How do people know?

[wooger]

I have never told anyone Ive met (apart from people who im sucking!) that I am a little cock slut.

However, thinbking about it, there have been so many people in my life who have assumed I am gay. How can they possibly know if we are just talking about the weather or whatever?

 

[Kyle_Rayner]

I have never told anyone Ive met (apart from people who im sucking!) that I am a little cock slut.

However, thinbking about it, there have been so many people in my life who have assumed I am gay. How can they possibly know if we are just talking about the weather or whatever?

http://fromtops2bottoms.files.wordpress.com/2011/06/gaydar.jpg

 

[JaxRhapsody]

Some people can, other times, most can't hide every little gay detail. One of the main things is voice. Either it's their normal voice that so happened to have feminine undertones or the speak that way on purpose, telling on themselves to the more intuned. I'm generally able to read your actions, what you wear, deflections of voice, the way your eyes move, how you respond or generally converse, most mannerisms and can tell generally who you are, what you're about, should I waste any time with you and generally read people like a book. When you read people, it makes it hard for people to read you.

 

[wooger]

someone once commented my mannerisms are a bit feminine, but why would that be just cus i worship cock? i dont see how its related!

 

[Stella_Omega]

It might be because you (unconciously) present yourself to attract men, even just a little bit?

 

[Bretaign]

I'm a straight guy and I can't always tell if a guy is gay or not. I've noticed that it can be situational; I suspect that the poster above has hit the nail on the head, so to speak: you may be putting it out there more than you realize.

The question more likely is this: what are you putting out there? For me, it is indeed a certain manner, or way of acting/speaking/being. Some gay guys borrow liberally from behaviors that are coded socially as "feminine" and thus appear to be different from guys who are operating in ways that are coded "masculine". Even if the actions on both sides are essentially unconcious, the difference is perceived.

Those actions might be body posture, hand movements, tilt of the head, lilt of the voice, eye contact, their style of clothes or even how they wore a given outfit... almost anything. I don't have "gaydar", and I have more than once been oblivious to openly gay peoples' orientation, and I suspect it's because either they avoided acting a certain way (or simply didn't act any differently than any other guy ~ i.e. acting in ways that are coded as masculine in our society), or because in the situation, I was engrossed in something else, and simply not tuning into the clues.

I would say much the same for women who identify as "lesbian". I've known some were from the moment I met them. Others I only realized after I got to know them. Some I never knew, and only found out because someone told me.

Hope that helps, and if my terms or language is dicey in terms of usage or identity, I apologize for not being sensitive issues surrounding identity, gender, etc.

B.

 

[bluesky496]

I have never told anyone Ive met (apart from people who im sucking!) that I am a little cock slut.

However, thinbking about it, there have been so many people in my life who have assumed I am gay. How can they possibly know if we are just talking about the weather or whatever?

it is probably little things we say and do when around others that give us away ,if that is the right expression ,in some of us it is more obvious as we are more open about our orientation but not everyone can spot the signs .x

 

[Dyslexicea]

The question more likely is this: what are you putting out there? For me, it is indeed a certain manner, or way of acting/speaking/being. Some gay guys borrow liberally from behaviors that are coded socially as "feminine" and thus appear to be different from guys who are operating in ways that are coded "masculine". Even if the actions on both sides are essentially unconcious, the difference is perceived.
B.

I wasn't going to comment but I just hate it when some straight dud uses stereotypical bullshit.

Yes some gays have a feminine gender expression but so do many straight men. Just as many gays are very masculine. Most gays are just like the rest of you manly men somewhere in-between.

The only difference between the gay community and the I'm so manly straight community is that men can and do get to express their inner selves without being denigrated for doing so.

Other than that I agree with Stella. Yes Stella I know I failed to be tactful.

 

[JaxRhapsody]

I don't think he was trying to be stereotypical. From what he said, that is what he notices and implies towards who may be gay. He even stated that there are gay people who don't act that way and he didn't know they were gay unless told in some fashion. And he apologized if he had worded his explanation wrong. Could he be wrong for thinking that way- partially, I mean part of reading people is doing what he and I said. What you present is what people know. For most people gay folk who are "straight acting" and "gay appearing" straight people or "obviously gay" people who claim straightness can make people hard to read. The guy is clearly going by what he knows and was trying to make an intelligent, non-offensive opinion.

 

[Stella_Omega]

What you present is what people know.

I could repeat this about a hundred times.

Most people are kinda dumb at reading minds, and are kinda really good at reading social signals.

 

[KinkyPan]

The "feminine behaviour" thing isn't really part of my gaydar, probably because trans* and genderqueer people are not uncommon in my world, and so are cisgender people who don't really follow strict gender roles. (Also, the whole D/s thing complicates matters because a lot of behaviours coded as "feminine" are really passivity or submission and a lot of behaviours coded as "masculine" are really assertiveness, control, etc.)

For me, it's the flirting. I think people flirt a lot without even realising it. It doesn't have to be innuendo-laden banter. Someone smiles at me in a certain way, glances at my lips or chest, looks too long at my hair, bites her lip or tucks her hair behind her ear a lot, and I start to think, "Okay, this person is probably into women." I see a man standing or walking unusually close to another man, glancing at his shoulders, lips, or other fun bits, or tilting his head in a flirtatious way, holding himself in a way that causes me to suspect he's nervous about talking to this guy socially -- a couple of these factors combine, and I start to suspect he's into guys.

If I see this person act this way around several people of one gender but never people of any other gender, I make a tentative assumption about their orientation (as in "gay" or "het" rather than just "into guys" or "into ladies"). When they act that way with everyone I hesitate to label without more data because sometimes they're bi/pan, and sometimes they just like to flirt.

 

[bisexualsmoker]

.

I seem to give off a lot of gaydar. I don't try to hide my feminine
side. I love telling people I have sex with men. There are still some more
Sensitive times, but not as much.

 

[Trimjob69]

I seem to give off a lot of gaydar. I don't try to hide my feminine
side. I love telling people I have sex with men. There are still some more
Sensitive times, but not as much.

And...who gives a fuck what others think

 

[Dyslexicea]

And...who gives a fuck what others think

We all do, you included, while you stick out your chest beat it with you fists and declare look at me I'm just so macho.

What do you think we've been doing in the LGBT community, like forever, trying to change people's minds and hearts. Do you really need a lesson why what people think about us is important. Do you really need a lesson about why people of color need to change how white privileged people think and that includes many white privileged LGBT people too.

 

[JaxRhapsody]

And...who gives a fuck what others think

When you have to live around these people and they may affect your life in some way...