How did you first know...

[jfalstaff]

... that you were a Dom (or sub)?

As for myself, a long time ago now (when in my 20's, now early forties), I was fucking my girlfriend doggy style when she said... "God, I feel so submissive when we you fuck me this way..."... Right then something clicked inside me and I knew that plain vanilla sex was never going to do it for me again...

JF

 

[Oubliette123]

Hmmm there are so many threads here asking this same question. But to answer your question, the kink has been in my head since a teenager but only developed physically when I met my partner 9 years ago. In my marriage before, even though I had BDSM thoughts and fantasies it didnt feel right to act on them with my ex husband. It took my current partner to bring them out in the open.

Welcome to lit

 

[eric60red]

I was seduced by a mature lady, who suggested things which were new to me, she ended up coaching me to satisfy her own needs, and I eventually became her Master , when she submitted to me, and told me she wanted to me mine. she took me on a fantastic journey of discovery, that was over 10 years ago. I have had several others since, but known are as demanding as she was.

 

[jfalstaff]

Hmmm there are so many threads here asking this same question. But to answer your question, the kink has been in my head since a teenager but only developed physically when I met my partner 9 years ago. In my marriage before, even though I had BDSM thoughts and fantasies it didnt feel right to act on them with my ex husband. It took my current partner to bring them out in the open.

Welcome to lit

Thanks for sharing that.... to be honest, I had not come across any of those other threads ... guess I need to learn how to use the search feature better...

Anyway I guess it just goes to show how important it is to find the right person to explore this (or, really, I guess any) aspect of one's sexuality...

JF

 

[Stella_Omega]

I explored it all by myself for years and years. I discovered that I am not submissive, nor all that much dominant either-- just enough of either one to get us where we're going.

I'm intrigued by aspects of ownership, but that's not what I primarily look for, in BDSM.

 

[VivienneLeroux]

I had always liked the feeling of having control over someone and exchanging pain between two people. It wasn't until someone came along and helped me channel those into sex that I got into the dom and sub ring of things.

As I say "Little bit sub, little bit bitch, nothing's better than a switch!"

 

[Darkwagoner1969]

Very easy..
I always told a woman what to do, used handcufs, ropes, had them blindfolded , since i had my first. Then at 16 my best buds mom and I connected and she taught me the ropes.. til i was 19. Since then I have had plenty of vanilla and subs.. I prefer subs over vanilla .

 

[KoPilot]

There's always the understanding there.

It's when you discover there's a name for it that things really get interesting.

 

[desertslave]

I was told by my first Sir, who spotted me "from a mile away" in his reckoning.

Before that, though, when I look back I can see the signs all the way to childhood. Things like enjoying being tied to a tree as a captive and getting aroused (even if I was too young/uniformed to understand what was happening), or my boyfriend's fingers in my hair, guiding me to his rhythm, during a blowjob getting me VERY turned on. Or getting absurdly wet just from being held down during otherwise-vanilla sex.

I was just missing the vocabulary to match with my experience.

 

[saysalice]

My first sexual partner slapped my bare ass while we were sprawled across each other and afterglowing. It was completely unexpected, and I looked at him and said: "Ow! Baby...?" and he smiled, and without breaking eye contact, slapped me again - harder.

I was unnerved and confused by the emotions that simple action stirred up: apprehension, humiliation, indignation...mingled with the underlying anxiety about pleasing him, being sexy - and the lingering physical pain.

He never did it again, but I never forgot how I felt in that moment, and I suppose I have been pursuing that feeling ever since.

 

[DaddysSatine]

At some point during my marriage when he pulled me to him and said, 'Mine!!' as he cupped my ass. Lovely evening in bed ensued with the point driven home of whom I belonged to.
Over a decade of happiness resulted ... and it is missed so.

 

[jfalstaff]

My first sexual partner slapped my bare ass while we were sprawled across each other and afterglowing. It was completely unexpected, and I looked at him and said: "Ow! Baby...?" and he smiled, and without breaking eye contact, slapped me again - harder.

