Hows it work then?

[Duracell10]

I thought I would post ths just to see how the BDSM members tick. I have never been in a BDSM relationship, do the dominant partners dominate in all aspects of life or is it resteicted to the bedroom?

I know his may sound like a silly question, but I just wondered.

 

[Stella_Omega]

I keep trying to figure out how to respond to this, and laughing. It's like trying to answer "What do fish like to eat?"

Short answer-- there are as many ways to be in a D/s relationship as there are relationships. And there are many BDSM dynamics that are NOT dominant/submissive at all.

Browse the threads in this forum and the cafe. it will give you a notion of the normous variety of practices that fall under the BDSM umbrella.

 

[His_pet_slut]

As Stella said

this isn't one size fits all. There are as many variations on it as there are participants.

In my particular instance, we do not live together, but there are certain aspects of D/s throughout our relationship. I am always respectful and he is always the decisive, decision maker. This works well for me because in my daily life, I have to make the decisions and be in control. It is nice to relinquish that. Do we publicly refer to each other as Daddy/little one? Nope, although I do sometimes address him as Sir in public. That is not likely to raise an eyebrow, though, as we live in the Southern part of the US.

We are both business owners and he would never dream of inserting himself into my business, although he will offer advice if I ask. I also do some pretty prominent community based work and he is quite proud of how articulate and competent I am when interviewed on TV or radio. He enjoys the dichotomy of it all.

Sally~

 

[Ropebunny]

What Stella said, all of it (including the laughing, sorry!)

Just to illustrate how varied relationship dynamics can be within D/s: the other half is dominant, but I'm not submissive in that get no satisfaction in pleasing him. What ensues is basically ongoing power struggle; for him, power over me and for me, power to remain free from him. Being rediculously competitive people, we both enjoy this greatly!

To answer your inital question about 24/7 vrs. bedroom, neither applies to our relationship. The power struggle happens whenever the mood strikes. It can be covert and playful if in public or around our son or overt and serious when alone together. And that is just the way we like it.

 

[Duracell10]

Thank you for the replies, I had wondered if it was as you described, i will read more on the threads.

 

[Aurelia_Malys]

As others have mentioned - there is no one answer to this question .... every relationship is different.

But for me, yes, my master is dominant in all aspects of our relationship. He makes our decisions and takes care of me. I serve him and obey him. I am not submissive at work or with friends or my family, but I am always submissive to him.

 

[Duracell10]

As others have mentioned - there is no one answer to this question .... every relationship is different.

But for me, yes, my master is dominant in all aspects of our relationship. He makes our decisions and takes care of me. I serve him and obey him. I am not submissive at work or with friends or my family, but I am always submissive to him.

That sounds like a good relationship. I cant even get a woman to PM me lol

 

[midwestyankee]

That sounds like a good relationship. I cant even get a woman to PM me lol

I don't mean to stomp the obvious out in footstep messages in the snow, but perhaps you ought to be more concerned about learning how to relate to women in general before you get all wound up over who gets to wield the whip, yanno?

 

[Duracell10]

I don't mean to stomp the obvious out in footstep messages in the snow, but perhaps you ought to be more concerned about learning how to relate to women in general before you get all wound up over who gets to wield the whip, yanno?

Thats awfully presumptuous considering you don't know me. I would presume you havent learnt the concept of humour.

 

[Anne1105]

I think there are as many stories in 'Bdsm land' as there are in 'Vanilla land'. Everyone runs things as they think suits them best. There is no wrong or right here or a tutorial on how to do it.
Communication with each other is key and gets you furthest.

Just my 2 cents...

Anne

 

[KoPilot]

I thought I would post ths just to see how the BDSM members tick. I have never been in a BDSM relationship, do the dominant partners dominate in all aspects of life or is it resteicted to the bedroom?

I know his may sound like a silly question, but I just wondered.

