Moral or Medical: male post orgasm reactions

[stickygirl]

Why is it, once they've got their rocks off, that some guys start eyeing the door, or falling asleep or come over all guilty about what 'they've done' - even blaming you for seducing them? Is this just a phase that young guys go through because their hormone levels are crazy or they haven't learned any manners yet? I'd like to hear from guys who've had those post-orgasm feelings, because I'd like to try and understand what's going through their head: I'd like them to stay for breakfast. Ladies are welcome to pitch in with their thoughts too.

( To folks that know me: 'No, I haven't got laid recently' - this is something I've heard from other girls, though I have seen it myself )

 

[PleasePeesMe]

I don't want to appear smart...

but I am nearly 66 and I've been around a time or two. I do think it's a young man's thing. Into my forties, I could think of nothing nicer than a snuggle after we'd cum. Today, with my darling wife, we fuck, we cum, we get the tissues and fall asleep. It's lovely.

 

[skinnysinner]

Why is it, once they've got their rocks off, that some guys start eyeing the door, or falling asleep or come over all guilty about what 'they've done' - even blaming you for seducing them? Is this just a phase that young guys go through because their hormone levels are crazy or they haven't learned any manners yet? I'd like to hear from guys who've had those post-orgasm feelings, because I'd like to try and understand what's going through their head: I'd like them to stay for breakfast. Ladies are welcome to pitch in with their thoughts too.

( To folks that know me: 'No, I haven't got laid recently' - this is something I've heard from other girls, though I have seen it myself )

Hi, I think its the natural release of adrenalin, the deed is done, the old reproductive issue. I have never fallen asleep, but its true that the interest can wane for a while, and the cock gets super sensitive.

I recall a thread on here where many men were admitting to their desire to eat their own from the place deposited, right up until the explosion, then finding it terribly offputting once the orgasm has happened. The idea was great, the reality was not.... So there must be something going on in the body that changes things.

Older we get, the more relaxed we get about taking a little time to recover, lose a little sensitivity and starting again....

 

[HoldYouDown]

http://www.entelechyjournal.com/pulling_away_after_sex1.htm

http://www.health-science-spirit.com/neurosex.html

My guess is women experience higher levels of oxytocin than men. Sex clears a man's mind in any case. After an orgasm, a man's primary biological directive has been accomplished and he might start thinking about everything and anything besides sex. Women I'm sure experience this too, but a man has 17 times the amount of testosterone running through his body than the average woman in even in ovulation. When women say they don't get why men can be obsessed with sex, they mean it.

Of course we aren't simply machines and we all have choice. Men can enjoy cuddling too. I'm just trying to explain in biochemical terms what happens to a man after sex; the links probably do a better job.

 

[TwoShades]

Sigh. This reminds me of my first time. If I could only go back in time and change that 30 seconds when I ran into her on the beach the next morning. I am an ass. Or was back then anyway.

 

[stickygirl]

Thanks for your responses and for those links HoldyouDown - I like a good scientific paper with charts and heard of the dopamine crash, but boy, does it crash fast! Then I noticed the references about irritability that can follow... explains a lot The other thing is sudden sleepiness, but I've found if you can keep him talking for five minutes that seems to wear off and you might even get second-helpings

Both those articles point towards orgasm as being "the goal" as if without it, sex was a failure, which is a pretty left-brain approach but men are compelled to have that orgasm no matter what.

Maybe there are other guys like TwoShades who regret not following up a 'quickie' after they made a pre-breakfast exit?

 

[Paul_Chance]

Not all guys do it of course, nor do all guys do it all the time. The "cum and go" mentality, whether in men or women, has more to do with the nature of the encounter being primarily or purely sexual on the part of one or both partners. Breakfast, cuddling, lingering, bathing - these are all behaviors that have to do with bonding on an emotional relationship level. It most often happens when one partner wants sex and the other wants a relationship.

Both partners want just sex = ends with high fives and maybe a trip to the pancake house.

One partner wants sex, one wants a relationship - ends with uncomfortable silences, awkward conversations, excuses and departures.

Both partners want sex AND a relationship - ends with lingering, conversation, bathing, Chinese delivery, breakfast in bed.

At least that has been my experience.