I was unnerved and confused by the emotions that simple action stirred up: apprehension, humiliation, indignation...mingled with the underlying anxiety about pleasing him, being sexy - and the lingering physical pain.

He never did it again, but I never forgot how I felt in that moment, and I suppose I have been pursuing that feeling ever since.

So how come you never asked him to do it again? What I found was that once we got started, well, its not like we could not stop or switched right away to always having sex on a D/s role... but every so often, when either of us was specially horny, we just fell into that kind of groove... a couple of times she'd ask for it explicitly... like to be tied up... but more often it just seemed to happen...especially when I was taking her from behind... eventually it did get to the point where mostly we had sex like that... unfortunately by that point our relationship was going down the drain... which implied a lot of make up sex, which also seemed to be a trigger....

JF

 

[MeekMe]

I started a similar thread when I first joined.

There were others before me. ^_^ I figured I'd share the link so you could see those, too.

As for me, I didn't know it had a name. When I found the name, I was pretty much in denial. Like, "Me? Noooo... I'm not like that. Wait... am I?"

I liked stories and different porn with power play and often non con. For a while I was convinced that I just liked to read it because it was different and a little nastier. Turns out, I just like it. I had asked to be tied up in the past and have other situations, those didn't actually go anywhere because I really didn't know what I was doing.

Now that I understand, it's pretty awesome.

 

[leatherleaf]

I liked stories and different porn with power play and often non con.

I remember watching a video with a woman who had a collar on. Nothing overtly BDSM other than the collar. And thinking ummm why did I enjoy that particular aspect so much? I think I said that out loud. Dense! LOL

 

[LearnerDom]

I only really learned about BDSM since this new fangled interwebby thing happened. (And still learning!)

Before then I never had a name for it
Started with a gf who asked me to hold her wrists down
but before then I just had really shy meek gf's who I had to direct and coax
Then in doggy position, it just seemed to natural to give a little spank and I was away!

 

[thepoeticmaster2121]

I had always been the shy nerdy type and I never really went after a girl (i was to shy). One day I finally worked up the courage to ask a girl out she agreed and we dated for a few months with nothing overly sexual going on. When we finally had sex some thing just clicked in me and I ended up tying her up and doing all sorts of light BDSM stuff to her that I had maybe only seen once (through porn but never showed a active interest in it) afterwards she said "thank you daddy" and kissed my cheek.

and ever since then I just knew

 

[saysalice]

So how come you never asked him to do it again? What I found was that once we got started, well, its not like we could not stop or switched right away to always having sex on a D/s role... but every so often, when either of us was specially horny, we just fell into that kind of groove... a couple of times she'd ask for it explicitly... like to be tied up... but more often it just seemed to happen...especially when I was taking her from behind... eventually it did get to the point where mostly we had sex like that... unfortunately by that point our relationship was going down the drain... which implied a lot of make up sex, which also seemed to be a trigger....

JF

I wasn't sure that I wanted him to do it again. I was very new even to sex, and was still trying to process all the ins and outs (ahaha) of that. I really had no idea what to make of the slap, and didn't feel confident enough to ask him about it - and he didn't open up that conversation, either. My reaction to it, the feelings it provoked seemed to be primarily negative, so if he had tried doing it again, I probably would have made up my mind that I didn't like it, and asked him to stop.

I'd read about BDSM, but at the time I assumed I didn't fit anywhere in that. I thought that masochists experienced painful stimuli as pleasurable sensation and I knew that for me, pain was pain. The slap hurt, so I couldn't be a masochist. If he knew anything different about how that works (questionable), he didn't bother to discuss it with me. If he had just asked me how it had made me feel to be slapped...we might have gotten somewhere.

 

[eric60red]

I'd read about BDSM, but at the time I assumed I didn't fit anywhere in that. I thought that masochists experienced painful stimuli as pleasurable sensation and I knew that for me, pain was pain. The slap hurt, so I couldn't be a masochist. If he knew anything different about how that works (questionable), he didn't bother to discuss it with me. If he had just asked me how it had made me feel to be slapped...we might have gotten somewhere.[/QUOTE]

A missed opportunity then