I make comics and cosplay and read non-fiction. I'm married but long distance and have a day job. I have a cat. I like robots. I dislike coconut. I think it's funny to try and dutch oven my husband when I'm with him and watch Adventure Time while cuddling. He and I are reading The Silmarillion together right now (it's his first time).

That's our relationship. Whaddya want?

 

[Stella_Omega]

K.P, what is "dutch oven"? I don't think I've ever heard the term used anywhere but at the stove...

 

[Porkwarrior]

Shamelessly plagiarized from Charliep214, probably the best explanation of a D/S relationship I have heard, almost poetic. Even the most Vanilla of beings like me get it.



http://24.media.tumblr.com/e67addd75b617cab5ea47a830edb07e5/tumblr_mf1xhe2vqj1rmrwgqo1_500.jpg


Ah yes, the sight of a pissed off submissive. “I’ll do it, but I won’t like it.” How familiar this is to me…

The subs in books may be full of ‘yes sir’, ‘thank you sir’, ‘thank you for deigning to give me a moment of your attention sir’, but the reality is a little different. Subs get pissed off, they fight, they strop. A good test of whether a Dom has any real experience, or is just an internet Dom, a Dom in his dreams, is whether he expects to be adored every moment, expects never a cross word, expects total politeness at all times. If he does, he really doesn’t know a thing about being in a real, long term, physical, D/s relationship.

Good subs are strong, independently minded, self confident girls. They like their power to be taken away from them, they get satisfaction from being broken, they thrill to a force greater than they can resist. But they do not instantly, unconditionally, and with complete poise and pleasure, submit. Some fight, some whine, some get angry or indignant, some sulk, some thrash around. Many will be told that as a result of this they aren’t ‘real submsissives’. The only answer to this is ‘No, you just aren’t a real enough Dom to deal with me.’

Subs challenge, test and fight. Then they lose. And reveal that losing was what they wanted all along. We have to be able to look past the anger and rejection and know that what we are doing is exactly what they want anyway. That there will be a moment when it flips, and resistance turns to surrender, hate to love, and pain to… well, pain that is less of an issue.

Don’t reject a sub because she’s fucked off. Show her your Will is greater than her petulance, and that you know better than she does what she needs.

She wants to submit… but she wants to know you’re worthy of it.

http://forum.literotica.com/showpost.php?p=42986324&postcount=27691

 

[CutieMouse]

They like their power to be taken away from them, they get satisfaction from being broken, they thrill to a force greater than they can resist. But they do not instantly, unconditionally, and with complete poise and pleasure, submit. Some fight, some whine, some get angry or indignant, some sulk, some thrash around. Many will be told that as a result of this they aren’t ‘real submsissives’. The only answer to this is ‘No, you just aren’t a real enough Dom to deal with me.’

Subs challenge, test and fight. Then they lose. And reveal that losing was what they wanted all along. We have to be able to look past the anger and rejection and know that what we are doing is exactly what they want anyway. That there will be a moment when it flips, and resistance turns to surrender, hate to love, and pain to… well, pain that is less of an issue.

 

[Bramblethorn]

K.P, what is "dutch oven"? I don't think I've ever heard the term used anywhere but at the stove...

Farting under the covers and pulling them over your victim's head.

 

[Shankara20]

I thought I would post ths just to see how the BDSM members tick.

I tend to tock more then tick, but then I have always been somewhat of a contrarian switch myself...

 

[Sir_Winston54]

http://24.media.tumblr.com/e67addd75b617cab5ea47a830edb07e5/tumblr_mf1xhe2vqj1rmrwgqo1_500.jpg

Some of them like their power to be taken away from them, they get satisfaction from being broken, they thrill to a force greater than they can resist. But they do not instantly, unconditionally, and with complete poise and pleasure, submit. Some fight, some whine, some get angry or indignant, some sulk, some thrash around. Many will be told that as a result of this they aren’t ‘real submsissives’. The only answer to this is ‘No, you just aren’t a real enough Dom to deal with me.’

