Pretty sure after reading all this shit i'm going to hear either:
1. Seek marriage counseling
2. Get out
3. You should have been more careful before having a child!
Since you don't know me and I don't know you, I feel this is a 'safe' place to blurt things out that I've been holding on inside for a while.
First of all this is really hard to say to friends/family because I feel like a failure. Why? We're married for four years, and I want out.
It's complicated, though, and I would rather NOT get a divorce for a few reasons.
The most important reason is that we have a 4 month old child. I don't want to feel like I'm skipping out on that, and not giving our child the blessing of having two parents around at all times.
The second reason is that I feel trapped. I don't know how to get out, how to start again. I don't have a lot of free money (you'll see why soon) and I don't know if I can strike out on my own again nearing 40.
I am really stressed about work and money. We just had a baby. My wife and I haven't had real sex in over a year (yes, pretty much after we discovered she was pregnant, and 4 months afterwards). My wife doesn't work. She does not seem to be really looking. She doesn't even drive.
Back to the sex, yes, it's been that long. The sex was good enough back then but looking back honestly? She's a shitty lay. I've gone down, fingered, done a hell of a lot of stuff but she can't be bothered to even try a hand job, let alone a blow job. My sex life for the past year has been on the computer when she goes to bed and looking at porn.
I am *this* close to start actively flirting and actively seeking affairs. One of the reasons I haven't so far is because I know how upset she'd be if I found out, or, how my friends would think of me if they found out.
But really, I don't get shit out of this relationship. She gets to complain about how I never help clean around the house, and, yea, she has a point. However, I'd rather be criticized for NOT doing stuff around the house than being criticized for HOW I do it. It has to be her way. I get bitched at for cleaning dishes 'wrong'. Or for doing laundry 'wrong'.
Speaking of communication, its usually one way. She's either talking at me or bitching at me. I've gotten to the point where I tune everything out. She can accuse me of not listening, and she's right. Even if I do manage to listen its an exercise in frustration because she does not know how to communicate like a human being.
What I mean by that is that she'll spend 3 4 or 7 sentences describing something before identifying it. It's like playing the 100,000 pyramid or some bullshit. Am I supposed to guess what the fuck you're talking about?
"Oh yea I wanted to tell you that my mom and I went to the store looking for something and we had gone all around the mall and I couldn't really find much but then we went back and tried a few other things and it didn't seem to work so I finally settled and decided on a dress"
How many fucking words does it take? You should have just said "My mom and I were dress shopping..." and then describe the troubles. So, basically, I don't bother listening to her because I don't know when she'll reveal the whole point of the conversation. is it at the beginning? The middle? Second to last word? who knows!
She has no fucking friends. None. I guess its hard to maintain friendships when you never learned how to drive, but holy hell. The closest thing she has to friends are her family which we see entirely TOO much of.
I can understand leaning on your mother to help out with a newborn is a good thing to have, but they pretty much hang out every day of the week. Not getting shit done. Why make friends when your family is enough I guess?
We never go out or do anything. Yes, I know that's harder now that there's a baby, but how are we to connect on anything?
Back to my stress? Yea I'm stressed. I've been on sleeping pills for the past few years because I am the only bread winner and work hasn't exactly been easy. I've called in sick a lot of times because my sleep medication didn't work correctly. I also drink two beers a night (with the sleep medication!).
A typical day of my life of a week consists of
wake up
get ready for work
maybe kiss wife and baby goodbye
work for 9 or so hours
come home, maybe I make dinner, maybe wife has it done in time,
eat, spend some time with the baby (hope she feels like playing and doesn't cry the whole time) and then we watch tv while holding baby. Maybe if I'm lucky I get to feed the baby. Then, as my wife gets the baby ready for bed, I get ready for the next day of work: make my lunch, make sure I have clothes ready and iron them. set the coffee machine. Maybe kiss wife and kid goodnight. And then relax by playing games or jerk off to porn for the next hour or so before the sleeping pills kick in and I pass out on the couch.
Yea, the couch. I'm stressed about job, and I need a good night of sleep. Babies don't help with that. So I sleep on the couch. Normally, you know I'd love to go up stairs on the weekends or whatever and lose some sleep to be with baby, but the way I see it now: the bedroom is a room of sleep and of intimacy. If I'm not gonna get either, what the fuck is the point?
I've tried dozens of times to get frisky with wife (in the dark, at bedtime) in bed while the kid is in the bassinet. She'll usually respond with 'eww' the child is over in the bassinett. or 'eww' not tonight.
I know this stuff is kind of sounding disjointed (my sleeping pills are kicking in). But, what should I do? Can you see that my life sucks? What do I do? How do I get my wife to put out?
