Hey, I'm new here

[sr71plt]

You can't put your stories up for free on Amazon unless you will agree to only publish on Amazon, ever, and give them your firstborn child. They promise the readers they will make them free if they are free elsewhere but are curiously slow about doing so in case they lose a cent or two sales. Stories free elsewhere will still sell there, as Kindle readers are lazy about looking around outside the Kindle store.

This is my online publishing advice blogpost.

Put a link to your stories in your signature when they've gone online, we are all very lazy about going out of the thread to look for them.

BTW, I need some washing up sponges, is it OK if I just flutter my eyelashes here for them or do I actually have to come by your store?

Wonder why this is attached to my post. Didn't post anything about offering anything on Amazon for free. (And I do love being told I can't do something I've been doing for four years. )

I sure hope some of those other paragraphs were for the OP, because they escaped me altogether (although there are days I do feel sort of spongy).

 

[NaokoSmith]

Wonder why this is attached to my post. Didn't post anything about offering anything on Amazon for free. (And I do love being told I can't do something I've been doing for four years. )

I sure hope some of those other paragraphs were for the OP, because they escaped me altogether (although there are days I do feel sort of spongy).

I was continuing the conversation and just too lazy to put Og's post as well as yours.

Spike, I hope you are looking out some washing up sponges for me? Mine are getting quite raggy and I have to go and lecture today so I may not make it to the shops. If you have one of those brushes for scraping out frying pans that would be good too.

Pilot, I actually did cook pancakes this morning! although with chocolate spread and banana, not syrup and bacon, I will post some for you the way you like them, there:

http://www.deliciousmagazine.co.uk/images/recipes/3945/3945_1_296.jpg

 

[SpikeLonginus]

@Naoko: How many do you need? We got packs of 8, 16, 24, I could even get you a whole shipping container full. That'll cost extra, of course. A lot extra, in fact.

As for my stories, I might just link to my Tumblr account in my signature. Which I don't seem to have yet. Or I haven't got turned on...

 

[NaokoSmith]

@Naoko: How many do you need? We got packs of 8, 16, 24, I could even get you a whole shipping container full. That'll cost extra, of course. A lot extra, in fact.

As for my stories, I might just link to my Tumblr account in my signature. Which I don't seem to have yet. Or I haven't got turned on...

No no, darling. Honestly! You cubs are a total liability.

You mustn't offer a link to stories outside Literotica - it's bad form. Publish here, you'll get lots and lots of downloads and comments and ratings, and we will all respect you. You can come on the threads then, too, and moan about how slow the uploading is, ask questions all the newbies have asked a million times and which are already answered in the fixed posts above, etc etc. You will have much more fun if you put your stories up here. LOL.

I think a pack of 8 will do for now.

 

[SpikeLonginus]

Aw, okay. I'll get to know this site first and then I'll hit on you. Is that what you were saying?

 

[NaokoSmith]

Aw, okay. I'll get to know this site first and then I'll hit on you. Is that what you were saying?

Babycakes, you already hit on me. In fact you flirt so expertly that I'm becoming quite suspicious about your virginity. But as long as I get my washing up sponges, we will be

 

[SpikeLonginus]

Sorry, I don't send trucks with a single crate with a packet of sponges Do you have any idea how much a single truck costs? That's disregarding miles driven, amount of drops, even gas. Activating one truck is 500 bucks. Ka-ching!

 

[NaokoSmith]

Sorry, I don't send trucks with a single crate with a packet of sponges Do you have any idea how much a single truck costs? That's disregarding miles driven, amount of drops, even gas. Activating one truck is 500 bucks. Ka-ching!

Gosh, and to think how hard I fluttered my eyelashes! I am going back to my Arabic chick thread to console myself with chocolate. LOL.

 

[NekoParks]

Welcome to AH Forums on Literotica! Although I'm not a writer, I am glad to support the writers here on Lit. If you need someone to read your stories, just PM when you post them. My criticism will be fair, specific, and kind. If I like or dislike some aspect of your story, I will tell you and explain why. Be sure not to feed the trolls. Some can be fierce. Stay away from the General Boards unless you've had your shots and enjoy wading knee deep into crazy with a capital C. Seriously, I think Quantico monitors some of these threads. Good luck. Neko

 

[PlayfulEscapist]

Hi there, I'm new as well and from the frozen north too! I look forward to reading your stories

 

[jomar]

Welcome new ones.

 

[danger2no]

I'm new here too. Be careful. There are a lot of kinky old farts on this board just dying to ask you to sit on their knees. Day two, I turned off my PM, so they'd leave me alone. LOL.