Some subs challenge, test and fight. Then they lose. And reveal that losing was what they wanted all along. We have to be able to look past the anger and rejection and know that what we are doing is exactly what they want anyway. That there will be a moment when it flips, and resistance turns to surrender, hate to love, and pain to… well, pain that is less of an issue.

Had to keep the pic, because I really like it, lol!

To explain CM's rolly-eyes icon (defined as sarcastic in the emoticons menu) for those who might not understand why it was her sole comment on Porkwarrior's post, you may refer to the portions of that post that have been edited (in red) above.

There is no single definition of ANY type of pyl or PYL that fits all the people who label themselves in a particular BDSM way. Each one is different, as each BDSM relationship is different and unique unto itself. I know that in many cases, someone who writes something like Charliep24 (whoever that is) wrote is trying to describe their feelings about an issue, but he or she should try to remember also that their experience almost certainly will not match up to the experiences everyone else has. They should also remember that the roles in BDSM are gender-neutral. Females can be pyl *or* PYL, as can males, as can gender-queers, as can transexuals, etc., etc., etc.

 

[Ropebunny]

Farting under the covers and pulling them over your victim's head.

I'm a far too frequent victim of this. Stella, do you reckon you could develop some sort of butt plug that would neutralise fart odour, maybe replacing it with some other pleasant smell, like cookie dough or candy floss? I would pay REAL good money for this.

 

[Stella_Omega]

I'm a far too frequent victim of this. Stella, do you reckon you could develop some sort of butt plug that would neutralise fart odour, maybe replacing it with some other pleasant smell, like cookie dough or candy floss? I would pay REAL good money for this.

Ummm...

yeah, actually, I could develop that. Sort of.

Hmm.

Yeah.

How much money are we talking?

 

[KoPilot]

Ummm...

yeah, actually, I could develop that. Sort of.

Hmm.

Yeah.

How much money are we talking?

Noooo! Don't! Shh! Stinky farts are all I have to get back at him for his newfound and surprisingly unrepentant sadistic interest in using toys to do nothing but dish out as much pain as possible!

 

[Stella_Omega]

Noooo! Don't! Shh! Stinky farts are all I have to get back at him for his newfound and surprisingly unrepentant sadistic interest in using toys to do nothing but dish out as much pain as possible!

How much money are we talking for me to walk away from all this research and development I've already done?

(AKA i thought about it for a minute)

But I really could do it.

 

[midwestyankee]

How much money are we talking for me to walk away from all this research and development I've already done?

(AKA i thought about it for a minute)

But I really could do it.

So are we thinking very firm seal with a charcoal filter? Or would you add one of those little Febreze cannisters like they have for car vents? Have you contacted the nice people at Febreze to license your creation? I'm sure it would sell like hotcakes at my local grocery store.

 

[Stella_Omega]

So are we thinking very firm seal with a charcoal filter? Or would you add one of those little Febreze cannisters like they have for car vents? Have you contacted the nice people at Febreze to license your creation? I'm sure it would sell like hotcakes at my local grocery store.

xactly! we could make them with different sound effects, too. Kazoo, dog whistle, duck call-- and a special Dixie Whistle as well.

 

[Bramblethorn]

xactly! we could make them with different sound effects, too. Kazoo, dog whistle, duck call-- and a special Dixie Whistle as well.

I understand there are some anti-flatulence underpants that use an activated charcoal filter pad. IIRC one of them is patented, but I don't know whether that would cover a butt-plug. (I suspect not, but patent law makes my eyes bleed.)

 

[Ropebunny]

How much money are we talking for me to walk away from all this research and development I've already done?

(AKA i thought about it for a minute)

But I really could do it.

I was thinking around $120 - $150 for something fairly basic that just takes care of odour with one scent. However, if you could make something that was customisable with various scents/noises that you could change depending on mood and that could also vibrate, I'd easily part with $300. The more cool features you could cram into it, the more I'd pay.