 

[HoldYouDown]

Thanks for your responses and for those links HoldyouDown - I like a good scientific paper with charts and heard of the dopamine crash, but boy, does it crash fast! Then I noticed the references about irritability that can follow... explains a lot The other thing is sudden sleepiness, but I've found if you can keep him talking for five minutes that seems to wear off and you might even get second-helpings

Both those articles point towards orgasm as being "the goal" as if without it, sex was a failure, which is a pretty left-brain approach but men are compelled to have that orgasm no matter what.

Maybe there are other guys like TwoShades who regret not following up a 'quickie' after they made a pre-breakfast exit?

My pleasure - I'm always looking for the scientific explanation. But like I said we all have choice and have to consider consequences to our actions. Cuddling post-dopamine (oxytocin) leads to bonding or so I've read. Perhaps men are a little scared of this or don't give into it so easily considering the competing need to spread seed far and wide.

Oh and I know a lot of guys will say "I'm not like that!" but that's not the point. The biological programming is embedded deep in our hindbrains. Your forebrain may overrule it; that's what makes us human. (I'm guessing there are similar explanations behind the "rape" fetishes you read about here and elsewhere...)

 

[stickygirl]

That's a fair point Paul and when I first started at Lit I was quite shocked at how many women want quick fucks with no strings: I'm guessing they must feel very secure in themselves. I once overheard my mothers friends talking about one of them who had one man for fucking ( because he could still get it up ) and one to cuddle and pay the bills. My outlook on humanity took a nose-dive at that point - that level of cynicism I still find breath-taking. Or am I being naive?

Sorry if we've gone slightly off-topic but hey

 

[Paul_Chance]

One of the things I have learned over the years is this - what works for a person is what matters and what works in a relationship is what matters. The big trick is to know what it is you want and then not sell yourself short until you find it. Enjoy the exploration on the way, but don't stop chasing what you want to chase.

I think that, on topic, the whole "strange after sex" happens when one or both partners entered into the sexual relationship as a compromise (where the power and need of lust overwhelmed what they intellectually or emotionally wanted).

 

[boutrosboutros]

Depends on the woman. If it's somebody you're really into you can overrule that urge. But the urge is definitely there. After I've cum I usually mostly want to get a glass of water and then either sleep or get on with my day. Cuddling is nice for about 30 seconds to one minute - then I start to get bored.

 

[ShyJake]

My outlook on humanity took a nose-dive at that point - that level of cynicism I still find breath-taking. Or am I being naive?

If you're naive you're not alone. I drooped a bit reading that too

 

[stickygirl]

Depends on the woman. If it's somebody you're really into you can overrule that urge. But the urge is definitely there. After I've cum I usually mostly want to get a glass of water and then either sleep or get on with my day. Cuddling is nice for about 30 seconds to one minute - then I start to get bored.

In a weird way I actually like your honesty

 

[BongoGal]

If we don't have plans together later in the day or the next morning, I have no problem with a guy looking for the door. If I am at his place, I'm probably the one eager to leave. I might have something to do that didn't involve him, and I sleep much better alone.

 

[Redrosewitch]

Sigh. This reminds me of my first time. If I could only go back in time and change that 30 seconds when I ran into her on the beach the next morning. I am an ass. Or was back then anyway.

Well done for admitting to that.

 

[Redrosewitch]

One of the things I have learned over the years is this - what works for a person is what matters and what works in a relationship is what matters. The big trick is to know what it is you want and then not sell yourself short until you find it. Enjoy the exploration on the way, but don't stop chasing what you want to chase.

I think that, on topic, the whole "strange after sex" happens when one or both partners entered into the sexual relationship as a compromise (where the power and need of lust overwhelmed what they intellectually or emotionally wanted).

I'm happier if a guy's honest about what he does after sex. If he can tell me that yes he likes my company, but right now he just wants to sleep, then OK. Part of me might still get into a bit of a huff because I want a cuddle.

But if I know it's not my company he's rejecting, then I can get through the feeling more easily.

 

[boutrosboutros]

That's a fair point Paul and when I first started at Lit I was quite shocked at how many women want quick fucks with no strings: I'm guessing they must feel very secure in themselves. I once overheard my mothers friends talking about one of them who had one man for fucking ( because he could still get it up ) and one to cuddle and pay the bills. My outlook on humanity took a nose-dive at that point - that level of cynicism I still find breath-taking. Or am I being naive?

Sorry if we've gone slightly off-topic but hey

The story of the woman who stays married to the nice guy for stability while shagging the local bad boy is as old as time itself.