Advice on 'Sir'

[Primalex]

Run. Fast.


(Not that you would listen, who the fuck would give up a sex toy at 21. I didn't either.)

 

[Kuran208]

http://1.bp.blogspot.com/_QmdIZf1GO54/SiGXAJD9boI/AAAAAAAAAkU/6eRs1unlxGo/s400/Dwayne_rock_Johnson.jpg


What do you mean?

 

[Primalex]

Anyway. . . given the number of threads in this forum that ask "how do I tell my bf/gf about my desires for a D/s relationship," I thought I'd point out that this was one successful way of introducing the concept into a new relationship. And it started with a casual conversation about a dog that didn't want to be collared.

Uhm... sorry, but "Hey, I have an emotional relationship I didn't tell you about." is one of the worst methods to say:"Hey, how about a D/s relationship?"

 

[eastern sun]

Uhm... sorry, but "Hey, I have an emotional relationship I didn't tell you about." is one of the worst methods to say:"Hey, how about a D/s relationship?"

Maybe, but it's working.

 

[Primalex]

What do you mean?

Now, that's me who provides her with those things, and so this other guy is just another friend.

No. He is a friend she pointed at with a big red sign for no reason. She could have easily notched up the kink in your relationship without mentioning him. She could have easily transferred control to you without mentioning him. The only reason to mention him is to establish him as part of _your_ life.

(You know that she will not ask _you_ the "Is Kuran doing it right?" questions, right?)

Then again, as BiBunny properly recognized, you are dating a mentally problematic person. A violent asshole can disguise as a sadistic Dom..and a mentally unstable person can disguise as a submissive with low self-esteem. I would be more curious about why her husband divorced her than about what is going on with the other guy.

 

[intothewoods]

No. He is a friend she pointed at with a big red sign for no reason. She could have easily notched up the kink in your relationship without mentioning him. She could have easily transferred control to you without mentioning him. The only reason to mention him is to establish him as part of _your_ life.

(You know that she will not ask _you_ the "Is Kuran doing it right?" questions, right?)

Then again, as BiBunny properly recognized, you are dating a mentally problematic person. A violent asshole can disguise as a sadistic Dom..and a mentally unstable person can disguise as a submissive with low self-esteem. I would be more curious about why her husband divorced her than about what is going on with the other guy.

It's possible she's a train wreck but she could just be immature. It sounds like she was unsure of how to bring up D/s, and used this other guy as a means of testing the OP. Not saying either of those behaviors are great but maybe not quite "mentally unstable." I would caution the OP to take it slow and also remember that, D/s or not, this shouldn't be all about her needs. She seems to be setting up a lot of hoops for you with that whole "when she feels subby" bit. The fun thing about being the D is that this should be about your pleasure.

 

[njlauren]

Umph.
let me stop with the ellipticals and aphorisms here..

What I meant was; "you've got to talk to Sir before you can collar me" can very possibly mean that Sir, in his desire to protect this young, submissive woman from predators and shitty doms, has told her that she can not throw herself into a collared relationship unless Sir feels that guy is trustworthy.

If the conversation give Sir confidence in the guy, he might willingly relinquish subbie into another man's care.

If she has self esteem issues, and if I were in any sort of a dominant position with her, I probably would want to do that for her.

Stella-
I appreciate that, I understood the comment about the collar and what that meant, that he was out to protect her, feeling she was vulnerable and so forth, I wasn't out to demonize 'sir', I simply meant that the bounds of their relationship (sir and the girl) can be a concern to the OP, that's all. It sounds like the OP has talked to the girl and feels okay with the situation, which is cool, but he had every reason to be concerned and to get reassurance as to what sir was. He feels comfortable now, which is what is important.

 

[Kuran208]

Stella-
I appreciate that, I understood the comment about the collar and what that meant, that he was out to protect her, feeling she was vulnerable and so forth, I wasn't out to demonize 'sir', I simply meant that the bounds of their relationship (sir and the girl) can be a concern to the OP, that's all. It sounds like the OP has talked to the girl and feels okay with the situation, which is cool, but he had every reason to be concerned and to get reassurance as to what sir was. He feels comfortable now, which is what is important.

^

All of this.