 

[lovecraft68]

Wonder why this is attached to my post. Didn't post anything about offering anything on Amazon for free. (And I do love being told I can't do something I've been doing for four years. )

I sure hope some of those other paragraphs were for the OP, because they escaped me altogether (although there are days I do feel sort of spongy).

You can do free on amazon, but it has to be through the "select" program. Otherwise lowest you can go is .99.

And even the "free" I believe is only for five days. But I think you can offer a book for free to amazon "prime" members whatever the hell that means.

 

[lovecraft68]

Sorry, I don't send trucks with a single crate with a packet of sponges Do you have any idea how much a single truck costs? That's disregarding miles driven, amount of drops, even gas. Activating one truck is 500 bucks. Ka-ching!

$4500-$4900 from RI to California, but that's a 53' so plenty of room for crates and sponges.

 

[lovecraft68]

I'm new here too. Be careful. There are a lot of kinky old farts on this board just dying to ask you to sit on their knees. Day two, I turned off my PM, so they'd leave me alone. LOL.

Yeah, when a new lady appears on lit you don;t even have to post in the personals for the dogs to come sniffing.

Its like they have radar.

But its a little better in the AH.

So ummm, why are you a danger to know? And uh, well, ....what do you look like?

Cause like I'm, umm, in real good shape and uh, of course a great lover and have ten hard inches and.....

 

[danger2no]

Yeah, when a new lady appears on lit you don;t even have to post in the personals for the dogs to come sniffing.

Its like they have radar.

But its a little better in the AH.

So ummm, why are you a danger to know? And uh, well, ....what do you look like?

Cause like I'm, umm, in real good shape and uh, of course a great lover and have ten hard inches and.....

Tried the playground for 1 day... OMG.
I'm a danger b/c until a year ago, I used to be primo jailbait. I'm 5'9'', 125 lbs,
35B/22/34 w/ long blonde hair and dark blue eyes.

 

[sr71plt]

You can do free on amazon, but it has to be through the "select" program. Otherwise lowest you can go is .99.

And even the "free" I believe is only for five days. But I think you can offer a book for free to amazon "prime" members whatever the hell that means.

I have no idea why this quoted me, either. I still didn't post anything related to publishing free books on Amazon.

 

[NaokoSmith]

I'm new here too. Be careful. There are a lot of kinky old farts on this board just dying to ask you to sit on their knees. Day two, I turned off my PM, so they'd leave me alone. LOL.

Danger2no, you may be new in here but you thought you knew sufficient to go in Six Word Stories and complain that I was hijacking that thread. I was stupid enough to wonder what I could have done to offend someone so much and I left the thread and my friends. I particularly puzzled why you picked me out, complaining about 'MILF and company' rather than the big bad wolf who is always playing in there but now I figured out; as usual the woman is the one who gets pinged for being flirty, men are supposed to flirt with you in your book.

As a rule the MILF from Stepford looks out for newbies and tries to protect them when trolls reach out from under the bridge to grab them but you are on your own.

I'm reminded of that bit of dialogue in Fried Green Tomatoes when two young women steal the older woman's parking space:
Lady, face it, we're younger and faster
[Evelyn rearends their car], saying: Girls, face it, I'm older and I've got more insurance.

I don't actually have much insurance. What I have is cleavage.

Spike, I apologise for hijacking your thread and you can come and be part of 'my company' in Six Words if you like .

 

[Handley_Page]

Tried the playground for 1 day... OMG.
I'm a danger b/c until a year ago, I used to be primo jailbait. I'm 5'9'', 125 lbs,
35B/22/34 w/ long blonde hair and dark blue eyes.

If I could offer a little hint or two, young lady?

You really do not have to quote your vital statistics; it's not as if most of us are in a position to do anything about it, and you could look like the original Rhine Maiden for all we know. And text-speak is not encouraged at all (do not forget this site is populated by folk all over the world, so short-hand English may not be the best language to use.

Just take it steady round here; we try to be supportive & friendly to any author. Trolls will always appear, but you can usually leave them alone.

I seriously suggest you put PM to ON. It's the only way to communicate with another author, so say nothing of Laurel.

The Naked Party thread is full of amusement and merriment; oh - and information of use to an author.

I commend you sit quietly in a corner, make the odd contribution when you can, and simply get to know who's who. The Chain Gang is a friendly mob providing a certain head-scratching fun, to name but one.

 

[Safe_Bet]

Danger2no, you may be new in here but you thought you knew sufficient to go in Six Word Stories and complain that I was hijacking that thread. I was stupid enough to wonder what I could have done to offend someone so much and I left the thread and my friends. I particularly puzzled why you picked me out, complaining about 'MILF and company' rather than the big bad wolf who is always playing in there but now I figured out; as usual the woman is the one who gets pinged for being flirty, men are supposed to flirt with you in your book.

