Wanting a woman 18-74, perfect 10 body, rich and willing to leave all her shit to me

[IhateClowns]

So are you on the shitter at Walmart? And with feety pj's even? That is damn hot. I am so down for some unsafe fucking with the possibility of being turned into a lampshade.

Wait does my bathroom look like the Walmart bathrooms? I don't want to show my face on here but I may have just given up my identity.

I will shit on you if you wish. Serious, I will grow a lincoln log and chili dog your tits. I am a giver.

 

[IhateClowns]

You must really be bored. What's new and don't give me a line of bs. Hope your bun in the oven is still baking.

Bun in the oven? I have cultivated this gut and the only time it is kickin is when I pass a KFC. As long as I can still see my big toe then I don't consider myself fat. I can still see the toe nail.

 

[IhateClowns]

LOL this post is making me laugh til I cry... Such honesty... such sincerity... so refreshing...

You mean guys on here are not honest? Silly men. I have a pimple on my back right now? Does your pinchers work?

 

[IhateClowns]

IHC...this was hilarious, and I so needed it today. You rock my world, Baby..
(psst.. I'm in the gardening section of Lowes, holding the shovel and the compost additive..)

Hello RA. Glad I could elicit a smile. Damn see I was ggiven a Home Depot gift card for Christmas, so I won't be at lowes until this $5 card is fully spent. How about we meet at Bed Bath and Beyond and get our "As Seen on TV" on.

 

[IhateClowns]

I agree !! Laughing so hard. Especially the pony part.....very funny dude,Well done.

I don't know why a woman expects me to wear a fucking condom. It prevents the whole point of coating her cervix with my pancake batter. Plus honestly it is less clean up for me. I am too lazy to clean up after I masturbate, much less yank a ballon off my dick.

 

[IhateClowns]

Ladies I am sitting here in a pair of turned inside out whitey tighties because I haven't had a chance to do laundry. I just picked a BEAUTIFUL piece of lint out of my belly button and am now completely turned on. Who wants to watch me cum?????

 

[IhateClowns]

Where are my vaginal queens at this evening? Ladies I have dropped the painters tarp on the floor and oiled myself up. Who is up for some shiny sexy time. If I concentrate hard enough I can see my face in the shiny reflection off my belly.

 

[katt91]

Ladies I am sitting here in a pair of turned inside out whitey tighties because I haven't had a chance to do laundry. I just picked a BEAUTIFUL piece of lint out of my belly button and am now completely turned on. Who wants to watch me cum?????

You have such a way with words. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
Your erotic prose is a true gift to lit.
Ladies, better snatch this one up while you can.

 

[IhateClowns]

You have such a way with words. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
Your erotic prose is a true gift to lit.
Ladies, better snatch this one up while you can.

You had me at drowning Katt. By snatch me up you mean pussy kisses right?

 

[AJ78]

Is it me or does this dude's prose style resemble Rob Delaney's? Next he'll start talking about his peanus.

 

[TrueDucet]

Classic. We applaud you.

 

[IhateClowns]

Is it me or does this dude's prose style resemble Rob Delaney's? Next he'll start talking about his peanus.

No clue who rob delaney is but he spells peenis wrong. We are both brunettes though.

 

[IhateClowns]

Classic. We applaud you.

Yet my inbox says zero unread so maybe I am not using a broad enough age range. Maybe I am limiting myself a bit. I can clearly see that guys are getting laid left and right with their ads on here, yet here I am questioning the smarts of these young women who keep getting on this bangbus with a bunch of guys they don't know. I drive around with a camera in my murano and have yet to have a woman willingly fuck me for monopoly money. So here I am on lit now.

 

[SmileyGirl]

Yet my inbox says zero unread so maybe I am not using a broad enough age range. Maybe I am limiting myself a bit. I can clearly see that guys are getting laid left and right with their ads on here, yet here I am questioning the smarts of these young women who keep getting on this bangbus with a bunch of guys they don't know. I drive around with a camera in my murano and have yet to have a woman willingly fuck me for monopoly money. So here I am on lit now.

Hungdavid is that youuuuuuu!!!!??!!!!!!


Bwahahaha

 

[IhateClowns]

Hungdavid is that youuuuuuu!!!!??!!!!!!


Bwahahaha

My name isn't David but if you think I am hung then I will get it changed immediately. I think it is a bit pretentious to go around calling myself hungdavid though. I think I should just stick to a low key thread such as this to be my pussy pied piper.

 

[SmileyGirl]

My name isn't David but if you think I am hung then I will get it changed immediately. I think it is a bit pretentious to go around calling myself hungdavid though. I think I should just stick to a low key thread such as this to be my pussy pied piper.

I am in awe I fear the 'stache hehe

 

[IhateClowns]

I am in awe I fear the 'stache hehe

Want to go on a ride? You have to be 18 to ride the Stache'. It is a thrilling ride, with small moments of will he find that perfect spot, to wow he is way off, wrong fucking hole, to finally orgasmic bliss as I watch you finger yourself in utter shame. Disney didn't think it was good for Epcot.

 

[SmileyGirl]

Want to go on a ride? You have to be 18 to ride the Stache'. It is a thrilling ride, with small moments of will he find that perfect spot, to wow he is way off, wrong fucking hole, to finally orgasmic bliss as I watch you finger yourself in utter shame. Disney didn't think it was good for Epcot.

Well who could resist that rollercoaster ride haha

 

[IhateClowns]

Well who could resist that rollercoaster ride haha

Well true plus apparently there is no waiting line so no worries of getting a sun burn, just a carpet burn. HAHAHAHAHAHAHA get it? carpet burn! Because the mustache that I actually do not have will burn you like if you were getting fucked on all 4's and your knees get that little red burn on them????? That is what my fake mustache would do if you rode it like a roller coaster. It would make it look like your pussy had pink eye by the time you were finished.

 

[dutchrain]

I don't recommend reading this thread in one go, as I did.

I nearly suffocated, snorted tea over my keyboard and my eyes are running now.

 

[IhateClowns]

I don't recommend reading this thread in one go, as I did.

I nearly suffocated, snorted tea over my keyboard and my eyes are running now.

Burns doesn't it? Sort of like those things I have down there that I call pube pimples even though we both know they are something else.

 

[dutchrain]

Burns doesn't it? Sort of like those things I have down there that I call pube pimples even though we both know they are something else.

Burns, yes.

Maybe this is the right place to ask people how you might get rid of those pimples?
I am sure you will get a lot of recipes and remedies.

 

[IhateClowns]

Burns, yes.

Maybe this is the right place to ask people how you might get rid of those pimples?
I am sure you will get a lot of recipes and remedies.

Nope. I like them. They build character as my drunk uncle would say. Plus I am an aspiring actor and my goal is to be on a Proactive commercial one day. Lofty goal I know, but having Alicia Keys or Jessica Simpson comment on how clear my crotch looks would be a dream come true.

 

[dutchrain]

Well, since you see your and your pimples bright future clearly ahead of you, clench on to them with both hands.

 

[IhateClowns]

Well, since you see your and your pimples bright future clearly ahead of you, clench on to them with both hands.

I DVR every Proactive infomercial I can. Then I rotate them between episodes of Duck Dynasty. I am clenching so much it fells like I am about to start my period. I thought guy liner was for your eyes but I have a guy liner elsewhere now.