fairly new with a question

[bbw4sir]

i have had one Dom and we were together for about a year. He showed very little affection or kindness and certainly not love. i loved him.

Is it common for a Dom to have no emotional feelings toward their sub at all? Is He the "norm" as far as Doms go? If so, i need to rethink my life, because i can't live the rest of my life without love in it. i want to serve my Dom fully but i need to feel loved.

Maybe i'm not a sub...just a very loving, submissive woman that should be looking in the vanilla world instead of places like this. i don't know, i'm very confused.

 

[Stella_Omega]

I would say that he was a cold, emotionally distant man period.

Plenty of men are passionate, attached, deeply involved with their partners, and might ID as dominant, as well. Or as vanilla, or even as submissive.

I'm sorry you ran into someone so badly suited to you-- now you have one more thing to beware of as you search for the right one-- or ones.

 

[Sir_Winston54]

It all depends on the person(s) involved. Some PYLs project a distant, emotionally uninvolved persona; some are affectionate and demonstrative. Some pyls like the first; some like the second. I have to wonder, though, why you stayed with him for a year when his personality was that troubling to you?

 

[box13]

I'd fall hard for a soft round quiet submissive woman. With brown eyes. I'm wired that way. Couldn't say if it's normal or common or whatever though, so I'm no help to you there. Sorry your experience had some good, and bad. I hope your next one is better.

 

[Stella_Omega]

...I have to wonder, though, why you stayed with him for a year when his personality was that troubling to you?

I don't have to wonder at all. It's pretty common, people staying with a less-than-satisfactory partner, and the reasons are many and well-discussed.

However, it's a damn shame when it happens, and OP, I hope you can do better for yourself going forward

 

[subwannabe]

I think people who want love in a relationship make a mistake by trying to find a dom and execting love to develop. Although love can happen it is my belief that you have to search out love and domination at the same time. I feel sorry for those that want both and yet feel that the only thing they can do is search for a dom. It is possible to have your cake and eat it to. Date regular people you think you might be able to fall in love with and then during the dating process "feel them out" so to speak to see if they can fulfill both of your needs. If not, end the relationship and start over again and again until you find someone who can fulfill all of your needs. Too many people think that just because they are submissive they can't have love. It's just not true. Most people just don't realize how many average normal women would like to be submissive (remember the fifty shades popularity?) and how many average normal men would like to dominate.

 

[bbw4sir]

thank you

i appreciate all the feedback.

To answer the question of why i stayed...when we first got together my mindset was that it was what it was. After being with him for awhile i realized i was falling in love with him. He would give me little morsels of affection occasionally and i would hold on to them, convincing myself that he was feeling the same way i was. I realize now that it was all fantasy, it was just part of the game to him.

He didn't misrepresent himself. He never promised me a happily ever after. He is who/what he is. I guess the question here is, who/what am i? What am i willing to accept and am i willing to settle?