As a rule the MILF from Stepford looks out for newbies and tries to protect them when trolls reach out from under the bridge to grab them but you are on your own.

I'm reminded of that bit of dialogue in Fried Green Tomatoes when two young women steal the older woman's parking space:
Lady, face it, we're younger and faster
[Evelyn rearends their car], saying: Girls, face it, I'm older and I've got more insurance.

I don't actually have much insurance. What I have is cleavage.

Spike, I apologise for hijacking your thread and you can come and be part of 'my company' in Six Words if you like .

If I could offer a little hint or two, young lady?

You really do not have to quote your vital statistics; it's not as if most of us are in a position to do anything about it, and you could look like the original Rhine Maiden for all we know. And text-speak is not encouraged at all (do not forget this site is populated by folk all over the world, so short-hand English may not be the best language to use.

Just take it steady round here; we try to be supportive & friendly to any author. Trolls will always appear, but you can usually leave them alone.

I seriously suggest you put PM to ON. It's the only way to communicate with another author, so say nothing of Laurel.

The Naked Party thread is full of amusement and merriment; oh - and information of use to an author.

I commend you sit quietly in a corner, make the odd contribution when you can, and simply get to know who's who. The Chain Gang is a friendly mob providing a certain head-scratching fun, to name but one.

Gee, arrogantly condescend much, you two?

I know you two think you are "all that", but the person you are whacking at is new and just fucking MIGHT not know everything (unlike what you two apparently believe you do). Why not get the stick out of your asses and give a new person a break?

Rather than picking a fight with a noob, who you know won't defend herself, try picking on somebody who won't put up with your brand of "holier than now". (Like ME! I'll tell you both to get off your high horses and soundly piss off!)

BTW, I want U to have a really peachy day, K?

 

[NaokoSmith]

Gee, arrogantly condescend much, you two?

I know you two think you are "all that", but the person you are whacking at is new and just fucking MIGHT not know everything (unlike what you two apparently believe you do). Why not get the stick out of your asses and give a new person a break?

Rather than picking a fight with a noob, who you know won't defend herself, try picking on somebody who won't put up with your brand of "holier than now". (Like ME! I'll tell you both to get off your high horses and soundly piss off!)

BTW, I want U to have a really peachy day, K?

Um, SB, as usual you have not checked your facts. The newbie picked the fight.

 

[Handley_Page]

Originally Posted by Safe_Bet
Gee, arrogantly condescend much, you two?

I know you two think you are "all that", but the person you are whacking at is new and just fucking MIGHT not know everything (unlike what you two apparently believe you do). Why not get the stick out of your asses and give a new person a break?

Rather than picking a fight with a noob, who you know won't defend herself, try picking on somebody who won't put up with your brand of "holier than now". (Like ME! I'll tell you both to get off your high horses and soundly piss off!)

BTW, I want U to have a really peachy day, K?

Um, SB, as usual you have not checked your facts. The newbie picked the fight.

Amy, please read what went before. You may have missed my hints to her (I missed her injection in another thread and picked it up later), but "arrogant, condescending" ? I really do hope not. I try not to be.
We've had our differences and it could be a while before I fully understand your particular brand of humour, (maybe my brand of English is as foreign to you as your humour is to me) but I doubt there's any real mileage in having yet another spat, do you?
Sent with my best regards (anyone who can do things with the rag top of a Merc deserves a certain degree of credit).

 

[Safe_Bet]

Um, SB, as usual you have not checked your facts. The newbie picked the fight.

No I got my facts right. (so you can stick your "as usual" snark up your ass, sweetie).

You two are the ones who dragged your "spat" from another thread all over the forum just cuz you got your girdle twisted about what was said in another.

y'all are ALSO the ones who feel the need to gang up on somebody, rather than deal with it yourselves or, ideally, via PM.

In other words: Get over your big, bad self. Like I said, if you want just to fight start a new thread and I'll join you there. I'm in a bad mood and I'd enjoy kicking somebody's ass.

 

[lovecraft68]

I have no idea why this quoted me, either. I still didn't post anything related to publishing free books on Amazon.

Post 26. Unless I misunderstood it sounded like you were saying you have been posting free on amazon for 4 years which is what I was responding to.

 

[lovecraft68]

Tried the playground for 1 day... OMG.
I'm a danger b/c until a year ago, I used to be primo jailbait. I'm 5'9'', 125 lbs,
35B/22/34 w/ long blonde hair and dark blue eyes.

Nice thread. We have the hot stepford milf and a
Hot young lady.

Oh decisions decisions