1. Seek marriage counseling
2. Get out
3. You should have been more careful before having a child!
Since you don't know me and I don't know you, I feel this is a 'safe' place to blurt things out that I've been holding on inside for a while.
First of all this is really hard to say to friends/family because I feel like a failure. Why? We're married for four years, and I want out.
It's complicated, though, and I would rather NOT get a divorce for a few reasons.
The most important reason is that we have a 4 month old child. I don't want to feel like I'm skipping out on that, and not giving our child the blessing of having two parents around at all times.
The second reason is that I feel trapped. I don't know how to get out, how to start again. I don't have a lot of free money (you'll see why soon) and I don't know if I can strike out on my own again nearing 40.
I am really stressed about work and money. We just had a baby. My wife and I haven't had real sex in over a year (yes, pretty much after we discovered she was pregnant, and 4 months afterwards). My wife doesn't work. She does not seem to be really looking. She doesn't even drive.
Back to the sex, yes, it's been that long. The sex was good enough back then but looking back honestly? She's a shitty lay. I've gone down, fingered, done a hell of a lot of stuff but she can't be bothered to even try a hand job, let alone a blow job. My sex life for the past year has been on the computer when she goes to bed and looking at porn.
I am *this* close to start actively flirting and actively seeking affairs. One of the reasons I haven't so far is because I know how upset she'd be if I found out, or, how my friends would think of me if they found out.
But really, I don't get shit out of this relationship. She gets to complain about how I never help clean around the house, and, yea, she has a point. However, I'd rather be criticized for NOT doing stuff around the house than being criticized for HOW I do it. It has to be her way. I get bitched at for cleaning dishes 'wrong'. Or for doing laundry 'wrong'.
Speaking of communication, its usually one way. She's either talking at me or bitching at me. I've gotten to the point where I tune everything out. She can accuse me of not listening, and she's right. Even if I do manage to listen its an exercise in frustration because she does not know how to communicate like a human being.
What I mean by that is that she'll spend 3 4 or 7 sentences describing something before identifying it. It's like playing the 100,000 pyramid or some bullshit. Am I supposed to guess what the fuck you're talking about?
"Oh yea I wanted to tell you that my mom and I went to the store looking for something and we had gone all around the mall and I couldn't really find much but then we went back and tried a few other things and it didn't seem to work so I finally settled and decided on a dress"
How many fucking words does it take? You should have just said "My mom and I were dress shopping..." and then describe the troubles. So, basically, I don't bother listening to her because I don't know when she'll reveal the whole point of the conversation. is it at the beginning? The middle? Second to last word? who knows!
She has no fucking friends. None. I guess its hard to maintain friendships when you never learned how to drive, but holy hell. The closest thing she has to friends are her family which we see entirely TOO much of.
I can understand leaning on your mother to help out with a newborn is a good thing to have, but they pretty much hang out every day of the week. Not getting shit done. Why make friends when your family is enough I guess?
We never go out or do anything. Yes, I know that's harder now that there's a baby, but how are we to connect on anything?
Back to my stress? Yea I'm stressed. I've been on sleeping pills for the past few years because I am the only bread winner and work hasn't exactly been easy. I've called in sick a lot of times because my sleep medication didn't work correctly. I also drink two beers a night (with the sleep medication!).
A typical day of my life of a week consists of
wake up
get ready for work
maybe kiss wife and baby goodbye
work for 9 or so hours
come home, maybe I make dinner, maybe wife has it done in time,
eat, spend some time with the baby (hope she feels like playing and doesn't cry the whole time) and then we watch tv while holding baby. Maybe if I'm lucky I get to feed the baby. Then, as my wife gets the baby ready for bed, I get ready for the next day of work: make my lunch, make sure I have clothes ready and iron them. set the coffee machine. Maybe kiss wife and kid goodnight. And then relax by playing games or jerk off to porn for the next hour or so before the sleeping pills kick in and I pass out on the couch.
Yea, the couch. I'm stressed about job, and I need a good night of sleep. Babies don't help with that. So I sleep on the couch. Normally, you know I'd love to go up stairs on the weekends or whatever and lose some sleep to be with baby, but the way I see it now: the bedroom is a room of sleep and of intimacy. If I'm not gonna get either, what the fuck is the point?
I've tried dozens of times to get frisky with wife (in the dark, at bedtime) in bed while the kid is in the bassinet. She'll usually respond with 'eww' the child is over in the bassinett. or 'eww' not tonight.
I know this stuff is kind of sounding disjointed (my sleeping pills are kicking in). But, what should I do? Can you see that my life sucks? What do I do? How do I get my wife to put out?
