutting it down. I didn't understand why this aroused me, or what being aroused really was. Pretend playing with others about hypnotizing, when it was my turn to be hypnotized and helpless I again got aroused. Being pinned on the ground and unable to move. Seeing scenes in movies and shows about being tied and the power play between the captive and captor. One particular scene I remember, although not sure from which movie, was her tied to a bedpost and him alternating dripping hot wax and ice cubes all over her body as torture. I remember asking my Mom what bondage meant as I heard the word on TV. She wouldn't tell me but I ended up looking it up and remember being extremely turned on and ashamed that I would find it hot. Also discovered my masochism while getting pierced and tattooed or bitten by others jokingly.

In terms of accepting: reading stories on here had a huge part in that for me. Consensual non-consent was something I knew I was into, and then I started reading more stories under the BDSM category. I then googled BDSM and the rest is history. Although I have to say a lot of BDSM porn videos are really extreme and I'm not a fan so that scared me away a bit at first.

 

[Ahlam]

Submission is what enables me to enjoy sex and sexual expression. I've never been able to enjoy a sexual experience without some element of power exchange. It is the way I am wired. So, I've known I was submissive as long as I have been interested in enjoying sex, although I didn't always know what it was.

 

[liv2srv]

Like someone who posted before me, there was a big difference between knowing and accepting.

In terms of knowing: when I was much younger a friend told me she would tie me to a tree to protest them cutting it down. I didn't understand why this aroused me, or what being aroused really was. Pretend playing with others about hypnotizing, when it was my turn to be hypnotized and helpless I again got aroused. Being pinned on the ground and unable to move. Seeing scenes in movies and shows about being tied and the power play between the captive and captor. One particular scene I remember, although not sure from which movie, was her tied to a bedpost and him alternating dripping hot wax and ice cubes all over her body as torture. I remember asking my Mom what bondage meant as I heard the word on TV. She wouldn't tell me but I ended up looking it up and remember being extremely turned on and ashamed that I would find it hot. Also discovered my masochism while getting pierced and tattooed or bitten by others jokingly.

In terms of accepting: reading stories on here had a huge part in that for me. Consensual non-consent was something I knew I was into, and then I started reading more stories under the BDSM category. I then googled BDSM and the rest is history. Although I have to say a lot of BDSM porn videos are really extreme and I'm not a fan so that scared me away a bit at first.

Interesting, I too remember watching a television show at a young age. There was a brief scene of an attractive woman tied to a table with leather straps. Her arms were bare and the straps were around her upper arms. I remember being particulary enamored of this even though I was not yet sexually active. Most telling of things to come...

So 'knowing' happened, for me, at a young age. Acceptance, though, was never an issue. I love this aspect of my sexuality and always have. And I've never felt the need to question it. I certainly never remember feeling ashamed in the manner that you described.

 

[liv2srv]

I must have been 5 years old or so. Me and a few other girls were picking on a boy about his haircut. He started chasing us and got me, pinned me to the floor with both his hands on my wrists, held his gaze for a few seconds. At least this is the image that I registered in my head. Nothing else happened but that was the first time I became aware of my own powerful arousement. So, I think even if I didn´t have a clear idea of what sex, let alone bdsm, was, I've always known. Porn and stories later helped to redefine my taste but the decisive test is to try for real. Unfortunately, as with any other aspect in life, you won't find out until you experience it.

See. This is why I'm bummed about Lit. being so nervous about discussing anything involving parties under 18 years old. I started this thread because I've always been intrigued by how young I was when I started to notice my interest in being submissive. So young, in fact, that it predates me becoming sexually active by a good few years. I've been interested in consulting with a health care or psychological professional with experience in this area. I'd love to hear about how we come to this manner of dominance/submission and why. Not because I'm concerned, or trying to solve any great mysteries about myself (far from it). I just find the topic interesting and would like to hear other's perspective on it.

 

[switch_diana]

Although I have a theory that the whole "BDSM scene" simply exists so people can nit-pick definitions and out brag one another.

Ha... I like that.

As for myself, I have had thoughts and urges pretty much as long as I can remember, but I didn't understand them. When I first got online I discovered there was a term for the feelings, and lots of other had them as well.

 

[switch_diana]

Or, you know, we could just not reply at all and write you off as a drive-by poster that's not interested in knowing how the BDSM forum does things.

What's that saying? "If you can't say something nice..."

 

[smallgirl]

For all the subs on here, do you have any experiences to relate about when you first realized your nature?

For me, there were lot's of things (I've already cataloged some of them here: http://forum.literotica.com/showthread.php?t=983118&page=2), but I'd say it would be when I was younger and exposed to my first BDSM erotica about a sub male stripped by his mistress and made to masturbate for her and another woman. I had submissive tendencies prior to this, but this was the first time I had seen how they could be paired with sexual acts. The idea of a man being unapologetically objectified by a women was something I had never even considered before.
This story was hot on it's own. But the idea of the male being 'used' so callously was actually a little a little scary for me. But also damned exciting. It was one of those 'aha' moments when I realized sex could be so much more than just physical interactions. It could also be about power and humiliation.
Plus the idea of a man being submissive to a woman ran counter to everything I had been led to believe by society up to that point. This sexual role reversal made the idea of being a male submissive that much more exotic, exciting, and a little intimidating.

Early to mid 30's for me. I always knew something was missing and once I figured it out it was a major AHA moment for me.

 

[KoPilot]

What's that saying? "If you can't say something nice..."

Shrug. Lots of new OPs get this response pretty regularly here. It happens when folks don't lurk, read, and pay attention to how discussions generally go before posting. Sometimes the truth ain't nice. :V

 

[CutieMouse]

[personal opinion]

The theory that people experienced a preview of BDSM interests in early childhood is pretty common. However, it's easy to look at X experience and attribute an adult perspective to the situation, especially if one wants to find a "reason" for being into XYZ.

If someone at the age of FIVE " became aware of my own powerful arousement"... at that age, an awareness of arousal is more often a sign that a child has been exposed to, or experienced, things that are sexually inappropriate [for that age].

If someone looks back on an experience at that age, and goes "Huh, through an adult filter, I can see why that might have felt good [etc]..." then (IMO) there is an obligation to acknowledge the event as a childhood experience, viewed through adult eyes.

[/personal opinion]

Lit's TOS exists to prevent the Feds from shutting down the site. There are very few things here that are off limits - under 18 being one of them. By publicly sharing stories involving individuals under the age of 18 (yourself, or otherwise), you risk the well-being of Lit. If you enjoy participating in an otherwise Free Speech site, follow the rules.